Drabble: SNAFU

[toxic_apiaceae]

Written for the brigits_flame  mini contest week four prompt of "malfunction".  I, ah ... had some trouble with this for some reason.  Hope you all enjoy it!

“Hurry up, Inspiration!”

Inspiration scowled as she twisted this, cranked that, and made something pop.  “I’m trying, but something's wrong with the - ah!”

Both she and Muse

Comments

Re: editing!

[toxic_apiaceae]

RE: Dialogue

Yes, good point there. Do you happen to know the html codes I need to do italics, because my work computer gets jacked up with LJ posting so I have to do anything font related with codes.

RE: Flooding Steam

I like flooding because it gives the sense of a sudden SPLOOSH. I think "billowing" is too gentle a word. But you're right on the awkward phrasing. Will kick that into shape. And I DID mention they leapt back from the steam ... but it does still sound like they caught a faceful of it. *head desk*

Haha! Glad it made you laugh at least! Thanks for your work, azuire. Much appreciated.

Re: editing!

[toxic_apiaceae]

Oh, I love you. I knew bold, but the others were a mystery. Will definitely try and get that in now, thanks.

I also changed the awkward steam scene a bit, if you'd like to look it over again.

Boxes? Like, moving boxes or lunch boxes or boxes that deal with work?

[asianprincess61]

Lol too cute as always dearie.

This is gonna sound kinda odd, but according to what I learned and saw in chem class, steam has enough power and heat to light a match when traveling in coils and pipes and what not for an extended period of time.... Now unless these two people are robots, they may have just burned their faces and arms off... hahaha.

I really do love it otherwise though. :D

[toxic_apiaceae]

Well, considering they're Inspiration and Muse and therefore NOT real people we can just say that laws do not apply to them.

[asianprincess61]

OOOHHHH I GET IT!! All right, then there's one more flaw. XD

I thought Inspiration's NAME was "Muse" XD;. And I thought that the one other person in the story was the actual writer... :O Maybe I'm just stupid though, but be careful ne?

Lurve you~<3

[toxic_apiaceae]

I wouldn't ever say you're stupid, but it DOES say "she AND Muse", signifying that there are two people involved and that the first is Muse.

*snuggles*

[eldrfire]

Nice joke. :D I mean, you could kind of see it coming, but then it's so short so it is what it is

[toxic_apiaceae]

*shrugs* Well ... yeah. And I really couldn't think of anything for the prompt, so figured it'd be best to write from experience.

[keppiehed]

coffee is ambrosia ... nods sagely in agreement.

Loved this. I picture the same thing going in my brain, or wherever this stuff happens. You captured the whimsy perfectly!

[toxic_apiaceae]

Aw, thanks keppie! It's really amazing that you find the time to read and comment on everyone's pieces. It means a LOT to us all.

[keppiehed]

Aw, thanks! The pleasure is mine, when the writing is so fine!