Fic: Various Drabbles for the Rabble
Author: omteddy2006
Rating: PG
Words: Various lengths
Characters: Sheriff Vaizey, Guy, various OMC guards
Summary: A series of drabbles regarding the administration of Nottingham Castle. Yikes. I hope they are more entertaining than that sounds.
A/N: I have more on this theme but these are the first three that I've found time to type up, so if you hate them, tell me so I can stop now.
A Guard By Any Other Name...
Words: 191
Characters: Vaizey, Guy
Summary: The tendency toward incompetency among HR employees has a long tradition.
"Gisborne!"
Sir Guy strode into the Great Hall with one hand on the hilt of his sword. "Yes, m'lord."
The sheriff launched into high gear. "I need you to round up fifty or sixty of our best men. I have a plan, Gisborne. You're going to love it. I..."
"M'lord," Gisborne interrupted.
Vaizey glared.
"I'm afraid we don't have that many men available at present. Most are recovering from the last exercise." Guy choked slightly on the last words as he recalled the sounds of guards screaming after the failed trebuchet and hot oil drill.
The sheriff leaned his chin heavily onto one hand and mumbled, "How many men do we have then?"
Sir Guy reported scornfully, "Just a skeleton crew guarding the castle. Some posts have only one guard where there should be two. We're a little short of...er...human resources."
The sheriff perked up, "What did you just say?"
Guy concentrated on not fidgeting. "I...er..."
"I like that. 'Human resources'...has a nice ring to it. We need to better manage our 'human resources', Guy. And, I'm putting you in charge of it."
Sir Guy closed his eyes and inwardly shuddered.
Justified In the End?
Words: 389
Characters: Vaizey, Guy, sheriff's scribe
Summary: The sheriff's new attitude toward his human resources gets him in the end.
A/N: Based on roh_wyn 's prompt of "worker's compensation"
Sir Guy walked quickly down a corridor - not really heading anywhere, just trying to stay on the move. His last instruction from the sheriff had been to "go and find more men." He wondered if the sheriff knew just how hard it was to recruit for Nottingham's castle guard contingent. Membership in the local guild was down due to death and dismemberment. Maybe he should take a side trip to York...
"Gisborne!"
Damn. He silently cursed his unfortunate choice of corridors.
"How's my new Captain of Human Resources, eh?" the sheriff asked gleefully, clapping his hands together. Guy opened his mouth to reply, but was cut off. "I've been thinking..."
Oh, no. Guy tried to mentally prepare himself for what was bound to be unexpected.
"I have some thoughts on ways to...entice men to join our ranks. Fetch my scribe and meet me in my quarters right away."
"Yes, m'lord." Guy turned on his heel and walked quickly in the opposite direction. This should be interesting...
Thirty minutes later...
The sheriff impatiently cleared his throat. The scribe, who was already scrambling to set up parchment, blotters, and quills, promptly spilled the ink.
Vaizey sneered and turned to his right hand man. "While we're waiting, Gisborne, tell me...the guards who are currently recovering at home...are we doing anything for them?"
"No, m'lord." Guy, surprised at the benevolence of the question, asked, "Did you want them to continue to be paid?"
"Don't be stupid, Guy. I was thinking more along the lines of something to sustain them until they return to duty. What...what did I send that one time to those families...you remember that village...?"
"Fruit baskets."
When the sheriff did not reply, Guy begrudgingly asked, "Shall I send fruit baskets to the injured guards?"
The sheriff thought...about the rarity of fresh fruit. "Well, they're not dead. Have the kitchens assemble food baskets - bread, some cheese, a little meat - any food that is ready to be eaten, if you know what I mean."
Guy knew.
The sheriff, seeing that his scribe was almost ready to take dictation, strode around his desk and sat down. "And, another thing, Gisborne, I...Aiiiii! The sheriff glared venomously at the scribe as he pulled a stray quill from his backside.
Unable to stifle a smirk, Guy turned his head and pretended to cough.
Change is Good, Right?
Words: 361 words
Characters: OMC Guards (Andrew, Edgar, Joe)
Summary: Change comes to Castle Guard Guild 1138, but will it be for the better?
A/N: Part three of six in the Human Resources series.
Andrew and Edgar trudged up the long staircase of the North Tower. They were in no hurry to relieve Horace and Joe.
Hey, Edgar," Andrew nudged his companion roughly. "How'd you like a lift?"
"A wot?"
"I dunno. Somefink to lift us up to the top of the tower."
" Go on! Next, you'll be wantin' the stairs to rise by themselves and carry us up like angels to Heaven."
"A movin' staircase! Now, yer talkin', Edgar!"
Edgar rolled his eyes. Sometimes, his partner's staircase did not go all the way to the top. They finally reached the top and pushed open the door to the turret. They were both surprised to see only Joe present.
"Where's 'orace?" asked Edgar.
"I dunno," Joe replied. "I was a bit late this mornin' and when I got 'ere Horace was missin' and there was only this." He gestured to a piece of parchment tacked to the wall and blowing slightly in the ever present wind atop the tower.
Andrew held the parchment flat with one hand and read, "Edict from the Sheriff of Nottingham."
"Uh-oh. 'ere we go again," mumbled Joe, who being slightly illiterate, had not bothered to read the notice.
Andrew continued, "Introducing the new Department of Human Resources..."
The three guards looked dumbly at one another. "Human wot?" Edgar asked.
"I fink he means us," Andrew said.
"Wot...like we're equipment now?"
Joe giggled.
Andrew read on. "To honor the valorous service of the men of Castle Guard Guild 1138, I have appointed Sir Guy of Gisborne to head this important division and given him the responsibility of enacting the following policies forthwith,
1. Leave without pay..."
The three guards looked at one another again. "Well, that explains what 'appened to 'orace," said Edgar.
"Never was very bright, was he?" Joe asked rhetorically.
"Good soldier, though. And excellent at following orders," added Andrew. "Shame he dinnit read the rest of the edict."
"Ooooh, lookee!" said Edgar, who had been scanning the document and reading ahead. "He's givin' food baskets to all the guards who are 'ome recovering from injuries sustained while on duty."
"What will they fink of next?" mused Joe.
Rating: PG
Words: Various lengths
Characters: Sheriff Vaizey, Guy, various OMC guards
Summary: A series of drabbles regarding the administration of Nottingham Castle. Yikes. I hope they are more entertaining than that sounds.
A/N: I have more on this theme but these are the first three that I've found time to type up, so if you hate them, tell me so I can stop now.
A Guard By Any Other Name...
Words: 191
Characters: Vaizey, Guy
Summary: The tendency toward incompetency among HR employees has a long tradition.
"Gisborne!"
Sir Guy strode into the Great Hall with one hand on the hilt of his sword. "Yes, m'lord."
The sheriff launched into high gear. "I need you to round up fifty or sixty of our best men. I have a plan, Gisborne. You're going to love it. I..."
"M'lord," Gisborne interrupted.
Vaizey glared.
"I'm afraid we don't have that many men available at present. Most are recovering from the last exercise." Guy choked slightly on the last words as he recalled the sounds of guards screaming after the failed trebuchet and hot oil drill.
The sheriff leaned his chin heavily onto one hand and mumbled, "How many men do we have then?"
Sir Guy reported scornfully, "Just a skeleton crew guarding the castle. Some posts have only one guard where there should be two. We're a little short of...er...human resources."
The sheriff perked up, "What did you just say?"
Guy concentrated on not fidgeting. "I...er..."
"I like that. 'Human resources'...has a nice ring to it. We need to better manage our 'human resources', Guy. And, I'm putting you in charge of it."
Sir Guy closed his eyes and inwardly shuddered.
Justified In the End?
Words: 389
Characters: Vaizey, Guy, sheriff's scribe
Summary: The sheriff's new attitude toward his human resources gets him in the end.
A/N: Based on roh_wyn 's prompt of "worker's compensation"
Sir Guy walked quickly down a corridor - not really heading anywhere, just trying to stay on the move. His last instruction from the sheriff had been to "go and find more men." He wondered if the sheriff knew just how hard it was to recruit for Nottingham's castle guard contingent. Membership in the local guild was down due to death and dismemberment. Maybe he should take a side trip to York...
"Gisborne!"
Damn. He silently cursed his unfortunate choice of corridors.
"How's my new Captain of Human Resources, eh?" the sheriff asked gleefully, clapping his hands together. Guy opened his mouth to reply, but was cut off. "I've been thinking..."
Oh, no. Guy tried to mentally prepare himself for what was bound to be unexpected.
"I have some thoughts on ways to...entice men to join our ranks. Fetch my scribe and meet me in my quarters right away."
"Yes, m'lord." Guy turned on his heel and walked quickly in the opposite direction. This should be interesting...
Thirty minutes later...
The sheriff impatiently cleared his throat. The scribe, who was already scrambling to set up parchment, blotters, and quills, promptly spilled the ink.
Vaizey sneered and turned to his right hand man. "While we're waiting, Gisborne, tell me...the guards who are currently recovering at home...are we doing anything for them?"
"No, m'lord." Guy, surprised at the benevolence of the question, asked, "Did you want them to continue to be paid?"
"Don't be stupid, Guy. I was thinking more along the lines of something to sustain them until they return to duty. What...what did I send that one time to those families...you remember that village...?"
"Fruit baskets."
When the sheriff did not reply, Guy begrudgingly asked, "Shall I send fruit baskets to the injured guards?"
The sheriff thought...about the rarity of fresh fruit. "Well, they're not dead. Have the kitchens assemble food baskets - bread, some cheese, a little meat - any food that is ready to be eaten, if you know what I mean."
Guy knew.
The sheriff, seeing that his scribe was almost ready to take dictation, strode around his desk and sat down. "And, another thing, Gisborne, I...Aiiiii! The sheriff glared venomously at the scribe as he pulled a stray quill from his backside.
Unable to stifle a smirk, Guy turned his head and pretended to cough.
Change is Good, Right?
Words: 361 words
Characters: OMC Guards (Andrew, Edgar, Joe)
Summary: Change comes to Castle Guard Guild 1138, but will it be for the better?
A/N: Part three of six in the Human Resources series.
Andrew and Edgar trudged up the long staircase of the North Tower. They were in no hurry to relieve Horace and Joe.
Hey, Edgar," Andrew nudged his companion roughly. "How'd you like a lift?"
"A wot?"
"I dunno. Somefink to lift us up to the top of the tower."
" Go on! Next, you'll be wantin' the stairs to rise by themselves and carry us up like angels to Heaven."
"A movin' staircase! Now, yer talkin', Edgar!"
Edgar rolled his eyes. Sometimes, his partner's staircase did not go all the way to the top. They finally reached the top and pushed open the door to the turret. They were both surprised to see only Joe present.
"Where's 'orace?" asked Edgar.
"I dunno," Joe replied. "I was a bit late this mornin' and when I got 'ere Horace was missin' and there was only this." He gestured to a piece of parchment tacked to the wall and blowing slightly in the ever present wind atop the tower.
Andrew held the parchment flat with one hand and read, "Edict from the Sheriff of Nottingham."
"Uh-oh. 'ere we go again," mumbled Joe, who being slightly illiterate, had not bothered to read the notice.
Andrew continued, "Introducing the new Department of Human Resources..."
The three guards looked dumbly at one another. "Human wot?" Edgar asked.
"I fink he means us," Andrew said.
"Wot...like we're equipment now?"
Joe giggled.
Andrew read on. "To honor the valorous service of the men of Castle Guard Guild 1138, I have appointed Sir Guy of Gisborne to head this important division and given him the responsibility of enacting the following policies forthwith,
1. Leave without pay..."
The three guards looked at one another again. "Well, that explains what 'appened to 'orace," said Edgar.
"Never was very bright, was he?" Joe asked rhetorically.
"Good soldier, though. And excellent at following orders," added Andrew. "Shame he dinnit read the rest of the edict."
"Ooooh, lookee!" said Edgar, who had been scanning the document and reading ahead. "He's givin' food baskets to all the guards who are 'ome recovering from injuries sustained while on duty."
"What will they fink of next?" mused Joe.