I'm So Weak
Title: I'm So Weak
Series: 1
Chapter: 1
Authors: trollsttroll & absinthe_memory
Fandom: My Chemical Romance/The Used
Pairing: Bert/Gerard
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Fiction. Learn it, live it, love it.
Summary: Decisions must be made and adhered to, even if they threaten to tear you apart...
Dedicated to: absinthe_memory, read her reaction to this: Without It All
Author's Note: Obviously inspired by Famous Last Words... and transformed into a collaboration of sorts...
Explanation: Each series is going to be a different 'verse inspired by the lyrics of In Love and Death and The Black Parade...
You touch my face with shaking hands. I'd like to imagine that it's because you're that fucking scared of losing me. I'd like to imagine that as the words 'honey, sugar, baby, lover' fall from your chapped lips, that you really mean them; that you aren't begging me to succumb to you... to destroy myself. And when you cup my cheeks and bring our lips together in the saddest symphony of kisses that will ever exist between us... all I want to do is disappear.
It's so hard to stand up to you, to your proclamations of love. It isn't enough that I'm physically drawn to you, that every time you speak or laugh I can't help but want to be at your side... but even everything I hate in you makes me fall in love all over again. Fuck you for taking everything I am and altering it beyond former recognition. I've had to start from the bottom and build my way back up. We were but a few drunken steps from falling off our pedestals... and honey, we fell. We fell hard.
I know that I can't make you stay. You want what you want out of life. You think that that means me, but it doesn't. Because the only way you'd have me if we kept on like this is as a corpse. And I know there's nothing I can say to change that. Don't get me wrong, I understand. I was once like you.
But what you revel in, I now fear. And in that I fear you. Baby, I know you'd never hurt me. No. I know I'd never hurt you. Because of that, I cannot stand and watch as the very ground beneath you swallows you up.
Our dreams were always so huge; we wanted the world. Money. Success. Fame. Glamour. Well, sugar... we got what we wanted and in it we lay decaying in our own decadence. So many bright lights, they cast a shadow. They cast the very cloak of death over the lot of us.
Fingers over my lips, you shush me and kiss my tears away. Forehead to forehead you breathe in the very breathe I take until I'm suffocating in everything that we are. But can I speak? When your lips crush me, they are the only thing grounding me to this world. I can't let go... I can't let go.
A mess of sweaty limb and hair splayed over sheets dingy with everything that defines us; rubbed so deep into cotton fibers that they are us. Your nose pressed into my shoulder as you snore and I stare into the darkness of everything that surrounds you. I want so much more than I'll ever get from you. Is it so hard understanding, that I'm incomplete?
Traveling always seemed like such a great thing when we were younger. The open road under our wheels. The skies stretching out before us. The gray always escapable... the blue always on the horizon. We never once thought about where our travels would take us. Or more importantly who they'd take us away from.
And life's so demanding. I get so weak. Once upon a time, this made everything so much easier. Once upon a time, you were my escape. But now? Now all I want is a shower. All I want is to relish my awareness undulled by you and so many unnamed substances. But you are... your love is so demanding, I can't speak.
And I realize in the darkness of the night as we lay so wrapped up in one another that our flesh has become one that I am not afraid to keep on living. I no longer crave the slow death of supposed freedom as the elixir slips past my lips and slides down my throat. No, I am not afraid to walk this world alone. Even if it means leaving you.
You tell me that if I stay you'll forgive me. You tell me that if I stay it'll be forever. You tell me... you say, honey if you stay I'll be forgiven. But, this I ask: what sin have I committed that requires your forgiveness? All I want is life. A life. To live... and baby, I can't manage that with you.
Nothing you can say can stop me from going. Nothing you can say can stop me from going... home. And it seems like the only thing you see is how this affects you and never how it affects me. Can't you see?
I'm so weak. These bright lights have always blinded me.
You ask what I want from you, what can you do to make me stay. You say: Baby, I love you. Please stay, I'll do anything you want... I'll tell you anything you want me to say. Baby...lover, please stay.
But honey, there's nothing you can say can stop me from going home.
I see you lying next to me with words I thought I'd never speak; awake and unafraid, asleep, or dead.
I love you too... but I can't do this anymore.
Series: 1
Chapter: 1
Authors: trollsttroll & absinthe_memory
Fandom: My Chemical Romance/The Used
Pairing: Bert/Gerard
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Fiction. Learn it, live it, love it.
Summary: Decisions must be made and adhered to, even if they threaten to tear you apart...
Dedicated to: absinthe_memory, read her reaction to this: Without It All
Author's Note: Obviously inspired by Famous Last Words... and transformed into a collaboration of sorts...
Explanation: Each series is going to be a different 'verse inspired by the lyrics of In Love and Death and The Black Parade...
You touch my face with shaking hands. I'd like to imagine that it's because you're that fucking scared of losing me. I'd like to imagine that as the words 'honey, sugar, baby, lover' fall from your chapped lips, that you really mean them; that you aren't begging me to succumb to you... to destroy myself. And when you cup my cheeks and bring our lips together in the saddest symphony of kisses that will ever exist between us... all I want to do is disappear.
It's so hard to stand up to you, to your proclamations of love. It isn't enough that I'm physically drawn to you, that every time you speak or laugh I can't help but want to be at your side... but even everything I hate in you makes me fall in love all over again. Fuck you for taking everything I am and altering it beyond former recognition. I've had to start from the bottom and build my way back up. We were but a few drunken steps from falling off our pedestals... and honey, we fell. We fell hard.
I know that I can't make you stay. You want what you want out of life. You think that that means me, but it doesn't. Because the only way you'd have me if we kept on like this is as a corpse. And I know there's nothing I can say to change that. Don't get me wrong, I understand. I was once like you.
But what you revel in, I now fear. And in that I fear you. Baby, I know you'd never hurt me. No. I know I'd never hurt you. Because of that, I cannot stand and watch as the very ground beneath you swallows you up.
Our dreams were always so huge; we wanted the world. Money. Success. Fame. Glamour. Well, sugar... we got what we wanted and in it we lay decaying in our own decadence. So many bright lights, they cast a shadow. They cast the very cloak of death over the lot of us.
Fingers over my lips, you shush me and kiss my tears away. Forehead to forehead you breathe in the very breathe I take until I'm suffocating in everything that we are. But can I speak? When your lips crush me, they are the only thing grounding me to this world. I can't let go... I can't let go.
A mess of sweaty limb and hair splayed over sheets dingy with everything that defines us; rubbed so deep into cotton fibers that they are us. Your nose pressed into my shoulder as you snore and I stare into the darkness of everything that surrounds you. I want so much more than I'll ever get from you. Is it so hard understanding, that I'm incomplete?
Traveling always seemed like such a great thing when we were younger. The open road under our wheels. The skies stretching out before us. The gray always escapable... the blue always on the horizon. We never once thought about where our travels would take us. Or more importantly who they'd take us away from.
And life's so demanding. I get so weak. Once upon a time, this made everything so much easier. Once upon a time, you were my escape. But now? Now all I want is a shower. All I want is to relish my awareness undulled by you and so many unnamed substances. But you are... your love is so demanding, I can't speak.
And I realize in the darkness of the night as we lay so wrapped up in one another that our flesh has become one that I am not afraid to keep on living. I no longer crave the slow death of supposed freedom as the elixir slips past my lips and slides down my throat. No, I am not afraid to walk this world alone. Even if it means leaving you.
You tell me that if I stay you'll forgive me. You tell me that if I stay it'll be forever. You tell me... you say, honey if you stay I'll be forgiven. But, this I ask: what sin have I committed that requires your forgiveness? All I want is life. A life. To live... and baby, I can't manage that with you.
Nothing you can say can stop me from going. Nothing you can say can stop me from going... home. And it seems like the only thing you see is how this affects you and never how it affects me. Can't you see?
I'm so weak. These bright lights have always blinded me.
You ask what I want from you, what can you do to make me stay. You say: Baby, I love you. Please stay, I'll do anything you want... I'll tell you anything you want me to say. Baby...lover, please stay.
But honey, there's nothing you can say can stop me from going home.
I see you lying next to me with words I thought I'd never speak; awake and unafraid, asleep, or dead.
I love you too... but I can't do this anymore.