I wanted to reply quickly, but I had to stop and think, and read it again, and once more. I think it's the mantra that's stuck in my head; that's the part I keep coming back to: ignore the men, ignore / the lies. ignore the cold.
Your language play is wonderful here; crisp metaphors, unusual in their execution. This is lovely.
Oh, oh. You basically managed to touch on everything that was important for me here. The ignore mantra, just, yeah. It speaks the volumes I can't. Thank you, thank you. ♥
Also! (I will always have more to say. Just try to shut me up!) Also: I just realised, the way those two lines break up is so incredibly powerful. Because if you ignore the punctuation and just read the lines as they are - if you take the cold as an extension of language - the lies ignore the cold; the way language and meaning can be superseded by their opposites.
And try to shut you up? Ha! I revel in these sort of dissections, whether it's my own work or others'. I obsess over line breaks a lot--the whole rhythm can get totally thrown off by one discordant break, for me, and yeah, that one in particular just *had* to be like that, because "the lies" needed to connect with "ignore the cold"; an entire line break between those two (in addition to the period) would have created too much space between them.
the way language and meaning can be superseded by their opposites. Oh, how very aptly put. I love the theme of opposites, and how things are inextricably tied to their opposites in that nothing else defines them so well.
Hee, what I love about this whole process is how as I'm writing, all I really know is that it's about something Very Important, even if I don't know what that thing is. And often don't find out afterwards, or until someone reflects it back at me. FANTASTIC.
That was absolutely gorgeous. I've got a lot of talented writers on my friendslist, but very, very rarely have I read something that they've written and wished that they were published, so I could legitimize the fact that I want to copy and paste this entire thing.
I adore the detail in the lines tragedies come to their bittersweet / ends with the soft crumple of / buckwheat beneath my neck - a painful, heart-compressing kind of adoring, but I also am completely in love with the way you repeat the words "hundred thousand," the sounds of the words rolling off my tongue. And that last stanza, oh my god -
when the peach-pink light peels away a hundred thousand words of a hundred thousand languages, you will emerge, sodden and fresh, trembling like the first word ever spoken before a new day.
Oh, God! My heart is clenching in all sorts of ways and I'm so very touched by your words. I can't even seem to formulate a response. I'm teary-eyed, very grateful and moved to hear that this spoke to you. Sometimes my writing comes from a very, hmmm, real place, if that makes any sense, and this one did, so, just. Thank you so much, really and truly. ♥
Completely unrelated--although that is an awesome and gorgeous poem, by the way, I love the repetition of "a hundred thousand"--but, uh, remember me? The girl who didn't really fulfill on her Sweet Charity obligations to you? Well, er, now I have. *coughs* 12,000 words of KKBB, just for you. I hope that makes up for the lateness.
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Your language play is wonderful here; crisp metaphors, unusual in their execution. This is lovely.
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Oh, oh. You basically managed to touch on everything that was important for me here. The ignore mantra, just, yeah. It speaks the volumes I can't. Thank you, thank you. ♥
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Oh, Sheera, this really is wonderful. Thank you.
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And try to shut you up? Ha! I revel in these sort of dissections, whether it's my own work or others'. I obsess over line breaks a lot--the whole rhythm can get totally thrown off by one discordant break, for me, and yeah, that one in particular just *had* to be like that, because "the lies" needed to connect with "ignore the cold"; an entire line break between those two (in addition to the period) would have created too much space between them.
the way language and meaning can be superseded by their opposites.
Oh, how very aptly put. I love the theme of opposites, and how things are inextricably tied to their opposites in that nothing else defines them so well.
Hee, what I love about this whole process is how as I'm writing, all I really know is that it's about something Very Important, even if I don't know what that thing is. And often don't find out afterwards, or until someone reflects it back at me. FANTASTIC.
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I adore the detail in the lines tragedies come to their bittersweet / ends with the soft crumple of / buckwheat beneath my neck - a painful, heart-compressing kind of adoring, but I also am completely in love with the way you repeat the words "hundred thousand," the sounds of the words rolling off my tongue. And that last stanza, oh my god -
when the peach-pink light peels
away a hundred thousand words of
a hundred thousand languages,
you will emerge, sodden and
fresh, trembling like the first
word ever spoken before a new
day.
- yeah, I'm pretty much stuck on oh my god.
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WOW.
I think if I picked out lines I loved, I'd end up quoting almostnearly the entire thing back. But I have a favorite. *grin*
ignore the men, ignore
the lies. ignore the cold.
Absolutely gorgeous. Heck, I'm itching to make an icon batch out of it (if it would help clean up my rusty Photoshop skills).
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OMG, icons? *DIES AT THE THOUGHT*
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