FIC: Legacy [BoP-TV; Barbara/Helena]
Title: Legacy
Rating: PG
Summary: Barbara comes to an understanding
Character/Pairing: Helena/Barbara
Category: Pre-relationship, angst
Word Count: 1352
Disclaimer: "Birds of Prey" and characters are copywritten by Miller/Tobin Productions, Warner Brothers, DC comics et al. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author.
Notes: This is the second sequel to "Because Sometimes You Hurt The One You Love".
Legacy
**
I still wear it sometimes. Sure, I should have gotten rid of it years ago. Back when staring at it was a stab in my heart. A reminder of what was, and what will never be.
But, I still can’t get rid of it. I run my hand under the material. Can’t help the slight shiver down my spine. The leather is smooth, soft. A second skin. It feels alive. Like, if I just put it on I can be that person again. Strong. Tall. The power and fury pumping in my veins.
These days, I feel only a shadow of my former self. Then again, I was always in the shadows. My father’s. Bruce’s. Helena’s.
Everything always comes back to Helena.
It’s been days since I’ve seen or heard from her. Days since her ‘indiscretion’. Which is a polite way of saying ‘drunken sex’. I don’t think I’ve ever been so angry in all my life.
The sounds of fists punching a bag fill the silence. Dinah is in the training room. She hasn’t looked me in the eye since that night. Can’t talk without blushing or ending her sentences with an apology.
My legacy. One protégé seduced and deflowered by the other. It’s hard to be a mentor when the students are learning from the other students. Batman would be so proud.
I make my way to the training room. She’s focused on the punching bad. Assaults it with unrestrained abandon. Her punches are strong, direct but lack focus, discipline. They pull her out of her stance, leaving her defenseless. Just like another young woman who took her frustrations out on the leather and sand.
"I know you’re there," Dinah says to me, not stopping her attack.
"Time to get the gears greased again."
She pauses for a moment, "Did she call?"
"No."
"You gonna go look for her?"
"She’ll be back. It’s a vicious circle. A mobius strip we can’t seem to break out of."
Dinah stops. "Barbara, I.."
"If you’re about to apologize, don’t. You made a mistake. You’re sorry. Right now, it’s not you who needs to apologize. I just wish I knew what was going on in her head."
Dinah blushes. Out of shame or embarrassment, I can’t tell. Guess she’s learned something else from Helena. How to keep secrets.
"She knows," Dinah mumbles under her breath.
"Knows what?"
She pauses, uncertain if she should say what’s on her tongue. "Helena knows you’re in love with her."
The air rushes out of my lungs. The air gets thick. It chokes my lungs. Presses down on my body with a crushing weight. My head begins to spin. If I could feel my legs, they would be buckling right about now.
"I have to go." I remove myself from the training room, from the Clock Tower. Away from any and all reminders of Helena, or myself.
Wasn’t supposed to know.
I’m supposed to be the calm one, cool, collected under pressure. Instead, I feel the world slipping out from under. The control, something I’d tried so hard to hold on to, yanked from my grasp.
**
It’s the first place I thought of. The only place I have left to go. I can’t remember the last time I’d been here. Probably a couple months, feels like years. It’s like I always remembered, like it’s always been.
Kept and maintained with immaculate precision.
Everything just like he left it.
His presence hovers over this place. A ghost. His legacy emanates from every corner. A feeling so tangible I can reach out and touch it. The memories come in a rush. Me, him, Jason, Dick and all the others. Every lesson. Every experience. Everything he taught me, us.
Everything thrown away because I failed. Failed to teach her, failed to protect her, to separate my head from my heart. To place duty above all else.
My fingers enter the combination. The walls slide open. Light spills across me. His ghost stands before me. Leather, black and shiny as the day he first wore it. Maybe if I just talk to him, he can hear me, he can understand.
"Things have been so chaotic since you left. I, we, tried to move on. Tried to uphold everything you taught. Teach it to those who follow. But, it’s been so hard. And Helena," I can’t help the smile pulling on my mouth. "You’d be proud. She’s like you, strong, stubborn. Except, I think I’m failing her."
I can’t help the tears streaming down my face. Please hear me. Please understand.
"I don’t know what to do."
"He said those exact words once."
"Alfred," I wipe the tears from my face. "I didn’t know you were here."
He smiles, stepping out of the shadows. He stands next to me, eyes forward, hands behind his back, admiring the empty suit.
"He was at his lowest point. When everything seemed lost and out of control. A woman had stolen his heart. A woman who was the antithesis of everything he believed in."
"Yes, but that was different."
"Was it?" He raises an eyebrow. "Why? Because he’s Batman and you’re not? Life has a funny way of throwing the most unexpected at the least appropriate times. You’re not afraid of failing her, or Helena failing you. You’re afraid if you give into your feelings, it will reflect poorly on him."
"Alfred."
"Even super heroes make mistakes. Even Mr. Wayne. His greatest failure isn’t that he fell in love, it’s that he turned away from it. In this regard, it would be best not to follow in his footsteps."
His words seem to float in the air, linger around us just as heavy as the ghost of Bruce Wayne. Alfred pats my shoulder before heading towards the door.
"Alfred?"
"Yes, Ms. Gordon."
"Do you think he’ll come back?"
"Yes, I do. And I think he’ll be very proud of everything you’ve accomplished."
**
The sun cracks over the horizon as I drag myself into my apartment. Thank God, it’s Saturday. I’m not sure I could face the world with everything going on in my head. I feel tired, exhausted and wired at the same time. Too much to process.
Slowly, I open the door to my bedroom, aware of the presence inside. Helena’s there, curled up on my bed. I can’t remember the countless times she’d enter my room, stand over me like some Watchman as I slept. Or, the other times, I’d come home, her scent still lingering on the sheets. Another ghost in my life.
I’m not sure when I feel in love with her. Maybe it’s always been this way. A thread woven into our fates, inevitable. The more I fought, the tighter the fabric pulled around me. Until the very thought of her caused my chest to seize. Threatened to break me in two.
Her body trembles slightly. Sweat plasters her hair to her forehead, another nightmare. Helena, so strong and confident, yet here, caught in the throws of another nightmare, she seems fragile.
I slide onto the bed with her. Pull the covers over both our bodies. My hand finds her head, gently pulls the strands from her forehead as I whisper in her ear. Like I used to. She whimpers slightly, turns into me, her arms wrapping around me. Soon, the trembles are gone and we’re wrapped in the warmth of our bodies. I hold her close. Soon, she’ll awake. Slide off silently as she always does. Sleep will not come easy for me either. It never has. My thoughts still churn through my brain. The only thing I can focus on is in my arms. When she is with me, everything feels right. Makes sense. I will still heed the calling.
Teach her everything I know. Guide her on her journey. Keep her from the darkness inside her that terrifies us both. Love her with all my heart, even if it is from afar. Even if it kills me. I now know my fate. It’s in my arms. She is my destiny.
She is my legacy.
THE END
Rating: PG
Summary: Barbara comes to an understanding
Character/Pairing: Helena/Barbara
Category: Pre-relationship, angst
Word Count: 1352
Disclaimer: "Birds of Prey" and characters are copywritten by Miller/Tobin Productions, Warner Brothers, DC comics et al. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author.
Notes: This is the second sequel to "Because Sometimes You Hurt The One You Love".
Legacy
**
I still wear it sometimes. Sure, I should have gotten rid of it years ago. Back when staring at it was a stab in my heart. A reminder of what was, and what will never be.
But, I still can’t get rid of it. I run my hand under the material. Can’t help the slight shiver down my spine. The leather is smooth, soft. A second skin. It feels alive. Like, if I just put it on I can be that person again. Strong. Tall. The power and fury pumping in my veins.
These days, I feel only a shadow of my former self. Then again, I was always in the shadows. My father’s. Bruce’s. Helena’s.
Everything always comes back to Helena.
It’s been days since I’ve seen or heard from her. Days since her ‘indiscretion’. Which is a polite way of saying ‘drunken sex’. I don’t think I’ve ever been so angry in all my life.
The sounds of fists punching a bag fill the silence. Dinah is in the training room. She hasn’t looked me in the eye since that night. Can’t talk without blushing or ending her sentences with an apology.
My legacy. One protégé seduced and deflowered by the other. It’s hard to be a mentor when the students are learning from the other students. Batman would be so proud.
I make my way to the training room. She’s focused on the punching bad. Assaults it with unrestrained abandon. Her punches are strong, direct but lack focus, discipline. They pull her out of her stance, leaving her defenseless. Just like another young woman who took her frustrations out on the leather and sand.
"I know you’re there," Dinah says to me, not stopping her attack.
"Time to get the gears greased again."
She pauses for a moment, "Did she call?"
"No."
"You gonna go look for her?"
"She’ll be back. It’s a vicious circle. A mobius strip we can’t seem to break out of."
Dinah stops. "Barbara, I.."
"If you’re about to apologize, don’t. You made a mistake. You’re sorry. Right now, it’s not you who needs to apologize. I just wish I knew what was going on in her head."
Dinah blushes. Out of shame or embarrassment, I can’t tell. Guess she’s learned something else from Helena. How to keep secrets.
"She knows," Dinah mumbles under her breath.
"Knows what?"
She pauses, uncertain if she should say what’s on her tongue. "Helena knows you’re in love with her."
The air rushes out of my lungs. The air gets thick. It chokes my lungs. Presses down on my body with a crushing weight. My head begins to spin. If I could feel my legs, they would be buckling right about now.
"I have to go." I remove myself from the training room, from the Clock Tower. Away from any and all reminders of Helena, or myself.
Wasn’t supposed to know.
I’m supposed to be the calm one, cool, collected under pressure. Instead, I feel the world slipping out from under. The control, something I’d tried so hard to hold on to, yanked from my grasp.
**
It’s the first place I thought of. The only place I have left to go. I can’t remember the last time I’d been here. Probably a couple months, feels like years. It’s like I always remembered, like it’s always been.
Kept and maintained with immaculate precision.
Everything just like he left it.
His presence hovers over this place. A ghost. His legacy emanates from every corner. A feeling so tangible I can reach out and touch it. The memories come in a rush. Me, him, Jason, Dick and all the others. Every lesson. Every experience. Everything he taught me, us.
Everything thrown away because I failed. Failed to teach her, failed to protect her, to separate my head from my heart. To place duty above all else.
My fingers enter the combination. The walls slide open. Light spills across me. His ghost stands before me. Leather, black and shiny as the day he first wore it. Maybe if I just talk to him, he can hear me, he can understand.
"Things have been so chaotic since you left. I, we, tried to move on. Tried to uphold everything you taught. Teach it to those who follow. But, it’s been so hard. And Helena," I can’t help the smile pulling on my mouth. "You’d be proud. She’s like you, strong, stubborn. Except, I think I’m failing her."
I can’t help the tears streaming down my face. Please hear me. Please understand.
"I don’t know what to do."
"He said those exact words once."
"Alfred," I wipe the tears from my face. "I didn’t know you were here."
He smiles, stepping out of the shadows. He stands next to me, eyes forward, hands behind his back, admiring the empty suit.
"He was at his lowest point. When everything seemed lost and out of control. A woman had stolen his heart. A woman who was the antithesis of everything he believed in."
"Yes, but that was different."
"Was it?" He raises an eyebrow. "Why? Because he’s Batman and you’re not? Life has a funny way of throwing the most unexpected at the least appropriate times. You’re not afraid of failing her, or Helena failing you. You’re afraid if you give into your feelings, it will reflect poorly on him."
"Alfred."
"Even super heroes make mistakes. Even Mr. Wayne. His greatest failure isn’t that he fell in love, it’s that he turned away from it. In this regard, it would be best not to follow in his footsteps."
His words seem to float in the air, linger around us just as heavy as the ghost of Bruce Wayne. Alfred pats my shoulder before heading towards the door.
"Alfred?"
"Yes, Ms. Gordon."
"Do you think he’ll come back?"
"Yes, I do. And I think he’ll be very proud of everything you’ve accomplished."
**
The sun cracks over the horizon as I drag myself into my apartment. Thank God, it’s Saturday. I’m not sure I could face the world with everything going on in my head. I feel tired, exhausted and wired at the same time. Too much to process.
Slowly, I open the door to my bedroom, aware of the presence inside. Helena’s there, curled up on my bed. I can’t remember the countless times she’d enter my room, stand over me like some Watchman as I slept. Or, the other times, I’d come home, her scent still lingering on the sheets. Another ghost in my life.
I’m not sure when I feel in love with her. Maybe it’s always been this way. A thread woven into our fates, inevitable. The more I fought, the tighter the fabric pulled around me. Until the very thought of her caused my chest to seize. Threatened to break me in two.
Her body trembles slightly. Sweat plasters her hair to her forehead, another nightmare. Helena, so strong and confident, yet here, caught in the throws of another nightmare, she seems fragile.
I slide onto the bed with her. Pull the covers over both our bodies. My hand finds her head, gently pulls the strands from her forehead as I whisper in her ear. Like I used to. She whimpers slightly, turns into me, her arms wrapping around me. Soon, the trembles are gone and we’re wrapped in the warmth of our bodies. I hold her close. Soon, she’ll awake. Slide off silently as she always does. Sleep will not come easy for me either. It never has. My thoughts still churn through my brain. The only thing I can focus on is in my arms. When she is with me, everything feels right. Makes sense. I will still heed the calling.
Teach her everything I know. Guide her on her journey. Keep her from the darkness inside her that terrifies us both. Love her with all my heart, even if it is from afar. Even if it kills me. I now know my fate. It’s in my arms. She is my destiny.
She is my legacy.
THE END