[btr] [unfortunately public]

[trappedbyhate]

When I was six, my older sister shoved me down a hill into a pile of broken glass because I could play the violin better than she could. The glass caused severe lacerations on my face and I also broke my arm

Comments

[trappedbyhate]

[Mio is making SO MANY ANGRY FACES at her journal right now. SO MANY.]

By the way, I don't need anybody's sympathy, so if any of you were thinking about saying something along the lines of "Oh that's awful," you can just save it.

[Locked]

[starryeyed_cass]

[Cassie does want to leave sympathy, it's the first reaction to this. But Mio doesn't want it and she doesn't want to disrespect her wishes.]

If it doesn't hurt or anger you to do so

I would like to hear you play one day.

I bet you play beautifully.

Re: [Locked]

[trappedbyhate]

I quit playing the violin after than incident.

It's been over 20 years now, so I'm sure I'm not any good any more, but...lately, I've been thinking that maybe I'd like to try to learn how to play again.

[Locked]

[starryeyed_cass]

Talent never really leaves you, I think. Once you're good at something, you never forget it.

I really do think you should.

Re: [Locked]

[trappedbyhate]

Well, at the very least, I'm horrifically out of practice. It will take a while until I could get back to my previous level of skill.

I would need to go buy a violin, since I don't have one anymore. You should come with me when I go to pick one out.

Re: [locked]

[trappedbyhate]

I'm over it now. Misao and I were competitive before that, and continued to be competitive for years afterwards as well. I just learned how to structure my battles differently after that.

I think, in the end, what cut deeper is that my scar became the most obvious reason why my mother could never love me. It's not as if she loved me all that much before, so it not like it was all that much of a loss anyway.

Re: [locked]

[trappedbyhate]

She was an empty shell of a woman, obsessed with chasing something that could never be truly attained. I can at least understand that, even if it was deeply unhealthy and lead her to become emotionally abusive to those around her.

My father, on the other hand...I try not to dig into his motives too much. I already have far too many hungry ghosts that whisper to me in the night.

[locked]

[thehighestwing]

We've already talked about this, so you won't get an that's awful or anything that might upset you, but.

I'm always here.

And if you need help in figuring out what the crap's going on in the journal network, I can do that.

Re: [locked]

[trappedbyhate]

It's not that sympathy is upsetting, precisely, but it's unnecessary and useless in this situation. It's something that happened a long time ago, in a different universe. Nothing anyone can say or do will change what happened, so I'd rather people save their sympathy for situations that can be changed.

It appears that the Rift is of the opinion that some of us need to ~*share our feelings*~. I don't approve.

...Either that, or we have an extremely powerful and very subtle Glaysa on our hands. I don't think that's all that likely, because I'm pretty sure I could recognize a Glaysa's tampering, and I didn't feel anything. Still, better safe than sorry. Could you look into that angle for me? It would most likely be someone old, to have that much power and finesse, and they wouldn't be the type t draw attention to themselves, so you might have to do some pretty thorough digging

Re: [locked]

[thehighestwing]

I understand that! For what it's worth, I like you just the way you are, scars and all.

YEAH, I've been looking at ... all the increasingly truthful entries and their own reactions to it later. It's not cool at all.

Of course I can! Consider me on it right away. Even if that's not the case, it's good to cross that off the list anyway. I'm up for the digging.

I will! And unfortunately, no, but I know someone that does have experience with this kind of thing. A supernatural hunter. They might know something about what to do.

In the meantime, can I get anything for you?

Re: [locked]

[trappedbyhate]

Plus, I'm really not all that up to date on the native supernaturals that don't interact with the Wanderer community that often. It's mostly the younger generation that hangs around here, have you noticed? We really don't have a lot of contact with older angels and demons, so it would be useful to have record of what the general sentiment is among the older generations even if we don't find anything to do with the cause of this sudden spate of public confessions.

It wouldn't happen to be Jo Harvelle, would it? Tell her hi for me, and sorry I haven't been around lately. I haven't been out of the Tower in oh...probably about 3 weeks. Has it really been that long? Well, fuck.

You should definitely make sure I get out of the Tower sometime soon. Even if it's only for an evening.

[ And then the narration says: Seriously, Mio, seriously? Am I going to have to get you a guardian so you will remember to do things like EAT? and SLEEP? FFS, you need to get a life outside of Torchwood, even if I will have to force you. >:E ]

[arrowinmyheel]

We've all got our scars.

In my opinion, no one else really needs to know where the fuck they actually came from. That's for you to know.

I hate this Rift effect. Just going to throw that fucking out there.

[Locked]

Anyway, I play the violin too. Not that great at it.

[trappedbyhate]

I don't think anyone is happy about this latest turn of events.

[locked]

I haven't played since then, to be honest. I do play the piano a bit, though. I'm decent, I suppose, but nothing special. I never did quite find the emotion in the music again after that.

Sometimes I wonder how things would have been if things had happened differently, but only out of curiosity. For better or for worse, that incident helped shape who I am today, and I wouldn't want to change it. I don't even regret the loss of the music all that much. There are other things that I find my solace and my comfort in now.

...and that was your unexpected philosophical musing for the day. I'm not even sure if that was the Rift's doing or if I've just been staring at columns upon columns of accounting numbers for too long.

[arrowinmyheel]

If I find someone who is, I might have to punch them in the fucking face.

[Locked]

I think if there's any experience that would take the emotion of music out of something, that just about could do it.

I can look back on any fucking scar that I have metaphorical or otherwise and say the same. Makes it hard to have regrets if you know every fucking thing led you to where you are today and you want to be that person.

Either way, I don't really mind discussing. Better than trying to face my fucking bar after that particular name reveal. [Yeah, he'slocked himself in his office completely for the week.]

[trappedbyhate]

[locked]

I don't imagine that crowd will ever let you live it down, no.

I have been thoroughly scolded by Phoebe about the amount I have been overworking myself, so she's going to be dragging me out for dinner in a few minutes. We could get together together tomorrow, though, maybe. It always seems like we only ever have time to talk business when we see each other in person. It'd be nice to be able to talk about something non-work related for a change, even if we don't necessarily end up talking about my ~*horribly tragic*~ past. {insert overly melodramatic emo self-loathing here, or something} <-- (Although, you know, If I did that, I might just have to shoot myself in the head. I was bad enough as a teenager.)