Paths of my life

[cheez_grl]

I guess I am very confused right now, I know I am transgendered and it would be a dream come true to transition to become a woman, the woman I have always felt I should be; but my girlfriend of two years whom I love with all my heart will not continue (which I don't hold against her) with our relationship if I transition. I have spent my life

Comments

[gymx]

The only person who's guaranteed to be with you the rest of your life is you.

[pauraque]

Well said.

[theangelalex]

This is me talking from personal experience and it can be different for everyone. When I began to understand that I was trans and looking into resources about transition the woman I have had feelings for for a long time started dating me. A month into the relationship she told me "You can either continue down this path of transition or you can stay with me, not both." I chose her. The next 16 months had good spots but mentally I was miserable. When we broke up, I began back my quest of understanding my trans status. I was informed that a lot of people will put off or not transition because of a partner. I also finally started HRT and transitioned. Since transition it has been some of the happiest times I have ever had. I have felt like myself and regret having waited.

Now this is my personal experience. It is a decision that you need to come to yourself.

[badoingdoing]

I think its worth exploring with her how your relationship would change if you transitioned. She says she'd support you -- does that mean that you'd be friends? How would that friendship work? It's hard to predict, but worth talking about.

One thing to keep in mind is that if the relationship with her is the only thing keeping you from transitioning, that's likely to become a pretty huge source of friction in your relationship, and in your life.

[growing_wise]

"One thing to keep in mind is that if the relationship with her is the only thing keeping you from transitioning, that's likely to become a pretty huge source of friction in your relationship, and in your life."

100% agreed. It could become a source of bitterness and regret for you, and you may end up blaming her for your unhappiness.

[growing_wise]

I agree with what others have said - the only person who is guaranteed to be with you forever is you. What if you stay in your male body and she leaves you for another reason

[sophiaserpentia]

My own experience was that putting off transition for any reason not related to my own readiness (work, relationship) only caused the dissonance to build. Transition can be very affirming, but because people close to us often align against it, some trans folk find it more tolerable to live without transitioning. (In principle this is emotional blackmail, but not uncommonly we may find at the beginning of transition that none of our options are all that great; then it can be a matter of going with the one that hurts least; also, it can be hard to tell which path is going to hurt less in the long run.)

You don't have to make a decision now, though it's been noted that in general the younger you are when you begin to transition, the easier it is on your body.