I won an essay contest once in high school, writing about the racism behind the question "Where are you from?" I also almost got into a fight with some girls in 7th grade, because I asked them "Why does it matter" and they got all upset. They were not white, BTW.
I think the unawares and coverts are the worst (they're all bad, and I guess it's like saying would you rather be stabbed to death or die from being set on fire). They tend to get so frickin' offended and are harder to avoid, because you'll have a great conversation with one of them and BAM! Racism galore! Anger directed at you because of their racism! At least with the blatant racism, as disgusting as it is, you know what you're getting immediately.
I agree with you. It makes me think of a "friend" who told me, after I told him I felt disrespected by him that he couldn't have disrespected me because "respect is a feeling" and he knew that he felt nothing but respect for me. Ah huh.
I also think it's interesting that I truly hate being asked "where are you from?" as well. I'd like to say it's not a meaningful question, but for me, it sort of is, it's just that I know that almost nobody is really interested in the answer. Because it's complicated and calls into question their notions of culture and home and so on. But it's only sort of meaningful (speaking only for myself here) and the meaning is not what most people think it is.
And while I know that the whole birther thing is driven by racism I am still baffled (and alienated and infuriated) that it matters at all - that anyone could consider it a valid argument.
I agree with you. It makes me think of a "friend" who told me, after I told him I felt disrespected by him that he couldn't have disrespected me because "respect is a feeling" and he knew that he felt nothing but respect for me. Ah huh.
Intent, it's magical!
In the right context, I like sharing heritage stories. I am starting to think, cautiously and aware of my cis-privilege, that there's something similar in "no, where are you *really* from?" and asking trans people about their pre-transition lives. (This flattens a great deal of difference in the situations, so I'm reluctant to spread this comparison.)
It's the same sort of argument that they've been using all along to oppress non-whites. It's just desperate-sounding now.
That does make sense, and I admit, the "solution" I have come up with is just to keep my curiosity to myself and leave it up to my trans friends/lovers to tell me their stories if they want to or not. This is not entirely satisfying because I know that with other kinds of life changing events I would *definitely* ask, but I haven't found the right way or maybe there really isn't one. I don't know
( ... )
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I think the unawares and coverts are the worst (they're all bad, and I guess it's like saying would you rather be stabbed to death or die from being set on fire). They tend to get so frickin' offended and are harder to avoid, because you'll have a great conversation with one of them and BAM! Racism galore! Anger directed at you because of their racism! At least with the blatant racism, as disgusting as it is, you know what you're getting immediately.
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I agree with you. It makes me think of a "friend" who told me, after I told him I felt disrespected by him that he couldn't have disrespected me because "respect is a feeling" and he knew that he felt nothing but respect for me. Ah huh.
I also think it's interesting that I truly hate being asked "where are you from?" as well. I'd like to say it's not a meaningful question, but for me, it sort of is, it's just that I know that almost nobody is really interested in the answer. Because it's complicated and calls into question their notions of culture and home and so on. But it's only sort of meaningful (speaking only for myself here) and the meaning is not what most people think it is.
And while I know that the whole birther thing is driven by racism I am still baffled (and alienated and infuriated) that it matters at all - that anyone could consider it a valid argument.
Reply
Intent, it's magical!
In the right context, I like sharing heritage stories. I am starting to think, cautiously and aware of my cis-privilege, that there's something similar in "no, where are you *really* from?" and asking trans people about their pre-transition lives. (This flattens a great deal of difference in the situations, so I'm reluctant to spread this comparison.)
It's the same sort of argument that they've been using all along to oppress non-whites. It's just desperate-sounding now.
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