SVU Fic: The Last To Know, Chapter Four
Geez, at this rate, it's going to take me forever to finish this damn thing.
The Last To Know
Chapter Four
**
“This is bullshit!” Casey stood in the center of Branch’s office. She paced. Raged. Gesticulated wildly with her arms. While Branch stared passively back at her, his expression never changing, hands folded leisurely over his stomach. All the world looking like an adult placating a child in the throes of a temper tantrum. And the more she raged, the more he remained unresponsive, pissed her off even more. “You can’t do this to me.”
“To you?” he responded with the slight raise of an eyebrow. It wasn’t much. But, for Casey, it was at least some kind of response.
“I’ve worked my ass off the last three years.”
“And no one’s saying that you haven’t. Donnelly..”
“Donnelly,” Casey snorted derisively. “Figures.”
“She made a great case to bringing Cabot back.”
“And I had a right to have my say.”
“Casey, have a seat.” Branch waited until Casey took the seat across from him. He removed his hands from their resting position, threading them together as he leaned his elbows on the desk. “How many detectives are there in Special Victims?”
“Eighteen,” Casey sighed. She knew where this was going. Knew this was a fight she couldn’t win.
“And they’re adding four more in the fall. How many cases do you try in a year? Violent crimes falling. Just not fast enough. For any of us.”
“I know, but..”
He raised a hand, cutting her off. “You need help, Casey. Whether you’re too proud or too stubborn to admit it, you’re still getting it.”
“Fine. But, I’m still the lead.”
“Sure,” satisfied, Branch leaned back in his chair again.
“And Benson and Stabler’s cases come directly to me.”
He paused momentarily. His lips pursing into a half grimace, as if holding back from saying what was on his mind. “Fine.”
**
Olivia and Elliot sat in the late model sedan, sipping coffee, listening to the mindless white noise of the police scanner.
“Have you talked to Alex?”
“A little,” Olivia took a passive sip from his coffee. “Have you talked to her?”
“A couple times.”
“What’d she say?”
“Everything and nothing,” Elliot shrugged. It was true. They’d talked about many a thing. But, he’d been wary to touch the subject of Olivia. While their relationship hadn’t been entirely closeted, it wasn’t exactly open either.
“Did she say why she won’t see me?”
“No,” he turned towards her. “What happened between you two?”
“I don’t know.”
**
The cab quickly made its way towards the curb in that manner all cabs do. Dangerous enough to cause concern, but not enough to cause damage, except the unfortunate passenger‘s blood pressure. Olivia waited casually on the steps, hands in pockets, leaning against the wall.
Alex stepped out of the cab. She eyed Olivia suspiciously before handing the cab driver the fare.
“How’d you find me?” her voice was cold. Clipped.
“I’m a cop,” Olivia smiled casually. “I know how to work the system.”
“You shouldn’t have come, Olivia.”
“I had to see you.”
“Well then, maybe you should have called.” Alex moved towards the door. Olivia placed her hand on it, stilling Alex’s motions.
“Alex, what’s going on?”
“I’m going home but someone seems to be blocking my way.”
“Where’s this coming from? Why are you so angry with me?”
“You’re the Detective. You figure it out,” Alex snapped back. “No, wait, let‘s get this out in the open now so I don‘t have to worry about you darkening my doorstep ever again. You wanna know where this is coming from? It‘s coming from you, Liv. How long did you wait? Months, weeks, a couple days before you were offing fucking someone else,” Alex pressed a hand to her forehead. “How could I have been so stupid? I begged, begged Hammond to let me see you. Naïve to believe you loved me enough to come with me.”
“That’s not fair..”
“No, it’s not. But you had a choice. I didn’t.”
“But you did have a choice. How long did you wait? You wanna blame someone, why don’t you start with yourself? It‘s not like you waited any longer than I did. Or maybe you’re just feeling guilty because you didn‘t wait long enough.”
“Fuck you!”
Olivia whipped her hands forward, clasping them around Alex’s jaw line. She drew them together, hurriedly, forcibly. Clamped her mouth onto Alex’s, pressed her body against hers. Until the woman was pressed against the wall. It was like kissing a wall, worse, a block of ice. Alex didn’t respond. She didn’t push Olivia away. She didn’t react, at all. Her body remained rigid, frozen. No warmth, no heated response, just cold, unfeeling unreaction. Olivia opened her eyes. Saw the ice cold orbs staring angrily back at her. She pulled away slightly.
“Jesus, when did you stop loving me?”
“The moment you asked me ‘how long’?” Alex drew her forearm to her face, angrily wiping her lips. “Now, the next time you feel the need to drop by unannounced, I suggest you call first. Unless you forgot, you’re not the only one who knows their way around the system.”
**
It wasn’t her usual haunt. Where the lawyers hung out at the end of the day to unwind. Casey stirred her martini, she’d stopped counting 2 martinis ago, sliding the olive off with her teeth.
“I thought I’d find you here.”
“Who says I was lost?”
“Bad day?” Olivia slid onto the barstool next to Casey’s. A compassioned yet flirtatious grin on her face. Casey had seen it all before.
“Please, Olivia, not tonight.”
“What?”
“Give me a break,” Casey snapped. “This isn’t about making me feel better. This is about making you feel better. You’ll start with the sympathetic ear routine as the night wears on, your hand will make its way to my thigh. Maybe, if you’re feeling adventurous, you’ll make me come in the middle of the bar. Then, we’ll go to my place, where you’ll fuck me while you’re thinking about her, leave before dawn and I’ll still feel as shitty as I do right now.”
“Casey..”
“You know what? If you won’t go, then I will,” she slapped a couple twenties on the bar before sliding out of her seat. Olivia was right there, like a wall. She placed her hands onto Casey’s arms.
“Alex and I are finished.”
“Don’t do this, Liv.”
“We’ve been done for a long time now. It just took me awhile to figure it out,” she hazarded a smile. “I‘ve been told I can be a bit stubborn. I shouldn‘t have used you, Casey. I‘m sorry.”
“Yeah, so am I,” Casey attempted to shoulder her way past Olivia. Except, she’d miscalculated just how many drinks she’d consumed. The alcohol rushed to her head, the room span slightly, her legs turned to soft rubber. Before she knew it, she was in strong arms staring straight into soft brown eyes. The last place she wanted to be.
“I’m taking you home.”
“Whatever,” Casey slurred, attempting to straighten to her full height. “But, just so you know, we’re not fucking.”
**
She could hear the little voice in her head. The one sitting on her shoulder at the bar whispering in her ear ‘no’, ‘stay strong‘, ‘hold your ground‘. But, now the other voices had joined the chorus. Olivia played her like the proverbial fiddle. And her body responded in kind. Her skin sang with every stroke from Olivia‘s hands. Her heart beat an every increasing rhythm beneath her chest.
Being with Olivia used to make her feel wanted, accepted, even loved. Now, it made her feel weak. Weak that she couldn’t resist a woman she knew didn’t love her. Weak that even now she wanted her. Acquiesced with every touch, every stroke.
It wasn’t soft or gentle. It hadn’t been that way in a while. Casey often wondered, when she allowed herself such flights of fancy, if it had ever been. She yelped at the feel of her panties being violently yanked from her hips. Strong hands pushed her on the bed. Casey did as always, clasped her hands around the headboard, hanging on for dear life. Olivia crawled over her, pushing Casey’s legs open with her thigh, as lips and tongue hungrily assaulted Casey’s neck. Until she was whimpering, moaning, practically begging Olivia to take her. A request the Detective eagerly complied.
Casey cried out as three fingers jutted quickly inside her, thrusting hurriedly. Felt the texture of Olivia’s jeans grinding roughly against her thigh, adding leverage to the hand between Casey’s legs.
She’d promised herself she’d never be in this position again. Allow herself, allow Olivia to cajole, finagle, manipulate her way back into Casey’s heart, back into her bed. She failed on both accounts. She thread her fingers into Olivia’s hair, pulled tightly, almost angrily, forcing the woman’s eyes to meet her own.
“Tell me you love me,” Casey breathed raggedly.
“I love you.”
As hollow, as forced as the words sounded, they were all Casey needed. She came first. Threw her head back as the strained moan exhaled across her lips. It allowed her the space to watch the woman above her. Watch the ecstasy reveal across her face. At eyes now snapped shut, thinking of another.
As she felt Olivia’s shudder reverberate through her body, Casey made a promise. Tomorrow she’d break it off. Tomorrow, she’d be strong.
Tomorrow.
**
Olivia entered her apartment. A self-satisfied smirk on her lips as she shirked out of her jacket. Enjoyed the taste of her conquest still lingering on her tongue. She knew she shouldn’t take pleasure out of defeating Casey at her own game. But, as far as Olivia was concerned, it was a game with no losers.
She walked deeper into the darkened room. Noted the blinking light on her answering machine. Probably another post-coital message from Casey resolutely telling her tonight was the last time. She pressed the button on the machine.
“Hey, it’s me..Alex,” she explained. Her voice strained. Gone was the eloquent enunciation, replaced with the unmistakable slur of drunkenness. “I shouldn’t have snapped at you. I was just.. You surprised me. I’ve been so..angry. Taking it out on you just seemed the easiest. And you’re right, I can’t stop avoiding you. We need to talk about this. If there’s still a this between us. God, I’m sorry. It’s late,” there was another long pause. “I lied. When you asked me if I‘d made any friends. There haven’t been any friends. I didn‘t want to get your hopes up. I didn‘t want to get my hopes up. I missed you, Liv. I‘ve always...”
The machine beeped almost defiantly, cutting Alex off. She stared at it a beat longer as if she could will it to continue.
“Shit,” Olivia leaned over the answering machine, hands gripping the edge of the desk. Her mind raced as the message replayed. The guilt crashed onto her shoulders, threatening to squash her into the floor.
Shoulda. Coulda. Woulda.
She should have been here. Home. Where she could have answered Alex’s call. Would have raced across town. Kissed her apology. She could do that now. But then, she’d have to explain where she was, who she was with, and why she smelled like sweat and fucking and the come of another woman.
“Shit!” Olivia grabbed the answering machine, gripping it tightly before hurling it across the room.
End Chapter Four
The Last To Know
Chapter Four
**
“This is bullshit!” Casey stood in the center of Branch’s office. She paced. Raged. Gesticulated wildly with her arms. While Branch stared passively back at her, his expression never changing, hands folded leisurely over his stomach. All the world looking like an adult placating a child in the throes of a temper tantrum. And the more she raged, the more he remained unresponsive, pissed her off even more. “You can’t do this to me.”
“To you?” he responded with the slight raise of an eyebrow. It wasn’t much. But, for Casey, it was at least some kind of response.
“I’ve worked my ass off the last three years.”
“And no one’s saying that you haven’t. Donnelly..”
“Donnelly,” Casey snorted derisively. “Figures.”
“She made a great case to bringing Cabot back.”
“And I had a right to have my say.”
“Casey, have a seat.” Branch waited until Casey took the seat across from him. He removed his hands from their resting position, threading them together as he leaned his elbows on the desk. “How many detectives are there in Special Victims?”
“Eighteen,” Casey sighed. She knew where this was going. Knew this was a fight she couldn’t win.
“And they’re adding four more in the fall. How many cases do you try in a year? Violent crimes falling. Just not fast enough. For any of us.”
“I know, but..”
He raised a hand, cutting her off. “You need help, Casey. Whether you’re too proud or too stubborn to admit it, you’re still getting it.”
“Fine. But, I’m still the lead.”
“Sure,” satisfied, Branch leaned back in his chair again.
“And Benson and Stabler’s cases come directly to me.”
He paused momentarily. His lips pursing into a half grimace, as if holding back from saying what was on his mind. “Fine.”
**
Olivia and Elliot sat in the late model sedan, sipping coffee, listening to the mindless white noise of the police scanner.
“Have you talked to Alex?”
“A little,” Olivia took a passive sip from his coffee. “Have you talked to her?”
“A couple times.”
“What’d she say?”
“Everything and nothing,” Elliot shrugged. It was true. They’d talked about many a thing. But, he’d been wary to touch the subject of Olivia. While their relationship hadn’t been entirely closeted, it wasn’t exactly open either.
“Did she say why she won’t see me?”
“No,” he turned towards her. “What happened between you two?”
“I don’t know.”
**
The cab quickly made its way towards the curb in that manner all cabs do. Dangerous enough to cause concern, but not enough to cause damage, except the unfortunate passenger‘s blood pressure. Olivia waited casually on the steps, hands in pockets, leaning against the wall.
Alex stepped out of the cab. She eyed Olivia suspiciously before handing the cab driver the fare.
“How’d you find me?” her voice was cold. Clipped.
“I’m a cop,” Olivia smiled casually. “I know how to work the system.”
“You shouldn’t have come, Olivia.”
“I had to see you.”
“Well then, maybe you should have called.” Alex moved towards the door. Olivia placed her hand on it, stilling Alex’s motions.
“Alex, what’s going on?”
“I’m going home but someone seems to be blocking my way.”
“Where’s this coming from? Why are you so angry with me?”
“You’re the Detective. You figure it out,” Alex snapped back. “No, wait, let‘s get this out in the open now so I don‘t have to worry about you darkening my doorstep ever again. You wanna know where this is coming from? It‘s coming from you, Liv. How long did you wait? Months, weeks, a couple days before you were offing fucking someone else,” Alex pressed a hand to her forehead. “How could I have been so stupid? I begged, begged Hammond to let me see you. Naïve to believe you loved me enough to come with me.”
“That’s not fair..”
“No, it’s not. But you had a choice. I didn’t.”
“But you did have a choice. How long did you wait? You wanna blame someone, why don’t you start with yourself? It‘s not like you waited any longer than I did. Or maybe you’re just feeling guilty because you didn‘t wait long enough.”
“Fuck you!”
Olivia whipped her hands forward, clasping them around Alex’s jaw line. She drew them together, hurriedly, forcibly. Clamped her mouth onto Alex’s, pressed her body against hers. Until the woman was pressed against the wall. It was like kissing a wall, worse, a block of ice. Alex didn’t respond. She didn’t push Olivia away. She didn’t react, at all. Her body remained rigid, frozen. No warmth, no heated response, just cold, unfeeling unreaction. Olivia opened her eyes. Saw the ice cold orbs staring angrily back at her. She pulled away slightly.
“Jesus, when did you stop loving me?”
“The moment you asked me ‘how long’?” Alex drew her forearm to her face, angrily wiping her lips. “Now, the next time you feel the need to drop by unannounced, I suggest you call first. Unless you forgot, you’re not the only one who knows their way around the system.”
**
It wasn’t her usual haunt. Where the lawyers hung out at the end of the day to unwind. Casey stirred her martini, she’d stopped counting 2 martinis ago, sliding the olive off with her teeth.
“I thought I’d find you here.”
“Who says I was lost?”
“Bad day?” Olivia slid onto the barstool next to Casey’s. A compassioned yet flirtatious grin on her face. Casey had seen it all before.
“Please, Olivia, not tonight.”
“What?”
“Give me a break,” Casey snapped. “This isn’t about making me feel better. This is about making you feel better. You’ll start with the sympathetic ear routine as the night wears on, your hand will make its way to my thigh. Maybe, if you’re feeling adventurous, you’ll make me come in the middle of the bar. Then, we’ll go to my place, where you’ll fuck me while you’re thinking about her, leave before dawn and I’ll still feel as shitty as I do right now.”
“Casey..”
“You know what? If you won’t go, then I will,” she slapped a couple twenties on the bar before sliding out of her seat. Olivia was right there, like a wall. She placed her hands onto Casey’s arms.
“Alex and I are finished.”
“Don’t do this, Liv.”
“We’ve been done for a long time now. It just took me awhile to figure it out,” she hazarded a smile. “I‘ve been told I can be a bit stubborn. I shouldn‘t have used you, Casey. I‘m sorry.”
“Yeah, so am I,” Casey attempted to shoulder her way past Olivia. Except, she’d miscalculated just how many drinks she’d consumed. The alcohol rushed to her head, the room span slightly, her legs turned to soft rubber. Before she knew it, she was in strong arms staring straight into soft brown eyes. The last place she wanted to be.
“I’m taking you home.”
“Whatever,” Casey slurred, attempting to straighten to her full height. “But, just so you know, we’re not fucking.”
**
She could hear the little voice in her head. The one sitting on her shoulder at the bar whispering in her ear ‘no’, ‘stay strong‘, ‘hold your ground‘. But, now the other voices had joined the chorus. Olivia played her like the proverbial fiddle. And her body responded in kind. Her skin sang with every stroke from Olivia‘s hands. Her heart beat an every increasing rhythm beneath her chest.
Being with Olivia used to make her feel wanted, accepted, even loved. Now, it made her feel weak. Weak that she couldn’t resist a woman she knew didn’t love her. Weak that even now she wanted her. Acquiesced with every touch, every stroke.
It wasn’t soft or gentle. It hadn’t been that way in a while. Casey often wondered, when she allowed herself such flights of fancy, if it had ever been. She yelped at the feel of her panties being violently yanked from her hips. Strong hands pushed her on the bed. Casey did as always, clasped her hands around the headboard, hanging on for dear life. Olivia crawled over her, pushing Casey’s legs open with her thigh, as lips and tongue hungrily assaulted Casey’s neck. Until she was whimpering, moaning, practically begging Olivia to take her. A request the Detective eagerly complied.
Casey cried out as three fingers jutted quickly inside her, thrusting hurriedly. Felt the texture of Olivia’s jeans grinding roughly against her thigh, adding leverage to the hand between Casey’s legs.
She’d promised herself she’d never be in this position again. Allow herself, allow Olivia to cajole, finagle, manipulate her way back into Casey’s heart, back into her bed. She failed on both accounts. She thread her fingers into Olivia’s hair, pulled tightly, almost angrily, forcing the woman’s eyes to meet her own.
“Tell me you love me,” Casey breathed raggedly.
“I love you.”
As hollow, as forced as the words sounded, they were all Casey needed. She came first. Threw her head back as the strained moan exhaled across her lips. It allowed her the space to watch the woman above her. Watch the ecstasy reveal across her face. At eyes now snapped shut, thinking of another.
As she felt Olivia’s shudder reverberate through her body, Casey made a promise. Tomorrow she’d break it off. Tomorrow, she’d be strong.
Tomorrow.
**
Olivia entered her apartment. A self-satisfied smirk on her lips as she shirked out of her jacket. Enjoyed the taste of her conquest still lingering on her tongue. She knew she shouldn’t take pleasure out of defeating Casey at her own game. But, as far as Olivia was concerned, it was a game with no losers.
She walked deeper into the darkened room. Noted the blinking light on her answering machine. Probably another post-coital message from Casey resolutely telling her tonight was the last time. She pressed the button on the machine.
“Hey, it’s me..Alex,” she explained. Her voice strained. Gone was the eloquent enunciation, replaced with the unmistakable slur of drunkenness. “I shouldn’t have snapped at you. I was just.. You surprised me. I’ve been so..angry. Taking it out on you just seemed the easiest. And you’re right, I can’t stop avoiding you. We need to talk about this. If there’s still a this between us. God, I’m sorry. It’s late,” there was another long pause. “I lied. When you asked me if I‘d made any friends. There haven’t been any friends. I didn‘t want to get your hopes up. I didn‘t want to get my hopes up. I missed you, Liv. I‘ve always...”
The machine beeped almost defiantly, cutting Alex off. She stared at it a beat longer as if she could will it to continue.
“Shit,” Olivia leaned over the answering machine, hands gripping the edge of the desk. Her mind raced as the message replayed. The guilt crashed onto her shoulders, threatening to squash her into the floor.
Shoulda. Coulda. Woulda.
She should have been here. Home. Where she could have answered Alex’s call. Would have raced across town. Kissed her apology. She could do that now. But then, she’d have to explain where she was, who she was with, and why she smelled like sweat and fucking and the come of another woman.
“Shit!” Olivia grabbed the answering machine, gripping it tightly before hurling it across the room.
End Chapter Four