And The Bible Didn't Mention Us (Not Even Once) [3/4]

[agirlnamedtruth]

Title: And The Bible Didn't Mention Us (Not Even Once)
Author: agirlnamedtruth
Artist: patriciatepes
Beta(s): xthursdaynextx
Pairing(s): Anna/Castiel (with mild background Dean/Castiel 'profound bond' and canon Anna/Dean scenes)
Rating: R
Word count: ~25k
Genres: Het, angst, canon manipulation and some pre-series Angel stuff.
Warnings: Descriptions of violence and character deaths, religious overtones and sexual content.

Summary: When it comes to things they aren’t meant to feel, Anna and Castiel are on the same path, they’re just traveling at different times.

Author’s Notes: I'd like to majorly thank xthursdaynextx for stepping in at the last minute to beta this fic, even though she was completely unfamiliar with the fandom.



When Castiel returned himself and Uriel to Heaven, he was restless. He paced around his favourite gardens in his favourite heavens but he couldn’t find peace in any of them. The trees seemed to be watching him and judging him. He knew he was being paranoid; trees didn’t watch or judge anything, but he couldn’t help but feel guilty. Had he been to slow to react, had he wanted Anna to escape?

He shook his head. Of course he hadn’t wanted to kill her but even suggesting that he had passively disobeyed, that was a dangerous thing to do, even inside his own head.

He stretched his wings out, not sure if he was planning to go somewhere or whether he just wanted to feel them. He looked over his shoulder at them; they were like so many other Angels' wings, plain black. At first, he was scared of them because so many of his brothers and sisters had wings that were white, pure as snow. He thought that must mean they were good and he wasn’t. But then Anna had explained to him, darker wings were common in Angels birthed after Lucifer’s fall, as he had been the Bringer of Light and he’d taken some of that light with him. He didn’t dare ask her about her own wings and why they were so different from everyone else’s. In Heaven, more often than not being different was a bad thing, so he didn’t draw attention to it. She’d also been very self-conscious of them, probably for that very reason, but he’d found them beautiful in their uniqueness.

He folded his wings back in place, trying not to think about her. A task that proved impossible because she refused to leave his thoughts, she’d taken residency in his mind and apparently that was going to be changed by pacing.

It didn’t help matters any when he began to hear her actual voice inside his head, summoning him, commanding him and then finally, praying for him. He was unsure how to react. He wanted to go to her, but then there was still the matter of her disobedience. She was meant to be killed on sight and now that she had broken free, he knew he wouldn’t be able to do that. But she didn’t know that and he couldn’t fathom why she’d put herself at risk after fighting them so hard.

He unfolded his wings again, shaking his head in disbelief at himself and going to her.

-x-

When he arrived at the place, a nice suburban park that her voice had led him to, Anna wasn’t there.

Have you come alone? She whispered in his head and he nodded, of course.

You swear, on your life and your grace? she asked; an old sentiment, one that was rarely used anymore.

I swear, on my life and my grace, Castiel replied, the words seeming ironic. It was more common to swear like that over matters of obedience, not... he didn’t finish the thought. He hadn’t disobeyed yet, he hadn’t seen her.

“Ok,” she said, suddenly in front of him, breaking whatever denial he had been making. She was wearing a vessel now, another red haired girl, but this one was slightly older with a different accent, her hair more like copper than the deep red of her human form. She always did choose red.

“What are you doing? I’m supposed to kill you.”

“Are you planning to?” she asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

He hesitated, if he said it aloud, it would be a line he’d never truly crossed before. He said it anyway. “No.”

“Well then.” She shrugged.

“I still don’t like it though,” Castiel said, taking a seat on a nearby bench.

“Neither do I. I wish...” She smiled sadly. “If wishes were horses, my parents used to say. I grew up around here, you know.”

“I was made aware.” Castiel looked up at her, he wished she’d sit down too.

“I still remember it. All of it. In great detail.” She folded her arms. “It’s horrible really, I was so close...” She trailed off again.

“To being free?” Castiel asked and she nodded. “You weren’t really, you know how they are and they know something will trigger you sooner or later. They just made you think you were free.”

“It was better than nothing.” She sighed.

“Out of curiosity, what was it? That triggered you, I mean?”

“You don’t want to know.” Anna said and Castiel sighed, he wished people would stop telling him what he did or didn’t want to know.

“I asked.”

“You’re better off not knowing, trust me.”

“Just tell me and then I can tell you how right you were.”

“Fine. It was you.” She paused and let Castiel stare at her. “Or I’m almost sure it was you.”

“What did I do?” Castiel asked, wishing he hadn’t asked.

“You pulled Dean Winchester out of hell. Those were the first words I heard, Dean Winchester is saved... For two weeks I couldn’t say anything else, I just repeated it over and over. Then so many other things got said... they thought I was crazy. I thought I was crazy.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, you’re not. Dean needed saving, the only sorrow is that you were too late.”

“He doesn’t know that. He thinks we pulled him out to save the world.”

“Will he?” Anna asked.

“Did you know it was a trick? The Angels and the Demons, Heaven and Hell, all coming for you.” Castiel asked, changing the subject.

“No. They never told me. I suppose they wanted me to play my part, make it look real.”

“You were really going to give yourself over? For humans?”

“Of course. Oh, don’t look at me like that, Cas, how many times have you nearly given your life for humans, the same humans at that?” Anna rolled her eyes at him.

“That’s different. You barely know them.”

“I know Dean,” Anna said and Castiel looked away. “I know there’s something more between you, something I don’t think either of you understand.”

“You knew what you were doing, didn’t you?” Castiel said, still not looking up.

“I did,” she admitted, not even needing him to clarify what he was referring to. “Do you want me to say I’m sorry? Because I’m not. I crossed a boundary, sure, but... I wanted you to feel something, while I still could.”

Castiel didn’t answer her. There were a thousand things he could have said. A hundred questions he could have asked. A dozen confessions he could make. But he held them all back. He told himself what he’d felt hadn’t been his own; it had merely been borrowed from her.

“He’s one of the special ones, I can feel it. Do you remember, that time...”

“...Outside the forum as Damasus’ bible was created,” Castiel finished in a monotone, a habit he’d forgotten they had. Anna laughed, just like she used to before but Castiel couldn’t, it wasn’t the same now.

“Yeah. That. I told you about the important people, the ones that only come along once in a generation. Well, Dean’s one of them. You know that, right?”

“Yes. I know. But that doesn’t mean...” Castiel started.

“I never said it did.” Anna interrupted. “I just wanted to make sure you knew.”

“I know.”

There were a few moments silence in which she finally sat down beside him.

“I didn’t want it to come to this,” she said, barely above a whisper. “And not just this, I didn’t want to fall. I shouldn’t have. I shouldn’t have left you up there.”

“You did what you needed to do. I’m sorry it didn’t work out how you wanted it to.”

“Me too.” She sighed. “Being human is so much easier, you know. You can say what you want, you can do what you want and when you feel things, you’re allowed to act on them.”

Castiel open his mouth. He nearly said that doesn’t have to stop for you, you can think for yourself now. He closed his mouth again, not trusting himself to say anything.

“Goodbye, Cas,” she said, looking at him and smiling weakly.

“Goodbye...” he started, but she had already gone. “...Anna.”

-x-

After that Castiel would like to have said he moved on and didn’t give her or her words another thought but Angels aren’t really allowed to lie.

What she’d said and what she’d implied chased each other round his head until it nearly drove him mad. Not many people could tell but a few important ones could. He didn’t do anything as risky as question orders but his tiny hesitations gradually got bigger until they couldn’t be ignored. He received something akin to a slap on the wrist and they demoted him for a while, charging Uriel with watching over him, making sure he was obedient. So when Uriel walked in, he stood, trying to look as obedient as possible.

“We’ve got another one,” Uriel said, not needing to say any more than that, the Angels in their garrison had been dropping like flies recently.

“Who is it?”

“It’s difficult to say. She was wearing a human at the time of her death and she’s not exactly forthcoming about her real name now.”

Her name. Castiel thought, that meant it was probably a female Angel, which narrowed it down considerably.

“So, we don’t know it’s one of ours? It could be a... fallen.” Castiel paused before the word, thoughts of Anna coming unbidden to his mind.

“It’s one of ours. The MO is the same as always. Knifed and left where humans could find her. We want you to go and get her before those apes interfere.” Uriel said, he always gave commands like that.

“And if we’re too late?” Castiel asked, knowing what humans were like and how quickly they could act while Angels sat around and talked about it.

“Leave her.”

Castiel bowed his head, not sure if he was trying to display grief at another one of them dead or submission under Uriel’s orders.

-x-

When he got to the scene it was a wreck. He glared around, wondering how anyone could be so reckless as to leave an Angel out in the open and then practically create a neon sign above the spot. He silenced a car alarm, something akin to buffing out a dent on a write off, but the noise had irritated him. He walked over to the body lying broken on the ground. The vessel was pretty, blonde but at the end of the day the Angel inside was long gone, leaving barely a trace behind. It wasn’t anyone he recognized but a few names sprang to mind based off of the look this woman had. He knew both Hester and Rachel preferred blonde women. He sighed; they’d just have to see who didn’t come back when summoned.

“Goodbye, Sister,” he said before the distant car alarms grew louder, forcing him to leave.

-x-

He returned back to Heaven instantly and as he guessed he would be, Uriel was waiting for him.

“Well?”

Castiel shook his head.

“Lucky for you, we have a lead. Someone managed to drag Alistair from whichever hole he was hiding in and we’ve been ordered to make him sing.”

From the way he said someone, Castiel gathered it hadn’t been him and he wasn’t pleased about that.

“Torture?” Castiel said, it wasn’t an uncommon request when trying to make demons talk.

“In a way. But they’ve tried our methods. They feel the need for someone a bit more... familiar. Someone that can hit a bit closer to home, so to speak.”

“A demon?” Castiel asked, a bad feeling growing in his gut.

“A Winchester.”

-x-

Castiel looked around the motel room. He disliked lurking in the dark like he was a demon himself.

“Can’t we wait until they are present?” He asked.

“This way is more... dramatic. Now just stand in the corner and look pretty. That boy seems to be able to yank your chain and you go running, I don’t want that to become a problem.”

“It might be useful. He’s more likely to help if we ask him nicely first.”

“Fine. I’ll ask. But if he is unwilling, I shall change that.”

Castiel nodded and put himself in a corner. He was almost thankful; he didn’t want any part in it anyway. They waited in the darkness for a handful of minutes until they heard the car pull up outside.

“Ah, home crappy home,” Dean said as Sam flicked on the lights.

“Winchester and Winchester,” Uriel said, announcing their presence.

“Oh come on,” Dean said the instant he saw them.

“You are needed,” Uriel said, looking straight at Dean, ignoring Sam.

“Needed? We just got back from needed!” Dean snapped.

“Mind your tone with me!” Uriel said, his voice as quiet and controlled as Dean’s hadn’t been.

“No, you mind your damn tone with us.” Dean took a few steps forward.

“We just got back from Pamela's funeral,” Sam said, by way of explanation, acting as mediator between the two.

“Pamela. You know, psychic Pamela? You remember her.” Dean looked round Uriel to get Castiel’s attention. “Cas, you remember her. You burned her eyes out. Remember that? Good times.” When Castiel just stared straight at him, he turned back to Uriel. “Yeah, then she died saving one of your precious seals. So maybe you can stop pushing us around like chess pieces for five freaking minutes!”

“We raised you out of hell for our purposes,” Uriel replied, still disquietingly calmly.

“Yeah, what were those again? What exactly did you want from me?” Dean asked.

“Start with gratitude,” Uriel said and Dean pulled a face.

Castiel didn’t want to say anything but he found himself trying to explain what they were doing. “Dean, we know this is difficult to understand.”

“And we...” Uriel turned to glare at Castiel. “...Don't care.” Castiel turned away from them, staring straight at the wall in front of him. He could feel Dean’s eyes burning into him. “Now, seven angels have been murdered, all of them from our garrison. The last one was killed tonight.”

“Demons?” Dean asked and Uriel made a gesture with his head that could have either been a we don’t know or a yes, whichever suited their purposes. “How they doing it?”

“We don't know.” Uriel admitted.

“I'm sorry, but what do you want us to do about it? I mean, a demon with the juice to ice angels has to be out of our league, right?” Sam asked and Castiel couldn’t help but turn and watch.

“We can handle the demons, thank you very much,” Uriel said, with an air of sarcasm

“Once we find whoever it is,” Castiel pointed out, noticing Uriel tense. Apparently that wasn’t something he should have said.

“So you need our help hunting a demon?” Dean asked, incredulous. He’d calmed considerably and seemed more willing to listen now. Castiel walked up to where Uriel was standing, knowing if he was going to get Dean to co-operate, that would be the moment for it.

“Not quite. We have Alastair,” Castiel conceded, he could feel Uriel’s eyes on him now and he was thankful he wasn’t saying anything.

“Great. He should be able to name your trigger man,” Dean said.

“But he won't talk. Alastair's will is very strong.” Dean looked down, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth, the idea of Angels trying to torture Hell’s number one torturer was apparently amusing him. “We've arrived at an impasse.”

“Yeah, well, he's like a black belt in torture. I mean, you guys are out of your league.” He said, the smile still begging to break free.

“That's why we've come to his student.” Uriel said and Dean sobered instantly. “You happen to be the most qualified interrogator we've got.”

Dean looked down and Castiel tried to repair the damage Uriel had done. “Dean, you are our best hope.”

“No.” Dean said, looking up, looking at him. “No way. You can't ask me to do this, Cas. Not this.” Castiel looked at him and longed to say he didn’t want to ask, he wouldn’t ask but he couldn’t say it, not if Heaven had commanded it. All he could do was watch as Uriel approached Dean, holding true to his earlier promise.

“Who said anything about asking?” Uriel took Dean and Castiel followed, a mere second behind.

They landed in the warehouse that they’ve been keeping Alastair in. They’d set it up themselves a few hours ago. More precautions had to be taken if they were going to keep him on Earth. Just in case.

Castiel turned to see Uriel let go of the scruff of Dean’s neck. Dean straightened himself, trying to regain some dignity. Castiel pretended he hadn’t seen.

“He’s in there.” Uriel said, pointing Dean to the heavy door, expecting him to just walk through it.

Dean walked up to it and Castiel followed, staying close. He knew it wasn’t going to be that easy.

“This devil's trap is old Enochian. He's bound completely,” Castiel reassured him.

“Fascinating,” Dean said and turned away. “Where's the door?”

He started walking and Castiel turned, following him with his eyes. “Where are you going?”

“To hitch back to Cheyenne, thank you very much,” Dean said and Uriel blocked his path.

“Angels are dying, boy,” he said.

“Everybody's dying these days. And hey, I get it, you're all powerful, you can make me do whatever you want.” Dean turned back to Castiel. “But you can't make me do this.”

Castiel turned to face him and started walking towards him. “This is too much to ask, I know. But we have to ask it.” He stared at Dean, almost imploring him. He didn’t even know if he really wanted Dean to give in or not, he just wanted him to know...this wasn’t what he wanted either. Even if Uriel had insisted they didn’t care, Castiel still did.

He seemed to get something across, enough for Dean to look back to Uriel. “I want to talk to Cas alone.”

There was a long pause and Castiel took in a deep breath. Finally Uriel spoke, “I think I'll go seek revelation. We might have some further orders.”

“Well, get some donuts while you're out,” Dean said, probably in an attempt to lighten the tense atmosphere that had developed.

Uriel laughed, “Ah, this one just won't quit, will he? I think I'm starting to like you, boy.”

“You guys don't walk enough. You're gonna get flabby,” Dean said after Uriel had gone. Castiel just looked at him. “You know, I'm starting to think junkless has a better sense of humor than you do.”

“Uriel's the funniest Angel in the garrison. Ask anyone,” Castiel said, aware they were both avoiding what they should be talking about.

Dean walked up to him, finally meeting the elephant in the room head on. “What's going on, Cas? Since when does Uriel put a leash on you?”

“My superiors have begun to question my sympathies,” Castiel said, trying his best not to implicate Dean.

“Your sympathies?” Dean asked.

“I was getting too close to the humans in my charge,” Castiel gave in. “You.” Dean looked down. “They feel I've begun to express emotions. The doorways to doubt. This can impair my judgment.” He felt like he was reading words out of a text, words that weren’t his. He turned away from Dean, unable to continue saying them.

“Well, tell Uriel, or whoever...” Dean shot him a glance as he walked past. “You do not want me doing this, trust me.”

“Want it, no. But I have been told we need it.” Castiel said, finally saying words that he’d been biting back in Uriel’s presence.

“You ask me to open that door and walk through it, you will not like what walks back out.” Castiel could hear the strain, the pressure of tears in his voice. He had to say something, even if it brought him close to dissention.

“For what it's worth, I would give anything not to have you do this.”

Dean closed his eyes. “I know. But I’m going to have to do it anyway, aren’t I?”

“I’m sorry,” Castiel muttered.

He watched as Dean looked over the trolley of items they’d prepared for them. Most of them had been Uriel’s idea; he was more creative in that area that Castiel was. He watched him wheel it past him, this time decisively not looking at him and into the room they were holding Alastair in.

All he could do was watch as Dean did the unthinkable, just because he had asked him to.

It was all he could do to stand there and listen to Alastair’s screams, knowing it was Dean who was causing them and it was him that caused Dean to be doing it.

-x-

After a while, he couldn’t say how long but it was long enough, he turned and placed his hands on the table, leaning on it, hoping it would support him better than he could support himself. Each scream bit at his grace, the holy water being poured like acid down the demon’s throat seemed to be burning him just as badly.

It wasn’t pity or anything like that for the demon. He honestly couldn’t care less about the demon. It was the dark, twisted mess of Dean’s soul that was calling to him, screaming, begging him to stop. He knew if he didn’t keep himself in check, he’d barge in there himself and ruin everything. This had to be done, he told himself, Heaven commanded it, God commanded it. The words rang hollow in his ears, drowned out by the pain seeping from the next room.

He stared down at the table, so he wouldn’t be tempted to turn to the door and watch. “God damn it!” he blasphemed, infinitely glad he was alone. He wasn’t sure who in this building was truly being tortured, Alastair, Dean or himself. He severely doubted it was Alastair.

A light across the room flicked then smashed and he looked up at it. He didn’t think he could deal with Uriel any more, or anyone else for that matter. He blinked and stood up, he could feel it was her without even looking.

“Anna.”

“Hello, Castiel,” she said, in a voice just familiar enough to make him turn.

“Your human body?” he asked, turning back again. The screams echoed from the other room, filling the silence for a second.

“It was destroyed, I know. But I guess I'm sentimental. Called in some old favors and...” She trailed off and Castiel wondered who those old favors had been from, who she still trusted.

He nearly looked at her again and then he remembered his resolve and the weakness in it. He was meant to kill her. He couldn’t. Aside from that, if Uriel returned, she’d be killed for sure. He would too, in all likeliness.

“You shouldn't be here. We still have orders to kill you.”

“Somehow I don't think you'll try.” She moved past him, towards the door that separated them from Dean and Alastair. “Where's Uriel?”

“He went to receive revelation.”

“Right,” Anna said, not really listening. She turned back to him. “Why are you letting Dean do this?”

Castiel turned away, unable to look at her as he repeated the phrases he’d been programmed with. “He's doing God's work.”

“Torturing? That's God's work?” she asked, incredulous. “Stop him, Cas, please. Before you ruin the one real weapon you have.”

“Who are we to question the will of God?”

“Unless this isn't his will,” Anna countered.

“Then where do the orders come from?”

“I don't know. One of our superiors, maybe, but not Him.” She said and he turned back towards her. She was leaning on the table now, just like he had been. He walked up to it, finally looking at her. “The Father you love. You think he wants this? You think he'd ask this of you? You think this is righteous?”

He looked away and felt her take a step closer, making him look back up. “What you're feeling? It's called doubt.” She said, seeing straight through him. He looked away again, closing his eyes.

She brushed her hand over his and Alastair screamed again, an unholy, infernal noise and it was just wrong, he could feel it.

“These orders are wrong.” He looked down at her hand. “And you know it.” Back up to her eyes, gleaming in determination, trying to make him believe. “But you can do the right thing. You're afraid, Cas.” She grasped his hand tighter and he had to look away, her eyes and her words were making his head swim. “I was too. But together, we can still...”
“Together?” He asked, his head suddenly clearing. That was what she wanted, him on her side. She didn’t care about Dean and she didn’t care about him, not really. He pulled his hand away and decades of anger and hurt came rushing back to him. He walked around her, trying to burn this image of her into his head so that he could finally be rid of her.

“I am nothing like you. You fell.” He turned his back on her. “Go.”

“Cas.” She started and he turned, anger seething inside him now.

“Go!” He commanded. He could see her bite the inside of her lip, trying to keep control of the tears that were threatening to fall. He softened slightly. Maybe he’d been too quick to judge her, maybe he was pushing all his problems onto her. He looked down and Alastair screamed, almost covering the sound of those beautiful wings.

Castiel turned back to face the door, aware things had gone a bit too quiet. He could see Dean being held up by Alastair, bruised and bloody, a hand around his throat. Castiel blinked and found himself on the other side of the door, right behind Alastair, Ruby’s knife in his hand.

Alastair dropped Dean to turn and face him just as the knife plunged into his chest. He pushed Castiel off, both watching the little effect the knife had.

“Well, almost. Looks like God is on my side today,” Alastair said and Castiel reached out his hand, turning his wrist and turning the knife. It wasn’t enough to stop Alastair from pulling the knife out.

The demon charged him and he got a few hits in before he was pushed into a wall, metal pushing through his back, keeping him from moving. Alastair’s hand closed around his neck, ensuring that he couldn’t escape.

“Well, like roaches, you celestials. Now, I really wish I knew how to kill you. But all I can do is send you back to Heaven,” Alastair said before starting to chant. This time it was more effective and works faster, he could feel himself being pulled from his vessel.

He’d almost gone entirely but Alastair inexplicably released him and he could get a hold of his vessel again. He fell to the floor, powerless as Sam entered his blurred field of vision. He could barely hear what he was saying but it was sparkling clear what he was doing. Castiel staggered back to his feet, looking from the pinned, writhing mess that Alastair had become and the barely in control human who was holding him there. His attention was distracted again by Alastair.

“Lilith is not behind this. She wouldn't kill seven angels. Oh, she'd kill a hundred, a thousand.”

Sam lowered his arm, letting him go.

“Oh, go ahead. Send me back, if you can,” Alastair taunted him.

“I'm stronger than that now. Now I can kill,” Sam said, rising to the bait. Castiel turned back to him in disbelief and watched as true to his word, he crushed the demon inside its host, killing him as if he were a bug.

When he was done, Sam guiltily looked at Castiel, as if only just noticing he was there. Castiel glared back at him until he looked away.

-x-

Castiel stood in the room where he had waited while Dean tortured Alistair. He could almost still hear the screams reverberating. Maybe Anna had been right. Maybe this whole thing was wrong. Sam was an abomination, Dean was...

“Did you stop him?” Anna’s voice came out of nowhere. Castiel turned to look at her and sighed. Each time she did this, she put such a strain on his obedience that it was starting to wear him out.

“I was too late. Alistair broke free of the trap. He nearly...” Castiel stopped, he couldn’t say it.

“Is he alive?” Anna asked. She reached out a hand and then dropped it, remembering the last time she’d tried that. It was a habit she had picked up a long time ago, maybe when she was human, maybe before that. It was starting to annoy her.

“Alistair is dead. Sam killed him. Dean is alive, just.” Castiel looked down, this was his fault, this was something he had to fix. He knew there was nothing he could do in his weakened state but he had to see Dean. “I have to go.”

Anna smiled, nodding. The look on her face was almost human. Perhaps she understood him better than he could ever hope to understand himself.

-x-

Castiel sat for a long time thinking, considering what Uriel had said and what Anna had said. He didn’t want to believe either of them but everywhere he turned, something struck him as being wrong.

Finally, when he had made his decision, it was dark. He walked through the park, looking for trees and wildlife, something that would make her feel welcome. Something that would help him think of her as the Anna he’d known before. He found a path bordered by trees and streetlamps. It would have to do.

“Anna?” He asked into the open night. He knew she’d hear him. He had a feeling she’d stuck close by. “Anna, please.”

The light above him flickered after what seemed like an age to him. He didn’t know whether he was being paranoid or if he should be rightfully scared. He turned and there she was, like she’d been waiting.

“Decided to kill me after all?” she asked.

“I'm alone.”

“What do you want from me, Castiel?” she asked, resignation heavy in her voice. She’d given up on him, he could tell.

“I'm considering disobedience.”

“Good.”

“No, it isn't.” He didn’t know how she could be so sure of herself, of her course when he felt like he was drowning. “For the first time, I feel...” He paused, searching for what it was exactly he felt. Maybe it was just enough to feel. Maybe that was what was wrong. He was feeling...something, anything.

“It gets worse,” she admitted; she still remembered how it felt before she fell. He looked away so she approached him, thinking he’d changed his mind about her. “Choosing your own course of action is confusing, terrifying.”

She put her hand on his arm and he stared down at it like it was something foreign. Nothing had changed after all. She dropped her hand, angry with herself for even hoping.

“That's right. You're too good for my help. I'm just trash. A walking blasphemy.” She turned and started walking away.

“Anna,” Castiel said and she stops, not even sure why anymore.

“I don't know what to do. Please tell me what to do,” he asked her, that’s what he’d hoped she’d give him. Even if they weren’t from Heaven, he could follow her orders, he could tell himself she was a higher class of Angel than he was, it would be right. She turned back to him and he knew she wouldn’t, it was written in the smile on her lips.

“Like the old days?” She shook her head. “No. I'm sorry. It's time to think for yourself.”

She left him standing there, not sure what he thought anymore. His eyes caught a dripping faucet and one thought rose to the surface from the depths of his mind. It had been one that he didn’t even want to think about.

-x-

He returned to the abandoned warehouse. He still couldn’t be sure. He still needed someone to tell him he was right at the very least.

“Anna.” He called her again. “Anna, I don’t want you to tell me what to think. I promise. I just want...advice.”

This time she took her time and for a moment, he thought she had stopped listening to him.

“Castiel, there’s nothing more I can say to you. You have to do this for yourself and once you do, there is no going back.”

“That’s not what I need. I need you to listen and tell me if you’d come to the same conclusions I have.”

“Alright, but they will still be your conclusions to act on.”

“Yes.”

“Ok.”

“Demons aren’t conducting the murders. Sam is adamant and after his methods, I’m inclined to believe him.”

“If it’s not demons then you know what that means.” Anna leant against the table.

“It’s one of our own.” Castiel agreed.

“Have you received revelation yourself, have you heard who's giving the orders?” Anna asked.

“No, I’m not...Uriel outranks me now, he receives revelation. He told me they want us to stop looking.”

“After all they’ve put Dean through? That’s madness Castiel.”

“I know. I don’t think Uriel’s being told anything at all, I think Uriel is the one telling.”

“Then it’s him. Are you sure?”

“After you left, I noticed a tap dripping. Nobody could have broken that devil’s trap, not unless they were in the building and could manipulate metal and water. It had to have been Uriel.”

“Then you know what you have to do.”

“I can’t, I need to be sure, I need him to admit to it.”

“Castiel...” Anna sighed.

“This is the course I have chosen and I have chosen it myself like you wanted me to. You didn’t want to have any part in what I do, so you shan’t.”

“Castiel.” Anna bit the inside of her lip to keep herself in control. She had been the one to tell him to think for himself but she wished he hadn’t chosen such a dangerous position to put himself in.

“It’s what I have chosen,” he said again, telling himself as firmly as he was telling her.

“Fine,” she said, trying not to sound as angry as she was. “Don’t get yourself killed.”
-x-

Castiel turned the dripping water off and knelt down to where it had landed. It had washed away the chalk keeping Alistair in. He couldn’t deny it any longer. It had to be Uriel. He called out to him, hating himself for pretending to still want orders from him, pretending that he was considering an offer that shone so clearly for what it was now.

“You called?” Uriel appeared almost immediately, he’d obviously been waiting for Castiel to say yes. “What do you say, Castiel? Will you join me? Will you fight with me?”

“Strange. Strange how a leaky pipe can undo the work of Angels when we ourselves are supposed to be the agents of fate.” Castiel turned to look at him, daring him to keep up his charade.

“Alastair was much more powerful than we had imagined.” Uriel tried but Castiel saw right through him now.

“No. No demon can overpower that trap. I made it myself. We've been friends for a long time, Uriel. Fought by each other's sides, served together away from home, for what seems like forever. We're brothers, Uriel. Pay me that respect. Tell me the truth.”

“The truth is, the only thing that can kill an Angel...” Uriel let an Angel blade slide down into his hand, Castiel followed it with his eyes. “Is another Angel.”

“You?” Castiel said, making himself ask it so that Uriel would have to either deny or admit it and there was no denying it now.

“I'm afraid so.”

“And you broke the devil's trap, set Alastair on Dean.” Castiel said, using facts as fuel. He knew a fight that he couldn’t hope to win was coming, he was telling himself the things that were worth dying for.

“Alastair should never have been taken alive. Really inconvenient, Cas. Yes, I did turn the screw a little. Alastair should have killed Dean and escaped, and you should have gone on happily scapegoating the demons.”

“For the murders of our kin?” Castiel asked, disgusted.

-x-

Anna closed her eyes. She could hear Castiel and Uriel like she was in the room with them. Their conflict was creating energy like a generator and she’d been the one to turn the handle. Emotion was shining brightly from both of them and it pulled at her grace. She wished she didn’t have to hear it but that’s who she was; she was the Angel Of Grace, she was their commander. They were hers to protect and discipline. Uriel had been killing her old garrison, her friends and now he was going to take Castiel as well. She wished she couldn’t feel at all.

“All you have to do is be unafraid.”

“For the first time in a long time, I am.”

She could feel every punch like an explosion in her mind. She could feel Cas’ fear battle with his determination to do the right thing. It was heartbreaking. He intended to martyr himself for the cause or for their fallen brethren or more likely for Dean. It was infuriating but she couldn’t tell him to stop, not after she’d told him to think for himself. She couldn’t have it both ways.

She could feel Uriel too, his blind faith, his hatred. He’d become a twisted, sick version on an Angel. She wondered if this is what she would have become if she hadn’t left.

“You can't win, Uriel. I still serve God.”

Even as he said it, she could feel him losing.

“You haven't even met the man.”

She couldn’t sit and listen any longer.

“There is no will.”

She stood and spread her wings out, the blood red eclipsing the light behind her.

“No wrath.”

She followed Cas’ thoughts as they broadcast themselves; determined to bring Uriel down one way or another.

“No God.”

She landed silently, picking up a discarded blade and burying it in Uriel’s neck.

“Maybe. Or maybe not,” she whispered as blood gurgled in his throat. “But there's still me.” She pulled the blade out and let him fall. She walked around his body to stand with Castiel and watched as he exploded into light, just like she had when she accepted her grace again. But this was his grace leaving, burning ash wings into the ground as it went.

Castiel turned to face her after what seemed like forever. She swallowed, not quite sure what the look in his eyes meant. He pushed her into one of the few undamaged walls and for a second she though he was going to turn her in or kill her himself for what she had just done. He stared at her, his eyes heavy with some form of inner conflict, whatever he was thinking about doing, he was fighting it.

“I had to do it, Cas, he would have killed you.” She said in a weak attempt to explain her actions. “I couldn’t stand by and let him kill you. Not you.”

“I know,” he said, still not letting her go.

“Then why are you doing this?” she asked. She could fight her way out, she could take him down easily but she didn’t want it to come to that.

“I don’t know,” he said, pushing against her harder, making it difficult for her vessel to breath.

Then as quickly as he had grasped her, he released her. She stood there, not sure what to do or say, barely remembering to breathe.

“Castiel...” She started, leaning into him, her lips an inch from his. She felt him give in. She could have asked anything of him and he’d agree. She could have taken anything she wanted. He just wanted to be commanded. “You should go to him,” she said, pulling away from him.

“Thank you,” he said before disappearing in a blink. She wasn’t sure what she was being thanked for, saving his life or letting him go. She didn’t know which she’d prefer. She collapsed back against the wall, her feelings for him once again twisting at her stomach and taking away everything she’d thought she was certain of. Did he have any idea what he was doing to her?

-x-

“You’re still here,” Castiel said by way of announcing himself.

“I’ve got nowhere else to be. Besides, certain matters had to be taken care of.” Anna nodded down to the outline of burnt wings, their owner long since disposed of. “How’s Dean?”

Castiel looked up sharply and Anna knew in that instant how Dean was, he was broken.

“He knows, doesn’t he?”

“Knows what?” he asked but Anna just shook her head, ignoring the play at innocence.

“That you were too late.”

“How do you know that, it was before you...” He trailed off, not sure whether she wanted to be reminded of how she’d ended up where they were.

“Before I got my grace back?” She finished for him. “Cas, I could hear every Angel and you were the loudest voice, I know every thought you had between saving Dean and when I...came back to the fold.”

“Oh.”

“He asked me about it and I lied to him. I’d hoped as much as you did that he would never find out.”

“He doesn’t think he can stop the apocalypse.” Castiel admitted.

“Do you think he can do it?” Anna asked. She had heard a lot while she had been human and she was still holding most of it back. For once, she thought faith would prevail over fact.

“I have more faith in him than he has in himself... or in me.” Castiel sighed, he sounded like he’d lost faith in himself as well.

“It’s not your fault.”

“I know. I swear, of all the humans in the world...I’ve never been invested in the fate of one so much as I am now. Even Heaven noticed it, they demoted me under Uriel and he was killing us. It’s not right.”

“No, Castiel, that is right. That’s how we should be. We should care and we should love. It’s not right to live our lives cold and hard and unmoving. We’re different. You’re different now.”

“How do you know?” Castiel asked, bewildered himself by what he was saying.

“Do you think I’d be stood here with any other Angel? Any of the others would have killed me the instant I disobeyed but not you. I know you, Castiel, and I know you know what you’re doing now is right. Maybe you don’t see it yet but you will, just like I did.” Anna took his hand in hers and squeezed it, knowing this time he wouldn’t push her away.

“How can you be so certain?” he asked her.

“Because it feels right, you have to let yourself feel because you’ll never know anything.” She breathed in and moved closer to him. “Do you feel, Cas?”

He didn’t answer her; instead he put his hand on her neck and pulled her into his body. She felt him hesitate for the slightest second before kissing her and that was exactly what she’d wanted, he was thinking for himself, he was making the decision, he wasn’t asking her to tell him what to do, he was just doing it.

-x-

PART 4...