SPN Fic: Always Is A Very Long Time (SPN CINEMA 1/2)
Title: Always Is A Very Long Time (1/2)
Author: agirlnamedtruth
Movie Prompt: The Hole (2001)
Pairing: Dean/Castiel, Sam/Jo, background and past Dean/Jo.
Rating: NC17
Word Count: ~6000 (Total; ~12, 500)
Summary: An AU where the Roadhouse never burnt down, Jo is alive, Sam is soulless, Castiel is fighting his civil war in Heaven and Dean’s just Dean. While on a hunt, they find themselves trapped in a decommissioned war bunker together but is there even a spirit to hunt?
Warnings: Explicit sexual content, main character deaths, strong language, mind control, dub-con, dark!Castiel. Some scenes may be triggering for emetophobics (nothing graphic or detailed).
Notes: Lots of love and endless thanks to my beta verucasalt123 for introducing me to the phrase “sweet glittery Jesus”. And y’know, the shocking amount of tense corrections.
Have you ever loved someone so much you didn't care what happens to yourself?
You just had to be with them.
If they look at you, your heart stops.
If you feel their breath on your skin, you just ache.
Have you ever craved someone so much that you didn't exist anymore?
No?
Well, I have.
-x-
Castiel dragged his feet along. He could have flown but his vessel would have fallen away, it just couldn’t take it anymore. It had starved, it had thirsted and it had been broken. The only thing holding it together and keeping it walking was the Angel inside. Had he been human he would have been long dead by now.
His coat blew behind him it the wind, barely on his shoulders. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen his tie. His shirt was open, ripped and bloodstained. The knees of his trousers were dirty, dusty, coated with more dried blood. His socks were even dirtier and in tatters from the miles he’d walked in them. He’d put his shoes down somewhere and forgotten to pick them up.
Several cars had stopped by him, offering him a lift to wherever he needed to go and begging to call emergency services. He put them under as soon as they were close enough to touch and kept walking.
When he reached where he was going, all of his energy abandoned him. His fist hit the door once before he collapsed on the doorstep.
About three weeks earlier
He hadn’t been there when the hunt had come up. Jo had called and told them about a friend of a friend who went to this boarding school and how something terrible had happened. Something that seemed a bit off to her. So she did some digging and found rumours of teenagers going in the bomb shelter, just like these four had done, but not staying long enough for anything to take hold. They’d all ran, the living hell scared out of them. To her that spelled a haunting.
So she’d taken a trip down to her friend, pretending it was a social call and wringing just enough information out of her, an address and a room number.
That’s when she called Dean. The address was a sanatorium and the room number was a high security one.
-x-
“She checked herself in; apparently she went into this bomb shelter with three of her friends and didn’t come out until 18 days later. Alone.” Jo raised her eyebrows and handed Dean the case file she’d put together.
“So a bunch of kids decide to play in somewhere designed to be impregnable and accidentally lock themselves in? I’m not seeing a hunt.” Sam said from across the room, earning himself a scowl from Jo.
“It wasn’t an accident though. It was locked from the inside. Then over two weeks later, everyone else is dead and she turns up at the school claiming not to remember a thing.” Jo folded her arms, daring Sam to doubt her.
“Possession?” Dean asks, looking up from the papers.
“Maybe. They gave her this psychologist and she claims the girl remembered everything and knew full well what she was doing, she said the girl was a psychopath and engineered the whole thing. She did it all because she loved this boy and wanted to make him love her back.”
“So not a hunt?” Sam said.
“The first report I came across; a student and a teacher go missing for about a week. Then the teacher turns up and claims that the boy took her hostage, that he was in love with her and wanted to make her love him back. Apparently they were meant to ‘check out’ together but she didn’t go through with it, took the key off his body and made a break for it.”
“Well, that would certainly get us a pissed off spirit. It’s worth looking in to.” Dean handed Jo back the case file. “Do we have any bones we can burn?”
“They never released a name for legal reasons.. It was all hushed up by the school.”
“Well, that’s helpful. So, what’s the plan?” Sam asked, finally leaving his corner and taking a seat at the table.
“Put it to rest? It’s obviously got more than a bit of unfinished business.” Dean shrugged.
“Nothing ever happened to the police either time so I’m guessing it’s smart, it won’t show for just anyone.” Jo said, with the sinking feeling she always had when she knew she was going to be bait.
“So we go in like civilians, act like the teenagers did and hope it bites. As long as nobody has any undying, unrequited love for each other we should be safe, right guys?” Sam looked from Dean to Jo.
“So over that.” Jo said, blushing to her roots.
“Not that I wouldn’t bang you if you decided to reconsider my many offers, but no, no undying love here.”
“Nice.” Jo said sarcastically. “And that’s exactly why I never will.”
-x-
“Should we get Cas in on this?” Dean asked quietly, knowing that these days that was like suggesting the Easter bunny or the Ghostbusters should be called in for a hunt.
“You can try.” Sam said, his resigned sigh echoing Dean’s thoughts.
Dean closed his eyes and went over the case in his head, inviting Castiel to come and help them. If he could, if he wasn’t busy doing whatever it was he did these days.
Castiel didn’t come and nobody was surprised.
“Fine. We leave at dawn. Get some sleep.” Dean said with his jaw set. He still felt like every time that Castiel didn’t come when he called, he was a really saying no, Dean, you don’t matter anymore.
-x-
“All set?” Jo asked, pulling her nearly empty suitcase behind her, making it look like hard work. Dean had watched, baffled as she’d tossed almost all the clothes out of it and zipped it back up.
“Just about.” Dean said, giving one last look around the Roadhouse. He couldn’t say he expected to see Castiel but he still held that last little bit of hope. He swallowed and picked up his bag.
He’d got half a dozen steps out of the door before he double-taked, noticing someone else falling into step beside him.
“Jesus, Cas, you could have come in.”
“In my experience I do not do well in establishments like that.” Castiel said.
“It’s not a...it’s just a bar.” Dean said, slightly embarrassed by the memory.
“My point still stands.”
“Right. Better late than never, Cas.”
“You said dawn. I have been waiting since dawn exactly, you were 21 minutes late.”
“We can’t all fly, sadly.” Jo said, hanging back so they could catch up and so that Sam, who was still inside could catch up with them all.
-x-
When they were all in the car, they sat quiet and still for a minute while Dean studied a map. He was driving. Jo had been nimble enough to slide into the passenger seat before anyone else had time to call shotgun. Sam and Castiel were squeezed into the back, both looking like animals in cages that were too small for them.
“A day and a half’s drive. Maybe less if we do shifts.” Dean said finally.
“What fun.” Jo said, running a hand through her hair.
“Better get started then.” Sam said, with the same air of discomfort.
-x-
After a few hours, they’d run out of small talk to make and car games to play. Jo was sat, head against the window with her sunglasses on, somehow finding a way to sleep in the bright morning light. Dean checked the mirror, his eyes drawn to Castiel’s reflection. He appeared to be staring out of the window but his eyes were far away. Dean watched how he blinked slowly, as if anchoring his mind back in his head, when he noticed he was being watched. Dean quickly averted his eyes and felt the back of his neck prickle. Castiel was staring at him now, he could feel it.
-x-
Eventually, Jo called time on Dean’s driving, claiming it was getting dangerous. Dean had driven for much longer with much less sleep but he relented, offering her the wheel.
“Yeah, because if I could drive, I’d still be cooling my ass at home and getting you guys to facilitate my hunts. Sam can drive, it’s not like he needs the sleep.” Jo said, instantly regretting it when both brothers turned to glare at her. Sam’s soul, or his lack of, was still a raw nerve.
Dean pulled over and switched places with Sam, raising his eyebrows in recognition of the small glance that Castiel spared him before returning his gaze to the window.
-x-
“Seriously Cas, what’s so interesting out there? There’s only so long you can stare at field after field before it drives you mad, trust me I know.” Dean said after a few hours; watching Castiel stare out the window was starting to drive him mad.
“What?” Castiel said distractedly, slowly pulling his gaze away from the glass.
“What are you looking at?”
“I’m not looking at anything. I’m listening. There’s still a war going on and it’s suffering from my absence.”
Dean considered making a joke about how he was sure there had to be Angels better suited to war than he was, but the troubled look on Cas’ face stopped him. “Is it that bad up there?”
“Each Angel holds as much power as one of your atomic bombs. So yes, it’s bad.” He looked away, his attention back to his brothers dying in his name. Dean couldn’t blame him for being distracted.
-x-
Dean must have fallen asleep at some point because he woke suddenly; disorientated by his angle and the time he’s missed. It was light when he’d last been awake but now it was pitch black. From his view of the back of seat and the soft cushion tensing beneath his head, he figured at some point he must have fallen sideways and ended up sleeping with his head in Castiel’s lap. He righted himself as quickly as possible, coughed awkwardly and dared a glance at Cas. He was still staring out the window, like only seconds had passed. Dean took a deep breath and relaxed, he doubted Cas even noticed.
“We’re here!” Jo yelled out, like a child on holiday. “Oh, you’re awake already. It’s a shame, you looked so cute sleeping.”
Dean felt his cheeks color at the look on her face, even if Castiel hadn’t noticed, the rest of the car had.
“How long was I out?” Dean said, his voice sticking in his throat from disuse.
“About 8 hours. I could never sleep like that, not without a proper bed and pillows.”
“We’re used to it.” Sam said, pulling into a clearing in some sparse woodland. Dean vaguely recognized it from the crime scene photos.
-x-
The bomb shelter was locked. The four of them were crowded around it with what little light they could coax from pocket torches and mobile phones. It was no great surprise, not only was it government property, but given its history, Dean was surprised it hadn’t been filled in with concrete, just to keep kids out.
“Can you pick it?” Jo asked, chucking Sam her own kit.
“Probably. It might take a while; I haven’t seen a lock this old in years. And this light isn’t exactly brilliant.” Sam took a step back, looking it over again.
“I guess we’re camping for now then.” Dean muttered and started walking towards the car, Sam and Jo following him.
There was a sharp crunching sound, like rusty metal being scraped against even rustier metal and the door came free. Everyone turned in time to see Castiel shrug and wipe his hands on his coat. He’d broken the lock.
“Or we could do that.” Dean said, shrugging in return. “I should check it out first, make sure it’s clean.”
He blinked and Castiel was gone. In another blink he was back again.
“It’s clean. Spiritually speaking.”
Sam went in first, being the tallest it was easiest for him to drop down and pull the fire escape ladder down after him. Jo went next, making Dean lower her inexplicably heavy suitcase down after her. Castiel went after her, only going down the ladder for appearances sake. Dean came down last, throwing the rest of their bags down and then following them. As he climbed down he noticed the new screws on the ladder and subsequently the crime scene photos of the last victim, skewered by the very same metal bars he was holding onto.
They spent the next hour or so making their own camps. Jo had brought an inflatable bed and a duvet, not quite as accustomed to the hunting lifestyle as she liked to think. Dean and Sam had matching plain sleeping bags; the only marked difference being their colour, Sam’s was green while Dean’s was blue. Castiel sat directly on the dusty floor, watching.
“Didn’t you bring anything?” Dean asked, rolling out his sleeping bag, aware that Castiel was watching him.
“I wasn’t aware I needed anything.” He said, without blinking.
“You’re gonna get cold.” Dean said, not sure what it was he was trying to achieve by saying it.
“I don’t get cold.” Castiel finally took his eyes of Dean, looking around him. “I’m not human.”
Of course, Dean had known that, somewhere in the back of his mind. Sometimes just looking at Cas could make him forget he really wasn’t human.
“What do you think of the hunt?” He said, changing the subject.
“It appears average. I don’t know why you felt the need to call me.”
“We didn’t feel the need to call you. We just wanted you here. That’s what friends are meant to do, want spend time together. Between cosmic wars.” There was silence for a beat, maybe two. “Why did you come if it was so average?”
“I came because you asked me to.” Another beat of silence. “And because I wanted to.”
-x-
Twenty four hours dragged. Nothing happened. They played word games which Sam and his Stanford education won the majority of. They played card games which Jo won, but they gave them up quickly out of exasperation at having to explain the rules over and over to Castiel. Then they climbed into their beds for the night. The cold air whipped in through the open hatch but they didn’t dare close it, just in case. Jo’s inflatable bed squeaked every time she rolled over. Dean snored. Sam made a show of closing his eyes and lying in his sleeping bag. Castiel didn’t even bother with the pretence instead choosing to sit with his back against the wall, pretending not to watch them as they slept or tried to.
Dean could have sworn he had a dream in which Castiel told him he didn’t trust Sam anymore and he admitted he didn’t either. But when he woke Castiel didn’t offer any recognition that it had been anything other than a dream.
“Well, nothing’s happened.” Sam said from his sleeping bag, eyes still shut.
“Speak quieter or you’ll break Jo’s heart. You know how proud she is she found us this.” Dean said, kicking him as he walked by him, stretching his legs. Sam opened his eyes to glare at him.
“It’s a waste of time.”
“We’ll give it until sunset. If nothing happens by then we’ll call it a day. Agreed?”
“Fine.” Sam nodded and closed his eyes again, like the whole conversation had never happened.
“Cas?” Dean turned to the him, for some reason seeking his approval.
“It’s of little concern to me how long we stay.”
“I thought you had a war to get back to.”
There was a long silence before Castiel spoke. “I’ve found the longer I’m away from it, the less I care.”
“Well, that’s reassuring for mankind.”
“Why should I care anymore, Dean?” He stared at Dean, unblinking and Dean had to look away because he didn’t have an answer for that.
-x-
It was still pretty early in the day when Dean took out a flask of whiskey. Everyone shared it, except Castiel who still wouldn’t touch it. There wasn’t enough in it for them to get drunk but it made the day pass a bit more comfortably. It made the word games a bit dirtier. They barely noticed when Castiel returned to his spot against the wall. He’d rather watch than join in.
-x-
Darkness fell and still nothing happened. Sam kept side-eying Dean, waiting for him to live up to his promise. Eventually he broke.
“Jo... nothing seems to be going down here.” Dean collected up the cards they’d been playing with.
“Give it time.” She took the pack off him and started shuffling.
“Don’t you think we should just give it up?”
“How many hunts have you given up, Dean?” She glanced up at him as she dealt the cards, knowing she’d stumped him.
“Dean.” Sam prompted again.
“I know but she’s got me there Sam, how many hunts have we bailed on?”
“If you want to sleep in filth and be beaten at cards, I don’t see why we can’t do that back in the motel.”
“Fine, we’ll go! I’m sorry, Jo.”
Jo opened her mouth to protest but was silenced by a loud crashing noise. At first it wasn’t obvious what it had been, with the setting of the dun all the torches had come out so nobody missed the light and you only notice a breeze when it’s biting at your skin. So at first everyone looked to Castiel.
“Was that you?” Dean asked, raising him eyebrows.
Castiel shook his head, not trusting himself to lie. It had seemed like the only thing he could do to stop them fighting. And to stop them leaving. He’d slammed the hatch shut; the barest flexing of his fingers, with such a force nobody human would be able to lift it. He could, of course, but he wouldn’t. He didn’t want to go back to Heaven, not yet. He wanted to stay with Dean just a little bit longer.
“Guys, I’m having a really bad thought.” Jo said, biting her lip.
“What?” Sam asked, in a tone that said he had already had the same thought.
Jo tilted her torch up until it hit the place where they should have been able to see the night sky. All they saw was more metal.
They all swore in unison, using different words. Castiel was still silent. He promised them, silently, it wouldn’t be for long. It wouldn’t be as bad as they thought it was going to be. He’d look after them.
“I guess that means we’re staying.” Sam said, slightly bitterly.
“I guess that’s one point for Jo was right.” Jo said, pulling a face.
Dean rolled his eyes; he was more concerned about more important things. Like food and water and air.
“At least now we know we’ve got a spirit.” Dean said after examining the locked hatch.
“Is there any point in salting it?” Sam asked.
“No, it’s iron. Everything is. It’s not getting out any more than we are. No wonder it’s pissed, it’s pretty much trapped all the time.”
“Until we opened the door and let ourselves in.” Sam gave Jo a look and she sighed, tired of being the scapegoat.
“Let’s just sit down and come up with a plan.” Dean said, sitting down beside Castiel because he was the only one already sat.
About fifteen minutes passed before any of them spoke, and when someone did it was Castiel, taking everyone by surprise.
“What is wrong with the original plan? We lure it out and convince it to move on. Or I force it to move on.”
“I don’t see why that wouldn’t work. All that’s changed is our option to bail.” Dean said. “Hold on, you weren’t there when we came up with that plan.” He turned to Cas and raised his eyebrows.
“I like to keep an eye.”
“That’s kind of creepy, Cas.”
“It’s saved your life on more than one occasion.”
“Oh. Thanks?”
“You’re welcome.”
They turned back to Sam and Jo and Dean nods. “That’s the plan then.”
Another few minutes past before Jo stood up and dragged her suitcase back to the group.
“Now that we know it is this spirit and we know its M.O, I suggest we start putting on a show.” She opened her suitcase to reveal, buried amongst a sparse amount of clothes and food, several liquor bottles.
Dean leaned over and pulled out a bottle of Jack and a black lacy bra. “What kind of show is it and where can I buy tickets?”
“That is not for show.” She said snatching the bra off him. “The show is we all start acting like we want nothing more in life than to get pissed and get laid.”
“That is all Dean wants in life.” Sam said turning to Dean and smiling.
“That’s not true!” Dean said indignantly before pausing. “I also like pie.”
“I do apologise.”
“Moving on.” Jo said, tapping the suitcase with her foot to draw everyone’s attention back to it. “Everyone pick a bottle.”
She sat down and lifted out a bottle of vodka for herself. Dean kept his bottle of Jack and Sam took another. Castiel glared at the contents of the suitcase.
“You too, Cas. We’ve gotta make it look convincing.” She handed him a bottle and unscrewed the cap of her own. “Down the hatch.”
-x-
After a while drinking for the sake of it got boring so Jo gave them each a shot glass.
“Does your mom know you’ve taken half the bar with you?” Sam asked.
“She does by now. That’s something I’m not looking forward to going back to.”
“I’m surprised she hasn’t called by now actually.” Dean pulled out his phone to check it.
“Yeah, me too.” Jo took out her phone too.
“No signal.” Dean rolled his eyes.
“Me neither. Sam?”
Sam checked his phone and shook his head.
“Cas?” Dean asked.
“Hmm?” Castiel brought his attention back to the group.
“Phone?” Dean prompted.
“It’s in the coat.” He still wasn’t entirely focused.
“How much have you had?” Dean asked as he leaned over him and checked his pockets, eventually finding the phone, which was dead. He checked Castiel’s bottle as he sat back down. He’d only drunk the same as the rest of them had.
“It seems to be having more of an effect than it usually does.” Castiel said, quite aware of the alcohol in his blood stream and the very little effect it was actually having. But the mild effect it was having had given light to certain ideas, ones that he probably wouldn’t have thought of without it. He wanted to be looked after for once and he wanted Dean to be the one to look after him. So he bent the truth, a mild sin compared to the ones he was expected to do these days.
“Let’s play deprivation.” Jo announced, holding up her shot glass.
“So you’ve finally come round to my way of thinking. Go get you clothes off then.” Dean said.
“I said deprivation not depravation, Dean.” She enunciated the vowels to make her point.
“You’re no fun.”
“It’s a drinking game. Once of us says something we’ve never done, or have been deprived of, and if anyone else has done whatever it is you have to take a shot.” She paused while everyone filled up their glasses. “So for example: I have never had sex with a woman. You all have to take a shot.”
“Except Cas.” Dean filled in helpfully.
“Really? My bad.” Jo said apologetically.
“But you’ve been around for like...ever?” Sam
“He’s never had occasion, apparently.”
“I neither need nor desire carnality like humans do.” Castiel said, with a roll of his eyes. His mind reminded him of each stab of jealousy he felt whenever Dean made a pass at Jo, even though he knew by now nothing would come of it. Dean knew that too but apparently it didn’t stop him trying. Somewhere in the back of his mind he imagined pinning Dean down, hips grinding against hips and demanding why he felt the need to make him feel such vicious emotions like snakes in his stomach. But he just watched as they laughed or patted him on the head and called him adorable before doing their shots.
“So the aim is to think up things that we haven’t done but everyone else probably has in the hope of embarrassing them.” Sam said, refilling his glass. Dean did the same. Castiel glared at his full glass in contempt.
“Yep.” Jo confirmed.
“Ok. I have never had a sexual dream about anyone in this room.” Sam said, knowing full well he had Dean and Jo beaten.
Dean was the first to relent and take his shot, not clarifying who it had been.
“Like a million years ago.” Jo said, downing her shot and turning pink.
Everyone raised their eyebrows when Castiel threw his shot down his throat, not meeting any eyes.
“I thought you were above that.” Sam reminded him.
“There’s some hope for our Angel yet.” Dean laughed.
He refilled his glass in silence, letting them presume whatever it was they were falsely presuming. Which must have been that it was Jo, as she was obvious choice. He felt like downing the next shot but he left it in its glass. Alcohol was a slippery slope for him.
“I’m actually struggling to think of something I haven’t done.” Dean said with a smug grin. “I’ve got one; I’ve never learned a single Latin exorcism.”
“Really, in our line of work? What do you do if you don’t happen to have them written down nearby?” Jo asked after she’d done her shot. Her mother had made her learn them while other kids were learning addition and subtraction.
“He makes me do them.” Sam said taking his shot.
“Cas?” Dean prompted; he’d seen him exorcise demons with just a few words.
“I didn’t learn them, I just know them.”
“Still counts. Do the shot!” Dean stared at him until he did it.
-x-
They went round and round until they couldn’t think of anything they hadn’t done. Castiel won because he had a long list of simple human routines that he didn’t follow.
“We need a new game.” Dean said, screwing up the cap of his bottle and putting it back in the suitcase. It wasn’t empty yet but they all knew they had to be conscious at the very least in case this ghost decided it wanted to play. Castiel handed his bottle to Dean, wanting to be rid of it.
Dean was sprawled lazily on the floor, boredom and the hard concrete floor making him move every five minutes or so. Castiel wanted to make him stay still, just to stop his eyes following him every time he moved. The alcohol had made him reckless, it always did. That’s why he stayed away from it. Just in case he said, or did, anything he’d regret. Jo was laid on her stomach, her elbows on the floor and her hands in fists with her chin resting on them. It made her cleavage almost obscene. He wanted to say something about that too. He and Sam had barely moved from their original positions, making them look oddly like a mirror image.
“Spin the bottle?” Jo suggested.
“With three guys. It’s not leaving a lot of options is it?” Sam pointed out.
“Truth or dare?” She countered.
“Jo, somewhere under all that self-respect is a flirt. If you want me, you only have to ask.” Dean gave her a wink.
“Y’know, the more you ask the less chance you have.” She sat up; her actions fuelled either by vodka or by annoyance, she couldn’t really tell, and crawled over to Sam, putting on a show of kissing him. When she was done, she returned to her place, bathing in the look of indignity on Dean’s face. “You’re right, we need a new game.”
-x-
There was a walkway around where the ladder descended. Castiel had been sat on it for the last hour or so. He was considering opening the door and letting everyone out. The scene below him was too reminiscent of the war he’d left. Sam, Dean and Jo had all argued over the silly kiss that Jo had given Sam, making it much more serious than was intended. Eventually Jo snapped and kissed Dean, just to shut him up. Now they were all sat in separate corners, sulking. Every so often Dean would glare at Sam or vice versa and Castiel could tell they were still silently fighting over her. Had they been sober, they would have given in and declared that neither of them should have her but some competitive streak had kicked in for both of them. It was pissing Castiel off.
He considered what he could do, he could intervene and nobody would ever know. That was one of the upsides of being more than human.
He could make her think more about Sam and less about Dean. He’d be doing Dean a favour really. Who knew how many hunters she’d let handle her, trying make her daddy issues disappear. That was the only reason she ever gave Dean a second glance, because he was a hunter. Making him think anymore than that was cruel. He was doing him a favour. With the amount she’d drunk and the lack of soul on Sam’s part, it was almost too easy. Like it was meant to be anyway, he’d just pushed it along a bit.
-x-
Another few hours passed, Castiel had returned t the group to watch over his handiwork and Dean had finally left them to come and sit with him. He tried not to think about how he’d only come to him because Sam and Jo weren’t paying attention to him anymore. He wasn’t listening to what they were saying, he didn’t care, but she was practically in his lap.
A few times when Dean started to look like a kicked puppy, Castiel almost told him it wasn’t real; he was just influencing their hormones and chemistry. But each time he kept his mouth shut he was eventually rewarded with sideways looks to him and Dean defiantly paying more attention to him. The alcohol had seemingly made him more comfortable flouting his own personal space rule because every so often he’d lean against him or let his fingers linger too long after a casual touch. At one point, when Dean had taken it upon himself to ‘fix’ his hair, he’d almost told him everything. It had to be the early hours of the morning by now and it was starting to show on everyone’s faces.
“So you’re still virgin then?” Dean said, slurred from tiredness more than from drinking.
“Does it matter?” Castiel replied, remembering the last time they’d had this conversation.
“I guess not but I promised I was going to get you laid.” Dean yawned and Castiel gently pulled him down until he went from slumped against him to lying against his thigh. He either didn’t really notice or he didn’t mind.
Castiel found himself again cursing alcohol, at the same time loving it. It made everything that much more complicated by making it more simple. Was Dean laid across him because he was too drunk to care, because he was too tired to care or because he wanted to be?
His fingers found Dean’s hair, automatically stroking it, soothing his own mind more than comforting Dean. He done it before, normally making sure Dean was completely asleep and then keeping him that way. He’d pushed his luck the other day in the car, his attention had drifted and Dean had woken up. He hadn’t said anything about it though. Did that make it ok? He wasn’t saying anything now either.
Castiel realised he was probably waiting for him to say something so he cleared his throat and pretended he was thinking about what they’d been talking about. “I’m not disappointed that it didn’t happen like that.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry. The brothel was a bad move. You should have seen your face though, it was adorable.”
Castiel breath hitched and he was sure Dean had felt it. Or if he hadn’t, he was sure Dean would be able to hear the way his borrowed heart was pounding in his chest. There was silence for a while and had Castiel not been so aware of every breath Dean was taking, he might have thought him asleep. If he concentrated really hard he could hear his lungs moving and his heart beating. If he closed his eyes and tuned out everything else he could hear the blood rushing through his veins.
“How do you want it to be?”
“What?” Castiel said, Dean’s voice had brought him back to the real world with a bump. He had a moment to realise what he’d been doing wasn’t normal human behaviour before Dean spoke again.
“Your first time, how do you want it to be?”
“I don’t know. How is it meant to be?” Castiel answered honestly. For all the centuries of watching humanity, he’d never got to feel anything for himself.
“It’s meant to be...special and magical and fireworks. Honestly though, it’s usually awkward and over embarrassingly quickly.”
“I think I prefer the fantasy of fireworks to the reality of premature ejaculation.”
Dean laughed and Castiel felt the movement through his leg, he drew in an unnecessarily deep breath.
“We all do, Cas.”
There was another short silence while Castiel imagined what Dean’s first time had been like. He presumed Dean was reliving it too. He wanted to ask about it but he wasn’t sure his vessel could take such brutal torture. Again Dean broke the silence.
“Once we’re through here, I’ll try and find you a nice girl, one who’s not a prostitute and you can fuck her and it’ll be magical.”
Castiel took in the edge of bitterness in Dean’s voice and wondered if he could have imagined it. He decided he had, otherwise why would Dean keep trying to throw him at women. He pushed the boundary of dangerous hinting, just in case.
“I don’t want a nice girl.”
“You’re right, they’re boring.” Dean yawned again and this time the following silence really was because he was asleep.
Castiel pulled off Dean’s shoes then slipped his arms under his legs and around his back, lifting him as he himself stood. He walked over to Dean’s sleeping bag and kicked it open with his foot. He gave Sam and Jo a look as he set Dean down gently and Jo nodded, elbowing Sam.
“I’ll probably go to bed too.” She whispered.
Sam didn’t say anything but he got into his sleeping bag too. When Castiel was sure they were settled he went round and systematically blew out every candle and turned off every torch. He could see perfectly in the dark but he knew Sam couldn’t. The fact that Sam didn’t sleep put him on edge, despite the fact the he himself didn’t sleep either. He sat back down against the wall, close enough that he could still watch Dean but not too close that he’d get suspicious if he woke up.
-x-
Author: agirlnamedtruth
Movie Prompt: The Hole (2001)
Pairing: Dean/Castiel, Sam/Jo, background and past Dean/Jo.
Rating: NC17
Word Count: ~6000 (Total; ~12, 500)
Summary: An AU where the Roadhouse never burnt down, Jo is alive, Sam is soulless, Castiel is fighting his civil war in Heaven and Dean’s just Dean. While on a hunt, they find themselves trapped in a decommissioned war bunker together but is there even a spirit to hunt?
Warnings: Explicit sexual content, main character deaths, strong language, mind control, dub-con, dark!Castiel. Some scenes may be triggering for emetophobics (nothing graphic or detailed).
Notes: Lots of love and endless thanks to my beta verucasalt123 for introducing me to the phrase “sweet glittery Jesus”. And y’know, the shocking amount of tense corrections.
Have you ever loved someone so much you didn't care what happens to yourself?
You just had to be with them.
If they look at you, your heart stops.
If you feel their breath on your skin, you just ache.
Have you ever craved someone so much that you didn't exist anymore?
No?
Well, I have.
-x-
Castiel dragged his feet along. He could have flown but his vessel would have fallen away, it just couldn’t take it anymore. It had starved, it had thirsted and it had been broken. The only thing holding it together and keeping it walking was the Angel inside. Had he been human he would have been long dead by now.
His coat blew behind him it the wind, barely on his shoulders. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen his tie. His shirt was open, ripped and bloodstained. The knees of his trousers were dirty, dusty, coated with more dried blood. His socks were even dirtier and in tatters from the miles he’d walked in them. He’d put his shoes down somewhere and forgotten to pick them up.
Several cars had stopped by him, offering him a lift to wherever he needed to go and begging to call emergency services. He put them under as soon as they were close enough to touch and kept walking.
When he reached where he was going, all of his energy abandoned him. His fist hit the door once before he collapsed on the doorstep.
About three weeks earlier
He hadn’t been there when the hunt had come up. Jo had called and told them about a friend of a friend who went to this boarding school and how something terrible had happened. Something that seemed a bit off to her. So she did some digging and found rumours of teenagers going in the bomb shelter, just like these four had done, but not staying long enough for anything to take hold. They’d all ran, the living hell scared out of them. To her that spelled a haunting.
So she’d taken a trip down to her friend, pretending it was a social call and wringing just enough information out of her, an address and a room number.
That’s when she called Dean. The address was a sanatorium and the room number was a high security one.
-x-
“She checked herself in; apparently she went into this bomb shelter with three of her friends and didn’t come out until 18 days later. Alone.” Jo raised her eyebrows and handed Dean the case file she’d put together.
“So a bunch of kids decide to play in somewhere designed to be impregnable and accidentally lock themselves in? I’m not seeing a hunt.” Sam said from across the room, earning himself a scowl from Jo.
“It wasn’t an accident though. It was locked from the inside. Then over two weeks later, everyone else is dead and she turns up at the school claiming not to remember a thing.” Jo folded her arms, daring Sam to doubt her.
“Possession?” Dean asks, looking up from the papers.
“Maybe. They gave her this psychologist and she claims the girl remembered everything and knew full well what she was doing, she said the girl was a psychopath and engineered the whole thing. She did it all because she loved this boy and wanted to make him love her back.”
“So not a hunt?” Sam said.
“The first report I came across; a student and a teacher go missing for about a week. Then the teacher turns up and claims that the boy took her hostage, that he was in love with her and wanted to make her love him back. Apparently they were meant to ‘check out’ together but she didn’t go through with it, took the key off his body and made a break for it.”
“Well, that would certainly get us a pissed off spirit. It’s worth looking in to.” Dean handed Jo back the case file. “Do we have any bones we can burn?”
“They never released a name for legal reasons.. It was all hushed up by the school.”
“Well, that’s helpful. So, what’s the plan?” Sam asked, finally leaving his corner and taking a seat at the table.
“Put it to rest? It’s obviously got more than a bit of unfinished business.” Dean shrugged.
“Nothing ever happened to the police either time so I’m guessing it’s smart, it won’t show for just anyone.” Jo said, with the sinking feeling she always had when she knew she was going to be bait.
“So we go in like civilians, act like the teenagers did and hope it bites. As long as nobody has any undying, unrequited love for each other we should be safe, right guys?” Sam looked from Dean to Jo.
“So over that.” Jo said, blushing to her roots.
“Not that I wouldn’t bang you if you decided to reconsider my many offers, but no, no undying love here.”
“Nice.” Jo said sarcastically. “And that’s exactly why I never will.”
-x-
“Should we get Cas in on this?” Dean asked quietly, knowing that these days that was like suggesting the Easter bunny or the Ghostbusters should be called in for a hunt.
“You can try.” Sam said, his resigned sigh echoing Dean’s thoughts.
Dean closed his eyes and went over the case in his head, inviting Castiel to come and help them. If he could, if he wasn’t busy doing whatever it was he did these days.
Castiel didn’t come and nobody was surprised.
“Fine. We leave at dawn. Get some sleep.” Dean said with his jaw set. He still felt like every time that Castiel didn’t come when he called, he was a really saying no, Dean, you don’t matter anymore.
-x-
“All set?” Jo asked, pulling her nearly empty suitcase behind her, making it look like hard work. Dean had watched, baffled as she’d tossed almost all the clothes out of it and zipped it back up.
“Just about.” Dean said, giving one last look around the Roadhouse. He couldn’t say he expected to see Castiel but he still held that last little bit of hope. He swallowed and picked up his bag.
He’d got half a dozen steps out of the door before he double-taked, noticing someone else falling into step beside him.
“Jesus, Cas, you could have come in.”
“In my experience I do not do well in establishments like that.” Castiel said.
“It’s not a...it’s just a bar.” Dean said, slightly embarrassed by the memory.
“My point still stands.”
“Right. Better late than never, Cas.”
“You said dawn. I have been waiting since dawn exactly, you were 21 minutes late.”
“We can’t all fly, sadly.” Jo said, hanging back so they could catch up and so that Sam, who was still inside could catch up with them all.
-x-
When they were all in the car, they sat quiet and still for a minute while Dean studied a map. He was driving. Jo had been nimble enough to slide into the passenger seat before anyone else had time to call shotgun. Sam and Castiel were squeezed into the back, both looking like animals in cages that were too small for them.
“A day and a half’s drive. Maybe less if we do shifts.” Dean said finally.
“What fun.” Jo said, running a hand through her hair.
“Better get started then.” Sam said, with the same air of discomfort.
-x-
After a few hours, they’d run out of small talk to make and car games to play. Jo was sat, head against the window with her sunglasses on, somehow finding a way to sleep in the bright morning light. Dean checked the mirror, his eyes drawn to Castiel’s reflection. He appeared to be staring out of the window but his eyes were far away. Dean watched how he blinked slowly, as if anchoring his mind back in his head, when he noticed he was being watched. Dean quickly averted his eyes and felt the back of his neck prickle. Castiel was staring at him now, he could feel it.
-x-
Eventually, Jo called time on Dean’s driving, claiming it was getting dangerous. Dean had driven for much longer with much less sleep but he relented, offering her the wheel.
“Yeah, because if I could drive, I’d still be cooling my ass at home and getting you guys to facilitate my hunts. Sam can drive, it’s not like he needs the sleep.” Jo said, instantly regretting it when both brothers turned to glare at her. Sam’s soul, or his lack of, was still a raw nerve.
Dean pulled over and switched places with Sam, raising his eyebrows in recognition of the small glance that Castiel spared him before returning his gaze to the window.
-x-
“Seriously Cas, what’s so interesting out there? There’s only so long you can stare at field after field before it drives you mad, trust me I know.” Dean said after a few hours; watching Castiel stare out the window was starting to drive him mad.
“What?” Castiel said distractedly, slowly pulling his gaze away from the glass.
“What are you looking at?”
“I’m not looking at anything. I’m listening. There’s still a war going on and it’s suffering from my absence.”
Dean considered making a joke about how he was sure there had to be Angels better suited to war than he was, but the troubled look on Cas’ face stopped him. “Is it that bad up there?”
“Each Angel holds as much power as one of your atomic bombs. So yes, it’s bad.” He looked away, his attention back to his brothers dying in his name. Dean couldn’t blame him for being distracted.
-x-
Dean must have fallen asleep at some point because he woke suddenly; disorientated by his angle and the time he’s missed. It was light when he’d last been awake but now it was pitch black. From his view of the back of seat and the soft cushion tensing beneath his head, he figured at some point he must have fallen sideways and ended up sleeping with his head in Castiel’s lap. He righted himself as quickly as possible, coughed awkwardly and dared a glance at Cas. He was still staring out the window, like only seconds had passed. Dean took a deep breath and relaxed, he doubted Cas even noticed.
“We’re here!” Jo yelled out, like a child on holiday. “Oh, you’re awake already. It’s a shame, you looked so cute sleeping.”
Dean felt his cheeks color at the look on her face, even if Castiel hadn’t noticed, the rest of the car had.
“How long was I out?” Dean said, his voice sticking in his throat from disuse.
“About 8 hours. I could never sleep like that, not without a proper bed and pillows.”
“We’re used to it.” Sam said, pulling into a clearing in some sparse woodland. Dean vaguely recognized it from the crime scene photos.
-x-
The bomb shelter was locked. The four of them were crowded around it with what little light they could coax from pocket torches and mobile phones. It was no great surprise, not only was it government property, but given its history, Dean was surprised it hadn’t been filled in with concrete, just to keep kids out.
“Can you pick it?” Jo asked, chucking Sam her own kit.
“Probably. It might take a while; I haven’t seen a lock this old in years. And this light isn’t exactly brilliant.” Sam took a step back, looking it over again.
“I guess we’re camping for now then.” Dean muttered and started walking towards the car, Sam and Jo following him.
There was a sharp crunching sound, like rusty metal being scraped against even rustier metal and the door came free. Everyone turned in time to see Castiel shrug and wipe his hands on his coat. He’d broken the lock.
“Or we could do that.” Dean said, shrugging in return. “I should check it out first, make sure it’s clean.”
He blinked and Castiel was gone. In another blink he was back again.
“It’s clean. Spiritually speaking.”
Sam went in first, being the tallest it was easiest for him to drop down and pull the fire escape ladder down after him. Jo went next, making Dean lower her inexplicably heavy suitcase down after her. Castiel went after her, only going down the ladder for appearances sake. Dean came down last, throwing the rest of their bags down and then following them. As he climbed down he noticed the new screws on the ladder and subsequently the crime scene photos of the last victim, skewered by the very same metal bars he was holding onto.
They spent the next hour or so making their own camps. Jo had brought an inflatable bed and a duvet, not quite as accustomed to the hunting lifestyle as she liked to think. Dean and Sam had matching plain sleeping bags; the only marked difference being their colour, Sam’s was green while Dean’s was blue. Castiel sat directly on the dusty floor, watching.
“Didn’t you bring anything?” Dean asked, rolling out his sleeping bag, aware that Castiel was watching him.
“I wasn’t aware I needed anything.” He said, without blinking.
“You’re gonna get cold.” Dean said, not sure what it was he was trying to achieve by saying it.
“I don’t get cold.” Castiel finally took his eyes of Dean, looking around him. “I’m not human.”
Of course, Dean had known that, somewhere in the back of his mind. Sometimes just looking at Cas could make him forget he really wasn’t human.
“What do you think of the hunt?” He said, changing the subject.
“It appears average. I don’t know why you felt the need to call me.”
“We didn’t feel the need to call you. We just wanted you here. That’s what friends are meant to do, want spend time together. Between cosmic wars.” There was silence for a beat, maybe two. “Why did you come if it was so average?”
“I came because you asked me to.” Another beat of silence. “And because I wanted to.”
-x-
Twenty four hours dragged. Nothing happened. They played word games which Sam and his Stanford education won the majority of. They played card games which Jo won, but they gave them up quickly out of exasperation at having to explain the rules over and over to Castiel. Then they climbed into their beds for the night. The cold air whipped in through the open hatch but they didn’t dare close it, just in case. Jo’s inflatable bed squeaked every time she rolled over. Dean snored. Sam made a show of closing his eyes and lying in his sleeping bag. Castiel didn’t even bother with the pretence instead choosing to sit with his back against the wall, pretending not to watch them as they slept or tried to.
Dean could have sworn he had a dream in which Castiel told him he didn’t trust Sam anymore and he admitted he didn’t either. But when he woke Castiel didn’t offer any recognition that it had been anything other than a dream.
“Well, nothing’s happened.” Sam said from his sleeping bag, eyes still shut.
“Speak quieter or you’ll break Jo’s heart. You know how proud she is she found us this.” Dean said, kicking him as he walked by him, stretching his legs. Sam opened his eyes to glare at him.
“It’s a waste of time.”
“We’ll give it until sunset. If nothing happens by then we’ll call it a day. Agreed?”
“Fine.” Sam nodded and closed his eyes again, like the whole conversation had never happened.
“Cas?” Dean turned to the him, for some reason seeking his approval.
“It’s of little concern to me how long we stay.”
“I thought you had a war to get back to.”
There was a long silence before Castiel spoke. “I’ve found the longer I’m away from it, the less I care.”
“Well, that’s reassuring for mankind.”
“Why should I care anymore, Dean?” He stared at Dean, unblinking and Dean had to look away because he didn’t have an answer for that.
-x-
It was still pretty early in the day when Dean took out a flask of whiskey. Everyone shared it, except Castiel who still wouldn’t touch it. There wasn’t enough in it for them to get drunk but it made the day pass a bit more comfortably. It made the word games a bit dirtier. They barely noticed when Castiel returned to his spot against the wall. He’d rather watch than join in.
-x-
Darkness fell and still nothing happened. Sam kept side-eying Dean, waiting for him to live up to his promise. Eventually he broke.
“Jo... nothing seems to be going down here.” Dean collected up the cards they’d been playing with.
“Give it time.” She took the pack off him and started shuffling.
“Don’t you think we should just give it up?”
“How many hunts have you given up, Dean?” She glanced up at him as she dealt the cards, knowing she’d stumped him.
“Dean.” Sam prompted again.
“I know but she’s got me there Sam, how many hunts have we bailed on?”
“If you want to sleep in filth and be beaten at cards, I don’t see why we can’t do that back in the motel.”
“Fine, we’ll go! I’m sorry, Jo.”
Jo opened her mouth to protest but was silenced by a loud crashing noise. At first it wasn’t obvious what it had been, with the setting of the dun all the torches had come out so nobody missed the light and you only notice a breeze when it’s biting at your skin. So at first everyone looked to Castiel.
“Was that you?” Dean asked, raising him eyebrows.
Castiel shook his head, not trusting himself to lie. It had seemed like the only thing he could do to stop them fighting. And to stop them leaving. He’d slammed the hatch shut; the barest flexing of his fingers, with such a force nobody human would be able to lift it. He could, of course, but he wouldn’t. He didn’t want to go back to Heaven, not yet. He wanted to stay with Dean just a little bit longer.
“Guys, I’m having a really bad thought.” Jo said, biting her lip.
“What?” Sam asked, in a tone that said he had already had the same thought.
Jo tilted her torch up until it hit the place where they should have been able to see the night sky. All they saw was more metal.
They all swore in unison, using different words. Castiel was still silent. He promised them, silently, it wouldn’t be for long. It wouldn’t be as bad as they thought it was going to be. He’d look after them.
“I guess that means we’re staying.” Sam said, slightly bitterly.
“I guess that’s one point for Jo was right.” Jo said, pulling a face.
Dean rolled his eyes; he was more concerned about more important things. Like food and water and air.
“At least now we know we’ve got a spirit.” Dean said after examining the locked hatch.
“Is there any point in salting it?” Sam asked.
“No, it’s iron. Everything is. It’s not getting out any more than we are. No wonder it’s pissed, it’s pretty much trapped all the time.”
“Until we opened the door and let ourselves in.” Sam gave Jo a look and she sighed, tired of being the scapegoat.
“Let’s just sit down and come up with a plan.” Dean said, sitting down beside Castiel because he was the only one already sat.
About fifteen minutes passed before any of them spoke, and when someone did it was Castiel, taking everyone by surprise.
“What is wrong with the original plan? We lure it out and convince it to move on. Or I force it to move on.”
“I don’t see why that wouldn’t work. All that’s changed is our option to bail.” Dean said. “Hold on, you weren’t there when we came up with that plan.” He turned to Cas and raised his eyebrows.
“I like to keep an eye.”
“That’s kind of creepy, Cas.”
“It’s saved your life on more than one occasion.”
“Oh. Thanks?”
“You’re welcome.”
They turned back to Sam and Jo and Dean nods. “That’s the plan then.”
Another few minutes past before Jo stood up and dragged her suitcase back to the group.
“Now that we know it is this spirit and we know its M.O, I suggest we start putting on a show.” She opened her suitcase to reveal, buried amongst a sparse amount of clothes and food, several liquor bottles.
Dean leaned over and pulled out a bottle of Jack and a black lacy bra. “What kind of show is it and where can I buy tickets?”
“That is not for show.” She said snatching the bra off him. “The show is we all start acting like we want nothing more in life than to get pissed and get laid.”
“That is all Dean wants in life.” Sam said turning to Dean and smiling.
“That’s not true!” Dean said indignantly before pausing. “I also like pie.”
“I do apologise.”
“Moving on.” Jo said, tapping the suitcase with her foot to draw everyone’s attention back to it. “Everyone pick a bottle.”
She sat down and lifted out a bottle of vodka for herself. Dean kept his bottle of Jack and Sam took another. Castiel glared at the contents of the suitcase.
“You too, Cas. We’ve gotta make it look convincing.” She handed him a bottle and unscrewed the cap of her own. “Down the hatch.”
-x-
After a while drinking for the sake of it got boring so Jo gave them each a shot glass.
“Does your mom know you’ve taken half the bar with you?” Sam asked.
“She does by now. That’s something I’m not looking forward to going back to.”
“I’m surprised she hasn’t called by now actually.” Dean pulled out his phone to check it.
“Yeah, me too.” Jo took out her phone too.
“No signal.” Dean rolled his eyes.
“Me neither. Sam?”
Sam checked his phone and shook his head.
“Cas?” Dean asked.
“Hmm?” Castiel brought his attention back to the group.
“Phone?” Dean prompted.
“It’s in the coat.” He still wasn’t entirely focused.
“How much have you had?” Dean asked as he leaned over him and checked his pockets, eventually finding the phone, which was dead. He checked Castiel’s bottle as he sat back down. He’d only drunk the same as the rest of them had.
“It seems to be having more of an effect than it usually does.” Castiel said, quite aware of the alcohol in his blood stream and the very little effect it was actually having. But the mild effect it was having had given light to certain ideas, ones that he probably wouldn’t have thought of without it. He wanted to be looked after for once and he wanted Dean to be the one to look after him. So he bent the truth, a mild sin compared to the ones he was expected to do these days.
“Let’s play deprivation.” Jo announced, holding up her shot glass.
“So you’ve finally come round to my way of thinking. Go get you clothes off then.” Dean said.
“I said deprivation not depravation, Dean.” She enunciated the vowels to make her point.
“You’re no fun.”
“It’s a drinking game. Once of us says something we’ve never done, or have been deprived of, and if anyone else has done whatever it is you have to take a shot.” She paused while everyone filled up their glasses. “So for example: I have never had sex with a woman. You all have to take a shot.”
“Except Cas.” Dean filled in helpfully.
“Really? My bad.” Jo said apologetically.
“But you’ve been around for like...ever?” Sam
“He’s never had occasion, apparently.”
“I neither need nor desire carnality like humans do.” Castiel said, with a roll of his eyes. His mind reminded him of each stab of jealousy he felt whenever Dean made a pass at Jo, even though he knew by now nothing would come of it. Dean knew that too but apparently it didn’t stop him trying. Somewhere in the back of his mind he imagined pinning Dean down, hips grinding against hips and demanding why he felt the need to make him feel such vicious emotions like snakes in his stomach. But he just watched as they laughed or patted him on the head and called him adorable before doing their shots.
“So the aim is to think up things that we haven’t done but everyone else probably has in the hope of embarrassing them.” Sam said, refilling his glass. Dean did the same. Castiel glared at his full glass in contempt.
“Yep.” Jo confirmed.
“Ok. I have never had a sexual dream about anyone in this room.” Sam said, knowing full well he had Dean and Jo beaten.
Dean was the first to relent and take his shot, not clarifying who it had been.
“Like a million years ago.” Jo said, downing her shot and turning pink.
Everyone raised their eyebrows when Castiel threw his shot down his throat, not meeting any eyes.
“I thought you were above that.” Sam reminded him.
“There’s some hope for our Angel yet.” Dean laughed.
He refilled his glass in silence, letting them presume whatever it was they were falsely presuming. Which must have been that it was Jo, as she was obvious choice. He felt like downing the next shot but he left it in its glass. Alcohol was a slippery slope for him.
“I’m actually struggling to think of something I haven’t done.” Dean said with a smug grin. “I’ve got one; I’ve never learned a single Latin exorcism.”
“Really, in our line of work? What do you do if you don’t happen to have them written down nearby?” Jo asked after she’d done her shot. Her mother had made her learn them while other kids were learning addition and subtraction.
“He makes me do them.” Sam said taking his shot.
“Cas?” Dean prompted; he’d seen him exorcise demons with just a few words.
“I didn’t learn them, I just know them.”
“Still counts. Do the shot!” Dean stared at him until he did it.
-x-
They went round and round until they couldn’t think of anything they hadn’t done. Castiel won because he had a long list of simple human routines that he didn’t follow.
“We need a new game.” Dean said, screwing up the cap of his bottle and putting it back in the suitcase. It wasn’t empty yet but they all knew they had to be conscious at the very least in case this ghost decided it wanted to play. Castiel handed his bottle to Dean, wanting to be rid of it.
Dean was sprawled lazily on the floor, boredom and the hard concrete floor making him move every five minutes or so. Castiel wanted to make him stay still, just to stop his eyes following him every time he moved. The alcohol had made him reckless, it always did. That’s why he stayed away from it. Just in case he said, or did, anything he’d regret. Jo was laid on her stomach, her elbows on the floor and her hands in fists with her chin resting on them. It made her cleavage almost obscene. He wanted to say something about that too. He and Sam had barely moved from their original positions, making them look oddly like a mirror image.
“Spin the bottle?” Jo suggested.
“With three guys. It’s not leaving a lot of options is it?” Sam pointed out.
“Truth or dare?” She countered.
“Jo, somewhere under all that self-respect is a flirt. If you want me, you only have to ask.” Dean gave her a wink.
“Y’know, the more you ask the less chance you have.” She sat up; her actions fuelled either by vodka or by annoyance, she couldn’t really tell, and crawled over to Sam, putting on a show of kissing him. When she was done, she returned to her place, bathing in the look of indignity on Dean’s face. “You’re right, we need a new game.”
-x-
There was a walkway around where the ladder descended. Castiel had been sat on it for the last hour or so. He was considering opening the door and letting everyone out. The scene below him was too reminiscent of the war he’d left. Sam, Dean and Jo had all argued over the silly kiss that Jo had given Sam, making it much more serious than was intended. Eventually Jo snapped and kissed Dean, just to shut him up. Now they were all sat in separate corners, sulking. Every so often Dean would glare at Sam or vice versa and Castiel could tell they were still silently fighting over her. Had they been sober, they would have given in and declared that neither of them should have her but some competitive streak had kicked in for both of them. It was pissing Castiel off.
He considered what he could do, he could intervene and nobody would ever know. That was one of the upsides of being more than human.
He could make her think more about Sam and less about Dean. He’d be doing Dean a favour really. Who knew how many hunters she’d let handle her, trying make her daddy issues disappear. That was the only reason she ever gave Dean a second glance, because he was a hunter. Making him think anymore than that was cruel. He was doing him a favour. With the amount she’d drunk and the lack of soul on Sam’s part, it was almost too easy. Like it was meant to be anyway, he’d just pushed it along a bit.
-x-
Another few hours passed, Castiel had returned t the group to watch over his handiwork and Dean had finally left them to come and sit with him. He tried not to think about how he’d only come to him because Sam and Jo weren’t paying attention to him anymore. He wasn’t listening to what they were saying, he didn’t care, but she was practically in his lap.
A few times when Dean started to look like a kicked puppy, Castiel almost told him it wasn’t real; he was just influencing their hormones and chemistry. But each time he kept his mouth shut he was eventually rewarded with sideways looks to him and Dean defiantly paying more attention to him. The alcohol had seemingly made him more comfortable flouting his own personal space rule because every so often he’d lean against him or let his fingers linger too long after a casual touch. At one point, when Dean had taken it upon himself to ‘fix’ his hair, he’d almost told him everything. It had to be the early hours of the morning by now and it was starting to show on everyone’s faces.
“So you’re still virgin then?” Dean said, slurred from tiredness more than from drinking.
“Does it matter?” Castiel replied, remembering the last time they’d had this conversation.
“I guess not but I promised I was going to get you laid.” Dean yawned and Castiel gently pulled him down until he went from slumped against him to lying against his thigh. He either didn’t really notice or he didn’t mind.
Castiel found himself again cursing alcohol, at the same time loving it. It made everything that much more complicated by making it more simple. Was Dean laid across him because he was too drunk to care, because he was too tired to care or because he wanted to be?
His fingers found Dean’s hair, automatically stroking it, soothing his own mind more than comforting Dean. He done it before, normally making sure Dean was completely asleep and then keeping him that way. He’d pushed his luck the other day in the car, his attention had drifted and Dean had woken up. He hadn’t said anything about it though. Did that make it ok? He wasn’t saying anything now either.
Castiel realised he was probably waiting for him to say something so he cleared his throat and pretended he was thinking about what they’d been talking about. “I’m not disappointed that it didn’t happen like that.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry. The brothel was a bad move. You should have seen your face though, it was adorable.”
Castiel breath hitched and he was sure Dean had felt it. Or if he hadn’t, he was sure Dean would be able to hear the way his borrowed heart was pounding in his chest. There was silence for a while and had Castiel not been so aware of every breath Dean was taking, he might have thought him asleep. If he concentrated really hard he could hear his lungs moving and his heart beating. If he closed his eyes and tuned out everything else he could hear the blood rushing through his veins.
“How do you want it to be?”
“What?” Castiel said, Dean’s voice had brought him back to the real world with a bump. He had a moment to realise what he’d been doing wasn’t normal human behaviour before Dean spoke again.
“Your first time, how do you want it to be?”
“I don’t know. How is it meant to be?” Castiel answered honestly. For all the centuries of watching humanity, he’d never got to feel anything for himself.
“It’s meant to be...special and magical and fireworks. Honestly though, it’s usually awkward and over embarrassingly quickly.”
“I think I prefer the fantasy of fireworks to the reality of premature ejaculation.”
Dean laughed and Castiel felt the movement through his leg, he drew in an unnecessarily deep breath.
“We all do, Cas.”
There was another short silence while Castiel imagined what Dean’s first time had been like. He presumed Dean was reliving it too. He wanted to ask about it but he wasn’t sure his vessel could take such brutal torture. Again Dean broke the silence.
“Once we’re through here, I’ll try and find you a nice girl, one who’s not a prostitute and you can fuck her and it’ll be magical.”
Castiel took in the edge of bitterness in Dean’s voice and wondered if he could have imagined it. He decided he had, otherwise why would Dean keep trying to throw him at women. He pushed the boundary of dangerous hinting, just in case.
“I don’t want a nice girl.”
“You’re right, they’re boring.” Dean yawned again and this time the following silence really was because he was asleep.
Castiel pulled off Dean’s shoes then slipped his arms under his legs and around his back, lifting him as he himself stood. He walked over to Dean’s sleeping bag and kicked it open with his foot. He gave Sam and Jo a look as he set Dean down gently and Jo nodded, elbowing Sam.
“I’ll probably go to bed too.” She whispered.
Sam didn’t say anything but he got into his sleeping bag too. When Castiel was sure they were settled he went round and systematically blew out every candle and turned off every torch. He could see perfectly in the dark but he knew Sam couldn’t. The fact that Sam didn’t sleep put him on edge, despite the fact the he himself didn’t sleep either. He sat back down against the wall, close enough that he could still watch Dean but not too close that he’d get suspicious if he woke up.
-x-