Ouch, I have lost myself again...

[trying2recover]

This morning I ate a bowl of cereal.

I kept myself busy all day: Going to classes and volunteering didn't get me home until 8:30 or so.

I was STARVING.

So I ate some Tostitos with salsa, and two pieces of white pizza.
And then I purged. AGAIN.

I went upstairs and purged in the shower, then actually took a shower to clean off.

I feel so disgusting.

Not

Comments

[trying2recover]

I know I am. And it really sucks. I want to have control over SOMETHING. I want to be thin, and by not eating much, I feel like I actually have control over my body and my weight.

[trying2recover]

Yeah, that is a picture of me. I'm considered to be in my "normal" weight range for my height/weight. I've never been diagnosed with BDD...this whole body perception thing seems to come and go in times of stress, so it was never something I seriously talked about to a therapist.

[perfectiongoals]

I'm sorry you're feeling so down hun ..I started purging again too :/ Message me anytime you need to talk <3

[trying2recover]

Thank you. And I'm sorry that you've been purging as well. To be honest, I'm a "beginner" at this. I haven't purged in probably 7 years, and even then I only did it once or twice. Whenever I would go through my "unhealthy eating habits," it would be that I would count every calorie and eat as little as possible; I never really turned to throwing up.

But now, for some reason, I have. I want to stop it before it's too late, but the urge overcomes me and I literally don't even think about it. I just do it.

[perfectiongoals]

I know it's hard but just think how damaging it is to your body. After 3 years, I decided to recover and Christmas would have been 1 year of recovery. Can you imagine how frustrating that is? Don't fall into bulimia. It's the worst.

[trying2recover]

:( I know. I need to stop while it's early. I know all of the damaging things that it can to do my body. Not only that, but starving myself as well.

All of the physical effects can literally KILL you.

I've gotta stop this.

[perfectiongoals]

Yes, it CAN kill you. And sometimes that's my intention when I purge, as bad as that sounds. It's strange though ..I used to purge to feel in control but now I just feel out of control.

Here's a suggestion, when you feel the urge to purge write your thoughts in your journal. Also, reading the book "Perfect" really helped me. Maybe it will help you too :)

Have you ever tried a water cleanse? Apparently that helps with bulimia. If you would like to start one, let me know and I will join you!

[trying2recover]

What is a water cleanse?

And I'll have to look up that book - who is the author? I'm sure if I look it up online I'll find it, but sometimes there are a lot of books with the same title.

[love_war_snow]

Hun you need to talk to someone about this. Someone in real life. You need help. You need to stop this because it's only gonna get harder and I don't want that for you. *Hugs* If there's anything I can do please let me know. <3

[trying2recover]

I appreciate it; I posted a new entry describing how I ended up telling my boyfriend. At least that's someone. I feel like a weight has been lifted, but I'm also frustrated because it will be a LOT harder for me to purge now that he knows.