Prompting Muses February Prompt
To attempt the destruction of our passions is the height of folly. What a noble aim is that of the zealot who tortures himself like a madman in order to desire nothing, love nothing, feel nothing, and who, if he succeeded, would end up a complete monster! - Denis Diderot
Buffy walked out of the Summers' home in numbed disbelief. She knew that Faith was probably still staring at her back, but Buffy didn't turn around to look. There were so many chaotic thoughts tumbling around her brain, and she wrapped her arms around her waist as she walked into the night.
Was this what Caleb wanted? Was this one of the stages of an attack by the First? Had Caleb said those things to her at Sunnydale High so she would have picked this path? Was Willow right? Was her judgment off?
God, she never used to second guess herself. Not until Caleb. Not until Xander lost his eye and some of the girls died. Buffy knew it was going to get a lot worse before it got better. She knew that more would die before it was finally over, and she only hoped that Faith would be able to do it. Lead them, even though some would die. It hurt and weighed on her more than Buffy thought she could stand.
Anya was wrong. She wasn't luckier. Didn't they get it? She had to do this. It wasn't a choice. That had been taken away from her a long time ago. The only way she could survive was to distance herself. If she'd let herself become friends with the Potentials it would have brought her to her knees when they died. Didn't they get that? Maybe it was just an excuse. Maybe she told herself that to make her feel better. She was very good at pushing people away from her. Maybe it wasn't because she was a Slayer. It could be just how Buffy was. Distance Girl.
God she was tired. Tired of caring, tired of making the decisions, tired of being the bad guy, tired of saving the world. Just tired.
Buffy Summers ~*~ BtVS ~*~ 305 words
Buffy walked out of the Summers' home in numbed disbelief. She knew that Faith was probably still staring at her back, but Buffy didn't turn around to look. There were so many chaotic thoughts tumbling around her brain, and she wrapped her arms around her waist as she walked into the night.
Was this what Caleb wanted? Was this one of the stages of an attack by the First? Had Caleb said those things to her at Sunnydale High so she would have picked this path? Was Willow right? Was her judgment off?
God, she never used to second guess herself. Not until Caleb. Not until Xander lost his eye and some of the girls died. Buffy knew it was going to get a lot worse before it got better. She knew that more would die before it was finally over, and she only hoped that Faith would be able to do it. Lead them, even though some would die. It hurt and weighed on her more than Buffy thought she could stand.
Anya was wrong. She wasn't luckier. Didn't they get it? She had to do this. It wasn't a choice. That had been taken away from her a long time ago. The only way she could survive was to distance herself. If she'd let herself become friends with the Potentials it would have brought her to her knees when they died. Didn't they get that? Maybe it was just an excuse. Maybe she told herself that to make her feel better. She was very good at pushing people away from her. Maybe it wasn't because she was a Slayer. It could be just how Buffy was. Distance Girl.
God she was tired. Tired of caring, tired of making the decisions, tired of being the bad guy, tired of saving the world. Just tired.
Buffy Summers ~*~ BtVS ~*~ 305 words