Can’t Get Much Stranger
Title: Can’t Get Much Stranger
Genre: RPS (It is a non-AU except the girls don’t exist)
Pairing: Jensen/Jared
Warning: none
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 8000+
Beta: mymuseandi and greeneyes_fan Thanks a million guys (also thanks to Chat for speeding me through this and for the throbbing members)
Summary: For spn_cinema I'm doing something based on Stranger Than Fiction - Which I fell asleep during on a plane. I don't actually remember exactly what happens. So in this one this is what happens: Jensen wakes up hearing a voice that seems intent on narrating his day.
Little did Jensen Ackles know that today was the day that he would kiss the love of his life and everything would be changed forever.
Jensen's eyes snapped open at the sound of Castiel's gravely voice echoing throughout his room.
"What?" he said, still too asleep and under-caffeinated to deal with such a declaration.
He was a little pissed at this declaration. His muddled mind went immediately to all the things that he didn’t get to do. He had an unwritten sexual bucket list and it was woefully under-checked. He was a television star, he always thought that he would have at least one threesome before he settled down. Everybody in the business had.
He also knew there was no way in hell that he'd ever introduce anyone that he had a threesome with to his mother. He would definitely introduce the love of his life to his mother. So the love of his life coming today was an inconvenience to his grand plan of a threesome.
A cough interrupted his internal dialogue.
And Castiel's voice boomed through his room.
As I was saying, the voice went on. Jensen was pretty much the definition of reserved. He had a special job and was highly recognizable, but Jensen was pretty much the most guarded that anyone could be in his situation.
Then Jensen realized that he was not supposed to be hearing a voice in his bedroom. Castiel was not supposed to be narrating his morning. Castiel wasn’t even supposed to exist outside of Eric Kripke’s deranged mind.
Jensen lifted the covers and looked around his room. There had to be some kind of speaker that it was coming from. Misha had to be playing some kind of joke.
Jensen had some lofty fantasies that he totally could have capitalized on, Castiel's voice went on, as Jensen looked under the bed. But he was was mostly secretive, holding everybody at arms length, never being daring...
"I’ve had serious relationships," Jensen muttered.
When he broke up with a person they left, feeling as if they had never really known him, Castiel said. They liked him because he was a nice guy, but he only let them in a little bit, only showed them what he could control. He kept most people out of his personal space, charming, but cool.
He looked under the covers, under the bed, in the closet. He didn't try to figure out how Misha had attuned to his mind mostly because he was still lacking caffeine, but also because he didn’t want to consider the crazy aspect of it.
And Misha was an Evil Genius so this kind of thing could happen.
"Shut up," Jensen bellowed.
But today would be the day that began Jensen Ackles' life, the voice continued. Not his career, which was what it was and usually it was very healthy.
"Thanks at least for that," Jensen muttered.
His career was all that he cared about. He had never put that much care into romance, ever since he dumped Molly Hansen when she was in the hospital with leukemia when he was ten years old. He hadn’t been able to actually be part of something bigger, just in case he was going to turn out to be a douche again.
Jensen stilled. He had never told Misha that, in fact he had never told anyone that. It was one of those embarrassing things that he had buried deep deep down. Something seemed to be really really off. Like Misha was pretty talented and the ADs liked him, but putting in an entire sound system and knowing embarrassing things that had only existed in his head up to this point, was feeling to be a bit of a stretch.
Besides that really didn’t seem like Misha’s style. He liked being annoying, not emotionally scarring.
Jensen felt very real panic coming on. Today was definitely the day he went insane.
The voice continued, But today was the day that he stopped being a face, and finally got real.
Jensen rolled his eyes, his internal monologue was a little trite. Jensen reached for his phone. There really was no need to postpone confirmation of his insanity.
Jensen awoke, feeling something different.
“No shit,” Jensen muttered, dialing.
“Hey,” a tired voice said.
“Misha,” Jensen said evenly.
Jensen was excellent at composure. He excelled at always being collected and exuded old Hollywood charm, but he was unable to let anyone in.
Jensen thought it interesting to hear both Misha and Castiel. This was a pretty neat trick.
“Mish,” Jensen said cautiously, because if Misha was behind this he really didn’t want to piss him off. Their friendship would totally be over, but there was no need to rile him. “You wouldn’t happen to be pranking me right now, would you?”
Misha let out a laugh. “Well, I'm flattered you think so. Vickie has been gone for a week, I’ve been doing insane night shots on this movie, West is sick, I haven’t slept in two days, and I’m kind of in another country. What the hell, whatever is going on, I totally did it.”
“Just saying,” Jensen said slowly. “You aren’t working with Jared or anything are you?”
Jensen got up and began the day that would change his life, the voice said almost impatiently.
“Are you okay Jensen?” Misha said with honest concern at the same time.
Jensen closed his eyes, because he was not. Misha wouldn’t do this, or Misha would be funnier and Jared would totally be in on it. If they were dong this there would be remarks about his hair care products and baby blue steel face. Misha would at least have a wittier tone to his voice, this thing wasn’t so much Misha - this was most definitely Castiel.
Who just yesterday was totally a fictional character and now he was narrating Jensen’s life and being pushy and rude.
The voice was more annoyed. Jensen got up to meet his day, doing the normal things that he did, getting into the shower...
“I’m fine,” Jensen told Misha. “I’ve gotta go, morning routine and all.”
“Jensen what is going on?” Misha asked, concern creeping into his voice.
And that was what worried Jensen the most. He had the eerie feeling that he was going batshit insane. He was going to kill Jared and Misha if this wasn’t a joke. He would find out soon enough. They couldn’t totally rewire his house and if this turned out to be a temporary joke he was going to be out a best friend and a Misha.
“I’m just tired,” Jensen said, his voice even; he was most definitely an actor. He could fake through this.
Misha didn’t bite, but went along with him. “Okay, call me later?”
“Sure Mish,” Jensen said, hanging up the phone.
Jensen sat on the bed, hoping that the voice had gone away.
”Jensen got up,” the Misha voice went on, this time sounding very pissed.
Jensen grimaced but got up glaring in every direction just to be sure.
Jensen went around his daily routine, as always mindful of the fact that he was an on time person.
The voice was prodding and passive and Jensen wished that he was corporeal so he could punch it. Jensen groaned, hating just about everything this morning. He was not functional enough to deal with any of this.
Jensen followed his mindless routine and went downstairs where he managed to remember to set the alarm on the coffeemaker so he could function in the morning, the voice said in a softer, more generous tone.
“I did?” Jensen said perking up, a little hope overriding his crazy.
There was silence and Jensen began to feel like the voice wasn’t going to go on if he didn’t get moving. The silence sounded tense.
Jensen got up and managed to make it to where his coffee was brewing.
Jensen had an unnatural obsession with his coffee; he consumed it with more passion than he did when he was making love.
Jensen snorted at the phrasing, it was downright obnoxious. Misha would be more likely to use the word orgy or talk about sticking his cock in it, because that was just how Misha was.
So Jensen meandered through his morning, settling in that today he would kiss the love of his life…or he would die.
Jensen sat up straight. “What! Where the hell did that come from? Shouldn’t you have started with the doom? Seriously what the hell? I’m going to die?”
**
Jensen had never noticed how long the ride over to the lots were.
Jensen was jumpy the whole way over. Castiel’s voice went on narrating and he was having trouble not laughing or making faces at the narration. He was trying to be normal, he didn’t actually want Jared to be aware that he was crazy.
Unfortunately Jared could read him like an open book.
“Seriously Jensen,” Jared with honest concern. “What is going on?”
Jensen knew that this was the one person that he could trust. That this was one of the few people whom he had let in.
“I get it,” Jensen muttered
Jared just looked at him curiously, worry beginning to creep in.
“Do you ever hear a voice in your head?” Jensen blurted out.
Jared just cocked his head for a second. He didn’t look at Jensen as if he was crazy, he just looked like he was thinking about it.
Finally he nodded. “Yeah, sounds just like my momma. All the time I hear her telling me ‘do you really need to drink another beer Jared?’, ‘Chew with your mouth closed, Jared’, ‘Put on clean socks, you are going to get trench foot, Jared’.”
Jensen swallowed. “Mine sounds like Castiel.”
Jared was silent for a second. “That sucks.”
“Yep,” Jensen said.
Jared was quiet for a few more minutes and then made a face. “Better than Misha, I guess. You’d wake up with in bed with a goat, twelve yoyos, and a tub of half melted fro-yo.”
“Not again,” Jensen said blandly, then sighed. “Well I heard the voice, it just started today and I might be going insane and the voice is kind of annoying.”
“As I’m sure that Castiel is in real life,” Jared raised and eyebrow. “Yeah that sounds weird. So Castiel speaks to you?”
“Crazy eh?” Jensen said, ready to give up on the entire thing.
“So Castiel is telling you what to do?” Jared prodded.
“No,” Jensen said tiredly. “It’s more like Castiel is narrating my life and he gets pissy when I don’t follow the narration quite enough.”
Jared blinked repeatedly a few times.
“And the voice thinks I’m repressed and obsessed with coffee,” Jensen barreled on.
Jared didn’t say anything, just grinned.
“Shut up,” Jensen said, rubbing the back of his neck. “The thing is that the voice is telling me that I’m supposed to kiss the love of my life by the end of the day or I’m going to die and I’m really freaking out here because that’s a lot of pressure and I have absolutely no idea what to do.”
Jared thought about it for less than a second and then shrugged. “So we’ll find the love of your life today.”
Jensen’s jaw dropped. “What? You’re not going to tell me that there is something in my subconscious nagging at me or that maybe I’ve finally gone round the bend? You’re just going to say ‘okay’? What is wrong with you?”
Jared grinned. “Today is the twelve vestal virgin days on set, twelve of the prettiest people in the world are gong to be on set. This will definitely make it a little more interesting.”
Jensen blinked. “Jared, you might have gone round the bend.”
Jared put his hands in his pockets and shrugged, his smile never fading. “You’ve never been anything but calm and level headed, so one exciting day of lunacy isn’t cause to put you in a straight jacket. Like I’m not going to enjoy the hell out of this.”
Jensen rolled his eyes but there was something infectious about Jared when he was like this. Jensen had envied the way Jared could be professional when it was about business, but when it was just the two of them he could make up his own reality. Jared was an infectious child that was too hard to ignore.
“Seriously?” Jensen asked, feeling like he could maybe deal with this.
“What else do we have to do today?” Jared asked.
“Um, our jobs?” Jensen said. “The thing that feeds and clothes everybody around us.”
Jared made a dismissive noise. Then he began to stare at Jensen.
“What?” Jensen asked.
“Are you like,” Jared said waving his hand back and forth. “Hearing someone narrating you right now? What is he saying about me?”
“I hate you,” Jensen muttered, feeling something that probably was relief. All he knew was that, as it usually did with Jared, all the weight and pressure been lifted.
**
Jensen and Jared were peeking into the 'extras' room.
There were twelve half naked, covered-in-sparkles extras of the week running around.
“See your potential soul mate?” Jared said, more laughing than talking, and whatever he was doing, it was very loud.
Jensen was trying to hush him, so that Jared wouldn’t give away their very creepy spying.
“Love of my life,” Jensen muttered as he dragged Jared away.
Jensen surveyed the new people in his life with new eyes, knowing that today was the day that he would find ‘the one.’ For the first time Jensen was seeing the world around him. He was no longer the distant figure, he realized he was part of his world.
Jensen rolled his eyes.
“Is the voice speaking to you?” Jared whispered so quietly Jensen barely heard it.
Jensen glared at him. “You choose now to whisper. You’re whispering around the voice in my head who is omnipotent?”
Jared just grinned at him.
“You’re having too much fun with this,” Jensen told him.
“Does the voice give you clues?” Jared said, suddenly way too serious. “Is it going to suddenly give you a great long monologue about quivering bosoms, velvety soft glistening skin, perhaps throbbing members?”
Jensen closed his eyes. “I hate that I told you more than I hate the stupid voice in my head.”
“No big monologues?” Jared said, ignoring the murderous tone of Jensen’s voice. “Maybe you have to figure it out yourself.”
Jensen inhaled and tried to find the calm he had just lost.
“Are you going to be okay with you know actually getting to know someone new?” Jared asked.
“Go to hell,” Jensen said, storming off to the make up trailer.
Jared didn’t actually go to hell, he just followed, because it was his makeup trailer too and it was time for him to get gussied up also.
Jensen hated his life.
What he also hated even more was the speculative look on Jared’s face. He knew that look all too well. It was the one that he got around Chad or Mike and most recently Misha when they came up with something bat shit insane and he was going to take it as seriously as a Harvard-bound honor student took homework.
Jeanie was, as usual, fixing Jensen’s face to hide his freckles. Jensen had tried to dissuade her from this, but she called on the powers of continuity and he had to relent. He was a purist.
Jensen knew from experience that he could either fight it or just give in. The end result was the same, Jared was probably the best cohort into insanity. Jensen had watched it many a time. He had never been the one prodding it; in fact he was usually the one shepherding Jared away from trouble. Except that one time he tried to walk away and Jared broke his hand.
“Dude, totally not my fault,” Jensen muttered.
“Stop talking,” Jeanie said.
Jared leaned over and whispered in his outdoor voice again. “What did he say?”
Jensen chose to just give in.
Jensen decided to just give in. “He’s blaming me for your broken hand.”
Jared leaned back and made an incredulous face. “That was so not your fault. I think Mike and tequila and the hordes of bikers are the more likely culprits.”
Jensen looked at the girls, hoping that this didn’t sound crazy.
The girls didn’t notice anything off about Jensen. He and Jared often spoke in their own language, speaking in a form of short hand that they were perfectly synced for, but nobody else seemed to understand. Most people around them had learned to just exist around it.
Jensen’s eyes went to ceiling as if he could see the voice speaking to him.
Then he looked at Jared who wanted to know what else the voice was saying. Jensen shook his head, and Jared got that look on his face again.
Jensen just waited, because he was all for the crazy Jared ride. There was nothing better to do and if he woke up tomorrow with the voice in his head then he would commit himself immediately.
Canada probably had some good sanitariums.
Jared jumped from the chair, ignoring the gasps of his hair stylist. He rummaged through what Jensen thought of as Jared’s ‘pile of shit.’ Jensen didn’t know for sure, he pretty much ignored that corner.
Jared emerged with a pad and a pink Sharpie.
Jensen just accepted that this would be his burden to bear today, the fact that today would be dictated by Jared’s pink sharpie.
Jensen just smiled a little.
Jared quirked an eyebrow and his dimples came out a little.
Jensen’s smile grew and his eyes crinkled.
Then Sharon hit him with a brush.
“What is with you two today?” she chided.
“We’re going to find Jensen the love of his life today,” Jared said breezily, as if this was a normal type of thing.
Jensen was only like this with Jared. Jared was really the one who would lead him towards his future, because Jared was the only one who would make crazy an every day ordinary thing. Jensen liked how his pending insanity claim and almost insurmountable life goals seemed easy and manageable with Jared at the helm.
Jared opened his mouth, he was getting good at figuring out when Jensen was listening to the voice.
Jensen raised a hand. “I’m not telling you this one.”
“Dear god,” Jeannie groaned. “Are you going to try to hit on the twelve vestal virgins?”
“Only one or two,” Jared grinned, obviously loving this plan.
Jeannie and Shannon looked at each other and then nodded to Jared.
“So what do you have for the list?” Shannon asked.
Jeanie peered over his shoulder. “What does Jensen even like?”
And that was the question Jensen feared, because he had no idea of the answer. He had no idea what the love of his life was like, he didn’t know what he wanted. He just knew that he wanted to end up there.
Jensen didn’t really need to answer, mostly because the three of them were already talking.
“Sex?” Jeanie asked.
“Yes please,” Jared said archly and then descended into giggles.
Jensen relaxed. He could deal with this because this was going to be another thing that turned out to be the Jared show. Jared had taken on his drama
They looked over at Jensen. He just shrugged.
Jared winked at him.
“What about looks?” Shannon asked.
“What do you want, Jensen?” Jared asked, his face soft. “What do you want in a person?”
Jensen knew he could do it, his annoying narrator be damned. “I want someone nice. Someone I can talk to. Someone patient, someone who gives a damn.”
Jared chewed on the marker cap, maintaining eye contact.
“Well that rules out Vestal Virgin Number 7 and Number 2. They were so impatient I wanted to strangle them,” Shannon said. “Numbers 1 and Number 8 criticized me, because they seriously wanted to look like whores rather than, you know, virgins.”
“And Number 6 is dumb as a box of rocks,” Jeanie added.
Jared nodded and made some notes.
The girls made some faces and began talking, and Jared studiously took notes. Jensen just leaned back, waiting for the voice to continue, but it didn’t and for a few seconds Jensen just basked in this life.
Jared made a face at something Shannon was saying, then he turned to Jensen.
“You totally don’t want someone who laughs like a hyena,” Jared declared
“I put up with you don’t I?” Jensen countered.
Jared paused and looked at him for a second before he stated talking. Suddenly Jensen felt really antsy. His breathing sounded really loud in his head.
“You need somebody perfect Jen,” Jared said in a low voice, and it was only them in the room at this moment.
And the moment held, until Shannon whacked Jensen with a brush.
She rolled her eyes. “How are you going to tell if someone is perfect in one day?”
Jensen and Jared looked at each other and then shrugged their shoulders.
“Perfection knows how to ice skate backwards,” Jared finally said.
Jensen let out a laugh; at their own personal joke from a cracked out screening of Blade in Season one.
The girls looked at them as if they were crazy.
They had their inside jokes, and it didn’t really work to share.
Jared winked at him and that broke the mome. Jared shuffled his paper.
“Let’s go meet the victims,” Jared said finally. “And maybe do some acting.”
**
Jensen stepped on set. The casting department had done really a bang up job with getting some of the most gorgeous people they had ever had as extras. They were beautiful and fit....
Jared whistled. “You picked a great day to find the love of your life. I wish I've picked today.”
...in this room was the love of Jensen’s life. It remained to be seen if he would be able to get outside of his carefully constructed self to let himself go to find out the truth.
“I didn’t choose anything,” Jensen muttered.
“What? Oh yeah, Cas voice” Jared said distantly. “Three, Four, Nine, Ten,”
He pointed out the extras that they had agreed on.
“You’re like some kind of funky Rainman,” Jensen said.
Some people noticed people. Some people are too caught up by themselves to see others. Jensen was the latter.
“Are you going to be able to resist rolling your eyes in front of your potential loves?” Jared asked with a gleam in his eye. “I mean I find the voices charming but the new love of your life might not.”
“Is ten the redhead?” Jensen asked.
“Good, you’re learning,” Jared said clapping his hands.
“Redheads freak me out,” Jensen said.
Jared raised an eye. “So picky, so picky. So you have Three, Four, and Nine.”
Jensen surveyed the room, looking at the Vestal Virgins, a plot point that was ridiculous, something a being such as Castiel would never do. He would never open up the wrath of the anciets to piss of the Winchester Brothers.
“What is he saying?” Jared whispered. “You have the weirdest look on your face.”
“Castiel in my head doesn’t like the Vestal Virgin episode,” Jensen muttered. “His tone implies that it is beneath him.”
Jared started laughing again. “Cas doesn’t approve of the Sera penned ‘Dean and Sam are getting half naked’ episode that we are having this season. He’s a little awesome.”
“He’s psychotic, or I am. We’ll know by the end of the day,” Jensen muttered.
Then Jared sobered up. “They’re coming, try not to act crazy.”
“Ditto to you hyena boy,” Jensen said under his breath.
“Hi,” Jared said with a smile a million miles long.
Jensen was always surprised by how easily Jared could turn on the charm. They had spent seven years side by side in front of the fans. At first they had both been terrified. It had been Jared who had begun the easing. He was four years younger, but he had been the one to deflect. Time had made it easier on Jensen, but Jared could still do it, he could still be the one bigger than the sun, eclipsing Jensen until he found his footing.
Jensen found himself staring at Jared as he talked. He didn’t mean to, but he had never really heard everything in those terms.
He snapped himself out of the haze and turned towards one of the people who could quite possibly be the love of his live.
The blonde girl smiled. “Hi I’m Elle, I will be the one molesting you all day, but I promise it will be onscreen. I am perfectly respectable when the camera isn’t running.”
Jensen and Jared exchanged glances. Jensen turned towards her and gave her his killer smile smile, but the taller brunette put her hand out.
“I’m Drea,” the other woman said, with too much enunciation.
Jensen tried not to recoil, and almost seamlessly Jared was there, with that huge smile, deflecting her.
Jensen swallowed, thankful about how in tune Jared was with him, how easily Jared filled in the places where he didn’t know how to put on the persona.
“I’m Rob,” the other guy said. “I’m the one you will mostly see running away from you today.”
Jensen felt his heart flutter.
Upon first meeting, it could either of these two, they seemed to be comfortable and attractive. The other girl was kind of a bitch.
Jensen smiled at Ella and Rob and engaged them a little in conversation. He kind of had to snicker. Once the Castiel voice stopped being so arrogant he was kind of funny. Jensen was getting into the subtleties of the voice. The voice was definitely nixing Drea.
Jensen had the worst taste in anything. Sometimes he needed a little help, and a big push.
Jensen managed to keep a straight face and still attempted to listen to Rob and Ella. He joked around with them while the crew gave them funny looks. He and Jared didn’t often joke around with the weekly players, separately. They were more of a packaged deal.
Jared definitely didn’t put on his polite face to talk to some girl without sending distress signals to Jensen.
The weekly director walked in and looked at the two of them.
“Boys, quit canoodling,” he said to the boys. “We have to get out early tonight. Get to your places.”
Jensen blushed, the looks on Ella and Rob’s face said that they thought it was adorable.
Jared came and dragged Jensen away. Jensen waved at them.
“Slave driver,” Jared muttered unhappily.
“Job. Work. Livelyhood,” Jensen said. “Any of this ringing any bells.”
Jared sighed as if he was greatly put upon. “Let’s go act and shit.”
The ADs scurried around to collect Jensen and Jared, looking kind of confused about what was going on. Jensen smiled pleasantly. Jared was a little maniacal in his amusement.
They shrugged and went to the end of the set.
“Are you in love yet?” Jared asked with a grin.
“I’m just a big joke to you aren’t I?” Jensen sighed.
Jared shrugged, his grin was huge. “Never.”
Jensen rolled his eyes. “You are a child.”
“I am the most excellent wingman,” Jared said with fake indignity. “I’m awesomely supportive.”
“Boys,” the director bellowed. “If it isn’t to much trouble would you mind finding your places.”
**
Jensen was sitting on the floor, tied to a random pipe; this was the scene where the Vestal Virgins were all going to harp on him and then Sam was going to break in.
It was written somewhere in his contract that they would absolutely never ever would have to be suspended while handcuffed. He had done it once before on another show and he never wanted to do it again., and he and Jared had been handcuffed many times and they were usually pretty comfortable scenes tied to a pole as they sat on the floor.
Rob and Ella were sitting next to him, waiting for one of the lights to be replaced.
“Yeah, getting started is always difficult,” Jensen was saying to them.
Rob raised an eyebrow. “I thought you had it fairly easy.”
Jensen sighed. “You’re right, we did. Jared and I, we to Hollywood and got jobs pretty quickly. It worked out easier than most people.”
“That must be my problem,” Ella laughed. “It is a little harder being out here in Vancouver.”
“Well we were lucky enough that the CW moved here,” Rob added.
Jensen looked over at Jared who was talking across the room gave him a huge wink, because that was Jared.
From the wink, it was pretty obvious to everyone that Jensen was making some kind of move, only nobody was sure on who.
Jensen rolled his eyes. It wasn’t so bad. Rob and Ella were pretty great, for being forced into finding the love of ones life in less than twenty-four hours and all.
“Okay let’s try this again,” the director called out tiredly.
**
"The chastity of the Vestals was considered to have a direct bearing on the health of the Roman state. When they entered the collegium, they left behind the authority of their fathers and became daughters of the state. Any sexual relationship with a citizen was therefore considered to be incest and an act of treason."
Sam read that. Dean and Sam exchanged a look.
“Sammy, we need to find her now,” Dean said with calm worry.
“CUT,” the director said.
Jensen and Jared looked up from their places; they had done everything right.
The director stubbed his toe on the ground. “I just want to say that this is a Sera note, but she wants Dean and Sam - and once again these are her notes - ‘have a moment.’ So can you do that 'looking thing' for the fans and go on with this episode.”
Castiel would never unleash the Vestal Virgins. They were sacred and holy. However Jensen was managing admirably to take the silly episode and still stay on track of his greater mission.
“Can Jared and I just have a quick moment?” Jensen asked.
It was their dynamic on set, Jensen would take care of Jared, help him make his marks, the same as what Jared did for him in public.
Jared and Jensen went off to a more private corner.
“At least he is nice about pushing the ‘brotherly love’,” Jared muttered. “What's up?”
“I talked to Rob, he’s cool,” Jensen said hurriedly.
“We’re taking five so you can talk about your love life?” Jared said, not all that mad, just surprised.
“It is actually my life, thank you very much, remember if I don’t figure this out,” Jensen said hurriedly. “Also all the Cas complaining about the atrocity of this episode is taking me out of the zone. But on an up note he thinks I am awesome and I’m the reason that you do as well as you do.”
“Okay, the voice is most definitely a psychopath,” Jared muttered.
“I also talked to Ella, she’s sweet and snarky,” Jensen said.
“The best kind of snack,” Jared acknowledged.
“But Rob is pretty quick and on target,” Jensen sighed.
“So no closer to choosing.” Jared said, thinking a little.
“Seriously I don’t meet a decent person in seven years and now I have two,” Jensen muttered.
“Offended,” Jared said with a raise of an eyebrow.
For a second Jensen hesitated. So much of the time he just saw Jared as the skinny kid whom he had met on the first day of shooting. But Sometimes that image would crack and Jensen would see what was really there.
Sometimes it was like staring at the sun.
It was one of those moments where nothing needed to be said and nobody had to look away.
“You good,” Jared said softly, with a bit of twang.
There was honesty in the accent. There was something real in the sound of home.
Jensen couldn’t catch his breath, didn’t want to.
“Is he still talking?” Jared asked curiously. “Do you need a few more?”
Jensen shook his head. “I’m good, I’m ready.”
Inwardly he was starting to feel a little wary of what was going on. He had seen the easy answers. He forgot that Castiel probably wasn’t that straightforward.
You know, if this was really Castiel.
If this was really real.
The clock was counting down, and finally Jensen was starting to get it.
So apparently it was as real as something like this could get.
Jensen closed his eyes. Tomorrow he was so going to get fitted for a straight jacket, if he wasn’t in love or dead first, that is.
**
The next couple of hours were a little awkward. Jared was being more than helpful. Jensen was trying. Rob and Ella were sweet, but Jensen felt awkward. The thought of Jared nagging at the edge of his mind.
Finally Jensen excused himself to go to the bathroom. He walked back to his trailer and leaned against the door, and quickly grabbed for his phone in his pocket. He was always grateful that Dean had so many pockets. He always had his phone stashed away in one of them.
“Jensen,” Misha’s very non-Castiel voice said tiredly. “Just got Wes down, you’re in luck.”
“I’ve just got a few seconds,” Jensen said. “If I tell you something crazy, can you just go with it for today and if it doesn’t work out I’ll be the first to put myself in the loony bin.”
“I miss being up there. The craziness sounds so much better Not that I don’t love Wes, but his crazy doesn’t make sense yet,” Misha said with a sigh. “You know I’m totally here for your crazy”
“Also I’m not drunk,” Jensen felt the need to add.
“I just need to know if you are roofied,” Misha said. “You never know with Jared.”
“Jared wouldn’t roofie me, you would,” Jensen remarked.
“True, okay you, of sound and sober mind, lay it on me,” Misha said.
“Okay I woke up with this voice in my head that sounds like Castiel and he said that I have to find the love of my life by the end of the day. So Jared is helping, well, you know in that way Jared helps and I’ve met these two Vestal Virgins, Rob and Ella and they’re nice and all, you know I could deal with them for a bit, but then I realize that every time Jared smiles something incredibly fluffy happens to me, which upon thinking about it incessantly, while I’m trying to work, is hard and also Twilight I’d like not to go into it, but just know that it is fluffy.”
“God I miss you guys,” Misha said.
“So I have Rob and Ella as the potential loves of my life,” Jensen said trying to summarize his less than coherent monologue.
“But you have these warm gushy feelings when Jared smiles,” Misha filled in.
“Stop saying things like that,” Jensen said.
“You said it first,” Misha pointed out.
“I’m going to deny that to the very end,” Jensen said determinedly. “Which may be tonight.”
“I can’t believe this. I always thought that I would be there when you figured it out,” Misha sighed. “Damn me and my kid and my career and damn.”
“Uhh, what?” Jensen said.
Jensen was beginning to wake up figuratively. Like in the literal waking up, it was a bit slow. But he was getting there.
“Although I left because I thought that you would never figure it out, so I wasn’t going to miss anything,” Misha continued.
Jensen nearly swallowed his tongue, but managed to say. “You knew?”
There was silence.
“Um Jensen, everyone knows. The grips know, the catering people know, the world knows,” Misha said.
Jensen was always a slow one.
Jensen swatted around his head as if he could smack the Castiel voice.
“Does Jared know?” Jensen squeaked out because he spent the day not dealing with the absurdity of the situation, and he wasn’t about to start now. Might as well get to the important part.
“Not really,” Misha hesitated. “Not any more than you did.”
Jensen thought about it for a minute. This could be a good or bad thing.
“Misha,” Jensen said slowly, feeling like he was falling down a hole.
But he didn’t know what to say. He just wanted to know what to do.
Just tell him how you feel.
“Just tell him how you feel.”
It was freaky, hearing Castiel and Misha at the same time.
Jensen hung up the phone.
Sure, easy as pie.
**
The day wasn't the longest day they'd ever had, but it was pretty much the longest day of Jensen's life. Jared, quite understandably, was unaware of Jensen’s sudden realization. He was still busy with the whole finding the love of Jensen’s life thing.
He was doing it with those dimples and a wink, and every time he did that, Jensen just wanted to die.
Castiel kept chatting along, and Jared kept match making, and Jensen just went along with it because he didn’t know what else to do.
It made him ill, but damn, Jared was really charming. It was a little alarming how much he hadn’t let himself notice that before.
At the end of the night Jared suggested to Rob and Ella about going to a bar and the four of them went.
“Lay off,” Jensen whispered as they entered the bar.
Jared gave him a little hurt look.
“I figured it out,” Jensen tried to soothe.
Jared grinned and it was undoubtedly the cutest thing that Jensen had seen. He really was wondering how he had never noticed this before.
“Tell me, tell me,” Jared pleaded tugging on him.
Jensen grinned, eyes crinkling. “You’ll know, can’t we just have fun? Be normal, let me confirm it.”
Jared made a pouting face, then finally grinned again. “Sure, I can be normal.”
“Not likely,” Jensen teased.
They went into the bar. They sat down with Rob and Ella. It was normal. Jared and Jensen spent most of the night telling stories, prodded on by Rob and Ella.
“Gotta piss,” Jared said after a few hours, a little drunk.
“You’re such a gentleman,” Ella mocked.
“I think we made that conclusion after the burrito story,” Rob added.
Jared saluted and walked away. Jensen’s eyes followed him.
“You’ve got it bad,” Ella said conspiratorially.
Next to her Rob nodded. “Totally understandable though. He’s a great guy.”
Jensen held his breath, as he listened for the voice. It didn’t come, and he really really needed it. It seemed to be this way, but couldn’t the voice just tell him that the love of his life was in the bathroom?
“We won’t tell anyone,” Ella said with a smile.
“Yeah, it just seems really mean,” Rob agreed. “Especially if he doesn’t know.”
This wasn’t really all that revolutionary. It was just right, just part of who he was. Jensen realized something that was already there, that he had been ignoring, but it was like breathing.
He was in love, he had the love of his life all day long. He didn’t know when in the last few years he had stopped having his best friend and when he started having the love of his life, but that was what it was. That was what it always had been.
“What do I do?” Jensen asked, wondering when his direction in life was decided by committee. When had he needed to talk to other people before making a decision? He had woken up today always internalizing for weeks before sharing with anyone else.
Except Jared. He felt very foolish for not realizing earlier, because once he began thinking, it was more than glaringly obvious.
“Why don’t you just tell him?” Rob asked.
“Do you think that he would be okay with it?” Ella asked.
Jensen thought of everything that could go wrong. Their partnership that was the basis of their show and fan base. Then there was their career beyond the show. First and foremost there was their friendship.
Jensen had today to kiss the love of his life.
That was as good as a confirmation as he could hope for.
“Fuck,” Jensen said, looking at his watch.
It was quarter till twelve and the love of his life was in the bathroom.
Jensen got up. “I’m going to go get drinks,” Jensen said, in a mumble.
He walked away from the bar and to the other end of the room where the bathrooms were. He paced outside the doorway for a minute before Jared came out.
Jared looked a little surprised to see him.
“I went to get drinks,” Jensen said in a rush.
Jared raised an eyebrow. “Bar is on the other side of the room.”
“What if it is you?” Jensen said, looking at Jared.
Jared’s face didn’t change. Jensen felt his heart sink, but he barreled on because if he didn’t he was going to die in fifteen minutes.
“You’re my best friend, you are everything that I’ve ever wanted in a person, and I didn’t see it before and now I’ve seen it, I can’t unsee it.”
Jared just looked at him blankly.
“I’m in love with you, I’ve been in love with you for a long time,” Jensen said. “I don’t want to kiss Ella or Rob, I don’t want to end up with anyone but you.”
Jared opened his mouth.
“And you’re hot,” Jensen said. “I would have made a move, well no I wouldn’t have, because I don’t really do that, but I’m so goddamned attracted to you.”
Jared closed his mouth, but didn’t say anything.
The silence was very uncomfortable.
“Well this is awesome,” Jensen muttered, rubbing the back of his neck. “On an up note I do actually get to die of embarrassment in like four minutes.”
Jensen turned and barreled out of the bar. He felt the tears form, because telling one's best friend that you were in love with him was horrific. Getting a blank look as a response was by far and a way the worst thing that had happened in his life. He was looking forward to his death. He hoped it would be fiery. It would be a whole lot less painful than this moment.
He was out on the curb, hailing a cab when Jared came running out of the bar.
"Just a minute Jensen." Jared yelled, panic creeping into his voice.
Jensen turned tiredly.
"No Jared, it is two minutes to midnight and I'm really tired of you mocking me," Jensen said. "They were pretty great. I should have just dealt with one of them being the love of my life. I really wish I had left it. I would have been happy eventually. I could have happily lived without that look on your face.”
A cab pulled up and Jensen turned to open the door. Jared grabbed Jensen by the arm.
“You didn’t let me speak,” Jared said. “You can’t just tell a man that he is the love of your life and then not let him say something.”
Jensen clenched his hand around the door handle, not ready to let go, but Jared didn’t let up on his arm either.
"I wanted to tell you today something all day, I just wanted to tell you that Rob and Ella, they're not good enough," Jared said, swaying a little. "They’re great, but they're not good enough for you and you shouldn't have to settle for the love of your life.”
Jensen looked at him. "No, actually I'm going to die now. If it wasn’t destiny then I’m pretty sure the embarrassment of my best fucking friend telling me that I’m a good guy and I’ll find someone else would do the trick, so I’m going to go now and if there is any justice in this world the voice will be telling me the truth."
Jared looked at him, his hazy drunk eyes struggling with some thought. Jensen moved towards the cab and before he knew it he was pulled backwards and spun around. Long arms wrapped around him and lips pressed against him.
And Jensen’s body was already reacting to Jared, whose fingers were in his hair, his arms around his back, his body flushed against his.
Jensen kissed back and held on, because if this was going to be the first kiss with Jared he was going to be a part of it, pending death or crazy voices or loves of his lives be damned.
And with that Jensen got the kiss of the love of his life. It was hardly the best kiss of Jensen’s life. Jared was needy and was using a little too much tongue, but that was something that they could have time to work on. This wasn’t the beginning of anything, this wasn’t a start to a new life, this was the next thing.
Jensen didn’t have time to process that before he heard the cab next to him squealing and pulling away and then there was a horrible crash of metal.
Jensen and Jared seprated and looked at the cab that Jensen didn’t get in. The driver was already out, yelling at a huge black SUV. The driver’s side was fine, but the rear passenger side was totaled. That was exactly where Jensen would have been.
They both looked at the wreck. They both just stared straight ahead at the car as the started yelling at the big SUV that had crashed into his cab.
They watched the scene play out in front of them.
“Don’t be alarmed,” Jensen finally said. “But I’m pretty sure that you are the love of my life.”
Jensen looked at Jared whose eyes were wide as saucers. Jared was breathing hard, it sounded like he had forgotten how to. He started to hyperventilate. Jensen steered him to the curb and pushed his head between his legs.
Jensen waited for the voice that had followed him all day, but he seemed to be gone. He just looked at Jared with his obscenely long legs spread out into the road and his head between his knees. Jensen reached out a hand.
“I’m sorry about that,” Jensen added, not knowing what to say.
Jared lifted his head up. “What are you sorry about? You nearly died.”
“Umm yeah,” Jensen said. “That was kind of the point of today, I guess.”
Jensen really wished he had his handy narrator now because Jared was just staring.
“I nearly lost you,” Jared said, reaching out a hand and grabbing Jensen’s arm.
“Sorry,” Jensen repeated, a little stunned by today’s events.
Jared’s face cumpled. His voice came out raw.
“I thought I had time,” Jared said, eyes wild as he looked at Jensen, making sure he was still there. “I thought I could be your best friend, that we could do this, we’d both date and they’d always be second because we have this huge job and then I’d figure out what all these feelings were after that, after we were done.”
“Jared…” Jensen began.
“No, you have to let me speak, Jensen,” Jared said. “Your voice has been trying all day and you don’t see what is right in front of you. I almost lost you right now, I almost lost you and there’d be a million miles of life that I never tried because I thought it would be better later and I don’t care any more, you’re right. I’ll be the love of your life because we’ve got now. You were right Jensen, you were so right.”
Jensen swallowed.
“And I think you are hotter than the sun,” Jared said. “And even if we didn’t date when the show was over I was always going to sleep with you at least once because I am fascinated by your freckles and when we come home from hiatus and you have that beard, well you can figure out the stuff that makes me think, but since I get along with you better than anyone I’ve ever met I think I have been hoping to be the love of your life.”
They both sat side by side on the curb, the drunkenness and adrenaline wearing off.
There was a scene as cops pulled up, blue lights flashing. A crowd had gathered on the side of the road. They were both a little exhausted.
“Can we go home now?” Jared asked, standing up, offering Jensen a hand. “I think that we have a whole bunch of things to discuss and I don’t know if doing them here will be of any help.”
“Shouldn’t we talk to the police?” Jensen asked.
Jared shrugged. “What are we going to say? We were a little busy when it all happened, I was kind of making out with my co-star, who apparently is, as of tonight, the love of my life. Sera, while she would set up a camera in our bedroom, probably would kill us if this went on public record at this point.”
Jensen gave him a little smile.
“What?” Jared said smiling back.
“I really want to make some kind of remark about Sera,” Jensen told him. “But I can’t really get over the thought of our bedroom.”
Jared let out a laugh, and Jensen took his hand and they moved to walk away.
“Castiel thinks you’re a bad kisser,” Jensen said as they walked down the street, hoping to find a cab that wouldn’t be in a car accident.
“What?” Jared screeched.
“He thinks you use too much tongue,” Jensen teased.
“Oh it is so on,” Jared huffed. “I’m going to take you home and show you how wrong Cas is.”
Jensen laughed.
Jared just stopped. Jensen stopped and they were facing each other.
They just stood there staring at each other, grinning like loons. Then Jared put his hands in his pockets and turned to go, bumping his shoulder against Jensen’s.
**
“Do you think there's an alternate reality where Castiel exists?”
Jensen was under the covers, lazily stretched out around Jared’s huge frame. They were at Jared’s house, there were dogs that needed to be taken out between bouts of making out. They ate ice cream and barbecue chips, Jared’s sure-fire hangover cure, brushed their teeth and made out. They made out on the couch and lost some clothes. They went to bed and made out more.
Jensen was about to fall asleep after his first Jared-induced orgasm. Jared was boneless, but apparently his brain was still thinking.
“Why would he care about me?” Jensen yawned.
Jared was silent for a minute. Jensen hoped he had ended Jared’s pondering over the voice that had followed Jensen around all day.
“Do you think that there is an alternative reality where Misha is actually god?”
Apparently not.
But that question got Jensen to thinking. He stirred a little and pulled closer to Jared.
Jared ran his fingers through Jensen’s hair.
Neither of them spoke.
But neither of them really could definitively say no.
“We’re here,” Jensen finally said. “Let’s not question how or why.”
**
They ambled into the makeup trailer at three, laughing about something.
“How did it go, Jensen,” Shannon asked. “Did you find the love of your life?”
Both boys had grins on their faces that wouldn’t melt butter.
“Nah,” Jensen finally said. “I think I’m stuck with Padalecki for the rest of my life.”
The girls laughed.
“Oh honey,” Jeannie said. “We figured that much anyway.”
Genre: RPS (It is a non-AU except the girls don’t exist)
Pairing: Jensen/Jared
Warning: none
Rating: PG-13
Word count: 8000+
Beta: mymuseandi and greeneyes_fan Thanks a million guys (also thanks to Chat for speeding me through this and for the throbbing members)
Summary: For spn_cinema I'm doing something based on Stranger Than Fiction - Which I fell asleep during on a plane. I don't actually remember exactly what happens. So in this one this is what happens: Jensen wakes up hearing a voice that seems intent on narrating his day.
Little did Jensen Ackles know that today was the day that he would kiss the love of his life and everything would be changed forever.
Jensen's eyes snapped open at the sound of Castiel's gravely voice echoing throughout his room.
"What?" he said, still too asleep and under-caffeinated to deal with such a declaration.
He was a little pissed at this declaration. His muddled mind went immediately to all the things that he didn’t get to do. He had an unwritten sexual bucket list and it was woefully under-checked. He was a television star, he always thought that he would have at least one threesome before he settled down. Everybody in the business had.
He also knew there was no way in hell that he'd ever introduce anyone that he had a threesome with to his mother. He would definitely introduce the love of his life to his mother. So the love of his life coming today was an inconvenience to his grand plan of a threesome.
A cough interrupted his internal dialogue.
And Castiel's voice boomed through his room.
As I was saying, the voice went on. Jensen was pretty much the definition of reserved. He had a special job and was highly recognizable, but Jensen was pretty much the most guarded that anyone could be in his situation.
Then Jensen realized that he was not supposed to be hearing a voice in his bedroom. Castiel was not supposed to be narrating his morning. Castiel wasn’t even supposed to exist outside of Eric Kripke’s deranged mind.
Jensen lifted the covers and looked around his room. There had to be some kind of speaker that it was coming from. Misha had to be playing some kind of joke.
Jensen had some lofty fantasies that he totally could have capitalized on, Castiel's voice went on, as Jensen looked under the bed. But he was was mostly secretive, holding everybody at arms length, never being daring...
"I’ve had serious relationships," Jensen muttered.
When he broke up with a person they left, feeling as if they had never really known him, Castiel said. They liked him because he was a nice guy, but he only let them in a little bit, only showed them what he could control. He kept most people out of his personal space, charming, but cool.
He looked under the covers, under the bed, in the closet. He didn't try to figure out how Misha had attuned to his mind mostly because he was still lacking caffeine, but also because he didn’t want to consider the crazy aspect of it.
And Misha was an Evil Genius so this kind of thing could happen.
"Shut up," Jensen bellowed.
But today would be the day that began Jensen Ackles' life, the voice continued. Not his career, which was what it was and usually it was very healthy.
"Thanks at least for that," Jensen muttered.
His career was all that he cared about. He had never put that much care into romance, ever since he dumped Molly Hansen when she was in the hospital with leukemia when he was ten years old. He hadn’t been able to actually be part of something bigger, just in case he was going to turn out to be a douche again.
Jensen stilled. He had never told Misha that, in fact he had never told anyone that. It was one of those embarrassing things that he had buried deep deep down. Something seemed to be really really off. Like Misha was pretty talented and the ADs liked him, but putting in an entire sound system and knowing embarrassing things that had only existed in his head up to this point, was feeling to be a bit of a stretch.
Besides that really didn’t seem like Misha’s style. He liked being annoying, not emotionally scarring.
Jensen felt very real panic coming on. Today was definitely the day he went insane.
The voice continued, But today was the day that he stopped being a face, and finally got real.
Jensen rolled his eyes, his internal monologue was a little trite. Jensen reached for his phone. There really was no need to postpone confirmation of his insanity.
Jensen awoke, feeling something different.
“No shit,” Jensen muttered, dialing.
“Hey,” a tired voice said.
“Misha,” Jensen said evenly.
Jensen was excellent at composure. He excelled at always being collected and exuded old Hollywood charm, but he was unable to let anyone in.
Jensen thought it interesting to hear both Misha and Castiel. This was a pretty neat trick.
“Mish,” Jensen said cautiously, because if Misha was behind this he really didn’t want to piss him off. Their friendship would totally be over, but there was no need to rile him. “You wouldn’t happen to be pranking me right now, would you?”
Misha let out a laugh. “Well, I'm flattered you think so. Vickie has been gone for a week, I’ve been doing insane night shots on this movie, West is sick, I haven’t slept in two days, and I’m kind of in another country. What the hell, whatever is going on, I totally did it.”
“Just saying,” Jensen said slowly. “You aren’t working with Jared or anything are you?”
Jensen got up and began the day that would change his life, the voice said almost impatiently.
“Are you okay Jensen?” Misha said with honest concern at the same time.
Jensen closed his eyes, because he was not. Misha wouldn’t do this, or Misha would be funnier and Jared would totally be in on it. If they were dong this there would be remarks about his hair care products and baby blue steel face. Misha would at least have a wittier tone to his voice, this thing wasn’t so much Misha - this was most definitely Castiel.
Who just yesterday was totally a fictional character and now he was narrating Jensen’s life and being pushy and rude.
The voice was more annoyed. Jensen got up to meet his day, doing the normal things that he did, getting into the shower...
“I’m fine,” Jensen told Misha. “I’ve gotta go, morning routine and all.”
“Jensen what is going on?” Misha asked, concern creeping into his voice.
And that was what worried Jensen the most. He had the eerie feeling that he was going batshit insane. He was going to kill Jared and Misha if this wasn’t a joke. He would find out soon enough. They couldn’t totally rewire his house and if this turned out to be a temporary joke he was going to be out a best friend and a Misha.
“I’m just tired,” Jensen said, his voice even; he was most definitely an actor. He could fake through this.
Misha didn’t bite, but went along with him. “Okay, call me later?”
“Sure Mish,” Jensen said, hanging up the phone.
Jensen sat on the bed, hoping that the voice had gone away.
”Jensen got up,” the Misha voice went on, this time sounding very pissed.
Jensen grimaced but got up glaring in every direction just to be sure.
Jensen went around his daily routine, as always mindful of the fact that he was an on time person.
The voice was prodding and passive and Jensen wished that he was corporeal so he could punch it. Jensen groaned, hating just about everything this morning. He was not functional enough to deal with any of this.
Jensen followed his mindless routine and went downstairs where he managed to remember to set the alarm on the coffeemaker so he could function in the morning, the voice said in a softer, more generous tone.
“I did?” Jensen said perking up, a little hope overriding his crazy.
There was silence and Jensen began to feel like the voice wasn’t going to go on if he didn’t get moving. The silence sounded tense.
Jensen got up and managed to make it to where his coffee was brewing.
Jensen had an unnatural obsession with his coffee; he consumed it with more passion than he did when he was making love.
Jensen snorted at the phrasing, it was downright obnoxious. Misha would be more likely to use the word orgy or talk about sticking his cock in it, because that was just how Misha was.
So Jensen meandered through his morning, settling in that today he would kiss the love of his life…or he would die.
Jensen sat up straight. “What! Where the hell did that come from? Shouldn’t you have started with the doom? Seriously what the hell? I’m going to die?”
**
Jensen had never noticed how long the ride over to the lots were.
Jensen was jumpy the whole way over. Castiel’s voice went on narrating and he was having trouble not laughing or making faces at the narration. He was trying to be normal, he didn’t actually want Jared to be aware that he was crazy.
Unfortunately Jared could read him like an open book.
“Seriously Jensen,” Jared with honest concern. “What is going on?”
Jensen knew that this was the one person that he could trust. That this was one of the few people whom he had let in.
“I get it,” Jensen muttered
Jared just looked at him curiously, worry beginning to creep in.
“Do you ever hear a voice in your head?” Jensen blurted out.
Jared just cocked his head for a second. He didn’t look at Jensen as if he was crazy, he just looked like he was thinking about it.
Finally he nodded. “Yeah, sounds just like my momma. All the time I hear her telling me ‘do you really need to drink another beer Jared?’, ‘Chew with your mouth closed, Jared’, ‘Put on clean socks, you are going to get trench foot, Jared’.”
Jensen swallowed. “Mine sounds like Castiel.”
Jared was silent for a second. “That sucks.”
“Yep,” Jensen said.
Jared was quiet for a few more minutes and then made a face. “Better than Misha, I guess. You’d wake up with in bed with a goat, twelve yoyos, and a tub of half melted fro-yo.”
“Not again,” Jensen said blandly, then sighed. “Well I heard the voice, it just started today and I might be going insane and the voice is kind of annoying.”
“As I’m sure that Castiel is in real life,” Jared raised and eyebrow. “Yeah that sounds weird. So Castiel speaks to you?”
“Crazy eh?” Jensen said, ready to give up on the entire thing.
“So Castiel is telling you what to do?” Jared prodded.
“No,” Jensen said tiredly. “It’s more like Castiel is narrating my life and he gets pissy when I don’t follow the narration quite enough.”
Jared blinked repeatedly a few times.
“And the voice thinks I’m repressed and obsessed with coffee,” Jensen barreled on.
Jared didn’t say anything, just grinned.
“Shut up,” Jensen said, rubbing the back of his neck. “The thing is that the voice is telling me that I’m supposed to kiss the love of my life by the end of the day or I’m going to die and I’m really freaking out here because that’s a lot of pressure and I have absolutely no idea what to do.”
Jared thought about it for less than a second and then shrugged. “So we’ll find the love of your life today.”
Jensen’s jaw dropped. “What? You’re not going to tell me that there is something in my subconscious nagging at me or that maybe I’ve finally gone round the bend? You’re just going to say ‘okay’? What is wrong with you?”
Jared grinned. “Today is the twelve vestal virgin days on set, twelve of the prettiest people in the world are gong to be on set. This will definitely make it a little more interesting.”
Jensen blinked. “Jared, you might have gone round the bend.”
Jared put his hands in his pockets and shrugged, his smile never fading. “You’ve never been anything but calm and level headed, so one exciting day of lunacy isn’t cause to put you in a straight jacket. Like I’m not going to enjoy the hell out of this.”
Jensen rolled his eyes but there was something infectious about Jared when he was like this. Jensen had envied the way Jared could be professional when it was about business, but when it was just the two of them he could make up his own reality. Jared was an infectious child that was too hard to ignore.
“Seriously?” Jensen asked, feeling like he could maybe deal with this.
“What else do we have to do today?” Jared asked.
“Um, our jobs?” Jensen said. “The thing that feeds and clothes everybody around us.”
Jared made a dismissive noise. Then he began to stare at Jensen.
“What?” Jensen asked.
“Are you like,” Jared said waving his hand back and forth. “Hearing someone narrating you right now? What is he saying about me?”
“I hate you,” Jensen muttered, feeling something that probably was relief. All he knew was that, as it usually did with Jared, all the weight and pressure been lifted.
**
Jensen and Jared were peeking into the 'extras' room.
There were twelve half naked, covered-in-sparkles extras of the week running around.
“See your potential soul mate?” Jared said, more laughing than talking, and whatever he was doing, it was very loud.
Jensen was trying to hush him, so that Jared wouldn’t give away their very creepy spying.
“Love of my life,” Jensen muttered as he dragged Jared away.
Jensen surveyed the new people in his life with new eyes, knowing that today was the day that he would find ‘the one.’ For the first time Jensen was seeing the world around him. He was no longer the distant figure, he realized he was part of his world.
Jensen rolled his eyes.
“Is the voice speaking to you?” Jared whispered so quietly Jensen barely heard it.
Jensen glared at him. “You choose now to whisper. You’re whispering around the voice in my head who is omnipotent?”
Jared just grinned at him.
“You’re having too much fun with this,” Jensen told him.
“Does the voice give you clues?” Jared said, suddenly way too serious. “Is it going to suddenly give you a great long monologue about quivering bosoms, velvety soft glistening skin, perhaps throbbing members?”
Jensen closed his eyes. “I hate that I told you more than I hate the stupid voice in my head.”
“No big monologues?” Jared said, ignoring the murderous tone of Jensen’s voice. “Maybe you have to figure it out yourself.”
Jensen inhaled and tried to find the calm he had just lost.
“Are you going to be okay with you know actually getting to know someone new?” Jared asked.
“Go to hell,” Jensen said, storming off to the make up trailer.
Jared didn’t actually go to hell, he just followed, because it was his makeup trailer too and it was time for him to get gussied up also.
Jensen hated his life.
What he also hated even more was the speculative look on Jared’s face. He knew that look all too well. It was the one that he got around Chad or Mike and most recently Misha when they came up with something bat shit insane and he was going to take it as seriously as a Harvard-bound honor student took homework.
Jeanie was, as usual, fixing Jensen’s face to hide his freckles. Jensen had tried to dissuade her from this, but she called on the powers of continuity and he had to relent. He was a purist.
Jensen knew from experience that he could either fight it or just give in. The end result was the same, Jared was probably the best cohort into insanity. Jensen had watched it many a time. He had never been the one prodding it; in fact he was usually the one shepherding Jared away from trouble. Except that one time he tried to walk away and Jared broke his hand.
“Dude, totally not my fault,” Jensen muttered.
“Stop talking,” Jeanie said.
Jared leaned over and whispered in his outdoor voice again. “What did he say?”
Jensen chose to just give in.
Jensen decided to just give in. “He’s blaming me for your broken hand.”
Jared leaned back and made an incredulous face. “That was so not your fault. I think Mike and tequila and the hordes of bikers are the more likely culprits.”
Jensen looked at the girls, hoping that this didn’t sound crazy.
The girls didn’t notice anything off about Jensen. He and Jared often spoke in their own language, speaking in a form of short hand that they were perfectly synced for, but nobody else seemed to understand. Most people around them had learned to just exist around it.
Jensen’s eyes went to ceiling as if he could see the voice speaking to him.
Then he looked at Jared who wanted to know what else the voice was saying. Jensen shook his head, and Jared got that look on his face again.
Jensen just waited, because he was all for the crazy Jared ride. There was nothing better to do and if he woke up tomorrow with the voice in his head then he would commit himself immediately.
Canada probably had some good sanitariums.
Jared jumped from the chair, ignoring the gasps of his hair stylist. He rummaged through what Jensen thought of as Jared’s ‘pile of shit.’ Jensen didn’t know for sure, he pretty much ignored that corner.
Jared emerged with a pad and a pink Sharpie.
Jensen just accepted that this would be his burden to bear today, the fact that today would be dictated by Jared’s pink sharpie.
Jensen just smiled a little.
Jared quirked an eyebrow and his dimples came out a little.
Jensen’s smile grew and his eyes crinkled.
Then Sharon hit him with a brush.
“What is with you two today?” she chided.
“We’re going to find Jensen the love of his life today,” Jared said breezily, as if this was a normal type of thing.
Jensen was only like this with Jared. Jared was really the one who would lead him towards his future, because Jared was the only one who would make crazy an every day ordinary thing. Jensen liked how his pending insanity claim and almost insurmountable life goals seemed easy and manageable with Jared at the helm.
Jared opened his mouth, he was getting good at figuring out when Jensen was listening to the voice.
Jensen raised a hand. “I’m not telling you this one.”
“Dear god,” Jeannie groaned. “Are you going to try to hit on the twelve vestal virgins?”
“Only one or two,” Jared grinned, obviously loving this plan.
Jeannie and Shannon looked at each other and then nodded to Jared.
“So what do you have for the list?” Shannon asked.
Jeanie peered over his shoulder. “What does Jensen even like?”
And that was the question Jensen feared, because he had no idea of the answer. He had no idea what the love of his life was like, he didn’t know what he wanted. He just knew that he wanted to end up there.
Jensen didn’t really need to answer, mostly because the three of them were already talking.
“Sex?” Jeanie asked.
“Yes please,” Jared said archly and then descended into giggles.
Jensen relaxed. He could deal with this because this was going to be another thing that turned out to be the Jared show. Jared had taken on his drama
They looked over at Jensen. He just shrugged.
Jared winked at him.
“What about looks?” Shannon asked.
“What do you want, Jensen?” Jared asked, his face soft. “What do you want in a person?”
Jensen knew he could do it, his annoying narrator be damned. “I want someone nice. Someone I can talk to. Someone patient, someone who gives a damn.”
Jared chewed on the marker cap, maintaining eye contact.
“Well that rules out Vestal Virgin Number 7 and Number 2. They were so impatient I wanted to strangle them,” Shannon said. “Numbers 1 and Number 8 criticized me, because they seriously wanted to look like whores rather than, you know, virgins.”
“And Number 6 is dumb as a box of rocks,” Jeanie added.
Jared nodded and made some notes.
The girls made some faces and began talking, and Jared studiously took notes. Jensen just leaned back, waiting for the voice to continue, but it didn’t and for a few seconds Jensen just basked in this life.
Jared made a face at something Shannon was saying, then he turned to Jensen.
“You totally don’t want someone who laughs like a hyena,” Jared declared
“I put up with you don’t I?” Jensen countered.
Jared paused and looked at him for a second before he stated talking. Suddenly Jensen felt really antsy. His breathing sounded really loud in his head.
“You need somebody perfect Jen,” Jared said in a low voice, and it was only them in the room at this moment.
And the moment held, until Shannon whacked Jensen with a brush.
She rolled her eyes. “How are you going to tell if someone is perfect in one day?”
Jensen and Jared looked at each other and then shrugged their shoulders.
“Perfection knows how to ice skate backwards,” Jared finally said.
Jensen let out a laugh; at their own personal joke from a cracked out screening of Blade in Season one.
The girls looked at them as if they were crazy.
They had their inside jokes, and it didn’t really work to share.
Jared winked at him and that broke the mome. Jared shuffled his paper.
“Let’s go meet the victims,” Jared said finally. “And maybe do some acting.”
**
Jensen stepped on set. The casting department had done really a bang up job with getting some of the most gorgeous people they had ever had as extras. They were beautiful and fit....
Jared whistled. “You picked a great day to find the love of your life. I wish I've picked today.”
...in this room was the love of Jensen’s life. It remained to be seen if he would be able to get outside of his carefully constructed self to let himself go to find out the truth.
“I didn’t choose anything,” Jensen muttered.
“What? Oh yeah, Cas voice” Jared said distantly. “Three, Four, Nine, Ten,”
He pointed out the extras that they had agreed on.
“You’re like some kind of funky Rainman,” Jensen said.
Some people noticed people. Some people are too caught up by themselves to see others. Jensen was the latter.
“Are you going to be able to resist rolling your eyes in front of your potential loves?” Jared asked with a gleam in his eye. “I mean I find the voices charming but the new love of your life might not.”
“Is ten the redhead?” Jensen asked.
“Good, you’re learning,” Jared said clapping his hands.
“Redheads freak me out,” Jensen said.
Jared raised an eye. “So picky, so picky. So you have Three, Four, and Nine.”
Jensen surveyed the room, looking at the Vestal Virgins, a plot point that was ridiculous, something a being such as Castiel would never do. He would never open up the wrath of the anciets to piss of the Winchester Brothers.
“What is he saying?” Jared whispered. “You have the weirdest look on your face.”
“Castiel in my head doesn’t like the Vestal Virgin episode,” Jensen muttered. “His tone implies that it is beneath him.”
Jared started laughing again. “Cas doesn’t approve of the Sera penned ‘Dean and Sam are getting half naked’ episode that we are having this season. He’s a little awesome.”
“He’s psychotic, or I am. We’ll know by the end of the day,” Jensen muttered.
Then Jared sobered up. “They’re coming, try not to act crazy.”
“Ditto to you hyena boy,” Jensen said under his breath.
“Hi,” Jared said with a smile a million miles long.
Jensen was always surprised by how easily Jared could turn on the charm. They had spent seven years side by side in front of the fans. At first they had both been terrified. It had been Jared who had begun the easing. He was four years younger, but he had been the one to deflect. Time had made it easier on Jensen, but Jared could still do it, he could still be the one bigger than the sun, eclipsing Jensen until he found his footing.
Jensen found himself staring at Jared as he talked. He didn’t mean to, but he had never really heard everything in those terms.
He snapped himself out of the haze and turned towards one of the people who could quite possibly be the love of his live.
The blonde girl smiled. “Hi I’m Elle, I will be the one molesting you all day, but I promise it will be onscreen. I am perfectly respectable when the camera isn’t running.”
Jensen and Jared exchanged glances. Jensen turned towards her and gave her his killer smile smile, but the taller brunette put her hand out.
“I’m Drea,” the other woman said, with too much enunciation.
Jensen tried not to recoil, and almost seamlessly Jared was there, with that huge smile, deflecting her.
Jensen swallowed, thankful about how in tune Jared was with him, how easily Jared filled in the places where he didn’t know how to put on the persona.
“I’m Rob,” the other guy said. “I’m the one you will mostly see running away from you today.”
Jensen felt his heart flutter.
Upon first meeting, it could either of these two, they seemed to be comfortable and attractive. The other girl was kind of a bitch.
Jensen smiled at Ella and Rob and engaged them a little in conversation. He kind of had to snicker. Once the Castiel voice stopped being so arrogant he was kind of funny. Jensen was getting into the subtleties of the voice. The voice was definitely nixing Drea.
Jensen had the worst taste in anything. Sometimes he needed a little help, and a big push.
Jensen managed to keep a straight face and still attempted to listen to Rob and Ella. He joked around with them while the crew gave them funny looks. He and Jared didn’t often joke around with the weekly players, separately. They were more of a packaged deal.
Jared definitely didn’t put on his polite face to talk to some girl without sending distress signals to Jensen.
The weekly director walked in and looked at the two of them.
“Boys, quit canoodling,” he said to the boys. “We have to get out early tonight. Get to your places.”
Jensen blushed, the looks on Ella and Rob’s face said that they thought it was adorable.
Jared came and dragged Jensen away. Jensen waved at them.
“Slave driver,” Jared muttered unhappily.
“Job. Work. Livelyhood,” Jensen said. “Any of this ringing any bells.”
Jared sighed as if he was greatly put upon. “Let’s go act and shit.”
The ADs scurried around to collect Jensen and Jared, looking kind of confused about what was going on. Jensen smiled pleasantly. Jared was a little maniacal in his amusement.
They shrugged and went to the end of the set.
“Are you in love yet?” Jared asked with a grin.
“I’m just a big joke to you aren’t I?” Jensen sighed.
Jared shrugged, his grin was huge. “Never.”
Jensen rolled his eyes. “You are a child.”
“I am the most excellent wingman,” Jared said with fake indignity. “I’m awesomely supportive.”
“Boys,” the director bellowed. “If it isn’t to much trouble would you mind finding your places.”
**
Jensen was sitting on the floor, tied to a random pipe; this was the scene where the Vestal Virgins were all going to harp on him and then Sam was going to break in.
It was written somewhere in his contract that they would absolutely never ever would have to be suspended while handcuffed. He had done it once before on another show and he never wanted to do it again., and he and Jared had been handcuffed many times and they were usually pretty comfortable scenes tied to a pole as they sat on the floor.
Rob and Ella were sitting next to him, waiting for one of the lights to be replaced.
“Yeah, getting started is always difficult,” Jensen was saying to them.
Rob raised an eyebrow. “I thought you had it fairly easy.”
Jensen sighed. “You’re right, we did. Jared and I, we to Hollywood and got jobs pretty quickly. It worked out easier than most people.”
“That must be my problem,” Ella laughed. “It is a little harder being out here in Vancouver.”
“Well we were lucky enough that the CW moved here,” Rob added.
Jensen looked over at Jared who was talking across the room gave him a huge wink, because that was Jared.
From the wink, it was pretty obvious to everyone that Jensen was making some kind of move, only nobody was sure on who.
Jensen rolled his eyes. It wasn’t so bad. Rob and Ella were pretty great, for being forced into finding the love of ones life in less than twenty-four hours and all.
“Okay let’s try this again,” the director called out tiredly.
**
"The chastity of the Vestals was considered to have a direct bearing on the health of the Roman state. When they entered the collegium, they left behind the authority of their fathers and became daughters of the state. Any sexual relationship with a citizen was therefore considered to be incest and an act of treason."
Sam read that. Dean and Sam exchanged a look.
“Sammy, we need to find her now,” Dean said with calm worry.
“CUT,” the director said.
Jensen and Jared looked up from their places; they had done everything right.
The director stubbed his toe on the ground. “I just want to say that this is a Sera note, but she wants Dean and Sam - and once again these are her notes - ‘have a moment.’ So can you do that 'looking thing' for the fans and go on with this episode.”
Castiel would never unleash the Vestal Virgins. They were sacred and holy. However Jensen was managing admirably to take the silly episode and still stay on track of his greater mission.
“Can Jared and I just have a quick moment?” Jensen asked.
It was their dynamic on set, Jensen would take care of Jared, help him make his marks, the same as what Jared did for him in public.
Jared and Jensen went off to a more private corner.
“At least he is nice about pushing the ‘brotherly love’,” Jared muttered. “What's up?”
“I talked to Rob, he’s cool,” Jensen said hurriedly.
“We’re taking five so you can talk about your love life?” Jared said, not all that mad, just surprised.
“It is actually my life, thank you very much, remember if I don’t figure this out,” Jensen said hurriedly. “Also all the Cas complaining about the atrocity of this episode is taking me out of the zone. But on an up note he thinks I am awesome and I’m the reason that you do as well as you do.”
“Okay, the voice is most definitely a psychopath,” Jared muttered.
“I also talked to Ella, she’s sweet and snarky,” Jensen said.
“The best kind of snack,” Jared acknowledged.
“But Rob is pretty quick and on target,” Jensen sighed.
“So no closer to choosing.” Jared said, thinking a little.
“Seriously I don’t meet a decent person in seven years and now I have two,” Jensen muttered.
“Offended,” Jared said with a raise of an eyebrow.
For a second Jensen hesitated. So much of the time he just saw Jared as the skinny kid whom he had met on the first day of shooting. But Sometimes that image would crack and Jensen would see what was really there.
Sometimes it was like staring at the sun.
It was one of those moments where nothing needed to be said and nobody had to look away.
“You good,” Jared said softly, with a bit of twang.
There was honesty in the accent. There was something real in the sound of home.
Jensen couldn’t catch his breath, didn’t want to.
“Is he still talking?” Jared asked curiously. “Do you need a few more?”
Jensen shook his head. “I’m good, I’m ready.”
Inwardly he was starting to feel a little wary of what was going on. He had seen the easy answers. He forgot that Castiel probably wasn’t that straightforward.
You know, if this was really Castiel.
If this was really real.
The clock was counting down, and finally Jensen was starting to get it.
So apparently it was as real as something like this could get.
Jensen closed his eyes. Tomorrow he was so going to get fitted for a straight jacket, if he wasn’t in love or dead first, that is.
**
The next couple of hours were a little awkward. Jared was being more than helpful. Jensen was trying. Rob and Ella were sweet, but Jensen felt awkward. The thought of Jared nagging at the edge of his mind.
Finally Jensen excused himself to go to the bathroom. He walked back to his trailer and leaned against the door, and quickly grabbed for his phone in his pocket. He was always grateful that Dean had so many pockets. He always had his phone stashed away in one of them.
“Jensen,” Misha’s very non-Castiel voice said tiredly. “Just got Wes down, you’re in luck.”
“I’ve just got a few seconds,” Jensen said. “If I tell you something crazy, can you just go with it for today and if it doesn’t work out I’ll be the first to put myself in the loony bin.”
“I miss being up there. The craziness sounds so much better Not that I don’t love Wes, but his crazy doesn’t make sense yet,” Misha said with a sigh. “You know I’m totally here for your crazy”
“Also I’m not drunk,” Jensen felt the need to add.
“I just need to know if you are roofied,” Misha said. “You never know with Jared.”
“Jared wouldn’t roofie me, you would,” Jensen remarked.
“True, okay you, of sound and sober mind, lay it on me,” Misha said.
“Okay I woke up with this voice in my head that sounds like Castiel and he said that I have to find the love of my life by the end of the day. So Jared is helping, well, you know in that way Jared helps and I’ve met these two Vestal Virgins, Rob and Ella and they’re nice and all, you know I could deal with them for a bit, but then I realize that every time Jared smiles something incredibly fluffy happens to me, which upon thinking about it incessantly, while I’m trying to work, is hard and also Twilight I’d like not to go into it, but just know that it is fluffy.”
“God I miss you guys,” Misha said.
“So I have Rob and Ella as the potential loves of my life,” Jensen said trying to summarize his less than coherent monologue.
“But you have these warm gushy feelings when Jared smiles,” Misha filled in.
“Stop saying things like that,” Jensen said.
“You said it first,” Misha pointed out.
“I’m going to deny that to the very end,” Jensen said determinedly. “Which may be tonight.”
“I can’t believe this. I always thought that I would be there when you figured it out,” Misha sighed. “Damn me and my kid and my career and damn.”
“Uhh, what?” Jensen said.
Jensen was beginning to wake up figuratively. Like in the literal waking up, it was a bit slow. But he was getting there.
“Although I left because I thought that you would never figure it out, so I wasn’t going to miss anything,” Misha continued.
Jensen nearly swallowed his tongue, but managed to say. “You knew?”
There was silence.
“Um Jensen, everyone knows. The grips know, the catering people know, the world knows,” Misha said.
Jensen was always a slow one.
Jensen swatted around his head as if he could smack the Castiel voice.
“Does Jared know?” Jensen squeaked out because he spent the day not dealing with the absurdity of the situation, and he wasn’t about to start now. Might as well get to the important part.
“Not really,” Misha hesitated. “Not any more than you did.”
Jensen thought about it for a minute. This could be a good or bad thing.
“Misha,” Jensen said slowly, feeling like he was falling down a hole.
But he didn’t know what to say. He just wanted to know what to do.
Just tell him how you feel.
“Just tell him how you feel.”
It was freaky, hearing Castiel and Misha at the same time.
Jensen hung up the phone.
Sure, easy as pie.
**
The day wasn't the longest day they'd ever had, but it was pretty much the longest day of Jensen's life. Jared, quite understandably, was unaware of Jensen’s sudden realization. He was still busy with the whole finding the love of Jensen’s life thing.
He was doing it with those dimples and a wink, and every time he did that, Jensen just wanted to die.
Castiel kept chatting along, and Jared kept match making, and Jensen just went along with it because he didn’t know what else to do.
It made him ill, but damn, Jared was really charming. It was a little alarming how much he hadn’t let himself notice that before.
At the end of the night Jared suggested to Rob and Ella about going to a bar and the four of them went.
“Lay off,” Jensen whispered as they entered the bar.
Jared gave him a little hurt look.
“I figured it out,” Jensen tried to soothe.
Jared grinned and it was undoubtedly the cutest thing that Jensen had seen. He really was wondering how he had never noticed this before.
“Tell me, tell me,” Jared pleaded tugging on him.
Jensen grinned, eyes crinkling. “You’ll know, can’t we just have fun? Be normal, let me confirm it.”
Jared made a pouting face, then finally grinned again. “Sure, I can be normal.”
“Not likely,” Jensen teased.
They went into the bar. They sat down with Rob and Ella. It was normal. Jared and Jensen spent most of the night telling stories, prodded on by Rob and Ella.
“Gotta piss,” Jared said after a few hours, a little drunk.
“You’re such a gentleman,” Ella mocked.
“I think we made that conclusion after the burrito story,” Rob added.
Jared saluted and walked away. Jensen’s eyes followed him.
“You’ve got it bad,” Ella said conspiratorially.
Next to her Rob nodded. “Totally understandable though. He’s a great guy.”
Jensen held his breath, as he listened for the voice. It didn’t come, and he really really needed it. It seemed to be this way, but couldn’t the voice just tell him that the love of his life was in the bathroom?
“We won’t tell anyone,” Ella said with a smile.
“Yeah, it just seems really mean,” Rob agreed. “Especially if he doesn’t know.”
This wasn’t really all that revolutionary. It was just right, just part of who he was. Jensen realized something that was already there, that he had been ignoring, but it was like breathing.
He was in love, he had the love of his life all day long. He didn’t know when in the last few years he had stopped having his best friend and when he started having the love of his life, but that was what it was. That was what it always had been.
“What do I do?” Jensen asked, wondering when his direction in life was decided by committee. When had he needed to talk to other people before making a decision? He had woken up today always internalizing for weeks before sharing with anyone else.
Except Jared. He felt very foolish for not realizing earlier, because once he began thinking, it was more than glaringly obvious.
“Why don’t you just tell him?” Rob asked.
“Do you think that he would be okay with it?” Ella asked.
Jensen thought of everything that could go wrong. Their partnership that was the basis of their show and fan base. Then there was their career beyond the show. First and foremost there was their friendship.
Jensen had today to kiss the love of his life.
That was as good as a confirmation as he could hope for.
“Fuck,” Jensen said, looking at his watch.
It was quarter till twelve and the love of his life was in the bathroom.
Jensen got up. “I’m going to go get drinks,” Jensen said, in a mumble.
He walked away from the bar and to the other end of the room where the bathrooms were. He paced outside the doorway for a minute before Jared came out.
Jared looked a little surprised to see him.
“I went to get drinks,” Jensen said in a rush.
Jared raised an eyebrow. “Bar is on the other side of the room.”
“What if it is you?” Jensen said, looking at Jared.
Jared’s face didn’t change. Jensen felt his heart sink, but he barreled on because if he didn’t he was going to die in fifteen minutes.
“You’re my best friend, you are everything that I’ve ever wanted in a person, and I didn’t see it before and now I’ve seen it, I can’t unsee it.”
Jared just looked at him blankly.
“I’m in love with you, I’ve been in love with you for a long time,” Jensen said. “I don’t want to kiss Ella or Rob, I don’t want to end up with anyone but you.”
Jared opened his mouth.
“And you’re hot,” Jensen said. “I would have made a move, well no I wouldn’t have, because I don’t really do that, but I’m so goddamned attracted to you.”
Jared closed his mouth, but didn’t say anything.
The silence was very uncomfortable.
“Well this is awesome,” Jensen muttered, rubbing the back of his neck. “On an up note I do actually get to die of embarrassment in like four minutes.”
Jensen turned and barreled out of the bar. He felt the tears form, because telling one's best friend that you were in love with him was horrific. Getting a blank look as a response was by far and a way the worst thing that had happened in his life. He was looking forward to his death. He hoped it would be fiery. It would be a whole lot less painful than this moment.
He was out on the curb, hailing a cab when Jared came running out of the bar.
"Just a minute Jensen." Jared yelled, panic creeping into his voice.
Jensen turned tiredly.
"No Jared, it is two minutes to midnight and I'm really tired of you mocking me," Jensen said. "They were pretty great. I should have just dealt with one of them being the love of my life. I really wish I had left it. I would have been happy eventually. I could have happily lived without that look on your face.”
A cab pulled up and Jensen turned to open the door. Jared grabbed Jensen by the arm.
“You didn’t let me speak,” Jared said. “You can’t just tell a man that he is the love of your life and then not let him say something.”
Jensen clenched his hand around the door handle, not ready to let go, but Jared didn’t let up on his arm either.
"I wanted to tell you today something all day, I just wanted to tell you that Rob and Ella, they're not good enough," Jared said, swaying a little. "They’re great, but they're not good enough for you and you shouldn't have to settle for the love of your life.”
Jensen looked at him. "No, actually I'm going to die now. If it wasn’t destiny then I’m pretty sure the embarrassment of my best fucking friend telling me that I’m a good guy and I’ll find someone else would do the trick, so I’m going to go now and if there is any justice in this world the voice will be telling me the truth."
Jared looked at him, his hazy drunk eyes struggling with some thought. Jensen moved towards the cab and before he knew it he was pulled backwards and spun around. Long arms wrapped around him and lips pressed against him.
And Jensen’s body was already reacting to Jared, whose fingers were in his hair, his arms around his back, his body flushed against his.
Jensen kissed back and held on, because if this was going to be the first kiss with Jared he was going to be a part of it, pending death or crazy voices or loves of his lives be damned.
And with that Jensen got the kiss of the love of his life. It was hardly the best kiss of Jensen’s life. Jared was needy and was using a little too much tongue, but that was something that they could have time to work on. This wasn’t the beginning of anything, this wasn’t a start to a new life, this was the next thing.
Jensen didn’t have time to process that before he heard the cab next to him squealing and pulling away and then there was a horrible crash of metal.
Jensen and Jared seprated and looked at the cab that Jensen didn’t get in. The driver was already out, yelling at a huge black SUV. The driver’s side was fine, but the rear passenger side was totaled. That was exactly where Jensen would have been.
They both looked at the wreck. They both just stared straight ahead at the car as the started yelling at the big SUV that had crashed into his cab.
They watched the scene play out in front of them.
“Don’t be alarmed,” Jensen finally said. “But I’m pretty sure that you are the love of my life.”
Jensen looked at Jared whose eyes were wide as saucers. Jared was breathing hard, it sounded like he had forgotten how to. He started to hyperventilate. Jensen steered him to the curb and pushed his head between his legs.
Jensen waited for the voice that had followed him all day, but he seemed to be gone. He just looked at Jared with his obscenely long legs spread out into the road and his head between his knees. Jensen reached out a hand.
“I’m sorry about that,” Jensen added, not knowing what to say.
Jared lifted his head up. “What are you sorry about? You nearly died.”
“Umm yeah,” Jensen said. “That was kind of the point of today, I guess.”
Jensen really wished he had his handy narrator now because Jared was just staring.
“I nearly lost you,” Jared said, reaching out a hand and grabbing Jensen’s arm.
“Sorry,” Jensen repeated, a little stunned by today’s events.
Jared’s face cumpled. His voice came out raw.
“I thought I had time,” Jared said, eyes wild as he looked at Jensen, making sure he was still there. “I thought I could be your best friend, that we could do this, we’d both date and they’d always be second because we have this huge job and then I’d figure out what all these feelings were after that, after we were done.”
“Jared…” Jensen began.
“No, you have to let me speak, Jensen,” Jared said. “Your voice has been trying all day and you don’t see what is right in front of you. I almost lost you right now, I almost lost you and there’d be a million miles of life that I never tried because I thought it would be better later and I don’t care any more, you’re right. I’ll be the love of your life because we’ve got now. You were right Jensen, you were so right.”
Jensen swallowed.
“And I think you are hotter than the sun,” Jared said. “And even if we didn’t date when the show was over I was always going to sleep with you at least once because I am fascinated by your freckles and when we come home from hiatus and you have that beard, well you can figure out the stuff that makes me think, but since I get along with you better than anyone I’ve ever met I think I have been hoping to be the love of your life.”
They both sat side by side on the curb, the drunkenness and adrenaline wearing off.
There was a scene as cops pulled up, blue lights flashing. A crowd had gathered on the side of the road. They were both a little exhausted.
“Can we go home now?” Jared asked, standing up, offering Jensen a hand. “I think that we have a whole bunch of things to discuss and I don’t know if doing them here will be of any help.”
“Shouldn’t we talk to the police?” Jensen asked.
Jared shrugged. “What are we going to say? We were a little busy when it all happened, I was kind of making out with my co-star, who apparently is, as of tonight, the love of my life. Sera, while she would set up a camera in our bedroom, probably would kill us if this went on public record at this point.”
Jensen gave him a little smile.
“What?” Jared said smiling back.
“I really want to make some kind of remark about Sera,” Jensen told him. “But I can’t really get over the thought of our bedroom.”
Jared let out a laugh, and Jensen took his hand and they moved to walk away.
“Castiel thinks you’re a bad kisser,” Jensen said as they walked down the street, hoping to find a cab that wouldn’t be in a car accident.
“What?” Jared screeched.
“He thinks you use too much tongue,” Jensen teased.
“Oh it is so on,” Jared huffed. “I’m going to take you home and show you how wrong Cas is.”
Jensen laughed.
Jared just stopped. Jensen stopped and they were facing each other.
They just stood there staring at each other, grinning like loons. Then Jared put his hands in his pockets and turned to go, bumping his shoulder against Jensen’s.
**
“Do you think there's an alternate reality where Castiel exists?”
Jensen was under the covers, lazily stretched out around Jared’s huge frame. They were at Jared’s house, there were dogs that needed to be taken out between bouts of making out. They ate ice cream and barbecue chips, Jared’s sure-fire hangover cure, brushed their teeth and made out. They made out on the couch and lost some clothes. They went to bed and made out more.
Jensen was about to fall asleep after his first Jared-induced orgasm. Jared was boneless, but apparently his brain was still thinking.
“Why would he care about me?” Jensen yawned.
Jared was silent for a minute. Jensen hoped he had ended Jared’s pondering over the voice that had followed Jensen around all day.
“Do you think that there is an alternative reality where Misha is actually god?”
Apparently not.
But that question got Jensen to thinking. He stirred a little and pulled closer to Jared.
Jared ran his fingers through Jensen’s hair.
Neither of them spoke.
But neither of them really could definitively say no.
“We’re here,” Jensen finally said. “Let’s not question how or why.”
**
They ambled into the makeup trailer at three, laughing about something.
“How did it go, Jensen,” Shannon asked. “Did you find the love of your life?”
Both boys had grins on their faces that wouldn’t melt butter.
“Nah,” Jensen finally said. “I think I’m stuck with Padalecki for the rest of my life.”
The girls laughed.
“Oh honey,” Jeannie said. “We figured that much anyway.”