Big Bang: Hopeless Places 1/15

[ttank]

Master Post



Jared scuffs his boots nervously against the tile floor, tugging at the loose collar of his plaid shirt. The room is filled to the brim with pretty boys and divas, fixing their hair while gazing in every shiny surface and dabbing at caking make-up. He’s a farm boy from Texas; there’s no way he’s going to be able to compete with these people.

Jared thinks back to when he made the submission video, his little sister giggling behind the camera. She didn’t tell him what it was for until he’d gotten the call back. He’d been half drunk at the time, but he can distinctly recall rambling on about how hard it was to find someone to be with, not just a one night stand.

Jared feels his face heating up at the thought of anyone seeing it. The casting director had told him it was that outlook that had cinched the spot for him. The man wasn’t exactly subtle in saying they were looking for a love-sick kid, not a party boy. Like he and his fellow cast members were starring in a movie and not a reality show.

He looks up when a tiny woman with an extra foot in backcombed hair grabs him by the arm.

“C’mon sweetheart,” she rasps, voice like she’d just smoked a half a pack of cigarettes. He wrinkles his nose; she smells like cigarettes too. Jared barely resists wincing as she plops him down in a make-up chair and starts tugging at his hair. Her giant tits are pushed right up against his face, the cheap perfume she’s wearing clogging his throat when he tries to breathe. Jared inwardly curses Megan for getting him into this.



The show is airing on MTV, the concept being two bisexual twins looking for love with 15 lucky contestants. Justin and Justina are both really hot, something he made the mistake of telling his sister when he saw promos for the show. And now here he is, covered in make-up and face smushed into someone’s boobs. Great.

The big twist in the show was that all the contestants were bi too, so everyone would be competing for both twins. Also, Justin and Justina’s favorite contestants in the end get the choice between being with them, or taking the 250,000 dollar grand prize.

He’s fantasizing about Justina’s wide blue eyes and long tanned legs when the woman finally pulls back. She nods, making the pouf on the top of her head wobble dangerously. Before he knows it, he’s being dragged back to the waiting room. “You just take a seat,” she says, already turning down the corridor.

Jared sits down in a huff, trying to make himself smaller in the crowded room. Glancing around, he starts to take in his future competition. There’s a gorgeous girl with black hair sitting against the wall. She’s chatting with an effeminate man with bright purple glasses and spiked hair. Both of them look fairly friendly.

Beside them are two girls who look like they’re about to get in a fight. One is decked out in full metal gear, her whole face pierced, and she’s wearing a band t-shirt with a name he’s never heard of. The other girl is all pink.  She’s wearing a teeny-tiny skirt and she flips her long blonde hair over her shoulders with nearly every word. Jared can’t tell what they’re arguing about, but he guesses it’s nothing good.

His eyes stick on a guy wedged between them. He’s wearing a cowboy hat and isn’t trying trying to stop the argument at all. He offers a little remark every couple of seconds, smirking when their voices get louder and louder. He catches Jared looking and grins. “Hey! Where ya from?”

Jared smiles back, feeling less out of place suddenly. “Texas, you?”

The guy’s out of his seat before Jared finishes the question, wriggling into the tiny space beside Jared and throwing an arm around him. This must be the party boy.

“Me too man!” He says, bouncing a little. “I knew it when I saw ya. Never seen a belt buckle that big outside of Texas.”

Jared smirks. “Well it’s gotta go with the rest of me, doesn’t it?”

The other man barks out a laugh, slapping Jared on the back. He laughs with his whole body, shoulders drawn up and head thrown back. Jared notices that he’s maybe the best looking guy he’s ever seen, with green eyes and pink bowed lips. He dismisses the thought. This is a competition, he can’t go checking out his rivals.

Green-eyes is looking at him intently, like he’s deciding something. He nods to himself. “You’re awesome.” Matter-of-fact-like. “This is gonna be awesome.”

Jared fights down a grin. “I’m Jared.”

Green-eyes is about to reply when the big doors at the end of the room swing open and swarm of people usher them out into the hallway. Jared loses track of him in the crowd, stuck between two strangers. He’s relieved when a man claps his hands together, calling for attention.

“Guys, listen up!” He yells. “You’ve already been fitted with mics. Under no circumstances are you to take off the mics or talk to the camera crew. Your life is property of MTV now, got it?” There’s a murmur from around the room, and the man must take it as agreement, because he keeps going. “Only other rules are no fighting, no leaving without permission, and no drugs.”

Jared glances around. He has a feeling that’s going to be tough with this crowd. The man’s clapping again, noise from the crowd beginning to drown him out. “While you’re in the house you go by your nickname, we don’t need your real names here. Form two single file lines people, and try to make a good impression. If you’re lucky, you’ll be living with this name for awhile.”

Everyone hustles to make a line, some pushing to the front and others hanging back. Jared shuffles in, scanning the heads for a cowboy hat.

Green-eyes catches his gaze and winks, “See you around Sasquatch.” Jared grabs his belt buckle suggestively, smiling when the other man doubles over in laughter.

Jared stands in line for what seems like forever, trying to think of something charming to say to the twins when he walks in. He goes through a couple cheesy lines in his head, but when it’s his turn to step through the doors, Jared’s head is one big blank. His pulse is racing when he enters the bright room. He’s about to be face to face with Justina Jeffrey.

At first, he’s almost blinded by the glint of the camera’s. There must be a thousand of them, all pointed at him. There’s a PA gesturing at him to get a move on, and he finally looks at the girl in front of him.

Woah. She’s even hotter in real life. All bombshell blond curls and  generous curves. She’s like a real life barbie. “Hey,” he drawls, giving her his widest smile.

“Oooh,” she coos. “Aren’t you a cutie? Maybe I should call you Dimples.” He flushes, running a hand through his hair. “Where you from, Dimples?”

Jared looks up at her through his bangs, “Texas.”

Justina smiles brightly at him, “I always was a sucker for those accents, I think I’ll call you Tex.”

He rocks back on his heels, hands still in his belt loops, “That’s just fine with me.” She gives him one last mega-watt smile before he’s pushed out of the room.

Jared almost stumbles into the small dark skinned girl he’d seen in the waiting room. She blinks up at him, steadying him with a hand on his arm. “It’s a lot to take in isn’t it.”

Jared nods, rubbing a hand over his mouth nervously. “Don’t think I’m gonna get used to be calling Tex.”

She laughs, long black hair rippling over her shoulders. “At least they didn’t call you Kitty.”

Jared winces. “You’re right, that’s worse.”

Jared and Kitty walk into the adjoined room together, it’s already filled with the other contestants.

Green-eyes is waiting for him, cowboy hat pulled low over his eyes. “Hey, so what’d you get? I bet they called you Sasquatch. Or Gigantor.”

“Nah,” he smiles, reaching down to tweak the brim of the other man’s straw hat. “They called me Tex.”

“Tex, huh?” he says, mouth quirking up in a smile. “Well I’m Cowboy.”  He reaches up to ruffle Jared’s hair, grinning mischievously. Jared catches his arm and tries to twist it away but the other man’s too fast, ducking down to poke him hard in the ribs. By the time the limo’s come to pick them up, Jared has Cowboy in a sturdy headlock and Cowboy’s trying his best to gnaw off his arm. He’s pretty sure this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.



When they roll up to the mansion Justin and Justina are already there, posing conveniently on the steps. They line up at the bottom, looking up at the twins like performers on a stage. Justin pulls out a blue loudspeaker and shouts down, “Are you ready to see your new house?” The effect is mostly ruined by the cue card floating behind Jared’s head, he tries to ignore it.

There’s a chorus of replies from the group, the loudest being from Cowboy, who’s practically vibrating beside him.

“Well, what are you waiting for!” Justina says from a matching pink speaker. And, like magic, the doors swing open.

Cowboy’s off like a shot, bounding up the steps. Jared’s pulled right alongside him, trying not to trip on his own feet. “C’mon man, we gotta get the best room.”

Cowboy rejects three different rooms, a luxury that the people behind them don’t have. “No bathroom,” he says to one. “There’s no way you’re fitting in that bed,” to another. They’re about to go up another flight of stairs when Cowboy stops in his tracks, “Holy shit, Gigantor. Look up there!”

Jared follows his line of vision and sees some sort of ladder, leading way up towards the second floor of the mansion. It’s a giant indoor terrace, overlooking the living room area. Jared can make out the shape of two beds at the top, as well as what looks like a giant circular couch. If that doesn’t make up his mind, prime access to the kitchen definitely does.

Cowboy’s already half way up the ladder by the time he’s taken it all in. “Dude, it’s like a bird’s nest,” he shouts. And it kind of is. The rest of the rooms are off on the separate hallways far below them, giving them the perfect view of the the goings on downstairs. Jared clambers up, looking down when he reaches the top of the ladder.

“This is perfect,” Jared says. Cowboy tugs on the back of his shirt, making him fall back on the plush couch.

The other man stretches his arms and legs, not even brushing the corners of the sofa. “Is this like one of those sex beds? It’s like sitting on a cloud made of cotton candy.” Jared grins at him, propping himself up on his elbow.

“I don’t think they make sex beds in this color, man,” Jared says. But the description’s spot on. The thing is huge, made up of feathery pink fabric and covered in a thousand pillows in varying shades of neon pink. Cowboy sits up suddenly, and the whole bed swivels, rotating them to face the kitchen. He glances back at Jared, eyes huge. “Tex. This is totally a sex bed. The holy fucking grail of sex beds.”

Jared hops off and grabs it by its side, spinning it round and round. He laughs when Cowboy lays down, screaming in falsetto, “Faster, faster! Oooh, do me harder baby!”

Jared flops down beside him clutching his belly, the bed still spinning. “Dude, it’s totally not a sex bed. It’s like a merry-go-round you sleep on.”

Cowboy raises an eyebrow at him, quieting for a moment before swinging a leg over Jared’s hips. He laughs manically before bouncing up and down, grabbing at imaginary tits. “Oh Tex, do me harder!” He screams.

Jared can’t help laughing, even when he notices the cameras mounted around the room and realizes that his Mom’s probably going to see this.



The mansion is like a cheery Halloween fun house. The theme is obviously pink and blue, but there’s so much of it, that it all melts together and gives you a headache, like you just watched a really long, really bright 3D movie.

There’s one blue and one pink couch, located just below the balcony. Two hot tubs outside, right beside two matching pools joined in the middle with a water slide. And right in the middle of the living room are two old style photobooths, pink and blue. At first Jared thought they actually had phones to call their families but upon further inspection they discover they’re meant to do “confessionals” inside them once a day.

After checking out the whole main floor they end up by the pool. It’s hotter than hell outside and Cowboy wastes no time in stripping off his clothes and diving in, muscled back slicing through the water. Jared ambles after him, trying not to stare.

Cowboy surfaces noisily, splashing water onto the pink tiled deck. After close inspection of the slide he kicks over to the edge, resting his forearms next to where Jared’s dipping his feet in the water. He notices a torn-up scar on the top of his collarbone, rippling down across his arm. “How’d you get that?” He asks.

Cowboy glances down, like he’d forgot about it. “Broke it playing football,” he says, running a finger over the raised skin idly. “Cracked it in two places and dislocated the shoulder.” Jared winces in sympathy. “Couldn’t play for almost a year, had to go to physical therapy.”

Jared finds himself wanting to touch it too, the scar jagged and pink over Cowboy’s tan skin. “That sucks, man,” he replies.

Cowboy shrugs, “It wasn’t so bad. They fixed me up like new again. That’s when I started thinking I could do something like that as a job, you know?”

Jared raises his eyebrows, “You’re a physical therapist?”

Cowboy chuckles, “I know, not what you’d expect right?”

He shakes his head so fast he makes himself dizzy, “No, no! I mean that’s really cool. That you’d come out of it with something like that.” Jared smiles hugely, and a second later Cowboy returns the grin.

“So what’d you do, Sasquatch?”

Jared plays with the water droplets collecting at the side of the pool. “I’m a vet, nothing too exciting.”
Cowboy’s floating on his back, looking up at him. “Do you save fluffy kitten’s lives and make dogs wear those cone things on their heads?”

Jared splashes him. “Sometimes.”

Cowboy shakes out his hair, spraying Jared. He grins as he slides out to sit beside him. “Then you’re pretty awesome too.”

Jared finds himself watching water dripping off the tip of Cowboy’s sloped nose. When he meets his eyes, they’re wide and sincere, vivid green a sharp contrast to the gaudy colors of the house. It’s a relief.

Suddenly there’s a huge gong sound and Jared jumps, not realizing how long they’d been sitting here. The clatter of thirteen people running down from their rooms to get to the foyer breaks him out of his trance and Jared stands up. Cowboy’s right behind him, putting his pants on and hopping on one leg through the door. He towels his hair off with his shirt before pulling it over his head, “C’mon man, the twins must be here.”

Sure enough Justin and Justina are standing on the porch, surrounded by a mob of people.  Jared takes in the cameras set-up around him as Justina starts to speak. “Hi guys, how do you like the new house?”

Everyone cheers, but the good mood is broken when the tattooed girl that had been arguing next to Cowboy on the couch speaks up. “How come there’s only thirteen beds?” Jared recalls hearing that Justina had called her Spice, because she’s always trying to spice things up. He resolves to keep an eye on her.

Justin turns toward the camera dramatically, “I’m afraid we’re going to have to send home two of you tonight.” There’s a collective gasp from everyone, like that hasn’t happened on every reality dating show ever.

Justina nods solemnly before perking up, “So make a good impression!”

With that everyone disperses, most pushing to talk to one of the twins and some shyly waiting their turn. Jared turns to ask Cowboy what he thinks of the whole thing only to find the space beside him empty. He hears his booming laugh a moment later and sees him standing right beside Justin.

The twin looks like he’s already fallen in love. Cowboy’s all over him, arm around his shoulder and whispering right up close to his ear. The preppy girl who’d had the altercation with Spice from the beginning is vying for attention on the other side, but looks like she’s  failing miserably. Jared watches her twirling her long blonde hair around a finger impatiently, Blondie was an appropriate name. Jared tears his eyes away and resolves to go talk to Justina.

He finds her sitting on the couch with a huge guy who he thinks is called Butch. Justina’s perched on his lap and looks pretty uncomfortable. Her azure eyes light up when she sees Jared and she stands up quickly from the man’s lap. Butch glares at him from behind her. “Tex! I was just looking for you!”

He leads her towards the middle of the room, taking her small hand in his. “I was looking for you too.”

Justina smiles, craning her neck to look at him. “You know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone as tall as you.”

Jared laughs, even though he’s heard girls say that about a million times. “Nah, it just looks that way cause you’re so itty-bitty.” She seems to like that, leaning further towards him. There’s a long pause, which is interrupted when a girl with freckles and a deep smoky voice sashay’s up and asks for a moment with Justina. Jared doesn’t want her to go but the petite woman nods. “Sure thing Ginger, see ya later Tex.”

She squeezes his hand, giving him a long look before walking away hand in hand with the red-head.

It’s starting to get dark already, but everyone seems to be migrating towards the pool. The sides are illuminated by alternating blue and pink lights, making the water glow. He can see Justina slipping in slowly and he pauses to watch as she gets in. The lights make her face look flawless, like a doll. She’s got a tattoo winding around her left bicep and ending in a heart over her left breast. He finds himself thinking of Cowboy’s scar, shiny and crooked on his chest. The tattoo is sort of tacky in comparison. Jared turns away and starts climbing up the ladder to get his swimsuit on.

Cowboy’s already up there, tearing through his suitcase. He looks up for a moment when Jared gets there. “Hey! Did you talk to them yet?”

Jared shrugs, finding his own suitcase. “Sort of, not for very long.”

Cowboy furrows his eyebrows, lips pursing together. “Whaddaya mean ‘sort of’?! Didn’t you hear? You gotta make a first impression Sasquatch, or you’ll get cut!” Jared’s confused, and it must show cause Cowboy sighs. “Look, you have to do something so they’ll remember you, or else when it’s time to get rid of someone, they won’t care if you get sent home.”

Jared nods, stripping off his shirt and stepping into his shorts. “Okay, I’ll talk to them,” he says.

When Jared gets his shirt over his head, Cowboy saunters over to him, staring at his chest. He brings up his hand and traces over the top of his abs and Jared shivers slightly.

“Never mind man. You don’t need to say anything.” Jared barely has time to process the words before Cowboy’s disappearing down the ladder. “Let’s go, we’re missin’ the party!”

Jared hardly believes his eyes when he gets down the ladder. They’ve only be gone for a few minutes and the whole place has transformed. There’s club music bumping out of a pair of speakers in the wall and someone’s dancing on the pool table. A shit-load of drinks has been laid out in the living room, and there’s about ten people crowded in the pool. “Wow,” he breathes.

Cowboy grins up at him. “Hurry up, Gigantor. Before what’s-her-face drinks all the shots.”

The rest of the night passes in a blur. He does about a hundred shots with Cowboy, quickly followed by a water fight in the pool. Jared remembers Justina’s hands ghosting over his chest, her body pressed tight to his side. He tries to forget that it felt a whole lot better when Cowboy did it.

They barely make it up the ladder at the end of the night, wobbling precariously and trying not to fall. He watches unabashedly when Cowboy strips down to his boxers and climbs into bed. Jared curls up  on the definitely-not-made-for-sex bed and promptly passes out.

Episode One