Treading Water Ch 6/?
Chapter 6
I was exhausted. I'd gone to the town square. No Luke. To the Snyder pond. No Luke. Now I was finally back home. I pulled into the parking lot, and got out slowly. Luke's pills were a reassuring weight in my pocket. Reaching the porch, I decided to take the stairs to my floor. If I got myself good and tired, I could forget that I'd been chasing a ghost for a whole night.
It was only two flights, actually. It's a small town, remember. I reached my floor, a little sweaty from the exertion. I was lost in thoughts of Luke sneaking past me, sleeping in his room. Untroubled and peaceful. I stared straight ahead, at the blinking red exit sign at the end of the floor. Suddenly I stopped. Stepped back a few steps. Looked down.
Luke.
He leaned against the wall, next to my door. His eyes were closed, but he wasn't fully asleep. His pulse beat strongly against his throat. I leaned forward, and snapped my fingers in front of his face.
It worked the first time. I thought.
Luke bolted awake almost exactly the same as before. He snorted, and stared up at me.
"Reid?" he said softly. He moved to get to his feet, but I pressed my hand on his shoulder, forcing him to stay still. Our mouths were inches apart.
"You know, you are definitely not Sleeping Beauty." I joked.
"But do I get a kiss anyway?" Teasing.
I caressed his shoulder, and found his hand with my own.
"We'll see about that. We'll have to get you a key." With a small grunt, I helped him off the floor.
I tried to release my hand, but he held it tightly. He stepped a little closer to me, leaning forward, breathing me in. His tongue flickered against his teeth. His head inched ever closer, his lips had me in thrall. Slightly pink, soft and firm. My mouth parted of my own accord. Drawn to him, I started to -
"Crap, the chili!" he exclaimed, out of the blue.
Most random non sequitur ever. I thought, irritated.
He released my hand, and bent down to retrieve an here-to-fore unseen bag from Al's.
"A peace offering," he said sheepishly. "I was such a jackass. I had no right to do that to you. I'm so -"
"Stop it," I ordered. "Shut up. I don't accept apologies in hallways. Come inside, and we'll discuss everything." I barreled ahead to keep the kicked puppy look on his face to a minimum. Damn, his sad face was legendary.
I opened the door, and led him inside. The apartment was completely dark. Behind me, he fumbled for the light switch, and restored light to the room. Katie must have taken Jacob to stay with family. I reminded myself to buy her a large bouquet the next day.
Now, I was nervous. It was utterly ridiculous. He was standing behind me, holding surely cold chili and cornbread. I had his pills in my jeans pocket.
"Reid?" He said tremulously. I was so tired of hearing my name spoken in that insecure little voice. Luke was a man, not a little boy.
I turned around, and stepped into his personal space. I put my hands on his face, and stared at him intently.
"I have your pills." My left hand massaged his cheek, with as much care as I gave to my patients.
"Why-"
"Your mom was worried."
"You went to see my mom?"
I exhaled sharply, with a hint of annoyance. "Yes, Luke. I went to see her. She was actually quite - charming. She made it clear that you don't -"
"I don't want to be with Noah." he interjected. "I fucked up, Reid. I got scared. I'm so sorry."
I kissed his forehead tenderly, as his hands fell to rest on my back.
"Shh, baby." I whispered. I wasn't usually one for sappy little nothings, but Luke seriously looked like he was going to pass out. I thought I was supposed to be the wounded party here.
"Let's sit down, okay?"
He nodded. "Okay."
We sat on the couch. The pill bottle jarred my thigh. I pulled it out, and set it on the coffee table.
"Thank you for bringing those." he managed. "I have to take them every night."
"Luke, I know." I replied gruffly. "I am a doctor, remember."
"Of course I remember. You're the greatest doctor of all time. You remind me every day." His hand found its way to my knee, and squeezed.
"Luke," I gasped. Now that we were sitting, and he wasn't weepy, I felt the hot tinge of his fingers on my leg. I was human, after all.
He began to absentmindedly stroke my leg, in slow circles.
"What can I do to make it up to you?" he said. "What do you want me to do?"
I hissed, and removed his hand from my thigh.
"I want you to stop punishing yourself." I said softly. "You're not even letting me be mad, because you're too busy beating yourself up. You screwed up, yes. But you didn't fuck him. You didn't cheat on me, because we hadn't started anything yet. All you did was give into some memory of first love, something that used to make you feel safe, and whole, and warm."
I paused, and scooted closer to him.
His mouth was partially open, while his eyes darted back and forth.
"I get it, Luke." I murmured gently. "I get why you would do anything to hold onto that love."
"You do?" he asked.
I shrugged, knowing I was about to lay all my cards on the table. "Of course I do," I answered, looking down into my lap.
He grabbed my chin, and forced my head up.
"Why, Reid?"
"Cuz that's how I feel about you."
I waited, suspended in time, for him to respond.
He licked his lips, and I could sense the imminent rejection. He wasn't ready for this. He could buy all the chili in Texas, and it still wouldn't erase Noah.
I shut my eyes, and prepared to let him off the hook.
"Luke, I -"
Suddenly, his mouth was on mine. His touch was forceful but tender, and I felt myself being levered back onto the couch. His tongue slipped inside, skirting around my teeth with ease. I answered with my tongue, tasting him freely.
Luke's hands landed in my hair, probing greedily. My hands splayed across the couch, as I fumbled for purchase. As he began to grind against me, I pushed up eagerly. I wanted my hands to press against his chest and stop the assault, but they didn't obey. I trailed along his chest, and began at work at his belt buckle.
My stomach growled loudly.
He released me with a husky sigh. His eyes were dancing.
"Good thing I brought the chili," he said, smirking.
I swallowed, and grinned despite myself. "Yeah, I guess so."
He extracted himself from the couch, dropping a lingering kiss on my lips. My body thrust forward of its own accord, but he was gone before I could do anything.
"I'll just warm this up," he said over his shoulder.
"You do that," I whispered, rubbing my mouth. It's not the only thing you've warmed up.
I sat up, and grabbed the blasted pills off the coffee table.
I went to the kitchen, and sat them on the counter next to him. He stood in front of the microwave, back facing me.
"You still haven't taken them," I chided.
"They're better with food, anyway. They taste disgusting."
I stepped forward, encircling him with my arms. I kissed the back of his neck. He sighed, and leaned against me.
"This feels good," he said.
"Yes, it does." I said. "So, that kiss back there - that was -"
He twisted slightly to look at me.
"It means," he said firmly. "That I want you. I want to spend the next fifty years driving you crazy." He turned completely around, and I dropped my arms. "What I had before was - well, it was good at times, but it also made me feel like nothing I ever did was good enough. I can't go back there, Reid. I'm done with him, for good. I promise you that. I've fallen for you, Reid. You make me feel like -"
"Like what?" I couldn't help but interrupt. He had yet to answer this question.
He blinked, and regarded me seriously. "Like I can do anything. You make me feel like I can take on anyone, as long as you're beside me."
The microwave pinged. He retrieved the chili and cornbread and set it on the kitchen table.
"You've said all this before," I reminded him gently. "What guarantee do I have this time?"
Luke handed me a spoon. "I guess you'll just have to trust me."
We sat down, and the chili smelled even better than I remembered.
I stared down into the bowl, for a long moment. Trust didn't come to me easily. Only Luke and Katie had penetrated my harsh exterior, and Luke had promptly betrayed my trust.
Could I trust him again?
"Okay," I said, looking up. "Here's the deal. We'll see how it goes. Put aside the declarations for now. I just want to be with you."
"Fair enough," he said quickly.
"So let's eat."
I was starving. I devoured the chili. He ate more slowly, watching me. His foot found mine under the table.
I set down my spoon, and began to eat the cornbread.
I couldn't help but laugh.
"Footsie. Seriously?"
He shrugged, sheepishly. "Whatever works."
I rolled my eyes, but obligingly rubbed my foot along his leg.
We ate in companionable silence.
It was weird. But I was starting to feel ... happy.
I was exhausted. I'd gone to the town square. No Luke. To the Snyder pond. No Luke. Now I was finally back home. I pulled into the parking lot, and got out slowly. Luke's pills were a reassuring weight in my pocket. Reaching the porch, I decided to take the stairs to my floor. If I got myself good and tired, I could forget that I'd been chasing a ghost for a whole night.
It was only two flights, actually. It's a small town, remember. I reached my floor, a little sweaty from the exertion. I was lost in thoughts of Luke sneaking past me, sleeping in his room. Untroubled and peaceful. I stared straight ahead, at the blinking red exit sign at the end of the floor. Suddenly I stopped. Stepped back a few steps. Looked down.
Luke.
He leaned against the wall, next to my door. His eyes were closed, but he wasn't fully asleep. His pulse beat strongly against his throat. I leaned forward, and snapped my fingers in front of his face.
It worked the first time. I thought.
Luke bolted awake almost exactly the same as before. He snorted, and stared up at me.
"Reid?" he said softly. He moved to get to his feet, but I pressed my hand on his shoulder, forcing him to stay still. Our mouths were inches apart.
"You know, you are definitely not Sleeping Beauty." I joked.
"But do I get a kiss anyway?" Teasing.
I caressed his shoulder, and found his hand with my own.
"We'll see about that. We'll have to get you a key." With a small grunt, I helped him off the floor.
I tried to release my hand, but he held it tightly. He stepped a little closer to me, leaning forward, breathing me in. His tongue flickered against his teeth. His head inched ever closer, his lips had me in thrall. Slightly pink, soft and firm. My mouth parted of my own accord. Drawn to him, I started to -
"Crap, the chili!" he exclaimed, out of the blue.
Most random non sequitur ever. I thought, irritated.
He released my hand, and bent down to retrieve an here-to-fore unseen bag from Al's.
"A peace offering," he said sheepishly. "I was such a jackass. I had no right to do that to you. I'm so -"
"Stop it," I ordered. "Shut up. I don't accept apologies in hallways. Come inside, and we'll discuss everything." I barreled ahead to keep the kicked puppy look on his face to a minimum. Damn, his sad face was legendary.
I opened the door, and led him inside. The apartment was completely dark. Behind me, he fumbled for the light switch, and restored light to the room. Katie must have taken Jacob to stay with family. I reminded myself to buy her a large bouquet the next day.
Now, I was nervous. It was utterly ridiculous. He was standing behind me, holding surely cold chili and cornbread. I had his pills in my jeans pocket.
"Reid?" He said tremulously. I was so tired of hearing my name spoken in that insecure little voice. Luke was a man, not a little boy.
I turned around, and stepped into his personal space. I put my hands on his face, and stared at him intently.
"I have your pills." My left hand massaged his cheek, with as much care as I gave to my patients.
"Why-"
"Your mom was worried."
"You went to see my mom?"
I exhaled sharply, with a hint of annoyance. "Yes, Luke. I went to see her. She was actually quite - charming. She made it clear that you don't -"
"I don't want to be with Noah." he interjected. "I fucked up, Reid. I got scared. I'm so sorry."
I kissed his forehead tenderly, as his hands fell to rest on my back.
"Shh, baby." I whispered. I wasn't usually one for sappy little nothings, but Luke seriously looked like he was going to pass out. I thought I was supposed to be the wounded party here.
"Let's sit down, okay?"
He nodded. "Okay."
We sat on the couch. The pill bottle jarred my thigh. I pulled it out, and set it on the coffee table.
"Thank you for bringing those." he managed. "I have to take them every night."
"Luke, I know." I replied gruffly. "I am a doctor, remember."
"Of course I remember. You're the greatest doctor of all time. You remind me every day." His hand found its way to my knee, and squeezed.
"Luke," I gasped. Now that we were sitting, and he wasn't weepy, I felt the hot tinge of his fingers on my leg. I was human, after all.
He began to absentmindedly stroke my leg, in slow circles.
"What can I do to make it up to you?" he said. "What do you want me to do?"
I hissed, and removed his hand from my thigh.
"I want you to stop punishing yourself." I said softly. "You're not even letting me be mad, because you're too busy beating yourself up. You screwed up, yes. But you didn't fuck him. You didn't cheat on me, because we hadn't started anything yet. All you did was give into some memory of first love, something that used to make you feel safe, and whole, and warm."
I paused, and scooted closer to him.
His mouth was partially open, while his eyes darted back and forth.
"I get it, Luke." I murmured gently. "I get why you would do anything to hold onto that love."
"You do?" he asked.
I shrugged, knowing I was about to lay all my cards on the table. "Of course I do," I answered, looking down into my lap.
He grabbed my chin, and forced my head up.
"Why, Reid?"
"Cuz that's how I feel about you."
I waited, suspended in time, for him to respond.
He licked his lips, and I could sense the imminent rejection. He wasn't ready for this. He could buy all the chili in Texas, and it still wouldn't erase Noah.
I shut my eyes, and prepared to let him off the hook.
"Luke, I -"
Suddenly, his mouth was on mine. His touch was forceful but tender, and I felt myself being levered back onto the couch. His tongue slipped inside, skirting around my teeth with ease. I answered with my tongue, tasting him freely.
Luke's hands landed in my hair, probing greedily. My hands splayed across the couch, as I fumbled for purchase. As he began to grind against me, I pushed up eagerly. I wanted my hands to press against his chest and stop the assault, but they didn't obey. I trailed along his chest, and began at work at his belt buckle.
My stomach growled loudly.
He released me with a husky sigh. His eyes were dancing.
"Good thing I brought the chili," he said, smirking.
I swallowed, and grinned despite myself. "Yeah, I guess so."
He extracted himself from the couch, dropping a lingering kiss on my lips. My body thrust forward of its own accord, but he was gone before I could do anything.
"I'll just warm this up," he said over his shoulder.
"You do that," I whispered, rubbing my mouth. It's not the only thing you've warmed up.
I sat up, and grabbed the blasted pills off the coffee table.
I went to the kitchen, and sat them on the counter next to him. He stood in front of the microwave, back facing me.
"You still haven't taken them," I chided.
"They're better with food, anyway. They taste disgusting."
I stepped forward, encircling him with my arms. I kissed the back of his neck. He sighed, and leaned against me.
"This feels good," he said.
"Yes, it does." I said. "So, that kiss back there - that was -"
He twisted slightly to look at me.
"It means," he said firmly. "That I want you. I want to spend the next fifty years driving you crazy." He turned completely around, and I dropped my arms. "What I had before was - well, it was good at times, but it also made me feel like nothing I ever did was good enough. I can't go back there, Reid. I'm done with him, for good. I promise you that. I've fallen for you, Reid. You make me feel like -"
"Like what?" I couldn't help but interrupt. He had yet to answer this question.
He blinked, and regarded me seriously. "Like I can do anything. You make me feel like I can take on anyone, as long as you're beside me."
The microwave pinged. He retrieved the chili and cornbread and set it on the kitchen table.
"You've said all this before," I reminded him gently. "What guarantee do I have this time?"
Luke handed me a spoon. "I guess you'll just have to trust me."
We sat down, and the chili smelled even better than I remembered.
I stared down into the bowl, for a long moment. Trust didn't come to me easily. Only Luke and Katie had penetrated my harsh exterior, and Luke had promptly betrayed my trust.
Could I trust him again?
"Okay," I said, looking up. "Here's the deal. We'll see how it goes. Put aside the declarations for now. I just want to be with you."
"Fair enough," he said quickly.
"So let's eat."
I was starving. I devoured the chili. He ate more slowly, watching me. His foot found mine under the table.
I set down my spoon, and began to eat the cornbread.
I couldn't help but laugh.
"Footsie. Seriously?"
He shrugged, sheepishly. "Whatever works."
I rolled my eyes, but obligingly rubbed my foot along his leg.
We ate in companionable silence.
It was weird. But I was starting to feel ... happy.