Brigits_Flame August Week Three: Fusion

[truc_d_ouf]

*This poem is inspired by a painting of an old gypsy woman I saw in a museum yesterday. It stood out from the rest of the paintings of young, vibrant girls who were both fascinating and fearful to the people at the time. I started to wonder if the mixed reactions born from these two feelings had taken their toll on the gypsy woman, and I jotted

Comments

[truc_d_ouf]

I just looked it up on Amazon, it sounds like a fascinating book! I'll have to try to get my hands on a copy :).

[keppiehed]

What a clever poem. You are such a thoughtful writer; I am really becoming a fan of your work. Just wonderful. I can't wait to read more from you.

[truc_d_ouf]

Thank you for reading and for the lovely compliment :)!

[bluegerl]

Oh lordy, the message of the verse, burning, burning.

and the poignancy of the last two lines of the poem.

Brilliant. Quite brilliant!!!

claps hands and echoes Keppie.

[truc_d_ouf]

Thank you very much, I'm glad you enjoyed it :).

dodos rolling out the edit wagon,he pauses

[bardiphouka]

What everyone else has said.

That taken care of, I do have two suggestions.

One being that, with a few minor punctuation changes, you could mirror the entire second stanza...except the last couplet. Not saying you should, just a thought.

And I am afraid the songbird line does not quite work for me. It does not really fit the rest of the piece. What to replace it with? No idea. But I have faith.

Re: dodos rolling out the edit wagon,he pauses

[truc_d_ouf]

Thank you for your edit :)! I agree with you on the songbird line. It doesn't ring quite right with me either, but I don't know how to replace it either. That's a good idea about the punctuation, I'll have to play around with it! Thanks again :).

Editing

[cedarwolfsinger]

Another lovely piece. The images are lovely, though some are sad. I love the fact that you took it down and back up in reverse. Very cool. Sorry that I have no suggestions for improvement -- it is awesome the way it stands.