Sanctuary of Regrets - CH9
It took Jaejoong a great amount of courage and self control to pull away from Yunho’s kiss, that one kiss that had him yearning, all those sleepless nights. The palm of his hand badly ached to meet the leader’s face for a good slap but his hands could only manage a light push on Yunho’s chest.
“Jaejoong, I - ”
The lead singer found himself clapping his hands against both ears as if for dear life; for he swore, could even bet his life on it, that nothing ever sounded like a heartbreak more than Yunho’s voice, especially when what came with it was false promises and fake apologies. It wasn’t long before he felt arms around him, clearly belonging to his sweet Junsu.
“Hyung, are you okay?” Junsu inquired, his hand snaking up towards Jaejoong’s locks, stroking them.
He turned to his right where Junsu was, his eyes seeking for any sort of solace from the young one. At times like these, he felt as if the roles had been switched without hi consent. He was the one being taken care of instead of being the reliable hyung everyone can lean on too. But what was he to do with every bit of his strength drained out of him.
Without second thought, he relented to Junsu’s touch, wrapping his arms around the younger’s shoulders from under his arms. He was tired, so damn tired and he needed to break away from it all. Jaejoong wished he could just sleep his worries and fears away and wake up to find that everything was just a nightmare.
---
“I’m not disabled, I can drive.” Jaejoong managed to crack a smile, and once again fool the world that he was alright, as he declined Ji Hoon’s offer to pick him up. After the not very pleasant incident at home, he was more than determined to leave. Anywhere away from Yunho would be fine. If he could just forget him for a second, it would be blissful.
“If you can walk from here to the basement without bumping to a corner then fine, I won’t pick you up.” Ji Hoon gently folded his arms in front of his chest, earning a huff from the lead singer. “See? You’ve been spacing out. I’m not going to ask why but you can tell me whenever you’re ready to.”
Jaejoong found a sense of dominance in Ji Hoon’s tone and he couldn’t find it in him to retaliate any more. Besides, guidance might just be what he needed most. “Fine.” He started moving towards the door to exit the conference room where they were left alone.
“Eight o’clock tomorrow morning.” Ji Hoon grabbed the door knob before Jaejoong could.
“Can you pick me up earlier, tonight perhaps?” The lead singer wasn’t sure if he could stand that long under the same roof as Yunho. Jaejoong witnessed Ji Hoon’s eyebrow twitching, probably in confusion, but the question didn’t come and he was thankful for it, very much. “If your sked is not very tight, that is.” He turned around to face the taller man as he exited the door.
Ji Hoon swiftly shut the door behind him. “I have a photo shoot at nine and I have no idea how long it’ll take.”
“I see.” The lead singer dropped his head in thought, his feet taking familiar steps to the elevator.
Grabbing Jaejoong by the elbow, Ji Hoon turned the smaller man around. “How about coming to the shoot with me? I could drop by your apartment tonight at eight.”
“Thanks a lot, Ji Hoon-ah.”
---
The tall soloist couldn’t quite comprehend how Jaejoong could excude such charm that could make anyone want to protect him. It must have been the same charm that captivated his band mates, he mused to himself as he watched the shorter guy’s figure from their reflection on the stainless sliding door. “You seem pretty tired.” He assumed, judging by how low Jaejoong’s head as hanging. “Make sure you get enough rest once you get home. You need as much energy as you can get by tomorrow morning.”
“Okay,” came the lead singer’s short reply.
“I have one hell of a training plan ahead for you, be ready.” Ji Hoon cracked a smile, trying to uplift the other guy’s mood even just by a notch.
“Yes, sir!”
Although Ji Hoon knew Jaejoong was faking a smile, he thought it was good enough that the lead singer was at least trying to be happy. That would have to do, for now at least.
---
The leader had decided to keep himself within the confines of the shared room, wanting to sleep his anxieties away - but to no avail. Twisting and turning was all he had ever done, all he ever could. Try as he might, he couldn’t keep his thoughts regarding a particular someone buried in oblivion, but it kept surfacing back - it being the thought of Jaejoong siding with his best friend, of Jaejoong slipping off his grasp.
He willed himself to calm the hell down for there wasn’t a thing he could do with a clouded mind. But as he had seen it coming, the effort went to vain. Yunho was beginning to lose all hopes of having any sort of peace of mind when the door creaked open.
“Yunho-hyung.” Junsu called.
Yunho preferred not being seen in such state of demise. He had always wanted to be the foundation his members could lean on at the toughest of times. He had never failed, not until now. There was no escaping Junsu’s calculating gaze now, there was no point putting up a fight with himself just to appear all toughened up.
“I know what you’re thinking.” The younger one declared with confidence. “Stop putting up that façade. I’m not your enemy, hyung.” Junsu settled himself on the corner of Yunho’s bed as the latter got up to sit with his bare feet against the cold floor, his back against the younger.
Yunho heavily sighed, not knowing where to start - if he had anything to start at all. He wasn’t ready for a confrontation, not even a proper conversation.
“Hyung.” Junsu whined, tugging at the back of Yunho’s shirt as he twisted. “Talk to me, say anything.”
Whenever Junsu whined like that, it was common knowledge that the said singer wasn’t giving up any sooner. “I don’t know what to say or do. I’m sorry. All I know is that - ” he paused. “I’ve never been this insecure.”
“Insecure? Of what?”
“Whom, Junsu, whom. Yoochun doesn’t say it, but he loves Jaejoong. He loves him so much, it scares me.” Yunho confessed.
“But that’s only natural, isn’t it? They’re best friends.” Junsu took his slippers off and folded his legs under him as he sat on the leader’s bed. “And we’ve witnessed their closeness all this time. You were okay with it, weren’t you?”
“I was. Is it just me, or has Yoochun been showering Jaejoong with too much attention, too much care?” More attention, more care than I had offered?
“Even if that’s so, Jae-hyung still loves you, I know for sure. Or are you not aware of how much he loves you? I’m not sure if I should be telling you this, but he can’t move on so easily.”
“But I’m afraid my turn might be over. I had my chance with him, but I took that rare chance for granted. It might be someone else’s turn now, Yoochun’s, perhaps.” Yunho bitterly admitted his insecurities.
“I don’t know what the real score between them is, but Changmin and I believe - Jaejoong-hyung can’t belong to anyone else.”
“Jaejoong didn’t want to hear my reasons. I didn’t know I had been hurting him all this time.” The leader rested both arms across his thighs, fingers intertwining. “For the past months, we hadn’t been what lovers should be. I thought he was bored with me so I kept myself occupied with a load of work. I just didn’t want to admit to myself, that he’s falling out of love with me.” His head started to throb in pain, all because he missed Jaejoong so bad but couldn’t say it to his face. “It was too shameful for me to lose hold of his attention, so I had to pretend and make myself believe that I was feeling the same way.”
---
Never had Junsu heard their leader with a voice so pained. Hearing it was enough for him to believe what a genuine heartache Yunho was having.
“Stupid hyung.”
Yunho scoffed at the younger’s remark.
Junsu was aware he wasn’t good with comforting words, so he would have to do without them. He let his hand reach out and touch the elder’s hair, stroking them like how he had with Jaejoong when the latter gave him permission to touch his silky locks. Yunho’s hair might not be as soft as the lead singer’s, but he loved him just the same. “I don’t blame you for not knowing how long Jaejoong-hyung would gaze at the door whenever you leave. I don’t know why he does that, but now, I think he was hoping you’d look back at him before you burry yourself in a pile of work.”
---
After having a good chat with Junsu, Yunho mustered some courage just enough to apologize to the lead singer. He would take the very first opportunity to do so, and he did. He had waited for Jaejoong to come home, for how long - he had no clue. Before the lead singer could walk inside his room, Yunho spoke up. “Jaejoong, I’m sorry.” It was stiff, a very stiff apology that he wasn’t sure would get through the other man.
Jaejoong simply stopped across his room, facing the wooden door without a word.
Upon knowing that the man was actually acknowledging his presence, Yunho continued. “Both of us should cool down, especially on my part. We could settle this some other time, any time you want.” Still, the leader got no reply, not even the door slamming shut. He bitterly smiled to himself. Even amidst such situation, Jaejoong stayed gentle like he had always been, captivating Yunho all over again.
---
The lead singer had not the slightest strength to say a single word to Yunho, and he was thankful that the other didn’t force him to.
As he closed the door behind him, Jaejoong had to plaster himself against the cold surface for support. “I’m tired of hurting, Jung Yunho, just let me go.”
---
A/N: I think thi time it's true, my working contract will end this December. Let' hope my muse comes back then.
“Jaejoong, I - ”
The lead singer found himself clapping his hands against both ears as if for dear life; for he swore, could even bet his life on it, that nothing ever sounded like a heartbreak more than Yunho’s voice, especially when what came with it was false promises and fake apologies. It wasn’t long before he felt arms around him, clearly belonging to his sweet Junsu.
“Hyung, are you okay?” Junsu inquired, his hand snaking up towards Jaejoong’s locks, stroking them.
He turned to his right where Junsu was, his eyes seeking for any sort of solace from the young one. At times like these, he felt as if the roles had been switched without hi consent. He was the one being taken care of instead of being the reliable hyung everyone can lean on too. But what was he to do with every bit of his strength drained out of him.
Without second thought, he relented to Junsu’s touch, wrapping his arms around the younger’s shoulders from under his arms. He was tired, so damn tired and he needed to break away from it all. Jaejoong wished he could just sleep his worries and fears away and wake up to find that everything was just a nightmare.
---
“I’m not disabled, I can drive.” Jaejoong managed to crack a smile, and once again fool the world that he was alright, as he declined Ji Hoon’s offer to pick him up. After the not very pleasant incident at home, he was more than determined to leave. Anywhere away from Yunho would be fine. If he could just forget him for a second, it would be blissful.
“If you can walk from here to the basement without bumping to a corner then fine, I won’t pick you up.” Ji Hoon gently folded his arms in front of his chest, earning a huff from the lead singer. “See? You’ve been spacing out. I’m not going to ask why but you can tell me whenever you’re ready to.”
Jaejoong found a sense of dominance in Ji Hoon’s tone and he couldn’t find it in him to retaliate any more. Besides, guidance might just be what he needed most. “Fine.” He started moving towards the door to exit the conference room where they were left alone.
“Eight o’clock tomorrow morning.” Ji Hoon grabbed the door knob before Jaejoong could.
“Can you pick me up earlier, tonight perhaps?” The lead singer wasn’t sure if he could stand that long under the same roof as Yunho. Jaejoong witnessed Ji Hoon’s eyebrow twitching, probably in confusion, but the question didn’t come and he was thankful for it, very much. “If your sked is not very tight, that is.” He turned around to face the taller man as he exited the door.
Ji Hoon swiftly shut the door behind him. “I have a photo shoot at nine and I have no idea how long it’ll take.”
“I see.” The lead singer dropped his head in thought, his feet taking familiar steps to the elevator.
Grabbing Jaejoong by the elbow, Ji Hoon turned the smaller man around. “How about coming to the shoot with me? I could drop by your apartment tonight at eight.”
“Thanks a lot, Ji Hoon-ah.”
---
The tall soloist couldn’t quite comprehend how Jaejoong could excude such charm that could make anyone want to protect him. It must have been the same charm that captivated his band mates, he mused to himself as he watched the shorter guy’s figure from their reflection on the stainless sliding door. “You seem pretty tired.” He assumed, judging by how low Jaejoong’s head as hanging. “Make sure you get enough rest once you get home. You need as much energy as you can get by tomorrow morning.”
“Okay,” came the lead singer’s short reply.
“I have one hell of a training plan ahead for you, be ready.” Ji Hoon cracked a smile, trying to uplift the other guy’s mood even just by a notch.
“Yes, sir!”
Although Ji Hoon knew Jaejoong was faking a smile, he thought it was good enough that the lead singer was at least trying to be happy. That would have to do, for now at least.
---
The leader had decided to keep himself within the confines of the shared room, wanting to sleep his anxieties away - but to no avail. Twisting and turning was all he had ever done, all he ever could. Try as he might, he couldn’t keep his thoughts regarding a particular someone buried in oblivion, but it kept surfacing back - it being the thought of Jaejoong siding with his best friend, of Jaejoong slipping off his grasp.
He willed himself to calm the hell down for there wasn’t a thing he could do with a clouded mind. But as he had seen it coming, the effort went to vain. Yunho was beginning to lose all hopes of having any sort of peace of mind when the door creaked open.
“Yunho-hyung.” Junsu called.
Yunho preferred not being seen in such state of demise. He had always wanted to be the foundation his members could lean on at the toughest of times. He had never failed, not until now. There was no escaping Junsu’s calculating gaze now, there was no point putting up a fight with himself just to appear all toughened up.
“I know what you’re thinking.” The younger one declared with confidence. “Stop putting up that façade. I’m not your enemy, hyung.” Junsu settled himself on the corner of Yunho’s bed as the latter got up to sit with his bare feet against the cold floor, his back against the younger.
Yunho heavily sighed, not knowing where to start - if he had anything to start at all. He wasn’t ready for a confrontation, not even a proper conversation.
“Hyung.” Junsu whined, tugging at the back of Yunho’s shirt as he twisted. “Talk to me, say anything.”
Whenever Junsu whined like that, it was common knowledge that the said singer wasn’t giving up any sooner. “I don’t know what to say or do. I’m sorry. All I know is that - ” he paused. “I’ve never been this insecure.”
“Insecure? Of what?”
“Whom, Junsu, whom. Yoochun doesn’t say it, but he loves Jaejoong. He loves him so much, it scares me.” Yunho confessed.
“But that’s only natural, isn’t it? They’re best friends.” Junsu took his slippers off and folded his legs under him as he sat on the leader’s bed. “And we’ve witnessed their closeness all this time. You were okay with it, weren’t you?”
“I was. Is it just me, or has Yoochun been showering Jaejoong with too much attention, too much care?” More attention, more care than I had offered?
“Even if that’s so, Jae-hyung still loves you, I know for sure. Or are you not aware of how much he loves you? I’m not sure if I should be telling you this, but he can’t move on so easily.”
“But I’m afraid my turn might be over. I had my chance with him, but I took that rare chance for granted. It might be someone else’s turn now, Yoochun’s, perhaps.” Yunho bitterly admitted his insecurities.
“I don’t know what the real score between them is, but Changmin and I believe - Jaejoong-hyung can’t belong to anyone else.”
“Jaejoong didn’t want to hear my reasons. I didn’t know I had been hurting him all this time.” The leader rested both arms across his thighs, fingers intertwining. “For the past months, we hadn’t been what lovers should be. I thought he was bored with me so I kept myself occupied with a load of work. I just didn’t want to admit to myself, that he’s falling out of love with me.” His head started to throb in pain, all because he missed Jaejoong so bad but couldn’t say it to his face. “It was too shameful for me to lose hold of his attention, so I had to pretend and make myself believe that I was feeling the same way.”
---
Never had Junsu heard their leader with a voice so pained. Hearing it was enough for him to believe what a genuine heartache Yunho was having.
“Stupid hyung.”
Yunho scoffed at the younger’s remark.
Junsu was aware he wasn’t good with comforting words, so he would have to do without them. He let his hand reach out and touch the elder’s hair, stroking them like how he had with Jaejoong when the latter gave him permission to touch his silky locks. Yunho’s hair might not be as soft as the lead singer’s, but he loved him just the same. “I don’t blame you for not knowing how long Jaejoong-hyung would gaze at the door whenever you leave. I don’t know why he does that, but now, I think he was hoping you’d look back at him before you burry yourself in a pile of work.”
---
After having a good chat with Junsu, Yunho mustered some courage just enough to apologize to the lead singer. He would take the very first opportunity to do so, and he did. He had waited for Jaejoong to come home, for how long - he had no clue. Before the lead singer could walk inside his room, Yunho spoke up. “Jaejoong, I’m sorry.” It was stiff, a very stiff apology that he wasn’t sure would get through the other man.
Jaejoong simply stopped across his room, facing the wooden door without a word.
Upon knowing that the man was actually acknowledging his presence, Yunho continued. “Both of us should cool down, especially on my part. We could settle this some other time, any time you want.” Still, the leader got no reply, not even the door slamming shut. He bitterly smiled to himself. Even amidst such situation, Jaejoong stayed gentle like he had always been, captivating Yunho all over again.
---
The lead singer had not the slightest strength to say a single word to Yunho, and he was thankful that the other didn’t force him to.
As he closed the door behind him, Jaejoong had to plaster himself against the cold surface for support. “I’m tired of hurting, Jung Yunho, just let me go.”
---
A/N: I think thi time it's true, my working contract will end this December. Let' hope my muse comes back then.