Because Love Isn't Something You Can Fit into an Organized Box
I borrowed a book from someone I knew in high school once, about astrology and zodiac signs. The book was fascinating, and I'm still frustrated that I haven't found it again. I remember that it was purple, about an inch thick, and had a zodiac chart on the cover.
One of the things I've always remembered reading in this book was the mention of soul mates. Now, their definition of soul mates was a little unconventional. They said that a person may find several soul mates in their lives, who represent different things for them. They can be defined as romantic, friendship, and a multitude of other ways I can't remember now. I remember reading that and feeling blessed because at the time, I was sure that I had found the only soul mate I would ever meet in my life: my 'nee-chan, who has been the sister of my soul for nearly ten years now.
Now, I have *eight*.
I have my three sisters and brother that I call my family, because they have been there for me for so many years, though all the bad and the good. They've supported me, made me laugh, and gave me a sense of belonging I had never found with my own blood relatives. Whenever someone's thought I was dating one of them because we happen to have gone out just as a pair, I'd always wrinkle my nose and loudly proclaim "That's incest!" Because to me, it is. They're the family of my heart, and that's how I love them. Whether they see me in the same light or not, they will always be my *real* family.
Then fanfiction and the Power Rangers fandom brought me challon86. And challon86 brought me phantom_blue, and later purplestripe66. We bonded faster than I'd ever expected, or really took the time to think about. But then, isn't that the way the best relationships work?
A few days ago phantom_blue, challon86, and I were talking, and I believe it was challon86 who first mentioned that when she said 'I love you', she meant it. And after more talking, phantom_blue and I sort of realized we did, too. purplestripe66 was later brought into the conversation, and suddenly I found myself in a relationship with three other women that happened when I wasn't looking. I'm not quite clear on when it started, and frankly, I really don't care. I am blessed to have three beautiful, intelligent, fascinating women who have seen me at my lowest and my best, and love me anyway.
I can't even put into words how that makes me feel.
Some people may wonder how you can 'share' a partner. Well, we all share a part of ourselves with our loved ones, don't we? I don't see this as a betrayal of anyone or anything that should be considered sacred, because there are no secrets being hidden, no 'relationships on the side'. I love them equally, for reasons completely unique to each person. Why is it necessary to confine your affections to one person, when there are so many others to love you and be loved in return?
Now, this doesn't mean I'm willing to sleep around. There's a difference between freely offering love, and freely offering your body. The reason this relationship works between the four of us isn't even something I can actually name. We share our hearts openly, and we share each other. It's a different sort of family, and there's no need to be jealous that challon86 has known phantom_blue the longest, or that purplestripe66 flirts with challon86 frequently, because they all love me in return.
Awareness is awareness, love is love, compassion is compassion, goodness is goodness. The first precept of the Buddhist order founded by Thich Nhat Hanh is, "Do not be idolatrous about or bound to any doctrine, theory, or ideology, even Buddhist ones." The source of truth and wisdom is immaterial. There are no rules, no boxes to fit in, no one way, no absolutes when it comes to grounding yourself in spiritual wisdom. That's why I find no conflict in my affiliation with these different spiritual practices. All of them focus on our moment to moment experience of bringing acceptance, mindfulness, compassion, truth, and love to every aspect of our lives. Said another way, they are about how you live, not what you say you believe.
-How the Buddha Dated Chapter 2: Ground Yourself with Spiritual Wisdom
The above quote is taken from a book I have that teaches us to love ourselves first, as well as all of those around us. It teaches us to find happiness in a relationship, and let it go peacefully with the knowledge that all relationships we involve ourselves in have a purpose in helping our spiritual growth, no matter how permanent or temporary they may be. It teaches you to love openly and honestly, and learn from your experiences with an open heart and an open mind. It's fascinating, uplifting, and wonderful; I can't begin to recommend it enough for *everyone*. (And hey, it's only $13 from BarnesandNoble.com. ^_~) While I don't have the other two from this series, If the Buddha Married, and If the Buddha Got Stuck, I plan to invest in them as soon as possible.
While said quote is referring to religion, I find it applies so well to life and love in general. Why do we have rules of what is 'right' and 'wrong'? Why does someone else get to decide who and how I should love? Isn't that for me to learn for myself?
And in learning, I've found a happiness I never imagined before.
I look back on myself as I used to be, when I was afraid of homosexuality, when I believed that people who could love more than one person didn't *really* love them, when I read the developing Phoenix Family in starandrea's First series and cringed in disgust. And I'm thankful, each and every day, for the fact that I still continue to grow, change, and understand. I'm thankful for the people who taught me to look at the world differently, and I'm thankful that someone took the time to beat things into my thick skull.
We call ourselves the Phoenix Family in honor of starandrea, because much of our relationship comes from her ability to redefine love and make it tangible. I never stopped to think about why the Phoenix is such a perfect family guardian until recently, and I took the time to look it up on one of the totem websites I like to frequent.
Phoenix, hear my heart's desire.
Fill me with renewing fire.
Renew my body, mind and soul.
Loving Phoenix, make me whole.
Keeper of the Fire of Creation
Represents death and rebirth. Transformation and Regeneration. Protector of all fire.
This totem gives hope in the midst of despair. Helps you transform your life into something purer and brings you closer to spiritual awareness. Call upon the Phoenix for strength and renewed energy when facing trials of life.
Symbolizes the Sun, dying every night to be reborn with the dawn. The Chinese believe that the Phoenix has been sent to Earth to help the development of mankind. Known as the Feng-Huang.
The Phoenix that I know is a traveler going through the inky vastness of space; it can take mortal form when it wants to -- during one of my lifetimes as a large red bird.
It's much more fitting than I ever would have believed. Further proof of starandrea's awesomeness.
As for the eighth soul mate? BlackCrimsonLight, my co-conspirator, fellow writer, and dearest friend. After all, what else is a soul mate but someone who understands you better than you know yourself?
I love you all, deeply, truly, and with all my heart. Time may pass, things may change, and we may grow apart in our lives, but one thing will always be certain:
I love you. ♥