not knowing
[06.12.2008]
Title: Not Knowing
Pairing: Ryo x Shige
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1900+
Notes: This is for the ryoshige_thon, in response to the prompt: How Uchi thinks Ryo’s real intention of visiting him often on the set is not to see him.
Summary: Uchi isn’t sure he’ll ever understand Ryo and Shige’s relationship.
Not Knowing
When Ryo admits to Uchi that he might be in love with Shige, it is three in the morning and muttered softly into his pillow. Uchi almost has to strain to hear it, but when he does, he can tell from the low timbre of Ryo’s voice that he has never been more serious.
Uchi sits up quickly, fatigue dashed from his mind, and pokes Ryo once, twice.
He groans, shifts beneath woolen blankets, before looking wearily at Uchi, “What?”
Ryo looks shy, angry, and unsure all at once; Uchi doesn’t think he’s ever really seen Ryo like that, especially when they were talking about crushes. With girls, Ryo was the master in all manners of the word. He knew how to grab a woman’s attention, make her beg to be with him. Capturing a woman’s attention and heart had never been difficult for Nishikido Ryo.
Then again, Uchi’s pretty sure that for Ryo, liking Shige, or boys for that matter, is unfamiliar, absolutely terrifying territory.
“You like…Shige? Our Shige? Kato Shigeaki? As in, like like?” Uchi asks dumbly.
Ryo pulls his blanket over his head, and his voice comes out muffled, “You heard me the first time. Please, for the love of god, don’t make me repeat myself.”
Uchi smirks a bit at Ryo’s plea, and lies back down. It wouldn’t be an extremely huge surprise that Ryo could like men. After all, they were in Johnny’s, surrounded by men and boys day in and day out. But to like Shige? Since when was Ryo ever into Shige, even as a friend, a human being, a thing?
He bites his lip, then decides to ask anyway, “Why Shige?”
Ryo doesn’t say a word, and after a while Uchi assumes Ryo had already fallen asleep (they did have a long day after all), but then he glances next to him and sees Ryo’s fists clenched tightly in the bed sheets and ramrod figure. Uchi sighs.
They are silent for a while longer, and then Uchi gasps, voice crisp in the late night air. “Is that the reason why you’ve been visiting me so much at NTV? Is it to see Shige?!” Uchi’s voice sounds scandalized, and Ryo chucks a pillow at his face.
“Don’t be such an idiot. Of course I’m there to see you. I don’t get to see you very often, so why would I be there for Shige?”
Uchi has known Ryo for years, and he can tell that Ryo doesn’t fully believe what he is saying, as if he is trying to convince himself first. He flaps his arms in disapproval, “Finally, the truth is out. We should have more of these sleepovers, don’t you think? It’s nice to stay up late and share dirty secrets as best friends.”
“…You girl.” Ryo pauses, his next words much softer, “And it’s not dirty.”
The next day, Uchi finds himself in Shige’s dressing room during his hour lunch break. Shige is devouring his food, hungry from the morning’s rehearsal, but for once, Uchi cannot bring himself to eat. He picks at his food, can’t stop thinking about Ryo’s confession the other night. Eventually he gives up and puts his chopsticks down with a sad little sigh. He tries his best not to stare at Shige for too long, but once he realizes that Shige is completely absorbed with his food, he gives up trying to be subtle. Uchi was never good at that anyway.
He supposes he could see why girls could fall for Shige. Shige is tall, smart, and though Uchi makes fun of him for looking like a gorilla, Shige can be very handsome and charming when he wants to be. Sure, Shige and Uchi had always gotten along decently, and even more so now that they were both working under NTV, but Uchi can’t help but remember when Shige was awkward and gangly and dorky and AWKWARD. Though it’s not as bad now, Uchi knows that Shige is, in general, an awkward man, and he’s pretty sure Ryo hates awkward people.
Uchi wishes desperately that Ryo had answered his question the other night, mainly because he hates the not knowing. He’s had enough of that. The past years have been chock full of unknowing, of being unsure of what was happening and of what was going to. Uchi hates that feeling, never wants to feel it again, but knows that as a Johnny’s, he’ll never be able to escape that.
Not knowing.
He thinks Ryo will kill him later if he finds out, but he decides to take his chances. “Oi, gorilla.”
Shige’s eyes meet his and he swallows around a mouth full of karaage. “What?” He glances at Uchi’s untouched plate and his eyes widen. “Why aren’t you eating? Aren’t you hungry?”
Uchi grabs his chopsticks and forces some rice into his mouth. “So, what do you think about Ryo-chan?”
Shige’s chopsticks pause in front of his mouth for a split second before he answers, chewing thoughtfully, “He’s gotten better. Lately the teasing hasn’t been so bad, or I’ve gotten used to it. Why?”
“It was just something that I’ve been thinking about. I see you and Ryo-chan separately, so I was wondering how you guys are together.” Uchi smiles inwardly. Good save!
Then Uchi frowns. That was the most generic answer ever. It didn’t answer his question at all.
“I mean, it’s certainly nothing like your relationship with him. You guys are so sweet, Koyama says he gets cavities whenever he sees you two.” Uchi laughs then. As if Koyama and Shige can talk. Then Uchi sits up straighter. Koyama and Shige? What if… “He’s been coming often to NTV to see you, right?”
Uchi’s mind is still reeling from the possibility that Ryo’s crush may be unrequited, and because of Koyama, of all people, but he manages to answer. “Yeah. How’d you know that?”
Shige waves a hand impatiently, “He drops by and says hello whenever he does.”
Uchi starts, stares at Shige. Ryo never mentioned that. “Anyway, I think it’s great that you guys are so close that he’s willing to come to the studio and hang out with you. Despite his heavy schedule too…”
“I’m pretty sure it’s not for me,” Uchi’s eyes widen.
He’s also pretty sure he shouldn’t have said that.
But Shige laughs, a deep sonorous laugh, and when Uchi squints, he sees a tinge of blush dotting Shige’s cheeks. And Shige’s next words are spoken softly, clearly, “Then it must be for me.”
And before Uchi can say anything, someone in Shige’s cast comes into the room. Shige excuses himself, and as Uchi leaves the room, he can’t help but wonder what those last words actually mean.
The next time Ryo and Uchi meet up, Uchi hesitantly brings up his conversation with Shige a couple days earlier. Ryo pauses minutely, swirling his beer around a couple of times before taking a deep sip. He places the finished mug down on the bar, and turns slowly to look at Uchi.
“I know. Shige mentioned it yesterday.” Uchi feels his heart rate return to normal. It doesn’t appear as if Ryo is going to eat him for interfering. In fact, Ryo sounds pleased, though Uchi isn’t sure anymore if it’s because Uchi talked to Shige about Ryo or because Shige talked to Ryo in the first place.
“I think he knows that you like him.” Uchi isn’t quite sure why he says that. After all, he has no authority to say such a thing, and for all he knows, he may’ve completely misconstrued Shige’s blush. It was warm in the dressing room, and two bodies equal more body heat, right? Maybe?
Ryo scoffs, waving his hand to the bartender for another beer. “Of course he knows. Shige isn’t stupid.”
A blank Uchi stare. “Wh-WHAT?!” The inquiry is loud, and people turn and glare as Uchi sheepishly bows his head in apology. He repeats himself incredulously, “He knows?”
Ryo’s face appears nonchalant, but Uchi sees Ryo’s fingers curling around the mug tightly, “Why shouldn’t he? I’m not exactly the subtle type.” He looks at Uchi’s shocked expression and swallows. “We’ve been dancing around this…something…for a while now,” he says softly.
His eyes darken with confusion, like a lost little boy, and he lets out a sharp laugh. “Let’s be honest here. I have no idea what I’m doing with the kid. All I know is that I…I like myself when he’s around. He makes me feel sane. And. And even the simple moments with him are enough.” Ryo blushes at the saccharine sweet words, and Uchi realizes with a start that he’s never heart Ryo talk about someone like this before.
Uchi can’t help it. He starts giggling uncontrollably, that high pitched giggle that Ryo hates. Meanwhile, Ryo’s already crimson blush deepens as he glares at Uchi, willing his staccato giggles to cease. When Uchi finally calms down, his next words are said in complete awe.
“You must really like him, huh?”
Ryo just gives Uchi heated look. And that says enough for Uchi.
For a while, Uchi doesn’t go to Shige’s dressing room, thinking he’s probably interfered enough as it is. In the meantime, Ryo had visited a couple times, and during those brief moments, Shige’s name hadn’t come up even once. Each time, Uchi wonders if Ryo had already visited Shige before seeing him, or if he was going to after. He can’t quite bring himself to ask though, and curses his curious nature and hatred of being kept out of the loop.
So it’s a boring Thursday and he’s been given an hour break. He toys with the idea of visiting Shige and then decides, why not? He doesn’t know where anyone else is and most importantly, he’s BORED. He heads down the halls he’s traversed many times and before he knows it, he finds himself in front of Shige’s dressing room.
He straightens and is about to knock on the door when he realizes, with a start, that it’s already cracked open and that the room is already occupied. And inside are the two very people that he had been so preoccupied with the past few weeks.
Uchi can’t hear what they’re saying; their voices are low and deep, exchanging private words and thoughts. Though he feels a bit like a voyeur, he can’t help himself; he watches as Ryo mumbles and Shige laughs, and even Uchi’s breath catches as he sees an expression that was probably solely reserved for Ryo flash on Shige’s smiling face. Shige leans just a little closer and Ryo’s hand reaches upward to smooth down a crease on Shige’s suit.
Uchi thinks it’s about time he left them to themselves.
He gently closes the door, and winces as the latch makes a loud click. He is sure the two inside heard the noise, though on the other hand, he is not so sure if they care. As Uchi walks away from the dressing room, he acknowledges the fact that despite not fully understanding the hows or whys of their relationship, Ryo and Shige together somehow makes sense. He’s not sure if he’ll ever understand Ryo’s reasoning, likewise Shige’s, but this time he thinks he’ll be okay with not knowing completely. If Ryo continues to look at Shige like that, and vice versa, Ryo can use the excuse of visiting Uchi at NTV as long as he wants.
Or, at least until Osen ends. Then it’s up to Ryo.
AN: I’m pretty sure this is a failure of a Ryo/Shige fic since there isn’t actually much Ryo/Shige interaction, but I decided to post it anyway. This was my own take on the prompt, so if it’s completely off, I apologize in advance. Thanks for all those who encouraged me with my first fic, and I promise I will keep trying my best.
Comments would be awesome. : D Thanks for reading!
Title: Not Knowing
Pairing: Ryo x Shige
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1900+
Notes: This is for the ryoshige_thon, in response to the prompt: How Uchi thinks Ryo’s real intention of visiting him often on the set is not to see him.
Summary: Uchi isn’t sure he’ll ever understand Ryo and Shige’s relationship.
Not Knowing
When Ryo admits to Uchi that he might be in love with Shige, it is three in the morning and muttered softly into his pillow. Uchi almost has to strain to hear it, but when he does, he can tell from the low timbre of Ryo’s voice that he has never been more serious.
Uchi sits up quickly, fatigue dashed from his mind, and pokes Ryo once, twice.
He groans, shifts beneath woolen blankets, before looking wearily at Uchi, “What?”
Ryo looks shy, angry, and unsure all at once; Uchi doesn’t think he’s ever really seen Ryo like that, especially when they were talking about crushes. With girls, Ryo was the master in all manners of the word. He knew how to grab a woman’s attention, make her beg to be with him. Capturing a woman’s attention and heart had never been difficult for Nishikido Ryo.
Then again, Uchi’s pretty sure that for Ryo, liking Shige, or boys for that matter, is unfamiliar, absolutely terrifying territory.
“You like…Shige? Our Shige? Kato Shigeaki? As in, like like?” Uchi asks dumbly.
Ryo pulls his blanket over his head, and his voice comes out muffled, “You heard me the first time. Please, for the love of god, don’t make me repeat myself.”
Uchi smirks a bit at Ryo’s plea, and lies back down. It wouldn’t be an extremely huge surprise that Ryo could like men. After all, they were in Johnny’s, surrounded by men and boys day in and day out. But to like Shige? Since when was Ryo ever into Shige, even as a friend, a human being, a thing?
He bites his lip, then decides to ask anyway, “Why Shige?”
Ryo doesn’t say a word, and after a while Uchi assumes Ryo had already fallen asleep (they did have a long day after all), but then he glances next to him and sees Ryo’s fists clenched tightly in the bed sheets and ramrod figure. Uchi sighs.
They are silent for a while longer, and then Uchi gasps, voice crisp in the late night air. “Is that the reason why you’ve been visiting me so much at NTV? Is it to see Shige?!” Uchi’s voice sounds scandalized, and Ryo chucks a pillow at his face.
“Don’t be such an idiot. Of course I’m there to see you. I don’t get to see you very often, so why would I be there for Shige?”
Uchi has known Ryo for years, and he can tell that Ryo doesn’t fully believe what he is saying, as if he is trying to convince himself first. He flaps his arms in disapproval, “Finally, the truth is out. We should have more of these sleepovers, don’t you think? It’s nice to stay up late and share dirty secrets as best friends.”
“…You girl.” Ryo pauses, his next words much softer, “And it’s not dirty.”
The next day, Uchi finds himself in Shige’s dressing room during his hour lunch break. Shige is devouring his food, hungry from the morning’s rehearsal, but for once, Uchi cannot bring himself to eat. He picks at his food, can’t stop thinking about Ryo’s confession the other night. Eventually he gives up and puts his chopsticks down with a sad little sigh. He tries his best not to stare at Shige for too long, but once he realizes that Shige is completely absorbed with his food, he gives up trying to be subtle. Uchi was never good at that anyway.
He supposes he could see why girls could fall for Shige. Shige is tall, smart, and though Uchi makes fun of him for looking like a gorilla, Shige can be very handsome and charming when he wants to be. Sure, Shige and Uchi had always gotten along decently, and even more so now that they were both working under NTV, but Uchi can’t help but remember when Shige was awkward and gangly and dorky and AWKWARD. Though it’s not as bad now, Uchi knows that Shige is, in general, an awkward man, and he’s pretty sure Ryo hates awkward people.
Uchi wishes desperately that Ryo had answered his question the other night, mainly because he hates the not knowing. He’s had enough of that. The past years have been chock full of unknowing, of being unsure of what was happening and of what was going to. Uchi hates that feeling, never wants to feel it again, but knows that as a Johnny’s, he’ll never be able to escape that.
Not knowing.
He thinks Ryo will kill him later if he finds out, but he decides to take his chances. “Oi, gorilla.”
Shige’s eyes meet his and he swallows around a mouth full of karaage. “What?” He glances at Uchi’s untouched plate and his eyes widen. “Why aren’t you eating? Aren’t you hungry?”
Uchi grabs his chopsticks and forces some rice into his mouth. “So, what do you think about Ryo-chan?”
Shige’s chopsticks pause in front of his mouth for a split second before he answers, chewing thoughtfully, “He’s gotten better. Lately the teasing hasn’t been so bad, or I’ve gotten used to it. Why?”
“It was just something that I’ve been thinking about. I see you and Ryo-chan separately, so I was wondering how you guys are together.” Uchi smiles inwardly. Good save!
Then Uchi frowns. That was the most generic answer ever. It didn’t answer his question at all.
“I mean, it’s certainly nothing like your relationship with him. You guys are so sweet, Koyama says he gets cavities whenever he sees you two.” Uchi laughs then. As if Koyama and Shige can talk. Then Uchi sits up straighter. Koyama and Shige? What if… “He’s been coming often to NTV to see you, right?”
Uchi’s mind is still reeling from the possibility that Ryo’s crush may be unrequited, and because of Koyama, of all people, but he manages to answer. “Yeah. How’d you know that?”
Shige waves a hand impatiently, “He drops by and says hello whenever he does.”
Uchi starts, stares at Shige. Ryo never mentioned that. “Anyway, I think it’s great that you guys are so close that he’s willing to come to the studio and hang out with you. Despite his heavy schedule too…”
“I’m pretty sure it’s not for me,” Uchi’s eyes widen.
He’s also pretty sure he shouldn’t have said that.
But Shige laughs, a deep sonorous laugh, and when Uchi squints, he sees a tinge of blush dotting Shige’s cheeks. And Shige’s next words are spoken softly, clearly, “Then it must be for me.”
And before Uchi can say anything, someone in Shige’s cast comes into the room. Shige excuses himself, and as Uchi leaves the room, he can’t help but wonder what those last words actually mean.
The next time Ryo and Uchi meet up, Uchi hesitantly brings up his conversation with Shige a couple days earlier. Ryo pauses minutely, swirling his beer around a couple of times before taking a deep sip. He places the finished mug down on the bar, and turns slowly to look at Uchi.
“I know. Shige mentioned it yesterday.” Uchi feels his heart rate return to normal. It doesn’t appear as if Ryo is going to eat him for interfering. In fact, Ryo sounds pleased, though Uchi isn’t sure anymore if it’s because Uchi talked to Shige about Ryo or because Shige talked to Ryo in the first place.
“I think he knows that you like him.” Uchi isn’t quite sure why he says that. After all, he has no authority to say such a thing, and for all he knows, he may’ve completely misconstrued Shige’s blush. It was warm in the dressing room, and two bodies equal more body heat, right? Maybe?
Ryo scoffs, waving his hand to the bartender for another beer. “Of course he knows. Shige isn’t stupid.”
A blank Uchi stare. “Wh-WHAT?!” The inquiry is loud, and people turn and glare as Uchi sheepishly bows his head in apology. He repeats himself incredulously, “He knows?”
Ryo’s face appears nonchalant, but Uchi sees Ryo’s fingers curling around the mug tightly, “Why shouldn’t he? I’m not exactly the subtle type.” He looks at Uchi’s shocked expression and swallows. “We’ve been dancing around this…something…for a while now,” he says softly.
His eyes darken with confusion, like a lost little boy, and he lets out a sharp laugh. “Let’s be honest here. I have no idea what I’m doing with the kid. All I know is that I…I like myself when he’s around. He makes me feel sane. And. And even the simple moments with him are enough.” Ryo blushes at the saccharine sweet words, and Uchi realizes with a start that he’s never heart Ryo talk about someone like this before.
Uchi can’t help it. He starts giggling uncontrollably, that high pitched giggle that Ryo hates. Meanwhile, Ryo’s already crimson blush deepens as he glares at Uchi, willing his staccato giggles to cease. When Uchi finally calms down, his next words are said in complete awe.
“You must really like him, huh?”
Ryo just gives Uchi heated look. And that says enough for Uchi.
For a while, Uchi doesn’t go to Shige’s dressing room, thinking he’s probably interfered enough as it is. In the meantime, Ryo had visited a couple times, and during those brief moments, Shige’s name hadn’t come up even once. Each time, Uchi wonders if Ryo had already visited Shige before seeing him, or if he was going to after. He can’t quite bring himself to ask though, and curses his curious nature and hatred of being kept out of the loop.
So it’s a boring Thursday and he’s been given an hour break. He toys with the idea of visiting Shige and then decides, why not? He doesn’t know where anyone else is and most importantly, he’s BORED. He heads down the halls he’s traversed many times and before he knows it, he finds himself in front of Shige’s dressing room.
He straightens and is about to knock on the door when he realizes, with a start, that it’s already cracked open and that the room is already occupied. And inside are the two very people that he had been so preoccupied with the past few weeks.
Uchi can’t hear what they’re saying; their voices are low and deep, exchanging private words and thoughts. Though he feels a bit like a voyeur, he can’t help himself; he watches as Ryo mumbles and Shige laughs, and even Uchi’s breath catches as he sees an expression that was probably solely reserved for Ryo flash on Shige’s smiling face. Shige leans just a little closer and Ryo’s hand reaches upward to smooth down a crease on Shige’s suit.
Uchi thinks it’s about time he left them to themselves.
He gently closes the door, and winces as the latch makes a loud click. He is sure the two inside heard the noise, though on the other hand, he is not so sure if they care. As Uchi walks away from the dressing room, he acknowledges the fact that despite not fully understanding the hows or whys of their relationship, Ryo and Shige together somehow makes sense. He’s not sure if he’ll ever understand Ryo’s reasoning, likewise Shige’s, but this time he thinks he’ll be okay with not knowing completely. If Ryo continues to look at Shige like that, and vice versa, Ryo can use the excuse of visiting Uchi at NTV as long as he wants.
Or, at least until Osen ends. Then it’s up to Ryo.
AN: I’m pretty sure this is a failure of a Ryo/Shige fic since there isn’t actually much Ryo/Shige interaction, but I decided to post it anyway. This was my own take on the prompt, so if it’s completely off, I apologize in advance. Thanks for all those who encouraged me with my first fic, and I promise I will keep trying my best.
Comments would be awesome. : D Thanks for reading!