[fanfic] Your Knight is dead.

[trishpawachunyu]

Title: Your Knight is dead.

Fandom: Hetalia World Series

Characters: Maria Carriedo/OC!Philippines, Corazon Juliana Carriedo de Hernandez/Fem!Spain, Jose Rizal

Genre: Drama (?)

Rating: PG13

Warnings: The usual - too much monologue, as expected from my writing; also my first dabble in second-person narration. That and nonsensicality, history inaccuracies

Comments

[wayward_and_me]

Trish, why did you have to do this to me? You know that I can't resist the call of historical fiction, let alone works from your glorious Nyotalia genre. I was feeling rather exanimate for most of today, and now I’ve mellowed down to (in)appropriately sullen in our last hours of sunlight. I have you to blame (thank) for all this.

So have an unusually morose and slightly more critical PaCho today - or if you receive this comment rather late, tonight. I apologize for my behavior in advance.

The fairytale vibe didn’t come across too strongly for me here (theme-wise, yes, but tone-wise, no). This was, of course, a consequence of writing in a style more common in modern works. However, the idea still stands, and it stands brilliantly

I adore the fact that this was written in second person - it’s unusual, and if not handled properly, an utter disaster. Under your care, it is well done (I don’t say very well done because I feel that “you” is used too much). It feels personal, though I can still see the event through Maria’s eyes, rather

[trishpawachunyu]

Haha, I guess it was partly intentional and partly not? It's supposed not to have the same fairytale-ish theme as the others, since Maria here is a 'pawn dressing up as princess', so I wanted this part to sound different from the other two. And the second person POV...I give Homestuck all the blame. All of it. I think I've been reading too much Homestuck fics that all the second-person narration just went straight to my head, lol. I also do think that there's too much you...maybe I should use Maria instead, or would that be third-person instead? Aaaghh I need help, I'm not well-versed on the intricacies of second-person narration. OTL

[wayward_and_me]

Homestuck! I've been hearing a lot of it, but I'm trying not to cave in on jumping into it while I'm trying to cajole some more fanfiction out of myself for Hetalia. I had no idea that it was in second person, though?

Meh, not a lot of people write in second person naturally, so it's mostly experimentation that gives the style more shape. From my experience, using people outside of the "you" being referred to as subjects has worked, though I dislike this solution because it doesn't feel as emotional or as raw. I prefer using fragments in my descriptions, much like the kind used in poetry. It makes for a very modern reading, though, so I suppose that wouldn't have been appropriate for a historical setting.

Believe me, I am desensitized to Rizal's death. I find the death of other heroes a bit more intriguing, actually. And that's exactly why you deserve your praise :)