Comments | triplescorpio: Brigit's Flame Entry: July Week 1

triplescorpio

Brigit's Flame Entry: July Week 1

Jul 10, 2010 16:21

Madelyn

I’d driven by the place several times before I actually stopped. From the road it looked so non-descript, a rectangle of peeling white paint; two square windows above, and two down, one wistfully hosting a small red and black FOR RENT sign. The house fronted a busy road and promised nothing to me but an unprepossessing space, and a ( Read more... )

brigit's flame

Comments 8

kayden_eidyak July 11 2010, 00:17:21 UTC

Haha! This is great! I'd love to see it continued. :)

triplescorpio July 11 2010, 15:07:01 UTC

Thank you so much! The characters kind of developed themselves as I wrote. I would like to continue their story.

openscarf July 11 2010, 06:45:27 UTC

Great writing, really clean and sharp. I think the format is interesting and I want to know what happens next. Super job lady!

triplescorpio July 11 2010, 15:08:16 UTC

I appreciate the compliments, especially coming from you! Thanks so much - it really encourages me.

blythe025 July 12 2010, 23:33:42 UTC

I really like the idea of the confrontation and eventual partnership between a squatter and a new renter. Very cool idea.

I don't quite belief that the owner would so readily give her the place to rent though. Not with only a minute or two of phone conversation to go on. Most people who live far away from what their renting out have a friend or someone to act as an agent when an interested party calls for the rental.

But I really liked the rest of it. :)

triplescorpio July 13 2010, 00:14:08 UTC

I totally agree. I noticed on the re-read, but I was pressed for time with the deadline so I just let it go. I'm glad you liked the rest, and thank you for your comment!

pipisafoat July 19 2010, 17:15:53 UTC

Hey Scorpio, I'm pip, and I'll be your editor for this piece. Sorry for the late show; I mistakenly assigned this originally to an editor who was on vacation, so when I realized my mistake, I decided I'd just take care of it myself. Better late than never, though, right? At any rate, anything I say here is just a suggestion; take it or leave it as you please, and feel free to ask me about anything ( ... )

triplescorpio July 19 2010, 21:53:08 UTC

Thanks so much for your edit! It also reminds me I didn't get to mine yet (blushes in dismay). Anyway, I agree with all your observations - I admit the conversation between Madelyn and the owner of the house is the weak point in the story. And your grammar corrections are appreciated! I'm glad you liked the story - I do hope to bring these two characters back again. Thank you again.