Percival Phoenix and the Promise of Tomorrow

[meat_mooks]

Last time on Percival Phoenix:
Though the armies of Nuon and the Blood Queen seemed overwhelming in number, PERCIVAL PHOENIX (and also the rescue team) managed to divert the attack, instead striking directly at the lieutenants of Dr. Lady Deathtruction NEUTRO™! Through their combined efforts, they freed both from the doctor's evil mind control. And

Comments

[j_y_d]

Chase isn't right behind Howard, no. In fact, he doesn't even seem to be with the heroes. See, someone mentioned stealth, and the veteran of a thousand black ops missions took that to actually mean, you know, sneak

[j_y_d]

Chase, finding his hammer lacks its usual magical punch, settles for distracting Gamera, dodging giant paw swipes, even diving between the monster's legs at one point, doing a pretty good job keeping it occupied, slamming Truck Stop at its feet or its knees any time he needs to keep its attention while the others figure out the death ray.

[things_go_boom]

Gamera was now jumping on one foot due to the attacks from Chase.

NEUTRO™, on the other hand, watched as Zouichi was tackled by Super Redshirt aptly and ironically named Red Green (who was getting a raise after this was done), before turning around and realizing her captive was gone. Again.

"$#%@%^$#@!$%!$%!!!!" Really, the censoring man's finger was bleeding at the end when she was done.

The entire sky and lair began to glow red.

"!$%!$% WHO IS THE IDIOT THAT ACTIVATED THE SELF DESTRUCT SEQUENCE?!"

[meat_mooks]

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, NEUTRO™!" Percival crowed, apparently failing to realize that his archnemesis was referring to Howard and not himself.

Oh, wait. Destruction was good. Self-destruction was bad.

Time for some serious firepower! He twisted the Atomizer Ray's adjustment knob, past 'Zap', 'Pow', 'Destructify' and 'Defibrillate'... all the way to its maximum setting, which appeared to be labeled 'VAPORIZE: DANGER DO NOT USE REMEMBER LAST TIME'.

"Your nefarious plans will never succeed as long as I, PERCIVAL PHOENIX, am here to foil them! HA!" A brilliant green ray beam shot from the Atomizer, aimed directly for the Death Ray.

[things_go_boom]

The ray bounced off the raygun...and in a comical turnabout way, bounced around every shiny surface until it zapped the giant rubber monster straight in the middle of its eyes.

The great beast roar its last and melted into a giant puddle of burnt ash. The entire room suddenly smelled like burned tires.

[zouichi]

Well, so much for that plan.

Zouichi grabbed poor Mr. Green (who was probably only in this gig to earn some money to bring home to support his lovely henchwife and their adorable henchchildren) by the arm and threw him bodily down the remaining stairs.

Of which there were an apparently endless number. Or something. Zouichi tried to avoid looking down. Or listening to the piteous wails. That guy should have known when to give up.

[8wings]

Everything was starting to glow redder and redder, the thick molten gleam that can only be achieved by the finest in over-the-counter optical tinting. A terrible vibration seemed to be forming somewhere as the Death Ray prepared to destroy itself - and everything around it! And everyone.

"#*&%<^!" Anwei cursed. She turned, slowly; the air was suddenly thick around her, her feet slowed by a weight like water. Slowly, too slowly, she ran at Neutro™, dodging the few remaining redshirts, hands out in front of her. Something in the possessed woman's costume had to be the mind control device, it had to be! And if they didn't get it off her before this place exploded, she was certainly going to refuse to leave. In fact, she'd probably be atop the Death Ray howling "NO! NOOOOO!!" at the critical moment

[i_sell_drugs]

Howard, being That Idiot Who Activated the Self-Destruct Sequence, has taken this opportunity to dodge and hide. He's a sidekick, remember! He can't be in that dramatic final shot until all the dust settles! Besides, minors should never be in the same frame as women tearing each others' clothes off. That's grounds for a lawsuit.

Also, unsurprisingly, most of the red shirts seem preoccupied with running, which Howard has to admit is a very appealing idea.

[j_y_d]

The place was already wired to explode... just before, it was on his schedule. Now... well, he's used to this, honestly. His wife is a demolitions expert and all... so being on a tier before everything blows sky high is almost like old times... and, of course, he's pretty sure they're going to get out with one second left... leaving plenty of time to watch Anwei tear Lash's clothes off with her teeth.

What?

Ok, sure, he could help. But really, he's had to suffer through Percival Phoenix. He deserves this... or something.

[things_go_boom]

"Blood Queen? Why is your cleavage coming o--WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TO ME?!"

She attempted to swat the other girl away, but every time she hit her, Anwei seemed to but cutting more clothing than before and making it worse. Henchmen came to the Lady's aid, but everyone was swatted away before anything happened.

At some point, someone had dumped mud on the both of them, probably from the mud vac that stood in the air above them. For some reason. Maybe an attempt to either garner even more tension or to just cover up the fact that Lash was ending up half naked at this.

"I SWEAR I WILL BLOW UP YOUR FACE IN AND..HEY HEY--" Finally, the goggles fell off, and Dr. Lady Deathtruction NEUTRO™ fall into a heap on the floor.

Half naked.

[haruno]

Meanwhile, backstage, Sakura managed to hit the ground.

And promptly tripped over an extension cord. "Aieeeee!" What had she just unplugged?!

[meat_mooks]

"B-Blood Queen, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Percival stammered, horrified, even as the clothes flew. "This... this is not suitable for childrens' eyes! What will the Jovian Ratings Board say? I have an interview with Galaxy Savior Weekly next month! Stop that at once!"

What had gone wrong? Why was this happening to him?

[zouichi]

Uh, yeah, what were they doing, screaming up -- oh. Zouichi turned his gaze politely away from Lash's half-dressed state, looking around instead for some sort of escape route or... something, when a familiar scream rent the air.

"Sakura?!"

[things_go_boom]

"My head hurts," Lash managed to stammer, not completely realizing the state she was currently in.

[meat_mooks]

Meanwhile, the countdown on the Death Ray had been slowly ticking down.

"Self destruction in 5... 4..." announced a bored female voice, who sounded like maybe she'd prefer informing them whether the white zone was for loading or unloading. "3... 2..."

The numbers on the display stopped at exactly 00:01.

The lights in the lair were still flashing red, of course, but no explosion occurred. Instead, the remaining redshirts began shuffling out, discouraged, though one or two reappeared with mops and buckets to begin scrubbing at the remains of the rubber suit monster.

Percival put his fists on his hips (careful not to stab himself with his own Atomizer Ray). "Another job well done, chums! Leave it to PERCIVAL PHOENIX to put a stop to Dr. Lady Deathtruction NEUTRO™ and her nefarious Death Ray!"

A pause, as he rubbed his (magnificent!) chin with the fingers of one beefy hand. "Although... well, I guess you all helped, too. I mean, not that PERCIVAL PHOENIX couldn't have finished the job without you. But you got me thinking. Maybe

[i_sell_drugs]

Howard lets out a sigh of relief at seeing that the numbers have, of course, thank God, stopped with exactly one second left on the timer.

Looks like his talent for pushing people's buttons finally came in handy. Sort of. He looks around at the mess. Lash, half-naked and covered in mud, looking dazed. Anwei with clothing in her mouth. Chase looking like he's sort of enjoying this - he would, wouldn't he? And where the hell are Zouichi, Sakura and Bugman?

And of course, Percival Phoenix taking all the credit and deigning to offer them the slightest thanks. Good going, Percy. Because they totally didn't have to do most of the work for him.

"Does anyone need a medic?" he asks weakly. Aside from the red shirts (or what's left of them) scattered (sometimes quite literally) all over the place.