[Fic] Graduation
Title: Graduation
Author: analine
Pairing: TutixNagayan
Warnings: None, worksafe.
Rating: PG
Summary: Tuti and Nagayan, on a balcony, not wanting to say goodbye.
Notes: Oh, I FAIL at titles today. And summaries too, probably. XD;;; But yeah, this is for fencer_x because her translations made me do it. ^__^ Specifically, this one. So yeah, this takes place at a party, after the end of GradMyu. *nod*
Thoughts/suggestions/impressions are more than welcome. :D
I could feel his presence before his hand came to rest on my shoulder.
“Hey,” he said, and all I could manage was a glance at his face.
I was surprised, because instead of the wry smile and bright eyes that I’d been expecting, he looked tired, and a little sad. I hadn’t seen this face of his before, and it was sort of hard to comprehend, the change that had come over his demeanor from earlier in the evening.
I tried to tell myself that I hadn’t planned this, that I hadn’t known he was out here too, or that the balcony was finally empty, except for us, but…
“Are you ok?” he asked me, and squeezed his hand around my shoulder before releasing the contact.
I blinked. I hadn’t been expecting that question. “I…uh…” I stammered, confused.
“Sure,” was all I could really manage in the end. “Are you?” I asked a second later, though I really had no idea why. It was really a stupid thing to say, but…
Tuti’s eyes widened then, and for a second I really thought he was going to cry. Or hug me, or… something. I panicked a little, and was relieved when he smiled after a second, running his hand over his head, and chuckling.
“Yeah, I mean, I’m sad too. This was a lot of fun, but…” He looked at me, and his eyes were serious, and not smiling at all any more. “It’s not like this is the last time we’ll be together.”
I nodded, and swallowed, because I really didn’t trust my voice. Suddenly the balcony of Souta’s loft seemed really, really small. And the air was close, suffocating even, and not fresh at all, like it was supposed to be. I mean, I came out here to get fresh air, right? That was what I was thinking.
“You…” I started a little at the sound, and swallowed again as Tuti took a step closer to me. “You were crying before,” he finished.
I shrugged, and tried to concentrate on not letting that very thing happen again. I contemplated lying, denying it, but… That just seemed silly. So many of the things I was feeling right now made me feel like a kid again, but… I knew better than to try to lie to him now. “Sure, so?”
Tuti stared at me for a second. “I was just… surprised, that’s all.”
I blinked. I couldn’t decide if my feelings were hurt, or if I was just overly sensitive tonight, but…
“Thanks,” I said sarcastically, because I knew he would expect it, and because at that moment, I was tired of surprising him.
“Takashi, I didn’t mean...” He paused. “I was sad too. This was… It was so much fun. Performing together.” He looked at me, and took a deep breath. “With everyone. It was fun.”
I nodded, even though part of me wasn’t even listening to him anymore. I really did feel like a teenager again, I realized. And I wanted it to stop. I was tired of this weight in my chest, and I was tired of feeling like I was losing something important to me. I was tired of feeling like I couldn’t let any of this go, but that it was slipping away anyway.
After a second, I realized I was holding my breath, and that Tuti was staring at me, clearly waiting for me to say something. I let out the breath I was holding, and forced a smile. Then I glanced at my watch. “Shouldn’t we…” I offered, glancing at the door to the balcony.
I hadn’t meant it as a dismissal, but he shook his head after a second, and I wondered if he was disappointed. In me. I reminded myself that this was ridiculous though. We were friends. We were close. This connection wasn’t so fragile, I told myself.
“I think I’m going to stay out here for a minute,” he told me. “Go ahead though.”
He turned around then, and somehow there was something final about it, about the gesture, and I could feel my eyes clouding over. My breath was catching in my throat, and my legs felt heavy.
I cleared my throat, and to my surprise, I started to say exactly what I was thinking. “Aren’t you...?”
“Aren’t I what?”
“Aren’t you going to say goodbye?” I choked, realizing that I didn’t care anymore, about the emotion in my voice, or how irrational this question was. Of course I didn’t want him to say goodbye, but…
“No.” He told me pointedly, without turning around.
“Ok.” My mind went blank. “Well…”
“Takashi.”
And for some reason, I shivered, even though he’d been calling me this for as long as we'd known eachother.
He turned and began to move towards me quickly, and instinctively, I took a step backwards, but found that this put me flush against the door. The handle poked into my back and I winced. “Ouch,” I muttered, rubbing my hand against my back, and trying not to focus on how close Tuti was to me right now, or how if I breathed too deeply, I might find our chests touching. I closed my eyes.
“Takashi, what are you doing tomorrow?” he asked quickly, and shifted back a little, giving me room to take a step forward from the door.
“Tomorrow?” I asked, realizing that I had absolutely no idea what I was doing tomorrow. I had no idea what would be happening five minutes from now either. It seemed like a ridiculous question, and so I think I half-smiled at him. He looked embarrassed, unsure.
I watched him take a deep breath.
“Yeah, tomorrow, do you have plans?” he asked again.
“Well, no, I-”
“Let me make you dinner?”
I stared at him for long moment, until I realized I was blushing. Then I laughed. “Are you serious?”
“Yeah, I, uh…” He laughed, probably at my futile attempts to hide the smile on my face. “Yeah, I’m serious,” he finished. “I want to finally show you my apartment too,” he added.
I smiled. This had been a long-standing joke between us, that for some reason, even though we met outside of rehearsals all the time, it was always either at my apartment, or some other location. Sometimes I teased him, and told him I was sure he was still living at home, with his parents. Or that he was hiding a wife and kids from all of us.
I stared at him for a long moment now though, trying to take everything in. This moment… The cool night air, the quiet street below, and the light behind him on the balcony that had flickered several times against the blueness of the night… The wrinkles in his shirt, how the small of my back still hurt a little, how tired I was, and how I was sure Kime, or someone - everyone maybe - was watching us through the glass right now… My bare toes poking through the too-large slippers on my feet, my heart throbbing in my chest… This warmth. I wanted to remember it. I wanted to remember this moment. Because I had a feeling it was important. Maybe even more important than the event that tonight had marked the end of.
“So…?” He asked quietly, breaking the silence, and I realized I hadn’t answered him.
“Sure,” I said finally, surprised at how raw and honest and happy my voice sounded right then, even to me. “I’d love to.”
**
Author: analine
Pairing: TutixNagayan
Warnings: None, worksafe.
Rating: PG
Summary: Tuti and Nagayan, on a balcony, not wanting to say goodbye.
Notes: Oh, I FAIL at titles today. And summaries too, probably. XD;;; But yeah, this is for fencer_x because her translations made me do it. ^__^ Specifically, this one. So yeah, this takes place at a party, after the end of GradMyu. *nod*
Thoughts/suggestions/impressions are more than welcome. :D
I could feel his presence before his hand came to rest on my shoulder.
“Hey,” he said, and all I could manage was a glance at his face.
I was surprised, because instead of the wry smile and bright eyes that I’d been expecting, he looked tired, and a little sad. I hadn’t seen this face of his before, and it was sort of hard to comprehend, the change that had come over his demeanor from earlier in the evening.
I tried to tell myself that I hadn’t planned this, that I hadn’t known he was out here too, or that the balcony was finally empty, except for us, but…
“Are you ok?” he asked me, and squeezed his hand around my shoulder before releasing the contact.
I blinked. I hadn’t been expecting that question. “I…uh…” I stammered, confused.
“Sure,” was all I could really manage in the end. “Are you?” I asked a second later, though I really had no idea why. It was really a stupid thing to say, but…
Tuti’s eyes widened then, and for a second I really thought he was going to cry. Or hug me, or… something. I panicked a little, and was relieved when he smiled after a second, running his hand over his head, and chuckling.
“Yeah, I mean, I’m sad too. This was a lot of fun, but…” He looked at me, and his eyes were serious, and not smiling at all any more. “It’s not like this is the last time we’ll be together.”
I nodded, and swallowed, because I really didn’t trust my voice. Suddenly the balcony of Souta’s loft seemed really, really small. And the air was close, suffocating even, and not fresh at all, like it was supposed to be. I mean, I came out here to get fresh air, right? That was what I was thinking.
“You…” I started a little at the sound, and swallowed again as Tuti took a step closer to me. “You were crying before,” he finished.
I shrugged, and tried to concentrate on not letting that very thing happen again. I contemplated lying, denying it, but… That just seemed silly. So many of the things I was feeling right now made me feel like a kid again, but… I knew better than to try to lie to him now. “Sure, so?”
Tuti stared at me for a second. “I was just… surprised, that’s all.”
I blinked. I couldn’t decide if my feelings were hurt, or if I was just overly sensitive tonight, but…
“Thanks,” I said sarcastically, because I knew he would expect it, and because at that moment, I was tired of surprising him.
“Takashi, I didn’t mean...” He paused. “I was sad too. This was… It was so much fun. Performing together.” He looked at me, and took a deep breath. “With everyone. It was fun.”
I nodded, even though part of me wasn’t even listening to him anymore. I really did feel like a teenager again, I realized. And I wanted it to stop. I was tired of this weight in my chest, and I was tired of feeling like I was losing something important to me. I was tired of feeling like I couldn’t let any of this go, but that it was slipping away anyway.
After a second, I realized I was holding my breath, and that Tuti was staring at me, clearly waiting for me to say something. I let out the breath I was holding, and forced a smile. Then I glanced at my watch. “Shouldn’t we…” I offered, glancing at the door to the balcony.
I hadn’t meant it as a dismissal, but he shook his head after a second, and I wondered if he was disappointed. In me. I reminded myself that this was ridiculous though. We were friends. We were close. This connection wasn’t so fragile, I told myself.
“I think I’m going to stay out here for a minute,” he told me. “Go ahead though.”
He turned around then, and somehow there was something final about it, about the gesture, and I could feel my eyes clouding over. My breath was catching in my throat, and my legs felt heavy.
I cleared my throat, and to my surprise, I started to say exactly what I was thinking. “Aren’t you...?”
“Aren’t I what?”
“Aren’t you going to say goodbye?” I choked, realizing that I didn’t care anymore, about the emotion in my voice, or how irrational this question was. Of course I didn’t want him to say goodbye, but…
“No.” He told me pointedly, without turning around.
“Ok.” My mind went blank. “Well…”
“Takashi.”
And for some reason, I shivered, even though he’d been calling me this for as long as we'd known eachother.
He turned and began to move towards me quickly, and instinctively, I took a step backwards, but found that this put me flush against the door. The handle poked into my back and I winced. “Ouch,” I muttered, rubbing my hand against my back, and trying not to focus on how close Tuti was to me right now, or how if I breathed too deeply, I might find our chests touching. I closed my eyes.
“Takashi, what are you doing tomorrow?” he asked quickly, and shifted back a little, giving me room to take a step forward from the door.
“Tomorrow?” I asked, realizing that I had absolutely no idea what I was doing tomorrow. I had no idea what would be happening five minutes from now either. It seemed like a ridiculous question, and so I think I half-smiled at him. He looked embarrassed, unsure.
I watched him take a deep breath.
“Yeah, tomorrow, do you have plans?” he asked again.
“Well, no, I-”
“Let me make you dinner?”
I stared at him for long moment, until I realized I was blushing. Then I laughed. “Are you serious?”
“Yeah, I, uh…” He laughed, probably at my futile attempts to hide the smile on my face. “Yeah, I’m serious,” he finished. “I want to finally show you my apartment too,” he added.
I smiled. This had been a long-standing joke between us, that for some reason, even though we met outside of rehearsals all the time, it was always either at my apartment, or some other location. Sometimes I teased him, and told him I was sure he was still living at home, with his parents. Or that he was hiding a wife and kids from all of us.
I stared at him for a long moment now though, trying to take everything in. This moment… The cool night air, the quiet street below, and the light behind him on the balcony that had flickered several times against the blueness of the night… The wrinkles in his shirt, how the small of my back still hurt a little, how tired I was, and how I was sure Kime, or someone - everyone maybe - was watching us through the glass right now… My bare toes poking through the too-large slippers on my feet, my heart throbbing in my chest… This warmth. I wanted to remember it. I wanted to remember this moment. Because I had a feeling it was important. Maybe even more important than the event that tonight had marked the end of.
“So…?” He asked quietly, breaking the silence, and I realized I hadn’t answered him.
“Sure,” I said finally, surprised at how raw and honest and happy my voice sounded right then, even to me. “I’d love to.”
**