Re: capital letters make this seem too angrytrascendenzaJanuary 28 2008, 09:51:39 UTC
Yeah, part of me keeps waiting for it not to be true. I know that denial is a big part of the grief process, whoever I'm grieving over, but this is just such a level of shocked disbelief. I really think part of it is the level of disconnection I have from people I've never met/don't know personally; the question almost becomes how I can mourn someone I don't know.
He's so close to our age, too. There's a whole other level of disbelief there--even having brushed death once, it's still seems like such a removal from my daily life. Then again, I think about my grandma dying and that doesn't seem actually possible, either, even though I mentally know it's going to happen. Man. It's just really not easy to think about on any level.
I remember after that car accident I told you I had a very definite urge to lock you and everyone else in a room somewhere so you would all always be safe ^^
But as for living life to its fullest and connecting with others, we do the best that we can do, I think. I really do think our relationship was as close as it could have been with the time and circumstances we were given.
I do know what you mean, though. When someone dies, you mourn not only their death, but also all the missed opportunities and all the things you had planned to do. An acquaintance of mine died in high school, and just the week before he died, I remember saying hi to him in the hall, and thinking, "Huh, Alex seems so nice. I really should try to get to know him before we graduate." His death shook me so deeply not because I knew him, but because of that thought, because I had put it off and I didn't know him. I think sometimes the deaths of people you don't know can hurt worse than those of the people you do, for that reason. I think that's why I'm reacting so
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I definitely had the urge to be locked in a room and kept safe. Well, hmmm, maybe it was more like I had the urge to sit in a room safe and shake apart thinking about how close I am came to dying and how close I came to crashing a car with three of my friends inside. Just. I had people's lives in my hands. I still feel freaked out thinking about how one thing done differently would have changed the whole course of four lives
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I definitely had a lot of "I don't have the right to mourn him this much." I didn't know him, we never talked, I never met him, we had no interaction. I wasn't even that huge a fan of his, and had only seen a few of his movies other than Brokeback. But I also realize that we didn't need to have interaction for him to have moved me, for his work to have affected me, for him to mean something to me beyond the role he played on-screen.You put this so well. I think a lot of other people feel the same way. He brought Ennis to life for so many people, and when you witness someone's very best work, and that work is a communicative act -- well, that's a connection, in the way that all art is a connection
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Exactly, exactly. I find it really baffling when people can regard art in a completely impersonal way, because it will never be that for me, especially as a creator myself, and from what I'd seen of his interviews, it definitely wasn't just a profession for him.
And you've hit the nail on the head with one of the things I find so constantly challenging about internet interactions. How to define these relationships that don't have a basis of comparison against my other areas of life? The lines between creator and viewer blur so much more here, and often in unexpected ways. I think most of us know that we don't want friendship or intimate connection with *all* the artists we admire, be they easily accessible or up on a silver screen, but at the same time there is that question of what they become to us as we follow their work, and how much of their lives we see *in* their work, and how even if we will never know that person, we do know a part of them--a part that, even with a close friend, we might never see. So very strange.
I so feel you on everything you're saying here. I have an awful fear of death, and lot of issues surrounding it. Sometimes I don't understand how we all walk around every day, knowing in the back of our mind that we or someone we love could be dead in a day, or an hour, or even 10 minutes. I think it helps to talk about it, or write about it, or cry about it...just acknowledge it, and feel it, I guess. I am rambling now.
What I really wanted to say is that I'm here for you if you need to talk about anything, be it death or flea circuses. You've always been so incredibly supportive and such a good listener, and I know it's helped me a lot. ::more hugs::
Death is inevitable and sucks out glee like a metaphysical black hole. My view on it is rather strange, though. I mean, I was raised a Christian through and through (although I'm battling issues concerning self and love for ladies, but that's besides the point) so I don't think death is all that bad. I won't say stuff about heaven and happy places where people have wings and play golden harps on white fluffy clouds. But there's something after death, at least that's what I believe. We won't die before it's our time. Problem is, we don't know when that time would be. It hurts like hell, that's for sure, to be the ones left behind after someone you love passes on, but life's like that, the sarcastic little frak it is.
Which is why we make the most of what we've got, 'cause every extra day we're given is a gift. I shall quote RENT: "There's only us. There's only this. Forget regret or life is yours to miss. No other road, no other way. No day but today."Don't fret. You've obviously got people who love and adore you. That
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My views on death really do run the gamut, in some ways. I'm also of the mind that we, as energy or beings or just as matter, don't ever end, and so I don't really feel fearful of a black beyond or a point past which there are no second chances, or that sort of thing. Sometimes I think that all my issues about death really revolve around life--about making something with my life, about being a good person, about having a good effect on someone else's life before they die.
That's the best part of life. Oh, so definitely true. I think what I fret about the most is being able to truly enjoy that part of life, being able to give and receive love and let go of the unimportant stuff. I don't feel able to, a lot of times. On the other hand, I do think I'm getting there--that we all are, really--so my worries don't equal pessimism, either.
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He's so close to our age, too. There's a whole other level of disbelief there--even having brushed death once, it's still seems like such a removal from my daily life. Then again, I think about my grandma dying and that doesn't seem actually possible, either, even though I mentally know it's going to happen. Man. It's just really not easy to think about on any level.
*hugs back* ♥
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But as for living life to its fullest and connecting with others, we do the best that we can do, I think. I really do think our relationship was as close as it could have been with the time and circumstances we were given.
I do know what you mean, though. When someone dies, you mourn not only their death, but also all the missed opportunities and all the things you had planned to do. An acquaintance of mine died in high school, and just the week before he died, I remember saying hi to him in the hall, and thinking, "Huh, Alex seems so nice. I really should try to get to know him before we graduate." His death shook me so deeply not because I knew him, but because of that thought, because I had put it off and I didn't know him. I think sometimes the deaths of people you don't know can hurt worse than those of the people you do, for that reason. I think that's why I'm reacting so ( ... )
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And you've hit the nail on the head with one of the things I find so constantly challenging about internet interactions. How to define these relationships that don't have a basis of comparison against my other areas of life? The lines between creator and viewer blur so much more here, and often in unexpected ways. I think most of us know that we don't want friendship or intimate connection with *all* the artists we admire, be they easily accessible or up on a silver screen, but at the same time there is that question of what they become to us as we follow their work, and how much of their lives we see *in* their work, and how even if we will never know that person, we do know a part of them--a part that, even with a close friend, we might never see. So very strange.
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I so feel you on everything you're saying here. I have an awful fear of death, and lot of issues surrounding it. Sometimes I don't understand how we all walk around every day, knowing in the back of our mind that we or someone we love could be dead in a day, or an hour, or even 10 minutes. I think it helps to talk about it, or write about it, or cry about it...just acknowledge it, and feel it, I guess. I am rambling now.
What I really wanted to say is that I'm here for you if you need to talk about anything, be it death or flea circuses. You've always been so incredibly supportive and such a good listener, and I know it's helped me a lot. ::more hugs::
Rube loves you too.
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Death is inevitable and sucks out glee like a metaphysical black hole. My view on it is rather strange, though. I mean, I was raised a Christian through and through (although I'm battling issues concerning self and love for ladies, but that's besides the point) so I don't think death is all that bad. I won't say stuff about heaven and happy places where people have wings and play golden harps on white fluffy clouds. But there's something after death, at least that's what I believe. We won't die before it's our time. Problem is, we don't know when that time would be. It hurts like hell, that's for sure, to be the ones left behind after someone you love passes on, but life's like that, the sarcastic little frak it is.
Which is why we make the most of what we've got, 'cause every extra day we're given is a gift. I shall quote RENT: "There's only us. There's only this. Forget regret or life is yours to miss. No other road, no other way. No day but today."Don't fret. You've obviously got people who love and adore you. That ( ... )
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That's the best part of life.
Oh, so definitely true. I think what I fret about the most is being able to truly enjoy that part of life, being able to give and receive love and let go of the unimportant stuff. I don't feel able to, a lot of times. On the other hand, I do think I'm getting there--that we all are, really--so my worries don't equal pessimism, either.
And *snuggly hugs back*. :)
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< /end geekiness >
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