FIC: Goodbye, Chap 2 [SG-1 Sam/Janet, Janet/OC]
Title: Goodbye, Chapter Two
Series: Part Three of the From The Mouths of Babes
Pairing: Janet/OC, Sam/Janet
Fandom: Stargate SG-1
Rating: PG
Originally Posted: July 2001
Word Count: 3637
Summary: Sam and Janet's relationship hits a definitive snag.
Chapter Two
Janet jumped out of the passenger's side as Sam parked illegally in front of the hotel. She tossed her keys to an aggravated looking valet. His expression changing as Janet fired him a look that could crumble concrete.
With Sam on Janet's heels, she entered the expansive foyer. Janet walked over to the information desk, wrangling a flustered looking concierge.
"Where's my daughter?" She demanded. "Cassandra, Cassandra Fraiser."
A desk clerk approached the trio. "I've got this," he stated to the frightened concierge. The man scuttled away from the clerk and two women as quickly as possible.
"Where is she?" Janet skipped the formalities.
The clerk calmly outstretched his hand directing the two women to the front desk. He walked behind the counter silently thankful for the barrier between the fired up red head.
"The reservation was made this morning," he explained as he typed the information up on the computer.
"Where is she?"
"Suite 1437," he handed the room card to Janet. The woman nearly took his hand off as she ripped the card from his grasp.
Key in hand, Janet ran towards the elevators. Sam jogged after her, barely keeping up. As they stepped into the elevator Janet growled at the people behind her.
"Private," she hissed as the guests stepped back in shock. Sam offered an apologetic grin in return.
"I'll kill her. No, first, I'm going to kill him. Then, I'm going to kill her."
"Janet."
"What?"
"Calm down, you walking in there set to kill isn't going to solve anything."
"You're right," Janet took a deep cleansing breath. As she did, the elevator dinged, the doors shushing open. "They are so dead." She gritted stepping out of the elevator.
She didn't bother knocking, just swiped the card and barged through the double doors of the suite.
"Cassandra!"
"Whoa!" Sam commented stepping into the main room. The suite was large, immaculate. The type of luxuries one expects in a five-star hotel, but few rarely see. The place was furnished with a fireplace that sat at the far end, a balcony overlooking the city. An entertainment center viewed from a large white couch. Sam caught the whiff of food as her attention turned to an intimately set dining table , an expensive dinner waiting under serving tins.
"Cassandra Fraiser!" Janet yelled storming into the room. "Get out here right now!"
Sam watched as Janet walked into the bedroom. From behind her, Sam thought she heard a noise. A soft clicking sound. Turning her head, she noticed the slight crack in the closet door. A crack slowly widening.
"Cassie?" She called out. Janet, upon hearing the sound of Cassie's name, poked her head around the corner.
"Cassandra," Janet growled angrily. A blur of sandy blonde hair darted from the closet to the door, running through the entrance. Both Sam and Janet gave chase, slamming into the doors as Cassandra closed them behind her. Janet grabbed the door handles giving a hard tug, both doors not budging.
"It's locked," she stated surprised.
"What? How could they be locked from the outside?" Sam tried the doors as well. The handles moved but the doors refused to budge open.
"Cassandra, open this door," Janet cried out to her daughter.
"No," Cassie replied.
"Cassie?" Sam took a turn. "What's going on?"
"Cassandra Fraiser, you open this door right now."
"I'm not opening the doors."
"Cass.." Janet paused, suddenly pressing a hand to her forehead. "Oh no. No, no, no, no. She set us up."
"What?"
"I'm not opening the doors until you two stop fighting," the girl admitted.
"Cassie, honey, what's going on between Sam and I has nothing to do with you."
"Yes it does. You two belong together."
Sam groaned aloud running a hand through her hair. Leaving Janet to bargain with Cassandra, she wandered the room looking for another exit.
"Would you do something?" Janet turned to Sam.
"Like what?"
"Use the phone. Call for help."
Sam looked around the room. "What phone?" She searched behind the couch finding the empty jack. "They're gone."
"Cassandra!" Janet beat on the door to no effect. "Use my cell, it's in my purse."
"And your purse is?"
"Well, where's your cell?"
"Back at the base."
Sam wandered back into the main area. Janet continued bargaining with Cassandra, pleading, yelling, demanding, through the double doors. All to no avail. Stopping at the table, Sam lifted the lids to the trays, a veritable feast of both Sam and Janet's favorite foods.
"You have to admire her ingenuity."
"Don't defend her Sam."
"I'm not. I'm just saying, you know," Sam sat down at the table. Grabbing a serving spoon, she began ladling some pasta onto her plate.
"What the Hell are you doing?"
"I'm hungry and it's obvious she's not opening that door anytime soon." She popped a mushroom into her mouth. "Wow, this food's really good."
“It should be. I’m paying for it,” Janet sighed heavily the faintest trace of a smile creeping onto her face. "You know you're on restriction until you're thirty, right?" Janet spoke to the door.
"I know," the door stated back.
"At least we know she's still out there," Janet walked to the table taking the seat across from Sam. "What's good?"
"Take your pick, chicken or seafood. Although there's enough for both of us."
They sat in relative silence. Janet eating crab cakes with salad while Sam dined on cordon blue. Both were acutely aware of the romantic setting Cassandra had set up for them, candle lights, the soft sounds of Sade crooning through the stereo.
"I'm sorry," Sam finally spoke up. Janet peered across from the table as Sam shrugged her shoulders. "You know, for saying what I did."
"I'm sorry too. Brenda shouldn't have blind-sided you like that."
"She's your girlfriend. If you were mine," Sam paused, trying to keep her emotions at bay. "What I mean is, I think you'd be just as defensive if someone admitted their feelings to Brenda."
Janet nodded in agreement. Their conversation pausing again as they continued their meals.
"What do you see in her? And I say that out of sheer curiosity, nothing else?"
The doctor smiled at Sam's nervousness. She brought her elbows onto the table resting her chin on her clasped hands. "Her intelligence. She's an incredible doctor, Sam. I guess she appeals to that side of me, reminds me why I went into medical school."
Sam watched Janet's face as she spoke. The doctor getting a far away look in her eyes.
"Plus, she's strong minded, as you know. I know she can be a bit arrogant at times, but I guess I find that attractive as well. Mind you, I've never been at the receiving end of that arrogance. She loves kids and cares for Cassie, she really does, but Cassie's making it so difficult."
"Did you know she's going to ask you to move in with her?"
"Yes."
Sam raised her eyebrows, shocked at Janet's knowledge of Brenda's intentions. "Are you going to say yes?"
"I think so. I enjoy being with her." Sam could feel her heart sinking. "We've been talking a lot lately about the future, us. Brenda received a job offer at Cedar Sinai in New York. She wants me to go with her."
"Well, sure, but there's that whole SGC thing."
"My ETS date is coming up," Janet stated solemnly.
"Oh," Sam set her fork down on her plate her appetite suddenly gone. ETS - End Term of Service. Sam would have to be dragged kicking and screaming before she left the Air Force. It never occurred to her that Janet would actually want to leave.
"Tell me what you're thinking." She could hear Janet's voice across the table. To Sam, she sounded far away, distant. And from the sounds of it, getting further.
"What am I thinking?" Sam tried to fight the anger that boiled within her. She failed. "I think you're an insensitive bitch. You want to leave Stargate and run off to New York with Brenda. Fine. But how dare you take Cassandra with you and think everything's going to be hunky-dorey!"
"Sam!"
"No!" She cut Janet off. "It's my turn to talk. What about how Cassandra feels? Or how it's going to affect her. She's my family also. We're her family, me, Jack, Daniel, Teal'c. It's selfish of you to take her 1500 miles away just because you can't handle your feelings for me."
Janet chuckled incredulously. "You think this about you? Wait, you're right this is ALL about you, my feelings for you and Cassandra's feelings for you. Yeah, you're such a big part of Cassie's life. Where are you when she has the nightmares? When I have to wake her up to keep her from hurting herself. She's my daughter 24 hours a day, seven days a week. She's your daughter only when it's convenient for you. She's not a goddamn puppy, Sam. You just can't waltz in when you feel like it, or when it suits your goddamn schedule."
Sam stood up from the table walking into the den. Janet followed, right on her heels. "Oh no you don't! Don't you dare walk away from me now. You wanted to hear this and you're gonna."
She stood in front of Sam, her face seething with anger. "Cassie adores you Sam. It frightens me sometimes how much she adores you. Not because she loves you, but because I know how much it would destroy her if she lost you. Let me tell you what life with Cassie is like. Do you know what it was like consoling her when you were in the infirmary? Or how devastated she was when Jack was stuck off world? Do you want to know how many times I've lied to her when you've jumped just so she doesn't stay awake at night worrying about you? Sam, you think I'm terrified of losing you, imagine how terrified Cassie is. She's already lost two parents. She can't lose you."
Sam flopped onto the couch, the last remaining wind dying in her sails. "I'd never do anything to hurt her."
Janet sat on her knees in front of Sam. "I know you wouldn't Sam. Never intentionally. But what you do is dangerous. And we both know it's going to get worse before it gets better, if at all. Maybe I am settling for Brenda. But I'm settling for a life that's stable. Someone who I know will always be there, during the good times and the bad."
Sam set her elbows on her knees dropping her face into her hands. Janet placed a hand on Sam's head running her fingers through the blonde locks.
"Sam?"
"I feel like someone just punched me in the gut," she admitted. "Janet you're my friend, my best friend, my family. Now you tell me you're leaving. I just feel so lost. And you know what hurts the most. The fact that you're not even willing to try. You keep talking about if's and what's, running away like some coward. There are no guarantees in life Janet. You of all people should know that."
"Yes, and I also know that more than anything in this world, if you could you'd go back in time to save your mother."
"That's not fair," Sam hissed.
"No, it's not. But this is exactly what I'm talking about. I'd rather be branded a coward than give Cassie one second of pain. Don't you think she's had enough already?"
Sam sat back unable to find the words. The ones that would let Janet feel better. Except she didn't want Janet to feel better. She wanted her to hurt as she did. Feel what it was like to have her family ripped from her with no say in the decision. Being told that you're hurting the ones you love for no other reason than existing.
She rose from the couch heading towards the balcony. The night air felt good across her heated skin. Sam leaned against the wall not interested in the view.
Moments later, Janet joined her on the balcony. She placed her hands on the railing leaning into the breeze.
"Beautiful isn't it?" Janet commented on the view. Sam nodded in agreement. Although she wasn't particularly interested in the skyline.
Sam stepped forward walking behind Janet. She wrapped her arms around the smaller woman's waist. She could feel Janet tense up at first. Then, slowly allowing herself to relax in Sam's grasp. Sam could feel Janet sliding her hands across her own. She rested her head on Janet's shoulder.
"Can you really do it? Leave SG-1?"
"Yes," she admitted.
"How?"
"I decided to become a doctor to make a difference, to heal people. You don' t know what it's like, day after day, buried a mile underground. It feels so thankless sometimes. Like what I'm doing doesn't matter."
"You know that's not true," Sam attempted to reassure her.
"Yes, I know it. But lately, I haven't been feeling it. Brenda reminds me why I wanted to become a doctor. I keep thinking about my ETS, going into the private sector, maybe setting up my own practice. All the things I used to dream about back when I was young and idealistic."
Sam mulled over Janet's words. Knowing the difference between what the heart wants and what the head knows. "And you can leave me?"
Janet sighed heavily. "I have to Sam. It was easier when I didn't know your feelings for me."
"You can't keep being afraid of something that may or may not happen. Yes, my job's dangerous. But what about Brenda, she could die in a car accident, or slip in the bath tub."
"It's the odds, Sam. The odds of dying in a car accident stay the same. Every time you go through that gate, your chances increase. Every time you go, I die a little. I don't know if I can go through that, Sam. I don't think I can watch Cassandra go through it."
"Why didn't you tell me? About you, about Cassie."
"Because I'm the goddamn doctor. Because I didn't want you burdened with my fears," Janet sighed heavily, "I'm supposed to be strong and detached."
"I don't want you to be strong for me, Janet. I just want you."
"I know you do, Sam. And you'd love me with everything you have even if it killed you." Sam chuckled at the admission. "When's your ETS date?"
Sam thought for a couple moments. "Next June."
"If I asked, would you leave the service?"
"Yes," Sam admitted. "Without question."
"You would wouldn't you. And that's the problem. You'd do it for me and we'd be happy. But you'd resent it as well. Day after day letting it build. I couldn't live with you resenting me, just as I can't live with the thought of you dying."
Sam pulled Janet tighter into her. She inhaled deeply taking in Janet's scent, feeling the heat of her body against hers.
"Tell me you love me," Sam mumbled into Janet's hair.
"What?"
"Just once. I need to.." Sam paused pulling Janet tighter into her, "Need to hear you say it. Before I say goodbye."
Janet turned into her. Her hands found Sam's face in the soft light, caressing a cheek, sweeping the bangs from Sam's forehead.
"You're so beautiful," she whispered huskliy. They leaned close to each other until their foreheads met. The space between them a hair's breath but to Sam it felt like a giant chasm. One she ached to fill. "I love you." Janet softly whispered.
Sam didn't hear it as much as she felt it. Felt the loving words on her lips and in the hands stroking her hair. Janet moved closer, filling the space between them. Lips moving to press Sam's against hers.
"Janet!" The doctor jumped startled at the sound of her name. Brenda's voice called to the redhead. Janet stepped away from Sam easing into the hotel room.
"NO!" Cassandra's voice cried from behind the door. "Give it back. You'll ruin everything."
Janet rushed into the room just as Brenda unlocked the door. Brenda hurried over to Janet embracing the woman.
"Are you okay?" She asked running a hand over Janet's head. "I went to your house and there was a strange message on your machine. I came here as quickly as possible."
"Yeah, I'm fine."
Sam entered the room. A frustrated Cassandra stood next to her defiantly.
"Would someone mind telling me what the Hell is going on?" Brenda asked. She glared at Sam, arms wrapped around Janet protectively.
"I'll tell you when we get home," Janet moved slightly out of Brenda's embrace, outstretching a hand to her daughter. "C'mon Cassandra."
"But what about Sam?" The girl asked.
"It's okay kiddo. Go on," Sam patted the girl on the shoulder. Cassandra looked at Sam, then at Brenda and Janet, realizing the denouement of her little drama.
"No!" Cassie's hands balled into fists.
"Cassandra," Janet gasped at her daughter.
"You ruined everything!" She yelled at Brenda. "I hate you. I hate both of you!"
Crying, the girl ran out of the room barreling down the hallway.
"Cassandra!" Janet cried out to the girl. Sam, cutting her off at the pass, stood between Janet and the door.
"It's okay. I'll take care of it."
Sam jogged out of the door, giving chase to the fleeing teen. She saw Cassandra as the teen slammed into the fire exit running down the stairs.
Sam hit the stairs hard, taking them two at a time. She couldn't see the girl but she could hear her.
"Cass!" She yelled out. "It's Sam. You know I'm going to catch you."
She found the girl several flights later, halfway between the 8th and 7th floors. Cassandra sat with her back against the wall, arms wrapped around her legs as she buried her face in her knees. Sam sighed, sliding down the wall as she sat to join the girl.
"It's not fair," Cassandra sobbed.
"I know kiddo."
"I don't understand. She likes you."
"And I like her but sometimes things don't work out like we want them to."
"Why?"
"Cass, if I knew the answer to that question I'd be a very rich woman." She admitted.
"But you're going to keep trying, right?"
Sam answered with silence not sure what to tell the teen.
"Please Sam, you gotta keep trying. She loves *you*. I know she does. Please Sam, you guys are perfect for each other." Sam pulled the girl into her arms holding her as she cried. Sam stroked Cassie's hair calming the girl down.
"You remember a couple months ago, you told me about Robbie. The boy who had a crush on you."
"Yeah." The girl mumbled into Sam's jacket.
"How he would offer to carry your books or send you notes. Try to sit with you at the lunch table," she could feel Cassandra nodding in recognition.
"And then one day he just stopped, right. All those little things he did to try and get your attention stopped. It's the same for me. I have to stop."
"But that's different. I didn't like Robbie. Janet likes you."
"True, but she also likes Brenda." Cassandra pulled out of Sam's grasp at the mention of Brenda's name. Sam cupped the girl's chin. "Hey, look at me. I know you don't like Brenda. But don't hate her because you think you're protecting me. She can't be all bad, right? Janet likes her."
"But.."
"No but's," Sam cut the girl off. "Yes, I love Janet but just as Robbie couldn't force you to like him. I, or anyone else, can't- and shouldn't- force Janet to choose who she wants to be with. And if we love her then we have to respect her choices. Whether we like them or not. Understand?"
"No. But I suppose it'll become clearer when I get older."
"Don't count on it," she smiled softly rising to her feet.
"Sam?"
"Yeah, kiddo."
"I'm sorry." Sam hugged the teen. Cassandra finding her very last heart string and giving it a heavy tug.
"Don't be sorry Cass. Your heart was in the right place and you don't know how much I appreciate that." If not for Cassandra, Sam wouldn't know how much she cared for the doctor. "C'mon, let's go find your mom."
"God, she's going to kill me, isn't she?"
"You should be so lucky."
After finding an elevator, they took the easy way down rather than walking the remaining seven flights of stairs. The two entered the lobby of the hotel. They could see Brenda and Janet at the front desk.
"Mom?" At the sound of Cassandra's voice, Janet turned around, her heart in her throat. Cassie ran to the woman, throwing her arms around Janet's waist. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said. I didn't mean to hurt you."
Janet ran her hands over the girl's hair. "It's okay, sweetheart. I'm not mad."
"You're not?" She looked up at her adopted mother. "Does this mean I'm not in trouble?"
"Nice try," Janet smiled softly. "We'll talk about the rest of this when we get home."
"I love you mom."
"I love you too, Cassandra."
Janet looked up from the mop of blonde hair pressed to her chest to see Sam across from her. She mouthed the words 'thank you' to Sam, the Major half-grinning her reply.
Brenda ran a hand across Janet's back. "C'mon, my car's out front."
Sam, keeping a comfortable distance, followed the three outside. She watched as Janet and Cassie stepped into Brenda's car. Janet turned to Sam, smiling softly as Cassandra waved to the Major. Sam watched as Brenda's car faded into the background. Her hand raised above her head as she waved goodbye.
End
Next - Part Four: Green Eyed Monster
Series: Part Three of the From The Mouths of Babes
Pairing: Janet/OC, Sam/Janet
Fandom: Stargate SG-1
Rating: PG
Originally Posted: July 2001
Word Count: 3637
Summary: Sam and Janet's relationship hits a definitive snag.
Chapter Two
Janet jumped out of the passenger's side as Sam parked illegally in front of the hotel. She tossed her keys to an aggravated looking valet. His expression changing as Janet fired him a look that could crumble concrete.
With Sam on Janet's heels, she entered the expansive foyer. Janet walked over to the information desk, wrangling a flustered looking concierge.
"Where's my daughter?" She demanded. "Cassandra, Cassandra Fraiser."
A desk clerk approached the trio. "I've got this," he stated to the frightened concierge. The man scuttled away from the clerk and two women as quickly as possible.
"Where is she?" Janet skipped the formalities.
The clerk calmly outstretched his hand directing the two women to the front desk. He walked behind the counter silently thankful for the barrier between the fired up red head.
"The reservation was made this morning," he explained as he typed the information up on the computer.
"Where is she?"
"Suite 1437," he handed the room card to Janet. The woman nearly took his hand off as she ripped the card from his grasp.
Key in hand, Janet ran towards the elevators. Sam jogged after her, barely keeping up. As they stepped into the elevator Janet growled at the people behind her.
"Private," she hissed as the guests stepped back in shock. Sam offered an apologetic grin in return.
"I'll kill her. No, first, I'm going to kill him. Then, I'm going to kill her."
"Janet."
"What?"
"Calm down, you walking in there set to kill isn't going to solve anything."
"You're right," Janet took a deep cleansing breath. As she did, the elevator dinged, the doors shushing open. "They are so dead." She gritted stepping out of the elevator.
She didn't bother knocking, just swiped the card and barged through the double doors of the suite.
"Cassandra!"
"Whoa!" Sam commented stepping into the main room. The suite was large, immaculate. The type of luxuries one expects in a five-star hotel, but few rarely see. The place was furnished with a fireplace that sat at the far end, a balcony overlooking the city. An entertainment center viewed from a large white couch. Sam caught the whiff of food as her attention turned to an intimately set dining table , an expensive dinner waiting under serving tins.
"Cassandra Fraiser!" Janet yelled storming into the room. "Get out here right now!"
Sam watched as Janet walked into the bedroom. From behind her, Sam thought she heard a noise. A soft clicking sound. Turning her head, she noticed the slight crack in the closet door. A crack slowly widening.
"Cassie?" She called out. Janet, upon hearing the sound of Cassie's name, poked her head around the corner.
"Cassandra," Janet growled angrily. A blur of sandy blonde hair darted from the closet to the door, running through the entrance. Both Sam and Janet gave chase, slamming into the doors as Cassandra closed them behind her. Janet grabbed the door handles giving a hard tug, both doors not budging.
"It's locked," she stated surprised.
"What? How could they be locked from the outside?" Sam tried the doors as well. The handles moved but the doors refused to budge open.
"Cassandra, open this door," Janet cried out to her daughter.
"No," Cassie replied.
"Cassie?" Sam took a turn. "What's going on?"
"Cassandra Fraiser, you open this door right now."
"I'm not opening the doors."
"Cass.." Janet paused, suddenly pressing a hand to her forehead. "Oh no. No, no, no, no. She set us up."
"What?"
"I'm not opening the doors until you two stop fighting," the girl admitted.
"Cassie, honey, what's going on between Sam and I has nothing to do with you."
"Yes it does. You two belong together."
Sam groaned aloud running a hand through her hair. Leaving Janet to bargain with Cassandra, she wandered the room looking for another exit.
"Would you do something?" Janet turned to Sam.
"Like what?"
"Use the phone. Call for help."
Sam looked around the room. "What phone?" She searched behind the couch finding the empty jack. "They're gone."
"Cassandra!" Janet beat on the door to no effect. "Use my cell, it's in my purse."
"And your purse is?"
"Well, where's your cell?"
"Back at the base."
Sam wandered back into the main area. Janet continued bargaining with Cassandra, pleading, yelling, demanding, through the double doors. All to no avail. Stopping at the table, Sam lifted the lids to the trays, a veritable feast of both Sam and Janet's favorite foods.
"You have to admire her ingenuity."
"Don't defend her Sam."
"I'm not. I'm just saying, you know," Sam sat down at the table. Grabbing a serving spoon, she began ladling some pasta onto her plate.
"What the Hell are you doing?"
"I'm hungry and it's obvious she's not opening that door anytime soon." She popped a mushroom into her mouth. "Wow, this food's really good."
“It should be. I’m paying for it,” Janet sighed heavily the faintest trace of a smile creeping onto her face. "You know you're on restriction until you're thirty, right?" Janet spoke to the door.
"I know," the door stated back.
"At least we know she's still out there," Janet walked to the table taking the seat across from Sam. "What's good?"
"Take your pick, chicken or seafood. Although there's enough for both of us."
They sat in relative silence. Janet eating crab cakes with salad while Sam dined on cordon blue. Both were acutely aware of the romantic setting Cassandra had set up for them, candle lights, the soft sounds of Sade crooning through the stereo.
"I'm sorry," Sam finally spoke up. Janet peered across from the table as Sam shrugged her shoulders. "You know, for saying what I did."
"I'm sorry too. Brenda shouldn't have blind-sided you like that."
"She's your girlfriend. If you were mine," Sam paused, trying to keep her emotions at bay. "What I mean is, I think you'd be just as defensive if someone admitted their feelings to Brenda."
Janet nodded in agreement. Their conversation pausing again as they continued their meals.
"What do you see in her? And I say that out of sheer curiosity, nothing else?"
The doctor smiled at Sam's nervousness. She brought her elbows onto the table resting her chin on her clasped hands. "Her intelligence. She's an incredible doctor, Sam. I guess she appeals to that side of me, reminds me why I went into medical school."
Sam watched Janet's face as she spoke. The doctor getting a far away look in her eyes.
"Plus, she's strong minded, as you know. I know she can be a bit arrogant at times, but I guess I find that attractive as well. Mind you, I've never been at the receiving end of that arrogance. She loves kids and cares for Cassie, she really does, but Cassie's making it so difficult."
"Did you know she's going to ask you to move in with her?"
"Yes."
Sam raised her eyebrows, shocked at Janet's knowledge of Brenda's intentions. "Are you going to say yes?"
"I think so. I enjoy being with her." Sam could feel her heart sinking. "We've been talking a lot lately about the future, us. Brenda received a job offer at Cedar Sinai in New York. She wants me to go with her."
"Well, sure, but there's that whole SGC thing."
"My ETS date is coming up," Janet stated solemnly.
"Oh," Sam set her fork down on her plate her appetite suddenly gone. ETS - End Term of Service. Sam would have to be dragged kicking and screaming before she left the Air Force. It never occurred to her that Janet would actually want to leave.
"Tell me what you're thinking." She could hear Janet's voice across the table. To Sam, she sounded far away, distant. And from the sounds of it, getting further.
"What am I thinking?" Sam tried to fight the anger that boiled within her. She failed. "I think you're an insensitive bitch. You want to leave Stargate and run off to New York with Brenda. Fine. But how dare you take Cassandra with you and think everything's going to be hunky-dorey!"
"Sam!"
"No!" She cut Janet off. "It's my turn to talk. What about how Cassandra feels? Or how it's going to affect her. She's my family also. We're her family, me, Jack, Daniel, Teal'c. It's selfish of you to take her 1500 miles away just because you can't handle your feelings for me."
Janet chuckled incredulously. "You think this about you? Wait, you're right this is ALL about you, my feelings for you and Cassandra's feelings for you. Yeah, you're such a big part of Cassie's life. Where are you when she has the nightmares? When I have to wake her up to keep her from hurting herself. She's my daughter 24 hours a day, seven days a week. She's your daughter only when it's convenient for you. She's not a goddamn puppy, Sam. You just can't waltz in when you feel like it, or when it suits your goddamn schedule."
Sam stood up from the table walking into the den. Janet followed, right on her heels. "Oh no you don't! Don't you dare walk away from me now. You wanted to hear this and you're gonna."
She stood in front of Sam, her face seething with anger. "Cassie adores you Sam. It frightens me sometimes how much she adores you. Not because she loves you, but because I know how much it would destroy her if she lost you. Let me tell you what life with Cassie is like. Do you know what it was like consoling her when you were in the infirmary? Or how devastated she was when Jack was stuck off world? Do you want to know how many times I've lied to her when you've jumped just so she doesn't stay awake at night worrying about you? Sam, you think I'm terrified of losing you, imagine how terrified Cassie is. She's already lost two parents. She can't lose you."
Sam flopped onto the couch, the last remaining wind dying in her sails. "I'd never do anything to hurt her."
Janet sat on her knees in front of Sam. "I know you wouldn't Sam. Never intentionally. But what you do is dangerous. And we both know it's going to get worse before it gets better, if at all. Maybe I am settling for Brenda. But I'm settling for a life that's stable. Someone who I know will always be there, during the good times and the bad."
Sam set her elbows on her knees dropping her face into her hands. Janet placed a hand on Sam's head running her fingers through the blonde locks.
"Sam?"
"I feel like someone just punched me in the gut," she admitted. "Janet you're my friend, my best friend, my family. Now you tell me you're leaving. I just feel so lost. And you know what hurts the most. The fact that you're not even willing to try. You keep talking about if's and what's, running away like some coward. There are no guarantees in life Janet. You of all people should know that."
"Yes, and I also know that more than anything in this world, if you could you'd go back in time to save your mother."
"That's not fair," Sam hissed.
"No, it's not. But this is exactly what I'm talking about. I'd rather be branded a coward than give Cassie one second of pain. Don't you think she's had enough already?"
Sam sat back unable to find the words. The ones that would let Janet feel better. Except she didn't want Janet to feel better. She wanted her to hurt as she did. Feel what it was like to have her family ripped from her with no say in the decision. Being told that you're hurting the ones you love for no other reason than existing.
She rose from the couch heading towards the balcony. The night air felt good across her heated skin. Sam leaned against the wall not interested in the view.
Moments later, Janet joined her on the balcony. She placed her hands on the railing leaning into the breeze.
"Beautiful isn't it?" Janet commented on the view. Sam nodded in agreement. Although she wasn't particularly interested in the skyline.
Sam stepped forward walking behind Janet. She wrapped her arms around the smaller woman's waist. She could feel Janet tense up at first. Then, slowly allowing herself to relax in Sam's grasp. Sam could feel Janet sliding her hands across her own. She rested her head on Janet's shoulder.
"Can you really do it? Leave SG-1?"
"Yes," she admitted.
"How?"
"I decided to become a doctor to make a difference, to heal people. You don' t know what it's like, day after day, buried a mile underground. It feels so thankless sometimes. Like what I'm doing doesn't matter."
"You know that's not true," Sam attempted to reassure her.
"Yes, I know it. But lately, I haven't been feeling it. Brenda reminds me why I wanted to become a doctor. I keep thinking about my ETS, going into the private sector, maybe setting up my own practice. All the things I used to dream about back when I was young and idealistic."
Sam mulled over Janet's words. Knowing the difference between what the heart wants and what the head knows. "And you can leave me?"
Janet sighed heavily. "I have to Sam. It was easier when I didn't know your feelings for me."
"You can't keep being afraid of something that may or may not happen. Yes, my job's dangerous. But what about Brenda, she could die in a car accident, or slip in the bath tub."
"It's the odds, Sam. The odds of dying in a car accident stay the same. Every time you go through that gate, your chances increase. Every time you go, I die a little. I don't know if I can go through that, Sam. I don't think I can watch Cassandra go through it."
"Why didn't you tell me? About you, about Cassie."
"Because I'm the goddamn doctor. Because I didn't want you burdened with my fears," Janet sighed heavily, "I'm supposed to be strong and detached."
"I don't want you to be strong for me, Janet. I just want you."
"I know you do, Sam. And you'd love me with everything you have even if it killed you." Sam chuckled at the admission. "When's your ETS date?"
Sam thought for a couple moments. "Next June."
"If I asked, would you leave the service?"
"Yes," Sam admitted. "Without question."
"You would wouldn't you. And that's the problem. You'd do it for me and we'd be happy. But you'd resent it as well. Day after day letting it build. I couldn't live with you resenting me, just as I can't live with the thought of you dying."
Sam pulled Janet tighter into her. She inhaled deeply taking in Janet's scent, feeling the heat of her body against hers.
"Tell me you love me," Sam mumbled into Janet's hair.
"What?"
"Just once. I need to.." Sam paused pulling Janet tighter into her, "Need to hear you say it. Before I say goodbye."
Janet turned into her. Her hands found Sam's face in the soft light, caressing a cheek, sweeping the bangs from Sam's forehead.
"You're so beautiful," she whispered huskliy. They leaned close to each other until their foreheads met. The space between them a hair's breath but to Sam it felt like a giant chasm. One she ached to fill. "I love you." Janet softly whispered.
Sam didn't hear it as much as she felt it. Felt the loving words on her lips and in the hands stroking her hair. Janet moved closer, filling the space between them. Lips moving to press Sam's against hers.
"Janet!" The doctor jumped startled at the sound of her name. Brenda's voice called to the redhead. Janet stepped away from Sam easing into the hotel room.
"NO!" Cassandra's voice cried from behind the door. "Give it back. You'll ruin everything."
Janet rushed into the room just as Brenda unlocked the door. Brenda hurried over to Janet embracing the woman.
"Are you okay?" She asked running a hand over Janet's head. "I went to your house and there was a strange message on your machine. I came here as quickly as possible."
"Yeah, I'm fine."
Sam entered the room. A frustrated Cassandra stood next to her defiantly.
"Would someone mind telling me what the Hell is going on?" Brenda asked. She glared at Sam, arms wrapped around Janet protectively.
"I'll tell you when we get home," Janet moved slightly out of Brenda's embrace, outstretching a hand to her daughter. "C'mon Cassandra."
"But what about Sam?" The girl asked.
"It's okay kiddo. Go on," Sam patted the girl on the shoulder. Cassandra looked at Sam, then at Brenda and Janet, realizing the denouement of her little drama.
"No!" Cassie's hands balled into fists.
"Cassandra," Janet gasped at her daughter.
"You ruined everything!" She yelled at Brenda. "I hate you. I hate both of you!"
Crying, the girl ran out of the room barreling down the hallway.
"Cassandra!" Janet cried out to the girl. Sam, cutting her off at the pass, stood between Janet and the door.
"It's okay. I'll take care of it."
Sam jogged out of the door, giving chase to the fleeing teen. She saw Cassandra as the teen slammed into the fire exit running down the stairs.
Sam hit the stairs hard, taking them two at a time. She couldn't see the girl but she could hear her.
"Cass!" She yelled out. "It's Sam. You know I'm going to catch you."
She found the girl several flights later, halfway between the 8th and 7th floors. Cassandra sat with her back against the wall, arms wrapped around her legs as she buried her face in her knees. Sam sighed, sliding down the wall as she sat to join the girl.
"It's not fair," Cassandra sobbed.
"I know kiddo."
"I don't understand. She likes you."
"And I like her but sometimes things don't work out like we want them to."
"Why?"
"Cass, if I knew the answer to that question I'd be a very rich woman." She admitted.
"But you're going to keep trying, right?"
Sam answered with silence not sure what to tell the teen.
"Please Sam, you gotta keep trying. She loves *you*. I know she does. Please Sam, you guys are perfect for each other." Sam pulled the girl into her arms holding her as she cried. Sam stroked Cassie's hair calming the girl down.
"You remember a couple months ago, you told me about Robbie. The boy who had a crush on you."
"Yeah." The girl mumbled into Sam's jacket.
"How he would offer to carry your books or send you notes. Try to sit with you at the lunch table," she could feel Cassandra nodding in recognition.
"And then one day he just stopped, right. All those little things he did to try and get your attention stopped. It's the same for me. I have to stop."
"But that's different. I didn't like Robbie. Janet likes you."
"True, but she also likes Brenda." Cassandra pulled out of Sam's grasp at the mention of Brenda's name. Sam cupped the girl's chin. "Hey, look at me. I know you don't like Brenda. But don't hate her because you think you're protecting me. She can't be all bad, right? Janet likes her."
"But.."
"No but's," Sam cut the girl off. "Yes, I love Janet but just as Robbie couldn't force you to like him. I, or anyone else, can't- and shouldn't- force Janet to choose who she wants to be with. And if we love her then we have to respect her choices. Whether we like them or not. Understand?"
"No. But I suppose it'll become clearer when I get older."
"Don't count on it," she smiled softly rising to her feet.
"Sam?"
"Yeah, kiddo."
"I'm sorry." Sam hugged the teen. Cassandra finding her very last heart string and giving it a heavy tug.
"Don't be sorry Cass. Your heart was in the right place and you don't know how much I appreciate that." If not for Cassandra, Sam wouldn't know how much she cared for the doctor. "C'mon, let's go find your mom."
"God, she's going to kill me, isn't she?"
"You should be so lucky."
After finding an elevator, they took the easy way down rather than walking the remaining seven flights of stairs. The two entered the lobby of the hotel. They could see Brenda and Janet at the front desk.
"Mom?" At the sound of Cassandra's voice, Janet turned around, her heart in her throat. Cassie ran to the woman, throwing her arms around Janet's waist. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said. I didn't mean to hurt you."
Janet ran her hands over the girl's hair. "It's okay, sweetheart. I'm not mad."
"You're not?" She looked up at her adopted mother. "Does this mean I'm not in trouble?"
"Nice try," Janet smiled softly. "We'll talk about the rest of this when we get home."
"I love you mom."
"I love you too, Cassandra."
Janet looked up from the mop of blonde hair pressed to her chest to see Sam across from her. She mouthed the words 'thank you' to Sam, the Major half-grinning her reply.
Brenda ran a hand across Janet's back. "C'mon, my car's out front."
Sam, keeping a comfortable distance, followed the three outside. She watched as Janet and Cassie stepped into Brenda's car. Janet turned to Sam, smiling softly as Cassandra waved to the Major. Sam watched as Brenda's car faded into the background. Her hand raised above her head as she waved goodbye.
End
Next - Part Four: Green Eyed Monster