[Fic] Collaboration
Title: Collaboration
Author: analine
Pairing: TutixNagayan
Warnings: None. Worksafe.
Rating: PG
Word Count: 3,133
Summary: Tuti watches Nagayan design the third collab, and... tries to help.
Notes: So, remember this post? :P I planned to finish this fic a long, LONG time ago, but... I don't know what happened. ^_~ I went back and forth a lot though, trying to decide if I liked this at all, if it was too rambly, if I should have just cut myself off about halfway through, but then, today, for some reason I just... decided to post it. ^_~ Also, when I started this, it was with the thought that they'd have to start planning for something like this around the end of summer, in order for it to be in the store by the end of the year, but since there's no news yet, maybe something took longer than planned, and so... maybe this is AU. Whatever. ^_~ [/talking too much]
Anyway, this is for fencer_X, as a big thank-you for everything she's done for this fandom since arriving in Japan this year, and... long before that. ♥ ♥ ♥
The fading light filters through the small window of the shop, casting shadows here and there, across the wooden desk, onto the floor, and then back again.
It’s warm, and the air is heavy, a typical late-summer night, but Takashi‘s focus is impressive, as always. He hasn’t stopped for nearly an hour now, and Tuti’s already had to make an emergency refill trip to Starbucks once since they arrived.
Tuti tilts his head curiously, first at the paper that’s been nudged into his line of vision, and then at the man practically brimming with enthusiasm next to him, but it doesn’t take him long to realize that he’s still confused.
Being able to translate what this obscure combination of arrows and numbers means in the language of Nagayama Takashi’s brain is not exactly a very straightforward process, after all.
“Well?”
Takashi’s eyes are bright and clear - Tuti feels like he should be able to reach out and touch whatever Takashi is creating in there, he looks so excited. But the reality is, Tuti is clueless.
“Ah,” he says softly, trying not to sound as stupid as he’s beginning to feel.
“This is what I meant when I said I thought the angle should be a little looser on the side there,” Takashi offers as clarification, though it doesn’t exactly help much.
Tuti’s not sure if he’s amused, or fascinated, or frustrated with himself, or something in between by the fact that after several years of doing this with Takashi, he still doesn’t really understand the other man’s creative process when it comes to these designs. At all. There’s a lot of what goes on in the other man’s head that he knows better than to even try to comprehend, so it’s not like this is a huge surprise or anything, but… It is supposed to be collaboration.
Tuti frowns, and sneaks another look at Takashi, marveling for a moment at the other man’s energy towards today’s brainstorming session, despite the fact that he’s fairly certain Takashi hasn’t slept in a good 24 hours.
He's hunched over the table now, his pencil already moving across another sheet of paper and Tuti squints over his shoulder in an attempt to see what’s taking shape there.
“What do you think of this?” Takashi says, one hand holding a patch of slightly damp hair back from his face, and the other trying to both hold the paper in front of Tuti and point at the same time. “This is a little softer, but basically the same idea…”
He gestures with a tilt of his head to a small diagram at the top of the paper.
Tuti stares for a long moment, and then sighs.
“What?” Takashi’s lips move into a frown, and he allows his hair to slide back over his eyes as he blinks at Tuti. “You don’t think it works?”
“No, no, it’s not that.” Tuti shifts in his chair, and runs a hand over his forehead, trying to figure out how not to look like a complete idiot right now. “It looks great.”
“What is it then?” Takashi asks a little distractedly, glancing down at the sketch and then up at Tuti again.
“Nothing, I just…”
“What?”
“I feel like I’m in the way.” Tuti feels his words practically deflate on their way out of his mouth.
Takashi’s brow furrows. “What do you mean?”
“Nothing, it’s just…” Tuti finds himself backpedaling a little, because he really doesn’t know exactly what he means. He doesn’t even really have a problem just watching Takashi like this, it’s kind of fun, actually, but… “I feel bad. I want to help.”
To his surprise, Takashi looks up at him now, seeming a little embarrassed.
“I’m sorry.” Takashi shakes his head. “I don’t mean to make you feel like I don’t want to know what you think. Because I do,” Takashi continues earnestly. “I really do. I love working with you on things like this.” He nods, and then smiles a little sheepishly, and then quickly lays his pencil down on the table, leaning toward Tuti, his eyes suddenly dark and serious. “What do you want this collaboration to be?”
Tuti finds himself struggling to look away, but of course, that’s impossible. He doesn’t like to admit it, but sometimes he finds Takashi’s directness a little intimidating. Intimidating, and completely captivating at the same time, of course.
“I don’t know,” Tuti tells him honestly, and he’s a little relieved when the other man looks past him for a moment, thinking.
A second passes, and Takashi shakes his head dismissively. “Just tell me what you see, when you think about the design.”
Tuti closes his eyes. “That’s the problem. I don’t see anything.”
Takashi ignores this, and presses on, “What impression do you get, when you think of us, making this together?”
Tuti considers this for a moment. “Well… I guess I just think of something solid. Something that serves a purpose. ” Takashi nods. “Something that’s unique enough to hold your interest, but… It’s still functional, you know?”
“Perfect.” Takashi grins. “See? That’s exactly what I was thinking too.”
“Really?”
“Of course. That’s why our collaborations are so great.” Takashi laughs. “We are of one mind,” he adds, grinning.
Tuti quirks an eyebrow. “We are not of one mind,” he says, and then pauses. “Thank god.”
Takashi laughs. “You’re right though.” He nods. “I think what I like most about doing this is that you don’t always agree with me. When you do, it’s easier, but…” He laughs again. “When you don’t, it always works out too. And you force me to think logically.”
“Somehow I can’t imagine that.”
Takashi lowers his eyes. “Hey, someone has to be creative here.”
Tuti gasps. “What about me?!”
“You just said you didn’t have any ideas!”
“I just gave you an idea!”
“I practically had to drag it out of you!”
Things continue on like this for a while, until Takashi announces that he’s hungry, and within five minutes, the brainstorming session has officially ended, and they’re packed up, out the door, down the stairs and on their way to curry.
**
“We still have plenty of time with the design,” Takashi explains as they maneuver themselves through the crowded street outside. “If we could be finished around the end of this month, we’d still be well within the deadline. “
“And by that you mean…”
“A week and a half before the deadline.”
Tuti sighs.
“Isn’t it great having someone actually work your tendency to be late into their schedule?”
“No.” Tuti grins at the rather frightening look on the other man’s face. “I mean yes.”
The frown falls away immediately, and Takashi smiles - one of his huge, squinting, blinding smiles. He takes a step closer to Tuti and slides his arm under Tuti’s elbow, squeezing Tuti’s arm tightly. His hair flops across his face for a moment, before he brushes it away, tucking the longer strands behind his ear. Despite the heat of the day, he smells clean and fresh and soft, and Tuti find his thoughts several miles away for a moment, as his brain conjures up images of Takashi fresh out of the bath, running a towel over his head methodically, eyes closed, his breath even and calm…
“Thank you,” Takashi says, and his voice is softer than Tuti is used to.
He blinks back into reality. “For what?”
“For doing this with me. I know it’s not really your thing, but… I love that you’re so enthusiastic about it anyway.”
Tuti can feel the bounce in the other man’s step as he smiles up at him. He loves being able to see Takashi so engaged like this, so happy. That he can contribute anything to this process at all is an added bonus, he figures, when it really comes down to it.
“It gives me an excuse to watch you,” Tuti tells him honestly. “Even if I don’t know what you’re thinking all the time, it’s still pretty fascinating.”
Takashi smiles. “Most of the time I don’t know what I’m thinking either, I’m just sketching things out for fun… I really don’t know what I’m doing.”
“Sure you do.”
“Not really.”
“Well, I like seeing you focus on something other than a script or a character.”
Takashi nods. “I guess I like that too.”
They continue to walk in silence for a moment or two. Tuti steals a glance down at Takashi, smiling for a second at the contented look on the other man’s face.
Takashi’s features soften as he looks up at Tuti a moment later, and Tuti feels himself warm a little under the attention.
“I’m really happy,” Takashi tells him, a small smile on his lips. “I meant it when I said I love working with you on this stuff.”
Tuti blinks, and then smiles widely. “What about this ‘first and last’, ‘second and last’ stuff then,” he teases. “I thought maybe I was supposed to be reading between the lines there or something, you know?”
Takashi laughs. “Nah, that’s just…”
“Marketing?”
“Yeah, something like that…”
“I should have known…”
Takashi grins. “Maybe I do know what I’m doing after all.”
“Doubtful.”
Takashi gasps, and raises his eyebrows at Tuti accusingly, before his face breaks into another blinding smile.
**
On the train on the way home, in between the chatter of schoolgirls, and the shuffle of bags and feet, several sheets of paper are balanced precariously on top of Takashi’s knees, and he struggles to arrange them more securely.
Tuti moves the one closest to him to his lap, and shifts a little closer to Takashi. Takashi studies the sketches for several long moments, as Tuti watches him.
A moment later Takashi sighs though, and snatches up the papers, returning everything to his bag with a few quick movements. He moves a little closer to Tuti, and the shift feels natural, and right, despite the crowded train.
“Not in the mood anymore?” Tuti asks, curious.
“I’m really tired,” Takashi admits. “I figure when the lines start blurring together I’ve probably stopped being productive.”
Tuti laughs, and resists the urge to wrap his arms around Takashi. Out of the corner of his eye, he watches Takashi close his eyes, and lower his chin to his chest. For some reason, he always finds it fascinating, how someone is able to undergo such a transformation simply by closing their eyes, but… It’s almost as if Takashi lets go of something when he relaxes like this - Tuti can feel the tension in the air around the other man dissipate almost visibly.
Takashi opens his eyes again after a moment though, and smiles.
“Sorry,” Tuti tells him, feeling a little embarrassed at being caught. “You should sleep. Don’t worry; I won’t let us miss the stop.”
Takashi laughs, and shakes his head a little. “I was just thinking…”
He stares down at his bag for a moment, and then turns to Tuti again. “This collaboration… It’s really different than creating something on stage, right? It’s really a different kind of creation. It’s not tied to a character, or a script, and so, well… “ Takashi pauses. “For us, being able to do something like this together… It’s special, right?” Takashi pauses again, and smiles a little. “That’s how I think about it. It’s something we can create together, something that’s not tied to anything except you and me.”
Tuti is surprised when Takashi turns his head away a moment later, mumbling an apology against Tuti’s shoulder.
“Why are you apologizing?”
“Because I’m tired. I’m saying weird things.”
“And you think I’m not used to that?”
Takashi laughs, and Tuti can feel the vibrations move through his body.
“And besides, it’s not weird. I feel the same way,” Tuti says the words softly. “As long as it’s with you, I know that whatever we create will be wonderful.” He feels Takashi relax a little against his arm.
“I wish you’d tell me things like that more often,” Takashi admits a moment later, quietly.
“I wish you’d tell me what you were thinking more often.”
Takashi blinks, and seems to consider this for a moment.
“You don’t want to know what I’m thinking,” he tells Tuti, and his eyes flash with something a little devious.
“Sure I do.” Tuti grins. “Especially if you’re going to look at me like that.”
Takashi raises his eyebrows, pauses, and then straightens his back, turning to look Tuti square in the face. “Well. Sometimes even when I look serious like this…” His eyes darken a little. “What I’m really thinking is just...well... I love being next to you like this, but I wish we were home so that I could kiss you senseless.” He grins at Tuti’s wide-eyed look of surprise. “Something like that what you had in mind?”
Tuti ignores him, playing along. “You know,” he lowers his voice to a whisper. “I love being with you too, but…” He grins at the deep flush of color spreading across Takashi’s cheeks. “If you’re thinking something like that you may want to keep it to yourself until we get home… Or I just might end up embarrassing you in public.”
“I’d like to see that,” Takashi counters, eyes flashing.
Tuti considers his options for a moment, but after a second or two Takashi looks past him, and starts to laugh.
“What?”
“Well, it looks like you’re off the hook,” he says, as he gathers up his bag, and stands. “I was going to have to call your bluff there, but…” He winks, as the train begins to slow into the station. “Looks like I don’t have to.”
“Lucky you.”
“Lucky you,” Takashi corrects, grinning.
**
They make their way along the empty street, not in any particular hurry, though Tuti is sure Takashi is eager to get home. Tuti feels his stomach turn over a little at how well Takashi’s shoulder fits under his arm as his fingers curl loosely around the other man’s neck. It’s a feeling he knows well; by now, it’s become almost nostalgic, this familiar path to Takashi’s apartment, the weight of their arms around each other, and that warmth in the pit of his stomach that reminds him that no matter how many times they do this, he’s still really, really happy, knowing that tonight he’ll fall asleep with Takashi at his side.
“Remember the first night I let you walk me home?” Takashi says suddenly. A streetlight shimmers and fades overhead as they pass.
“Of course I do,” Tuti tells him, smiling. “I came all the way up here, and you didn’t even invite me in.”
Takashi laughs. “It was embarrassing.” He pauses. “And I didn’t want you to jump to any conclusions.”
“Well, I definitely didn’t…”
“You had no problem kissing me anyway though.”
“You asked me to!”
“I didn’t think you’d really do it!”
Tuti laughs, and tightens his grip around Takashi’s shoulder for a second, pulling him close.
“Liar,” he whispers against the warm skin of Takashi’s neck.
And then before Tuti realizes it, they’re almost at the door to Takashi’s apartment - they’ve already climbed the stairs, and are both a little breathless, as always, as Takashi fumbles in his bag for the keys.
Takashi sighs, and Tuti stares at his face, his eyes lingering on the dark shadows there, which show up more pronounced than usual in the dim light from above the door. “I’m so tired,” Takashi says quietly, stating the obvious, as he pushes the door open heavily. “You’ll get the bath ready, right?”
“Sure.”
Tuti follows Takashi inside, toeing off his shoes in the entryway, and blinking into the dark space inside.
“We’ve really come a long way since that first night, right?”
“Of course.” Takashi turns and grins at him for a moment, and his eyes are filled with what Tuti recognizes as gratitude, mixed with a deeper, darker emotion that he knows Takashi usually chooses to hide, even from him. “It’s been a really good few years, I think.”
Tuti follows Takashi down the hallway, his mind filled with a million memories at once - of rehearsals, and performances, and collaborations, and the countless nights in between, many of which have been spent with Takashi, and have ended in much this same way.
He’s thinking that he hopes they still have a long way to go too, and that their collaborations on stage and off are far from over, but he stays silent.
For a while now, there’s been a sort of unspoken understanding between them, about the importance of creating opportunities to be together like this. They’ve gone through a lot to prove that it’s possible to maintain this connection, to hold onto it even when it would have made much more sense to have let it go years ago. That’s mostly what today has been about, the brainstorming, and even this, now… It’s something to hold onto, Tuti figures, and he’s grateful.
“Hey,” Tuti whispers. His fingers lace together with Takashi’s in the dark hallway and he leans in towards Takashi’s neck, as the other man turns around, raising his eyebrows up at him curiously. “You said something before about kissing me, right?”
Takashi laughs, and tightens his fingers around Tuti’s hand.
“Did I?”
“You did.”
“Are you sure… because…”
“Because…?”
“Because I can’t really imagine myself talking about kissing you, I mean… If I wanted to kiss you, I think I’d just…”
Takashi pauses and turns to face Tuti. He presses his lips against Tuti’s briefly, a warm brush of contact that somehow Tuti finds he wasn’t really expecting. Takashi’s lips are a little dry, but his tongue is fast and warm as always, as it dips into the space between Tuti’s teeth for a moment, seeking out Tuti’s tongue with gentle pressure. Takashi tastes vaguely sweet, but mostly he’s just warm and Tuti feels his thoughts gradually begin to melt away for a moment, as Takashi’s fingers snake their way around the back of his neck.
And then the contact is broken, and he finds himself staring down at a very tired face grinning up at him.
“Thanks,” Tuti tells him softly.
“I couldn’t help it.”
“Same here.”
Takashi smiles again, and Tuti finds himself remembering one of the first things he ever thought about Takashi. It’s kind of embarrassing, but… It really didn’t take Tuti long after they met to realize that he’d likely do just about anything to keep that smile on Takashi’s face.
That’s another thing that this collaboration is about, he figures. Being able to watch Takashi’s excitement, to take part in his happiness, and to contribute to it by creating something together - he wants to hold onto all of it. And he would hold on to it, as long as he possibly could.
Of course.
***
Author: analine
Pairing: TutixNagayan
Warnings: None. Worksafe.
Rating: PG
Word Count: 3,133
Summary: Tuti watches Nagayan design the third collab, and... tries to help.
Notes: So, remember this post? :P I planned to finish this fic a long, LONG time ago, but... I don't know what happened. ^_~ I went back and forth a lot though, trying to decide if I liked this at all, if it was too rambly, if I should have just cut myself off about halfway through, but then, today, for some reason I just... decided to post it. ^_~ Also, when I started this, it was with the thought that they'd have to start planning for something like this around the end of summer, in order for it to be in the store by the end of the year, but since there's no news yet, maybe something took longer than planned, and so... maybe this is AU. Whatever. ^_~ [/talking too much]
Anyway, this is for fencer_X, as a big thank-you for everything she's done for this fandom since arriving in Japan this year, and... long before that. ♥ ♥ ♥
The fading light filters through the small window of the shop, casting shadows here and there, across the wooden desk, onto the floor, and then back again.
It’s warm, and the air is heavy, a typical late-summer night, but Takashi‘s focus is impressive, as always. He hasn’t stopped for nearly an hour now, and Tuti’s already had to make an emergency refill trip to Starbucks once since they arrived.
Tuti tilts his head curiously, first at the paper that’s been nudged into his line of vision, and then at the man practically brimming with enthusiasm next to him, but it doesn’t take him long to realize that he’s still confused.
Being able to translate what this obscure combination of arrows and numbers means in the language of Nagayama Takashi’s brain is not exactly a very straightforward process, after all.
“Well?”
Takashi’s eyes are bright and clear - Tuti feels like he should be able to reach out and touch whatever Takashi is creating in there, he looks so excited. But the reality is, Tuti is clueless.
“Ah,” he says softly, trying not to sound as stupid as he’s beginning to feel.
“This is what I meant when I said I thought the angle should be a little looser on the side there,” Takashi offers as clarification, though it doesn’t exactly help much.
Tuti’s not sure if he’s amused, or fascinated, or frustrated with himself, or something in between by the fact that after several years of doing this with Takashi, he still doesn’t really understand the other man’s creative process when it comes to these designs. At all. There’s a lot of what goes on in the other man’s head that he knows better than to even try to comprehend, so it’s not like this is a huge surprise or anything, but… It is supposed to be collaboration.
Tuti frowns, and sneaks another look at Takashi, marveling for a moment at the other man’s energy towards today’s brainstorming session, despite the fact that he’s fairly certain Takashi hasn’t slept in a good 24 hours.
He's hunched over the table now, his pencil already moving across another sheet of paper and Tuti squints over his shoulder in an attempt to see what’s taking shape there.
“What do you think of this?” Takashi says, one hand holding a patch of slightly damp hair back from his face, and the other trying to both hold the paper in front of Tuti and point at the same time. “This is a little softer, but basically the same idea…”
He gestures with a tilt of his head to a small diagram at the top of the paper.
Tuti stares for a long moment, and then sighs.
“What?” Takashi’s lips move into a frown, and he allows his hair to slide back over his eyes as he blinks at Tuti. “You don’t think it works?”
“No, no, it’s not that.” Tuti shifts in his chair, and runs a hand over his forehead, trying to figure out how not to look like a complete idiot right now. “It looks great.”
“What is it then?” Takashi asks a little distractedly, glancing down at the sketch and then up at Tuti again.
“Nothing, I just…”
“What?”
“I feel like I’m in the way.” Tuti feels his words practically deflate on their way out of his mouth.
Takashi’s brow furrows. “What do you mean?”
“Nothing, it’s just…” Tuti finds himself backpedaling a little, because he really doesn’t know exactly what he means. He doesn’t even really have a problem just watching Takashi like this, it’s kind of fun, actually, but… “I feel bad. I want to help.”
To his surprise, Takashi looks up at him now, seeming a little embarrassed.
“I’m sorry.” Takashi shakes his head. “I don’t mean to make you feel like I don’t want to know what you think. Because I do,” Takashi continues earnestly. “I really do. I love working with you on things like this.” He nods, and then smiles a little sheepishly, and then quickly lays his pencil down on the table, leaning toward Tuti, his eyes suddenly dark and serious. “What do you want this collaboration to be?”
Tuti finds himself struggling to look away, but of course, that’s impossible. He doesn’t like to admit it, but sometimes he finds Takashi’s directness a little intimidating. Intimidating, and completely captivating at the same time, of course.
“I don’t know,” Tuti tells him honestly, and he’s a little relieved when the other man looks past him for a moment, thinking.
A second passes, and Takashi shakes his head dismissively. “Just tell me what you see, when you think about the design.”
Tuti closes his eyes. “That’s the problem. I don’t see anything.”
Takashi ignores this, and presses on, “What impression do you get, when you think of us, making this together?”
Tuti considers this for a moment. “Well… I guess I just think of something solid. Something that serves a purpose. ” Takashi nods. “Something that’s unique enough to hold your interest, but… It’s still functional, you know?”
“Perfect.” Takashi grins. “See? That’s exactly what I was thinking too.”
“Really?”
“Of course. That’s why our collaborations are so great.” Takashi laughs. “We are of one mind,” he adds, grinning.
Tuti quirks an eyebrow. “We are not of one mind,” he says, and then pauses. “Thank god.”
Takashi laughs. “You’re right though.” He nods. “I think what I like most about doing this is that you don’t always agree with me. When you do, it’s easier, but…” He laughs again. “When you don’t, it always works out too. And you force me to think logically.”
“Somehow I can’t imagine that.”
Takashi lowers his eyes. “Hey, someone has to be creative here.”
Tuti gasps. “What about me?!”
“You just said you didn’t have any ideas!”
“I just gave you an idea!”
“I practically had to drag it out of you!”
Things continue on like this for a while, until Takashi announces that he’s hungry, and within five minutes, the brainstorming session has officially ended, and they’re packed up, out the door, down the stairs and on their way to curry.
**
“We still have plenty of time with the design,” Takashi explains as they maneuver themselves through the crowded street outside. “If we could be finished around the end of this month, we’d still be well within the deadline. “
“And by that you mean…”
“A week and a half before the deadline.”
Tuti sighs.
“Isn’t it great having someone actually work your tendency to be late into their schedule?”
“No.” Tuti grins at the rather frightening look on the other man’s face. “I mean yes.”
The frown falls away immediately, and Takashi smiles - one of his huge, squinting, blinding smiles. He takes a step closer to Tuti and slides his arm under Tuti’s elbow, squeezing Tuti’s arm tightly. His hair flops across his face for a moment, before he brushes it away, tucking the longer strands behind his ear. Despite the heat of the day, he smells clean and fresh and soft, and Tuti find his thoughts several miles away for a moment, as his brain conjures up images of Takashi fresh out of the bath, running a towel over his head methodically, eyes closed, his breath even and calm…
“Thank you,” Takashi says, and his voice is softer than Tuti is used to.
He blinks back into reality. “For what?”
“For doing this with me. I know it’s not really your thing, but… I love that you’re so enthusiastic about it anyway.”
Tuti can feel the bounce in the other man’s step as he smiles up at him. He loves being able to see Takashi so engaged like this, so happy. That he can contribute anything to this process at all is an added bonus, he figures, when it really comes down to it.
“It gives me an excuse to watch you,” Tuti tells him honestly. “Even if I don’t know what you’re thinking all the time, it’s still pretty fascinating.”
Takashi smiles. “Most of the time I don’t know what I’m thinking either, I’m just sketching things out for fun… I really don’t know what I’m doing.”
“Sure you do.”
“Not really.”
“Well, I like seeing you focus on something other than a script or a character.”
Takashi nods. “I guess I like that too.”
They continue to walk in silence for a moment or two. Tuti steals a glance down at Takashi, smiling for a second at the contented look on the other man’s face.
Takashi’s features soften as he looks up at Tuti a moment later, and Tuti feels himself warm a little under the attention.
“I’m really happy,” Takashi tells him, a small smile on his lips. “I meant it when I said I love working with you on this stuff.”
Tuti blinks, and then smiles widely. “What about this ‘first and last’, ‘second and last’ stuff then,” he teases. “I thought maybe I was supposed to be reading between the lines there or something, you know?”
Takashi laughs. “Nah, that’s just…”
“Marketing?”
“Yeah, something like that…”
“I should have known…”
Takashi grins. “Maybe I do know what I’m doing after all.”
“Doubtful.”
Takashi gasps, and raises his eyebrows at Tuti accusingly, before his face breaks into another blinding smile.
**
On the train on the way home, in between the chatter of schoolgirls, and the shuffle of bags and feet, several sheets of paper are balanced precariously on top of Takashi’s knees, and he struggles to arrange them more securely.
Tuti moves the one closest to him to his lap, and shifts a little closer to Takashi. Takashi studies the sketches for several long moments, as Tuti watches him.
A moment later Takashi sighs though, and snatches up the papers, returning everything to his bag with a few quick movements. He moves a little closer to Tuti, and the shift feels natural, and right, despite the crowded train.
“Not in the mood anymore?” Tuti asks, curious.
“I’m really tired,” Takashi admits. “I figure when the lines start blurring together I’ve probably stopped being productive.”
Tuti laughs, and resists the urge to wrap his arms around Takashi. Out of the corner of his eye, he watches Takashi close his eyes, and lower his chin to his chest. For some reason, he always finds it fascinating, how someone is able to undergo such a transformation simply by closing their eyes, but… It’s almost as if Takashi lets go of something when he relaxes like this - Tuti can feel the tension in the air around the other man dissipate almost visibly.
Takashi opens his eyes again after a moment though, and smiles.
“Sorry,” Tuti tells him, feeling a little embarrassed at being caught. “You should sleep. Don’t worry; I won’t let us miss the stop.”
Takashi laughs, and shakes his head a little. “I was just thinking…”
He stares down at his bag for a moment, and then turns to Tuti again. “This collaboration… It’s really different than creating something on stage, right? It’s really a different kind of creation. It’s not tied to a character, or a script, and so, well… “ Takashi pauses. “For us, being able to do something like this together… It’s special, right?” Takashi pauses again, and smiles a little. “That’s how I think about it. It’s something we can create together, something that’s not tied to anything except you and me.”
Tuti is surprised when Takashi turns his head away a moment later, mumbling an apology against Tuti’s shoulder.
“Why are you apologizing?”
“Because I’m tired. I’m saying weird things.”
“And you think I’m not used to that?”
Takashi laughs, and Tuti can feel the vibrations move through his body.
“And besides, it’s not weird. I feel the same way,” Tuti says the words softly. “As long as it’s with you, I know that whatever we create will be wonderful.” He feels Takashi relax a little against his arm.
“I wish you’d tell me things like that more often,” Takashi admits a moment later, quietly.
“I wish you’d tell me what you were thinking more often.”
Takashi blinks, and seems to consider this for a moment.
“You don’t want to know what I’m thinking,” he tells Tuti, and his eyes flash with something a little devious.
“Sure I do.” Tuti grins. “Especially if you’re going to look at me like that.”
Takashi raises his eyebrows, pauses, and then straightens his back, turning to look Tuti square in the face. “Well. Sometimes even when I look serious like this…” His eyes darken a little. “What I’m really thinking is just...well... I love being next to you like this, but I wish we were home so that I could kiss you senseless.” He grins at Tuti’s wide-eyed look of surprise. “Something like that what you had in mind?”
Tuti ignores him, playing along. “You know,” he lowers his voice to a whisper. “I love being with you too, but…” He grins at the deep flush of color spreading across Takashi’s cheeks. “If you’re thinking something like that you may want to keep it to yourself until we get home… Or I just might end up embarrassing you in public.”
“I’d like to see that,” Takashi counters, eyes flashing.
Tuti considers his options for a moment, but after a second or two Takashi looks past him, and starts to laugh.
“What?”
“Well, it looks like you’re off the hook,” he says, as he gathers up his bag, and stands. “I was going to have to call your bluff there, but…” He winks, as the train begins to slow into the station. “Looks like I don’t have to.”
“Lucky you.”
“Lucky you,” Takashi corrects, grinning.
**
They make their way along the empty street, not in any particular hurry, though Tuti is sure Takashi is eager to get home. Tuti feels his stomach turn over a little at how well Takashi’s shoulder fits under his arm as his fingers curl loosely around the other man’s neck. It’s a feeling he knows well; by now, it’s become almost nostalgic, this familiar path to Takashi’s apartment, the weight of their arms around each other, and that warmth in the pit of his stomach that reminds him that no matter how many times they do this, he’s still really, really happy, knowing that tonight he’ll fall asleep with Takashi at his side.
“Remember the first night I let you walk me home?” Takashi says suddenly. A streetlight shimmers and fades overhead as they pass.
“Of course I do,” Tuti tells him, smiling. “I came all the way up here, and you didn’t even invite me in.”
Takashi laughs. “It was embarrassing.” He pauses. “And I didn’t want you to jump to any conclusions.”
“Well, I definitely didn’t…”
“You had no problem kissing me anyway though.”
“You asked me to!”
“I didn’t think you’d really do it!”
Tuti laughs, and tightens his grip around Takashi’s shoulder for a second, pulling him close.
“Liar,” he whispers against the warm skin of Takashi’s neck.
And then before Tuti realizes it, they’re almost at the door to Takashi’s apartment - they’ve already climbed the stairs, and are both a little breathless, as always, as Takashi fumbles in his bag for the keys.
Takashi sighs, and Tuti stares at his face, his eyes lingering on the dark shadows there, which show up more pronounced than usual in the dim light from above the door. “I’m so tired,” Takashi says quietly, stating the obvious, as he pushes the door open heavily. “You’ll get the bath ready, right?”
“Sure.”
Tuti follows Takashi inside, toeing off his shoes in the entryway, and blinking into the dark space inside.
“We’ve really come a long way since that first night, right?”
“Of course.” Takashi turns and grins at him for a moment, and his eyes are filled with what Tuti recognizes as gratitude, mixed with a deeper, darker emotion that he knows Takashi usually chooses to hide, even from him. “It’s been a really good few years, I think.”
Tuti follows Takashi down the hallway, his mind filled with a million memories at once - of rehearsals, and performances, and collaborations, and the countless nights in between, many of which have been spent with Takashi, and have ended in much this same way.
He’s thinking that he hopes they still have a long way to go too, and that their collaborations on stage and off are far from over, but he stays silent.
For a while now, there’s been a sort of unspoken understanding between them, about the importance of creating opportunities to be together like this. They’ve gone through a lot to prove that it’s possible to maintain this connection, to hold onto it even when it would have made much more sense to have let it go years ago. That’s mostly what today has been about, the brainstorming, and even this, now… It’s something to hold onto, Tuti figures, and he’s grateful.
“Hey,” Tuti whispers. His fingers lace together with Takashi’s in the dark hallway and he leans in towards Takashi’s neck, as the other man turns around, raising his eyebrows up at him curiously. “You said something before about kissing me, right?”
Takashi laughs, and tightens his fingers around Tuti’s hand.
“Did I?”
“You did.”
“Are you sure… because…”
“Because…?”
“Because I can’t really imagine myself talking about kissing you, I mean… If I wanted to kiss you, I think I’d just…”
Takashi pauses and turns to face Tuti. He presses his lips against Tuti’s briefly, a warm brush of contact that somehow Tuti finds he wasn’t really expecting. Takashi’s lips are a little dry, but his tongue is fast and warm as always, as it dips into the space between Tuti’s teeth for a moment, seeking out Tuti’s tongue with gentle pressure. Takashi tastes vaguely sweet, but mostly he’s just warm and Tuti feels his thoughts gradually begin to melt away for a moment, as Takashi’s fingers snake their way around the back of his neck.
And then the contact is broken, and he finds himself staring down at a very tired face grinning up at him.
“Thanks,” Tuti tells him softly.
“I couldn’t help it.”
“Same here.”
Takashi smiles again, and Tuti finds himself remembering one of the first things he ever thought about Takashi. It’s kind of embarrassing, but… It really didn’t take Tuti long after they met to realize that he’d likely do just about anything to keep that smile on Takashi’s face.
That’s another thing that this collaboration is about, he figures. Being able to watch Takashi’s excitement, to take part in his happiness, and to contribute to it by creating something together - he wants to hold onto all of it. And he would hold on to it, as long as he possibly could.
Of course.
***