Ugh.

[trying2recover]

Yesterday I only ate ONE thing. ONE fucking thing. My total caloric intake was approximately between 400 and 500 calories.

So how the fuck did I gain 0.5lbs?

I didn’t purge.

That’s the only thing that I can think of.

But still - consuming less than 600 calories in one day should have definitely caused me to lose weight, not gain it.

Then again, I’m

Comments

[starrynight]

I usually eat less than 500 cals a day and I lose weight, but if I throw up often, I get dehydrated and gain a little weight. If I stop throwing up, I go back to losing. And I don't exercise either.

Also, weight is going to fluctuate no matter what due to hormones so while I totally understand and tend to freak out over gains as well, as long as I go back to losing at some point, it's not so bad.

I feel lousy after exercising, always. It doesn't make me happy, it doesn't make me feel good, it makes me hot, tired, and uncomfortable.

Do you have BPD? I'm just asking because people with BPD tend to see things in black and white.

[trying2recover]

I do actually have BPD, along with severe depression and acute anxiety.

[starrynight]

Yeah, that makes sense.

For what it's worth, there's no grey area for me either. Either I eat total junk and binge like crazy, or eat really small amounts of food.

I think a lot of people with ED's and such feel the same way.

I know I have BDD. When I was 111 lbs(bmi 17.4), I felt huge looking in the mirror, but in photos, I looked teeny tiny. I also have a desire to get plastic surgery to fix all of my "defects". I wouldn't do anything drastic, just a few minor to fix what I think are my faults.

It sucks to feel this way. There was a time where I didn't care about my body or how I looked. I was me. I don't know exactly where things went wrong. I do know one thing, my therapist appointment can't come fast enough. As much as I hate myself, I know I do deserve to feel better.

[trying2recover]

Oh yeah. I drink a TON of water. I don't know what it is, but for the past couple of months I am CONSTANTLY thirsty and peeing all the time...I wonder if I should talk to a doctor about that? I know some medications have a dry-mouth side effect, but I've been on mine for so long that I know it's not from any meds.

[trying2recover]

Hahaha. You literally just made me smile. Thank you for that :) . I don't really have an official "time of the month," though, which is why I'm glad I'm seeing my gyno tomorrow. I am SO irregular.

But seriously...thanks for making me smile hehe.

[browncoatrebel]

I know what you mean about using one destructive behavior to replace another. I do the same thing.

I'm thinking about you, and I'm around if you want to talk.

[trying2recover]

Thanks. I really do appreciate it. And you can feel free to message me any time you'd like as well. It's really great to have positive support.

[raitaysil]

Most people's weight change between 1-2lbs a day. Besides you have to take into account whether you went to the bathroom or not last night.

[trying2recover]

I pee a LOT. And I always go to the bathroom before I weigh myself to make sure that I have the least amount of food/liquid in me.

[art0ne]

Can you write a letter explaining to me what is so important with weight?. I mean you should not be obese but in you're pictures you look like you have a perfect body. Thats not a come on. Just talking blunt.

[trying2recover]

I'm so fucking depressed. I feel like if I get to the weight that I want to reach (which I don't even know what that is - I guess when I look in the mirror and am satisfied), I'll feel better about myself. Although I know that the likelihood that I'll ever look in the mirror and be satisfied is pretty much slim to none - no pun intended.

I am so stressed out about school and work, and I feel like everything in my life is so out of control. I can't control my depression, anger or anxiety without having to take 5 or 6 pills a day.

The only thing that I absolutely have control over is my weight. And that feels good. It feels good seeing the numbers go down.

[art0ne]

I understand. Alot of people say that, atleast I can control my weight but it can have tragic ends. With Hollywood and all the airbrushed pictures of celebs, we have to much to compare to ever feel satisfied looking in the mirror. Just find someone who loves you. Hope you can work things out . I have anxiety too and must take xanax etc,

[trying2recover]

I do have someone who loves me - someone who I have been with for well over 2 years. My parents love me thoroughly as well. I am loved by all three of them.

I just wish that I could love myself.