very well done... the contrasts between scenes, the contrast within the scenes between emotions... calm vs anxious, apathetic vs wounded. each is highlighted by the other. i'm waiting for part 5.
Still a good thriller like the 3 first parts; so the story itself I love, however I think the style is maybe a bit too modern - it's a story and probably shouldn't be too much nowadays language, but then I'm a bit partial about that; I think the paragraphs are too short, too, as in, it goes back to the line too often which makes it look a bit weird.
While I agree with you, the problem is... when you're doing conversation parts of a story, you have to start a new paragraph when someone else is talking. Even if they are just saying one line.
Yes that seems to be the usual convention for conversation parts in english novels..but I think I'm too sleepy to remember about typographic conventions right now, lol.
I know u have no idea who i am but, I really like the story I cant see where u take it. But keep up the good work and I hope to be able to read more. Take care I will look for more if u dont mind.
Not a problem... I know what u are saying about how sometimes you have to wonder if people are being truthful with ya about ur work... I try to write poetry but I think that it is more writing down how I feel about things...Who knows maybe i might post something! lol no idea. Have a great day!
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Good story, keep going! :)
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http://www.livejournal.com/users/trustedfaith/66639.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/trustedfaith/71366.html
http://www.livejournal.com/users/trustedfaith/62924.html
=)
Stay well.
-J
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