Human Target fic: Too many Bennys Spoil the Plot
Title: Too many Bennys Spoil the Plot
Author: Tree979
Summary: Mini fic for LithiumDoll on ff.net because sometimes different things share a name almost peacefully. In this case there is disagreement over what pulling an Uncle Benny entails.
Fandom: Human Target
Rating: T
Permission to archive to WWOMB: Yes
Acknowledgments/Notes: Previously posted on Fanfiction.net
Disclaimer.Human Target does not belong to me. no money made in this
"You think you've pulled an Uncle Benny?" Guerrero asked in disbelief.
"No." Ames replied. "I know I pulled an Uncle Benny heaps of times. It's a piece of cake."
Guerrero snorted and shook his head.
"I have!"
"I think that's a bit unlikely, Ames." Chance said smiling at Ames' outrageous boast. "I've only done it three times."
Ames frowned, "I didn't think that it would be your kind of style. It seems kind of small fry for you."
"Okay," Guerrero sighed. "Now I know you haven't got a clue what an Uncle Benny is."
"I do too!" She protested.
"What's all the fuss about now?" Winston asked. He'd heard the raised voices from the elevator and figured since he was bound to be stuck refereeing the argument sooner or later he might as well get it out of the way before he even attempted to wade through the stack of paperwork waiting on his desk.
"Ames thinks she done an Uncle Benny." Guerrero sneered.
Winston frowned. "I don't think that's very likely."
"Oh come on," Ames said. "It's one of the easiest cons in the book!"
"Sure," Guerrero said impatiently. "If you have a dump truck full of gravel and couple of blocks of C4 handy and can manage to blow out the power of a couple of city blocks at the right moment."
"Huh?" Ames scrunched her face in to a look of confusion. "You don't need that stuff for an Uncle Benny."
"Yeah, you kind of do." Chance said. "Unless you use sand, then you'll need a bit more C4."
"I'd recommend the use of a remote detonator and a hard hat too." Winston added. "Chance damn near took the top of my head off when we did it."
"You just won't let that one drop." Chance sighed. "That paving slab missed you by like a foot!"
"It was a half-inch and you know it!" Winston grumbled.
"That wouldn't have happen if you had a third guy, dude." Guerrero said smugly.
"Yeah, well that was back in the good old days, before your ugly ass showed up!" Winston said.
"Guys!" Ames interrupted , waving her arm around to draw their attention back to her. "You're missing the point here! All you need for an Uncle Benny is a paperclip and sachet of ketchup!"
All three men turned their heads to look at her and she nodded at them to emphasise her point. Surprisingly, Guerrero was the first to laugh and he turned his back to her, not to avoid upsetting her but more from his habit of keeping his emotions close to his chest. Chance and Winston were less discreet and openly laughed out loud.
"Ames, that isn't an Uncle Benny." Chance said carefully trying not to sound unkind and falling a little short of the mark as he was still laughing at her.
"Yeah it is!" She insisted, although she was a little less certain of herself in the face of their laughter. "You make out like you got cut on…"
"That's not an Uncle Benny, Ames." Guerrero said without turning round. "That's a Bentley Pat Down or a Hamley's Swipe."
"I heard it called the Guilty Toe, but that was more of a local name for it in Chicago." Winston added.
"Yeah? Well back east we called it an Uncle Benny." Ames pouted.
"Well that isn't what an Uncle Benny is, kid." Guerrero said unable to resist turning back to face her so he could fully enjoy watching her squirm. "You might want to do a little homework on the terminology if you want to be a part of the team."
"It would be kind of inconvenient if we were waiting for you to show up with explosives and you came with paperclips instead." Chance added, grinning.
"Explosive paperclips?" Ilsa asked as she walked in and caught just a few words of what Chance had said. "Am I missing something here?"
"We were just discussing what pulling an Uncle Benny entails." Winston explained. "Don't worry, it doesn't involve exploding office supplies."
"Well that's good to know, Mr Winston." Ilsa said. "It's very reassuring."
She started to walk away then seemed to remember something.
"Actually, I had a great uncle Benjamin" Ilsa said as she thoughtfully tapped her cheek. "and he did this awfully funny little trick with a napkin, a breadstick and a couple of olives that we were absolutely forbidden to laugh at at the dinner table. We called that 'doing an Uncle Benny'…"
"I give up!" Guerrero threw his hands up in despair and slunk off.
"What?" Ilsa asked. "Was it something I said?"
"Don't worry about it Mrs Pucci," Winston said. "There are just a few too many Uncle Bennys in this world for Guerrero's liking."
Author: Tree979
Summary: Mini fic for LithiumDoll on ff.net because sometimes different things share a name almost peacefully. In this case there is disagreement over what pulling an Uncle Benny entails.
Fandom: Human Target
Rating: T
Permission to archive to WWOMB: Yes
Acknowledgments/Notes: Previously posted on Fanfiction.net
Disclaimer.Human Target does not belong to me. no money made in this
"You think you've pulled an Uncle Benny?" Guerrero asked in disbelief.
"No." Ames replied. "I know I pulled an Uncle Benny heaps of times. It's a piece of cake."
Guerrero snorted and shook his head.
"I have!"
"I think that's a bit unlikely, Ames." Chance said smiling at Ames' outrageous boast. "I've only done it three times."
Ames frowned, "I didn't think that it would be your kind of style. It seems kind of small fry for you."
"Okay," Guerrero sighed. "Now I know you haven't got a clue what an Uncle Benny is."
"I do too!" She protested.
"What's all the fuss about now?" Winston asked. He'd heard the raised voices from the elevator and figured since he was bound to be stuck refereeing the argument sooner or later he might as well get it out of the way before he even attempted to wade through the stack of paperwork waiting on his desk.
"Ames thinks she done an Uncle Benny." Guerrero sneered.
Winston frowned. "I don't think that's very likely."
"Oh come on," Ames said. "It's one of the easiest cons in the book!"
"Sure," Guerrero said impatiently. "If you have a dump truck full of gravel and couple of blocks of C4 handy and can manage to blow out the power of a couple of city blocks at the right moment."
"Huh?" Ames scrunched her face in to a look of confusion. "You don't need that stuff for an Uncle Benny."
"Yeah, you kind of do." Chance said. "Unless you use sand, then you'll need a bit more C4."
"I'd recommend the use of a remote detonator and a hard hat too." Winston added. "Chance damn near took the top of my head off when we did it."
"You just won't let that one drop." Chance sighed. "That paving slab missed you by like a foot!"
"It was a half-inch and you know it!" Winston grumbled.
"That wouldn't have happen if you had a third guy, dude." Guerrero said smugly.
"Yeah, well that was back in the good old days, before your ugly ass showed up!" Winston said.
"Guys!" Ames interrupted , waving her arm around to draw their attention back to her. "You're missing the point here! All you need for an Uncle Benny is a paperclip and sachet of ketchup!"
All three men turned their heads to look at her and she nodded at them to emphasise her point. Surprisingly, Guerrero was the first to laugh and he turned his back to her, not to avoid upsetting her but more from his habit of keeping his emotions close to his chest. Chance and Winston were less discreet and openly laughed out loud.
"Ames, that isn't an Uncle Benny." Chance said carefully trying not to sound unkind and falling a little short of the mark as he was still laughing at her.
"Yeah it is!" She insisted, although she was a little less certain of herself in the face of their laughter. "You make out like you got cut on…"
"That's not an Uncle Benny, Ames." Guerrero said without turning round. "That's a Bentley Pat Down or a Hamley's Swipe."
"I heard it called the Guilty Toe, but that was more of a local name for it in Chicago." Winston added.
"Yeah? Well back east we called it an Uncle Benny." Ames pouted.
"Well that isn't what an Uncle Benny is, kid." Guerrero said unable to resist turning back to face her so he could fully enjoy watching her squirm. "You might want to do a little homework on the terminology if you want to be a part of the team."
"It would be kind of inconvenient if we were waiting for you to show up with explosives and you came with paperclips instead." Chance added, grinning.
"Explosive paperclips?" Ilsa asked as she walked in and caught just a few words of what Chance had said. "Am I missing something here?"
"We were just discussing what pulling an Uncle Benny entails." Winston explained. "Don't worry, it doesn't involve exploding office supplies."
"Well that's good to know, Mr Winston." Ilsa said. "It's very reassuring."
She started to walk away then seemed to remember something.
"Actually, I had a great uncle Benjamin" Ilsa said as she thoughtfully tapped her cheek. "and he did this awfully funny little trick with a napkin, a breadstick and a couple of olives that we were absolutely forbidden to laugh at at the dinner table. We called that 'doing an Uncle Benny'…"
"I give up!" Guerrero threw his hands up in despair and slunk off.
"What?" Ilsa asked. "Was it something I said?"
"Don't worry about it Mrs Pucci," Winston said. "There are just a few too many Uncle Bennys in this world for Guerrero's liking."