Keeping This Up Could Be Dangerous (Ten)
Title: Keeping This Up Could Be Dangerous
Rating: NC-17 Overall.
Pairing: Jack/Alex
Point of View: Jack
Disclaimer: Would I really be on here if I owned them? No, we'd be partying and having a wild time.
A/N: I really don't know how to do links. I tried with the masterpost below, but I don't know if it worked. I'm sorry, guys.
turnthepageover.livejournal.com/1031.html
"Jack, are you cutting?!" Alex yelled, looking up at me. I didn't look at him. I didn't want to see the look of disappointment on his face. I didn't want to see the hurt look. I couldn't deny it. He had obviously seen the cuts. I averted my gaze from him completely, and looked at the wall beside me.
"Just go away," I said.
"No. Jack, why are you cutting yourself?" he asked.
"Because," I said, choking back a sob. "Just leave."
"I'm not leaving. Not until I get some answers."
I hated this. I just wanted to leave. I didn't want him to see me so vulnerable and hurt. I couldn't tell him why I was cutting. I couldn't explain to him that all the shit he does hurts me. That it broke me. I saw Alex with the slut after the concert. After the concert I had to go take care of a problem in the bathroom. I swear I just shouldn't look at Alex when we perform. The way he moves and gets all hot and sweaty on stage; cue the unnecessary dirty images. Once that was taken care of I left to go see what the guys were doing. They wanted to party and drink with the guys from the other band. I was asked to find Alex so I was looking for him. When I saw him with that girl, I just couldn't help it. I came into the bathroom and took out my razor.
"Just because. Alex, just leave."
I suppose if I wasn't so upset because of him, him being naked next to me would have some effect on me, but it didn't. At the moment I didn't want to be around him. I wanted to be alone, but he wouldn't leave. He wasn't leaving until I explained, and I definitely wasn't doing that. My only option, in order to be alone, was to leave.
"Jack..."
"Just leave me alone," I said again, giving him one more chance to leave.
"I'm not leaving, Jack," he said softly.
"Fine, then I am," I said, grabbing my razor of the floor next to me and pushing myself up off the floor.
"No," he groaned, "Jack give that to me."
"Give what to you?" I said, playing stupid. I knew what he was referring to. He didn't want me to have my razor, but I was not going to give it to him. I need it. I started pulling my clothes on and shoved it into my pocket. I would return it to its hiding place later when Alex wasn't around.
"The razor, Jack! Give it to me."
"No."
"Why are you doing this to yourself?" he asked, in a pained voice.
"I'm not doing anything to myself," I said, putting the rest of my clothes on.
"Stop denying it, Jack! I just want to help you. You shouldn't do this to yourself! It's dangerous."
"I don't want your help," I said before leaving the bathroom.
I wasn't sure where exactly I was going to go. I just knew I couldn't be anywhere near Alex. I decided to try and see if The Academy Is guys would let me hang out on their bus for awhile since I couldn't go back to our van. I went over to their bus and walked on only to see them all, including Zack, Rian, and Matt sitting in the front part. My stomach dropped, when I realized that Alex would probably tell them.
"Hey, Jack," William greeted.
"Hey," I said back, looking over at him. "Whats up?"
"Nothing. Where is Alex?" he asked.
"Probably looking for me. Speaking of which, can I hide in the back?"
"What are you playing hide and seek?" Matt asked laughing.
"Something like that."
"Yeah go for it," William said. I thanked them and asked them not to tell Alex where I was, before going into the back and 'hiding' in one of the bunks. I pulled my knees to my chest, and tried not to cry again. I honestly felt like a pussy for crying so much. I should just get over him. He doesn't want me. He is obviously caught up in whores that he can fuck and ditch. He wouldn't ever want me even if he knew I was gay.
Then and there I made my decision about Alex. I was going to try and get over him. I was going to try and push him away from me so he wouldn't find out the truth behind my cutting. He was the reason I cut now, he was the reason I cried all the time. I can't take it anymore, and besides that I didn't want him trying to find out the real reason I cut. I couldn't just tell him he was the reason. I couldn't tell him that every time I saw him with someone else I wanted to cry. I just wanted him and I couldn't have him.
"Have you guys seen, Jack?" I heard Alex ask from the front of the bus.
"Nah man, maybe he went back to the van," Rian responded.
"Fuck!" Alex yelled, "I already checked there!"
"Why are you getting so worked up over a game?" Matt asked.
"What the hell are you talking about?" he asked.
"Jack said you were playing a game," Matt said confused.
"Then you did fucking see him! Where the fuck is he, Matt?! You better tell me!"
Fuck. I just wanted to be alone