Ficlet for godofwine: Pony Up
godofwine, this is what happens when you are a smartass! *vbeg*
Pony Up
“You do realize that I’m not a nine-year-old girl, right?”
John appeared to think about this. “Yes,” he decided.
“You do realize that, considering the aforementioned fact that I am not a prepubescent female, but rather a mature, dignified, and supremely intelligent man, who, may I remind you, specifically asked for a FrogPad? Or one of those Swiss Army Knives with a built-in USB? Anyway, with all that in mind, what could possibly have made you think what I really wanted for my birthday was...”
Rodney trailed off, the word sticking in his throat. He gestured helplessly in the direction of the disputed gift. John nodded patiently, letting him take his time.
Finally, the necessary syllables squeaked out. “A pony?”
John grinned. “Everybody wants a pony.”
“I DON’T!” Rodney declared. Elsewhere on Atlantis, one of the seismologists picked up some interesting readings.
“How can you not want Rainbowberry?” John asked, scratching the pony’s chin.
“What? ‘Rainbowberry'?”
“That’s the pony’s name.”
“My pony is not named Rainbowberry!” Rodney was quite emphatic on this point.
“You can’t change her name now,” John explained patiently, “that’ll just confuse her.”
“I don’t care! What am I supposed to do when I need her to come, huh? Shout, ‘Hi-ho Rainbowberry’?”
John shrugged. “Sure. Why not?”
“Because...” Rodney looked around furtively. “Because it’s kind of gay,” he whispered.
John chuckled. “Having a pony named Rainbowberry doesn’t make you gay, Rodney.”
“No!” Rodney shouted, throwing his hands up in the air. “Sleeping with you makes me gay! Having a pony named Rainbowberry would make me retarded!”
John scratched his own chin, much as he had scratched Rainbowberry’s. “So...you don’t want the pony, then?”
“No! No, I don’t want the pony! I want...I want to go see what Radek got me, and when I get back, I want you to have come up with a proper present!” John opened his mouth. “And don’t say ‘a birthday blow job’!” Rodney hissed, shaking his finger at him. “I was going to get that anyway, so no cheating!” He slammed out of the room, a cry of, “I got you a skateboard!” echoing in his wake.
“So,” said Rainbowberry, after a moment. “When are you going to tell him that I’m a talking, Ancient pony?”
“Oh, just as soon as not telling him stops being funny,” John said cheerfully.
“So in other words, never,” Rainbowberry said, flicking the shimmering strands of her pink and purple mane, sending a cloud of sparkles into the air.
“Yep,” said John, and as the sprinking of glitter coated his eyelashes, proceeded to laugh himself hoarse.
*************
1. Um, I maintain full deniability regarding any and all puns.
2. There really is a My Little Pony called Rainbowberry. Hasbro, you sick bastards!
ETA: Illustration by dar_jeeling!
*dies* dar_jeeling = the god of men and ponies!
Most likely, I will not be able to write all of these this fast. As you can see, that's a good thing.
Pony Up
“You do realize that I’m not a nine-year-old girl, right?”
John appeared to think about this. “Yes,” he decided.
“You do realize that, considering the aforementioned fact that I am not a prepubescent female, but rather a mature, dignified, and supremely intelligent man, who, may I remind you, specifically asked for a FrogPad? Or one of those Swiss Army Knives with a built-in USB? Anyway, with all that in mind, what could possibly have made you think what I really wanted for my birthday was...”
Rodney trailed off, the word sticking in his throat. He gestured helplessly in the direction of the disputed gift. John nodded patiently, letting him take his time.
Finally, the necessary syllables squeaked out. “A pony?”
John grinned. “Everybody wants a pony.”
“I DON’T!” Rodney declared. Elsewhere on Atlantis, one of the seismologists picked up some interesting readings.
“How can you not want Rainbowberry?” John asked, scratching the pony’s chin.
“What? ‘Rainbowberry'?”
“That’s the pony’s name.”
“My pony is not named Rainbowberry!” Rodney was quite emphatic on this point.
“You can’t change her name now,” John explained patiently, “that’ll just confuse her.”
“I don’t care! What am I supposed to do when I need her to come, huh? Shout, ‘Hi-ho Rainbowberry’?”
John shrugged. “Sure. Why not?”
“Because...” Rodney looked around furtively. “Because it’s kind of gay,” he whispered.
John chuckled. “Having a pony named Rainbowberry doesn’t make you gay, Rodney.”
“No!” Rodney shouted, throwing his hands up in the air. “Sleeping with you makes me gay! Having a pony named Rainbowberry would make me retarded!”
John scratched his own chin, much as he had scratched Rainbowberry’s. “So...you don’t want the pony, then?”
“No! No, I don’t want the pony! I want...I want to go see what Radek got me, and when I get back, I want you to have come up with a proper present!” John opened his mouth. “And don’t say ‘a birthday blow job’!” Rodney hissed, shaking his finger at him. “I was going to get that anyway, so no cheating!” He slammed out of the room, a cry of, “I got you a skateboard!” echoing in his wake.
“So,” said Rainbowberry, after a moment. “When are you going to tell him that I’m a talking, Ancient pony?”
“Oh, just as soon as not telling him stops being funny,” John said cheerfully.
“So in other words, never,” Rainbowberry said, flicking the shimmering strands of her pink and purple mane, sending a cloud of sparkles into the air.
“Yep,” said John, and as the sprinking of glitter coated his eyelashes, proceeded to laugh himself hoarse.
*************
1. Um, I maintain full deniability regarding any and all puns.
2. There really is a My Little Pony called Rainbowberry. Hasbro, you sick bastards!
ETA: Illustration by dar_jeeling!
*dies* dar_jeeling = the god of men and ponies!
Most likely, I will not be able to write all of these this fast. As you can see, that's a good thing.