Jack Handy Philosophies

[connorhea]

These are some of the most hilarious things I have ever read. Be warned, you might die of tuberculosis. xD

Comments

[spicnspam]

ah, i miss jack handeys deep thoughts. someone needs to put that on their profile again. i used to sit and click it for hours.

[sqeakybear]

hahahahahahahahaha

[lip_stain]

i know this was posted a while ago but just read it...wow i laughed so much

whats Jack Handys? never heard of it...remember i live in a cardboard box...

[seattle_bound]

Jack Handy is from SNL.

i less than three jack handy!

[tango_______]

When I think of some of the things that have been done in the name of science, I have to cringe. No, wait, not science, vandalism. And not cringe, laugh.

As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable - until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but a HUMAN HEAD!!

If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let 'em go, because, man, they're gone.

If I lived back in the olden days, and the doctor put leeches on me, I'd tell him to put them on my face, in the shape of a beard, so I could see how I'd look.

The king threw back his head and laughed. He enjoyed a good laugh, and so did his wife, the queen. When she saw the king laughing she let out a big laugh too. In fact, she laughed so hard she broke her throne. This made them both laugh harder. Then they got serious when they remembered they had the plague. "The plague," said the king, but the way he said it made them both burst out laughing again.

those are just a few of my favorites that i thought i should share.