FIC: Live Past Destruction (Legend of the Seeker: Cara/Kahlan) [PG-13]
chocolateboxcomm reveals happened over night! It's been a fun little fest. I got two lovely Steve/Bucky/Natasha threesome ficlets - The Subtlety of Blini and Light on the Edge of the World. ♥
And here's the fic I wrote myself, for an old fandom that I now miss something fierce:
Title: Live Past Destruction
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Cara/Kahlan
Summary: Kahlan travels with the woman who killed her sister.
A/N: Ties in to Broken, Touched, and Resurrection, sliding towards AU. Written for Ias as part of
chocolateboxcomm 2016.
Originally posted here at AO3.
~*~
Kahlan's breath catches in her throat, and her power catches in her gut, clenched tight, unwilling to release.
An hour ago she would gladly have confessed Cara. Now, too many truths have drowned out Kahlan's single-minded rage, the urge to destruction burning in her veins.
Looking in Cara's eyes she sees not the Mord'Sith but the woman. She sees her devastated, burning with self-hatred and full of grief, and Kahlan's throat clenches in sudden empathy and understanding. What would Kahlan and her sister have grown up to be, raised by their father rather than saved by a Confessor and taken to Thandor? And their father had only been a small-time monster, forcing his small children to do his bidding, confessing others at his word. Nothing like this, nothing like what had gone into making a Mord'Sith out of an innocent girl.
Dennee is still dead. Cara still killed her. But there is no longer satisfaction in the thought of another death; there is no justice to be had, anywhere.
She can't confess Cara. She can't carry out the sentence. She can't.
Called to give death, Kahlan chooses life: it's the only justice that is left. She speaks what none want to hear, not even Cara, who only craves destruction, having been destroyed already.
Cara will have to live past destruction, Kahlan thinks in the stunned silence following her declaration, in the one moment of time she is given. She'll have to rebuild herself again. It shouldn't be a new experience for a Mord'Sith.
It's a petty thought, and a bitter hope, weighed down by too much history.
Then an arrow points at her, and there's no more time to think. The people of Stowecroft are too afraid of Mord'Sith, and after Darken Rahl's fall, too drunk with finally being allowed their anger. Angry enough even to take on a Confessor. For recognising in Cara a woman who deserves a second chance, Kahlan nearly dies.
It's not until after the ensuing brawl, standing tall in front of the villagers, that Kahlan realises. Cara, alive, will not stay behind. Cara, alive, will not fade from her life. She will see her every day, this woman who killed Dennee, will work with her every day, will defend her in battle and be defended by her. And somehow she will have to stomach that.
Had she killed Cara right away, in the first flush of fury, she would have spared herself the constant reminder. Had she chosen vengeance over justice, she would have spared herself the Mord'Sith's continued presence. But she hadn't. And no matter how dreadful the thought, it doesn't weigh her down. It lifts her up like triumph, the elation of a victory.
She's failed Dennee. She spared Dennee's killer. And there's a horrified, horrifying gladness in her chest.
Perhaps it's not Cara she needs to learn to live with, but herself.
~*~
Cara isn't not coming, Richard tells her. To spare Kahlan the pain of her presence, Cara will remain behind. And again, Kahlan's world rearranges itself.
Her first thought shouldn't be no. The first word clawing at the back of her throat shouldn't be but.
Cara is Mord'Sith, and will do just fine on her own. Kahlan is a Confessor, and should hate her more than anything, even Dennee aside. And it's impossible to put thoughts of Dennee aside. So why does she feel like something has been torn from her?
Torn from her with the utmost kindness, too. And perhaps it was Richard's idea, but Kahlan isn't so sure. Even a day ago, she would have thought the Mord'Sith incapable of such consideration, but she's looked into her eyes, and she's seen something different, something real.
Come back and be the thorn in my side, come back and remind me every day of why I hate you, and why I don't. Those aren't words she can say, though perhaps if anyone might understand, it would be a Mord'Sith. Kahlan shakes the uncomfortable thought.
Come back for me, she can't say.
"Come back for Richard," is what she says in the end.
~*~
Cara's smirk grows, and her agiel strikes at Kahlan's temple. Pain shrieks through her, a pulsing dagger stabbed directly into her brain. She falls.
When she surfaces from the blackness, Cara is grinning down at her, and Kahlan realises that not for a moment did she doubt Cara's intentions, not for a moment did she hesitate to put herself in Cara's hands.
No time for that now.
The Mord'Sith who murdered Confessors on Valeria holds out a red-gloved hand.
Kahlan's head is throbbing. She swallows hard and takes Cara's hand, letting her haul her up. After all, they have a plan to execute, and a Seeker to save.
~*~
Defending Cara against a stranger is instinct and reflex, unquestioned now. Defending Cara against Dennee - defending the murderer against her victim's vengeance - is something else.
"I struggle with it every day," Kahlan tells her sister, afterwards. She doesn't tell her more. What good would it do?
She does struggle, though. Not against trust, not against the way she relies on the Mord'Sith every day, not against Cara's presence, though she'll guiltily let Dennee believe that. Instead, she struggles against the delight in her heart at the rare moments when Cara's smirk melts into a genuine smile, when Cara awkwardly tries out another step away from the life of a Mord'Sith, when she stumbles in her attempts at kindness.
How could she explain to Dennee the heart-stopping feeling of hugging Cara and feeling her leather-clad body against her, stiff-muscled and tense until Cara slowly, deliberately makes an effort to relax, awkwardly patting Kahlan's back in return?
~*~
Daggers against agiel: both deadly, both wielded with single-minded focus. Sparring with Cara is a surprising joy. Kahlan knows how to use a sword, but for a Confessor, the closer the range, the better. And for a Mord'Sith, intimacy is the mode of all her violence. It's even more unsettling when Kahlan remembers it's also the mode of the violence done to her.
They are both grinning as they slash and stab and kick at each other, as they dodge and twist. Cara hooks a boot around her ankle. They are still grinning when Kahlan's back slams into the ground, breath knocked out of her for a few heartbeats, and Cara lands right on top of her.
The Mord'Sith's wicked, bright-eyed smirk would have terrified Kahlan not so many months ago. Cara leans forward, blonde hair curtaining her face as her breath shivers over Kahlan's face -
- and then she jolts back, face closing, almost scrambling away, trying to put her feet under her. Kahlan snatches at her, hooks her fingers into the fastenings of her leathers, and pulls her back in.
Cara's eyes are wide, almost frightened. Her lips are parted, and she is breathing hard.
Kahlan gathers her courage and half strains up, half pulls Cara down until their lips meet.
~*~
Kahlan travels with the woman who killed her sister. They sleep side by side, fight back to back, and she hooks their arms together when they walk. When they find the time, they steal each other's breath with kisses and touch. Once upon a time, Cara killed Kahlan's sister, but she's not that woman now. And more and more, Kahlan finds it difficult to remember that once she was.
She reminds herself, grimly, for Dennee's sake, for all the Confessors' sake. They deserve better than to be forgotten, their murders brushed aside.
She reminds herself, proudly, for Cara's sake. She's come so far, against such odds; it humbles Kahlan to contemplate it. No such journey should ever be forgotten.
One day Kahlan will have to explain to her sister. But not today.
~end~