Autumn Thoughts
Not my rpf, but some Naomily to make it up to you guys.
Emily sometimes wondered if she had to decide, how she would choose. If it really was a case of one or the other, whether she’d be able to make a decision and stick to it.
It was obvious they still hated each other. To an alarming extent. Katie seemed incapable of saying Naomi’s full name without adding a ‘fucking’ in the middle, and Naomi still rolled her eyes in barely held back exasperation whenever Katie cropped up in the conversation.
Emily couldn’t decide if she was being selfish for wanting to keep both of them, or they were being stubborn twats for refusing to drop it. Whenever Katie asked her pointedly whether she’d be coming home that night, as if Emily was seeing so much of Naomi in order to personally affront her, Emily came close to snapping back something horrible. Something that would reference Katie’s track record of staying over at boys’ houses. Something that would make Katie sound like a whore, even though that wasn’t really the point Emily wanted to make.
Naomi never even came round to the house anymore, just waited at the bottom of Emily’s street with her bike, guilty smile on her face. When Emily quizzed her about it Naomi always muttered something about her entire family being a ‘pack of lunatics’, and refused to expand any further. Which Emily supposed was true to a certain extent, although she didn’t understand how Naomi had reached that conclusion from a sample of two.
So she never really pushed it, just squeezed Naomi’s wrist in their public version of a hug, and fell in step with her.
+++
‘Nai?’
Naomi was lying on her back, stretched out on her side of the bed (Naomi’s side, and so it logically followed that Emily had a side too). She was wearing a vest top and pants, and her hair was still messed up from their earlier activities. Naomi was holding some book about politics over her head, in what looked to be the least comfortable reading position possible. She flicked her eyes over to Emily briefly, smiled,
‘Mmm?’
‘When are you going to forgive Katie?’
Naomi’s face set, and she focused intently on the page.
‘Forgive her for what? I’ve already forgiven her for being a twat. I think that’s genetic so it’s unfair to be too judgemental.’
Emily sighed, and rolled over towards her, on top of her, straddling her hips. Naomi didn’t move the book. US Government and Politics was apparently fascinating. Emily tried to tug the book from Naomi’s hands, failed, and so wriggled her way in between Naomi and the book, collapsed heavily on top of her. Naomi sighed happily, and flipped the book away. Ran an idle hand through Emily’s hair.
‘Hey, you. You asking me seriously then?’
Emily nodded, rested her lips against the skin of Naomi’s neck.
‘Its killing me. I like both of you, obviously. I really want you guys to try and play nice.’
Naomi rubbed her forehead, and then casually stretched all her limbs out in a star. In such a way that made Emily’s thighs fall between Naomi’s legs. Emily stifled a laugh, because Naomi was so obvious about her foreplay sometimes, and she was trying to have a serious conversation. Naomi spoke carefully, like she was judging every word for possible negative connotations.
‘We are trying to play nice Em. She’s stopped publicly calling me a dyke, which is nice. And she hasn’t tried to strangle me, so, that’s good.’
Emily smiled, and smiled wider as Naomi casually traced a hand down Emily’s side. But, still, important business had to be covered;
‘What about you? What are you doing?’
Naomi stretched again, and almost absentmindedly pressed up into Emily, making her breath hitch in her throat.
‘You mean apart from not hitting her with a rock? I’m...well, I haven’t forced her to acknowledge my presence in the world. I haven’t gone out of my way to share time with her.’
Hands were making their way down Emily’s back now, creeping underneath her top. Emily closed her eyes briefly, tried to concentrate.
‘So, you’ve been avoiding her? And that’s you trying is it?’
Naomi shrugged, twisted her head sideways so blue eyes met brown.
‘It’ll just take time Em. It will figure itself out.’
Naomi pressed her lips into Emily’s, whilst shifting suddenly to her side and sliding her fingers over Emily’s stomach. Emily resisted briefly, because this conversation was important, before acquiescing, moving her hands up to the nape of Naomi’s neck. After a moment she broke the kiss, frowned briefly as Naomi followed her, pressing soft lips to her collar bone.
‘So, how long then? I can wait if it will fix itself, but I don’t want this to grow into a ‘thing’ between us and Katie. Maybe we should be making more effort to...’
Naomi sighed, flipped them completely over, and frowned down at Emily, blonde hair tickling her face. Emily was struck all over again by how beautiful she was.
‘Em. I will do whatever you want, but can you please stop talking and thinking about Katie while we do this? It isn’t healthy.’
Emily rolled her eyes and smacked Naomi on the hip, before reaching up and dragging her back down to her lips.
+++
Emily made Katie a sandwich, with a side of salad as well. Katie eyed it suspiciously as Emily placed it unobtrusively next to her on the sofa. Emily returned to the kitchen, and dug out her last cherry Diet Coke from the fridge, before handing it over to Katie with a smile. Katie sniffed in thanks, and cracked open the can. Katie took a careful drink, looking at her unsolicited sandwich, before waggling an elbow in Emily’s direction.
‘Go on then. What do you want?’
Emily considered playing dumb, approaching the subject in a round-about way, but one of the wonderful things about being a twin is that reading each other’s body language is pretty straight forward.
‘So, you and Naomi.’
Katie mumbled something to herself that sounded an awful lot like Naomi fucking Campbell before taking a dainty bite from her sandwich. Emily ploughed on, undeterred.
‘I’d like you guys to stop being twats to each other.’
Katie chewed her mouthful slowly, staring at Emily curiously.
‘I haven’t seen Campbell in about a month. So I’m not actively being a twat.’
Emily waved her hand vaguely, dismissing Katie’s blame free logic.
‘You guys need to figure this out, because neither of you are going away, and I would like not to be stuck in the middle for the rest of time.’
Katie snorted, which turned into a hiccough, and she glared at the sandwich, as if it was to blame.
‘The rest of time? Eternity? She proposed then?’
Emily frowned, because it wasn’t fair, how quickly Katie turned everything into a joke, like none of this actually mattered, and if she ignored it for long enough it would go away. Irrationally, Emily felt her eyes tear up, more out of frustration than anything else, because nobody else seemed to be trying. Katie caught her, and Emily watched her make a conscious effort not to roll her eyes.
‘Oh. Ems. Look. I... fuck it, I just don’t like her. We aren’t going to be friends. For a start, she dresses like she fell backwards into a charity shop, and she hates me because I told her the truth a few times.’
Emily gripped the sofa cushion hard, and attempted to stay relaxed, as this was the closest she had got to progress with Katie in a while.
‘Right, and also that whole thing of you attacking her at the Love Ball. That tiny detail.’
Katie inspected her fingernails, suddenly unable to meet Emily’s eye.
‘Yeah. That too.’
They sat in silence for a while, television flickering unheeded in the corner. Emily knew this tactic well, when they just don’t say anything until an appropriate amount of time has passed, and then move the topic on. So it surprised her when Katie spoke again.
‘I guess...right, so... I don’t have a burning hate her anymore Em. Just, wait a while, yeah? One of the reasons I did think she was a cunt has cleared up, now that she has started treating you decently. So, she’s slipping down the hate list, though mainly through the efforts of others who got promoted...’
Katie trailed off, touched her temple absentmindedly, eyes on the TV. Emily considered whether this was as much as she was getting from this encounter, and concluded that it probably was. This year has taught Emily that a combination of both patience and persistence usually paid off.
‘So, if she ever comes to the front door, you aren’t going to throw a...’ Emily nearly said rock, but caught herself in time, ‘...a shoe at her.’
Katie looked at her blankly, before taking another hasty gulp of coke.
‘No, Ems. I’m trying to cut back on the mindless violence in my life.’
Emily stood up hastily, not wanting to undo the progress made.
‘Right, well, ok. I’ll let her know. She says hi by the way.’
Katie laughed at that, flipped Emily off.
‘Whatever Emily, no she doesn’t. Oh, and next time, salad cream, not mayo yeah? Call yourself a twin...’
Emily closed the door, went and stood in the garden for a while, stared at the sky.
+++
So, she had to wait. Give them time. Emily didn’t know what she was hoping to achieve, as the thought of them being best friends was almost as alarming as the current situation. And she didn’t understand how progress was being made if they weren’t interacting in the slightest.
Maybe it was both space and time that was needed.
The problem was that there was no time. Everything was going so fast. Summer was fading. The next year started soon, with all the added complications of college. And then university. It needed to be fixed now, otherwise it was just another obstacle to an already unlikely happy ending.
+++
Naomi gripped her hand, pointed at a cloud.
‘Looks like a...water buffalo.’
‘What? God, you’re crap at this.’
Naomi snorted, rolled over and pressed her forehead to Emily’s shoulder.
‘Sorry. But this is such a cliché. And all the clouds look like clouds Em. What do you want from me?’
Emily shrugged happily, and then flinched as Katie appeared over her, poked her in the side with her shoe.
‘Alright lezzers? Mum sent me out to look for you Ems, I can’t keep fucking covering like this.’
Emily sighed, and nodded resignedly, stood up and brushed the grass off her back. Naomi sat up, and then beckoned at Katie, caught her attention.
‘What?’
‘That cloud Katie. There. What does it look like?’
Katie wrinkled her nose, squinted up at the sky.
‘What? It’s a cloud, Campbell. They are all the fucking same.’
Naomi sprang up, squeezed Emily once around the shoulders.
‘See Em? You’re sister thinks it’s a crap game too.’
Katie’s brows knitted together, and she stared between the two of them, momentarily unbalanced.
‘Oh, right. Right. God, yeah, crap game Emily. So, yeah, are you coming then?’
Naomi hugged Emily before she could say anything, and shoved her gently towards Katie.
‘I’ll call you, yeah Emily? Next time think of a better game for me. Later Katie.’
Naomi was already walking off when Katie decided to answer.
‘Yeah. Right. Bye, then.’
Emily faltered as Katie strode off in the opposite direction, paused for the moment. Emily gazed between the two disappearing backs, and realised occasionally time passed quickly when she stopped paying attention.
Emily sometimes wondered if she had to decide, how she would choose. If it really was a case of one or the other, whether she’d be able to make a decision and stick to it.
It was obvious they still hated each other. To an alarming extent. Katie seemed incapable of saying Naomi’s full name without adding a ‘fucking’ in the middle, and Naomi still rolled her eyes in barely held back exasperation whenever Katie cropped up in the conversation.
Emily couldn’t decide if she was being selfish for wanting to keep both of them, or they were being stubborn twats for refusing to drop it. Whenever Katie asked her pointedly whether she’d be coming home that night, as if Emily was seeing so much of Naomi in order to personally affront her, Emily came close to snapping back something horrible. Something that would reference Katie’s track record of staying over at boys’ houses. Something that would make Katie sound like a whore, even though that wasn’t really the point Emily wanted to make.
Naomi never even came round to the house anymore, just waited at the bottom of Emily’s street with her bike, guilty smile on her face. When Emily quizzed her about it Naomi always muttered something about her entire family being a ‘pack of lunatics’, and refused to expand any further. Which Emily supposed was true to a certain extent, although she didn’t understand how Naomi had reached that conclusion from a sample of two.
So she never really pushed it, just squeezed Naomi’s wrist in their public version of a hug, and fell in step with her.
+++
‘Nai?’
Naomi was lying on her back, stretched out on her side of the bed (Naomi’s side, and so it logically followed that Emily had a side too). She was wearing a vest top and pants, and her hair was still messed up from their earlier activities. Naomi was holding some book about politics over her head, in what looked to be the least comfortable reading position possible. She flicked her eyes over to Emily briefly, smiled,
‘Mmm?’
‘When are you going to forgive Katie?’
Naomi’s face set, and she focused intently on the page.
‘Forgive her for what? I’ve already forgiven her for being a twat. I think that’s genetic so it’s unfair to be too judgemental.’
Emily sighed, and rolled over towards her, on top of her, straddling her hips. Naomi didn’t move the book. US Government and Politics was apparently fascinating. Emily tried to tug the book from Naomi’s hands, failed, and so wriggled her way in between Naomi and the book, collapsed heavily on top of her. Naomi sighed happily, and flipped the book away. Ran an idle hand through Emily’s hair.
‘Hey, you. You asking me seriously then?’
Emily nodded, rested her lips against the skin of Naomi’s neck.
‘Its killing me. I like both of you, obviously. I really want you guys to try and play nice.’
Naomi rubbed her forehead, and then casually stretched all her limbs out in a star. In such a way that made Emily’s thighs fall between Naomi’s legs. Emily stifled a laugh, because Naomi was so obvious about her foreplay sometimes, and she was trying to have a serious conversation. Naomi spoke carefully, like she was judging every word for possible negative connotations.
‘We are trying to play nice Em. She’s stopped publicly calling me a dyke, which is nice. And she hasn’t tried to strangle me, so, that’s good.’
Emily smiled, and smiled wider as Naomi casually traced a hand down Emily’s side. But, still, important business had to be covered;
‘What about you? What are you doing?’
Naomi stretched again, and almost absentmindedly pressed up into Emily, making her breath hitch in her throat.
‘You mean apart from not hitting her with a rock? I’m...well, I haven’t forced her to acknowledge my presence in the world. I haven’t gone out of my way to share time with her.’
Hands were making their way down Emily’s back now, creeping underneath her top. Emily closed her eyes briefly, tried to concentrate.
‘So, you’ve been avoiding her? And that’s you trying is it?’
Naomi shrugged, twisted her head sideways so blue eyes met brown.
‘It’ll just take time Em. It will figure itself out.’
Naomi pressed her lips into Emily’s, whilst shifting suddenly to her side and sliding her fingers over Emily’s stomach. Emily resisted briefly, because this conversation was important, before acquiescing, moving her hands up to the nape of Naomi’s neck. After a moment she broke the kiss, frowned briefly as Naomi followed her, pressing soft lips to her collar bone.
‘So, how long then? I can wait if it will fix itself, but I don’t want this to grow into a ‘thing’ between us and Katie. Maybe we should be making more effort to...’
Naomi sighed, flipped them completely over, and frowned down at Emily, blonde hair tickling her face. Emily was struck all over again by how beautiful she was.
‘Em. I will do whatever you want, but can you please stop talking and thinking about Katie while we do this? It isn’t healthy.’
Emily rolled her eyes and smacked Naomi on the hip, before reaching up and dragging her back down to her lips.
+++
Emily made Katie a sandwich, with a side of salad as well. Katie eyed it suspiciously as Emily placed it unobtrusively next to her on the sofa. Emily returned to the kitchen, and dug out her last cherry Diet Coke from the fridge, before handing it over to Katie with a smile. Katie sniffed in thanks, and cracked open the can. Katie took a careful drink, looking at her unsolicited sandwich, before waggling an elbow in Emily’s direction.
‘Go on then. What do you want?’
Emily considered playing dumb, approaching the subject in a round-about way, but one of the wonderful things about being a twin is that reading each other’s body language is pretty straight forward.
‘So, you and Naomi.’
Katie mumbled something to herself that sounded an awful lot like Naomi fucking Campbell before taking a dainty bite from her sandwich. Emily ploughed on, undeterred.
‘I’d like you guys to stop being twats to each other.’
Katie chewed her mouthful slowly, staring at Emily curiously.
‘I haven’t seen Campbell in about a month. So I’m not actively being a twat.’
Emily waved her hand vaguely, dismissing Katie’s blame free logic.
‘You guys need to figure this out, because neither of you are going away, and I would like not to be stuck in the middle for the rest of time.’
Katie snorted, which turned into a hiccough, and she glared at the sandwich, as if it was to blame.
‘The rest of time? Eternity? She proposed then?’
Emily frowned, because it wasn’t fair, how quickly Katie turned everything into a joke, like none of this actually mattered, and if she ignored it for long enough it would go away. Irrationally, Emily felt her eyes tear up, more out of frustration than anything else, because nobody else seemed to be trying. Katie caught her, and Emily watched her make a conscious effort not to roll her eyes.
‘Oh. Ems. Look. I... fuck it, I just don’t like her. We aren’t going to be friends. For a start, she dresses like she fell backwards into a charity shop, and she hates me because I told her the truth a few times.’
Emily gripped the sofa cushion hard, and attempted to stay relaxed, as this was the closest she had got to progress with Katie in a while.
‘Right, and also that whole thing of you attacking her at the Love Ball. That tiny detail.’
Katie inspected her fingernails, suddenly unable to meet Emily’s eye.
‘Yeah. That too.’
They sat in silence for a while, television flickering unheeded in the corner. Emily knew this tactic well, when they just don’t say anything until an appropriate amount of time has passed, and then move the topic on. So it surprised her when Katie spoke again.
‘I guess...right, so... I don’t have a burning hate her anymore Em. Just, wait a while, yeah? One of the reasons I did think she was a cunt has cleared up, now that she has started treating you decently. So, she’s slipping down the hate list, though mainly through the efforts of others who got promoted...’
Katie trailed off, touched her temple absentmindedly, eyes on the TV. Emily considered whether this was as much as she was getting from this encounter, and concluded that it probably was. This year has taught Emily that a combination of both patience and persistence usually paid off.
‘So, if she ever comes to the front door, you aren’t going to throw a...’ Emily nearly said rock, but caught herself in time, ‘...a shoe at her.’
Katie looked at her blankly, before taking another hasty gulp of coke.
‘No, Ems. I’m trying to cut back on the mindless violence in my life.’
Emily stood up hastily, not wanting to undo the progress made.
‘Right, well, ok. I’ll let her know. She says hi by the way.’
Katie laughed at that, flipped Emily off.
‘Whatever Emily, no she doesn’t. Oh, and next time, salad cream, not mayo yeah? Call yourself a twin...’
Emily closed the door, went and stood in the garden for a while, stared at the sky.
+++
So, she had to wait. Give them time. Emily didn’t know what she was hoping to achieve, as the thought of them being best friends was almost as alarming as the current situation. And she didn’t understand how progress was being made if they weren’t interacting in the slightest.
Maybe it was both space and time that was needed.
The problem was that there was no time. Everything was going so fast. Summer was fading. The next year started soon, with all the added complications of college. And then university. It needed to be fixed now, otherwise it was just another obstacle to an already unlikely happy ending.
+++
Naomi gripped her hand, pointed at a cloud.
‘Looks like a...water buffalo.’
‘What? God, you’re crap at this.’
Naomi snorted, rolled over and pressed her forehead to Emily’s shoulder.
‘Sorry. But this is such a cliché. And all the clouds look like clouds Em. What do you want from me?’
Emily shrugged happily, and then flinched as Katie appeared over her, poked her in the side with her shoe.
‘Alright lezzers? Mum sent me out to look for you Ems, I can’t keep fucking covering like this.’
Emily sighed, and nodded resignedly, stood up and brushed the grass off her back. Naomi sat up, and then beckoned at Katie, caught her attention.
‘What?’
‘That cloud Katie. There. What does it look like?’
Katie wrinkled her nose, squinted up at the sky.
‘What? It’s a cloud, Campbell. They are all the fucking same.’
Naomi sprang up, squeezed Emily once around the shoulders.
‘See Em? You’re sister thinks it’s a crap game too.’
Katie’s brows knitted together, and she stared between the two of them, momentarily unbalanced.
‘Oh, right. Right. God, yeah, crap game Emily. So, yeah, are you coming then?’
Naomi hugged Emily before she could say anything, and shoved her gently towards Katie.
‘I’ll call you, yeah Emily? Next time think of a better game for me. Later Katie.’
Naomi was already walking off when Katie decided to answer.
‘Yeah. Right. Bye, then.’
Emily faltered as Katie strode off in the opposite direction, paused for the moment. Emily gazed between the two disappearing backs, and realised occasionally time passed quickly when she stopped paying attention.