Fic: Tassology

[toxic_apiaceae]

Written for brigits_flame week two prompt of "destiny". I had a few different ideas for this, none of them originally this. And I'm not sure I really like this one at all ... but, oh well.

I'm pretty comfortable with how it's written, so feel free to critique away.

Word Count: 1,222. Doing good so far in taking the word counts down.

Comments

[fawatson]

Now that was unexpected. After that lovely preamble about the tea, and the build up of the conversation between Moira and the young man, I was expecting some deeply profound and mystical prediction. And then you give us: “Pardon the language, but to hell with destiny. I just want some tea.”

I laughed out loud!

[toxic_apiaceae]

*grins* I'm glad it amused you!

Speaking honestly... I'm not super thrilled with the piece, but I ran out of time, so it kinda has to stay as is. But thank you for reading and getting a kick out of it. That's a boost to the moral!

[toxic_apiaceae]

*nods* Agreed, very true. It's a combination of me running out of time and not knowing how I really wanted to end this. Thank you!

[so_wordy]

The build-up was fantastic. I like how you described the shop & Moira (lovely name for this character btw). I also enjoyed Moira's take on destiny. I absolutely agree with her.

The ending was a bit sudden and short, but I can't see another way for this story to end. How would you top Moira's speech? Would the man walk away changed or the simply the same?

Perhaps if you made the man's presence a bit stronger, allow him to muse more over what he believes destiny is and what he wants from the idea (love, money, success, health, etc).The ending would seem a lot stronger then, and be more poignant. Otherwise, fantastic. As an avid tea-lover, I really enjoyed your use of the prompt!

[toxic_apiaceae]

Thank you, and I agree with you completely about the ending. That was the one aspect I really wasn't happy with on this. Thank you so much for the critiquing. The points are dead on.

[c_p_lew]

I like it. Best use of humor - build us to expect one thing and bring out another!

[toxic_apiaceae]

Haha! Thank you!

[cedarwolfsinger]

Moira Norns indeed. Is she Urd, Verthandi, and Skuld all at once, or each by turns? This was quite an interesting story -- it actually addressed some of the same concepts as I did in my entry. The end felt like a "STOP" instead of a "WRAP UP and FINISH" if you know what I mean. Very clever, none-the-less!

[toxic_apiaceae]

Haha! I'm glad someone picked up on the name reference for her.

Yeah, the ending is NOT at all perfect. I really wish I would have had more time for something better... *shrugs*

And I can't wait to read yours now!