The Best, Worst, and Funniest Films of 2005
Well, this may have to be updated sooner or later as there are still a couple of films from 2005 that I'd really like to see - Walk The Line and Good Night, and Good Luck especially. But, it's nearly Oscar time and I did see a lot of movies in the last twelve months or so. So, it's time to compile the list of the Best, Worst, and Funniest of 2005 (of the 54 films I sat through, anyway).
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Every Movie I Saw In 2005
**** Films: Sin City, Crash, Wallace and Gromit in The Curse of the Were-Rabbit, Cinderella Man, Batman Begins, Land of the Dead, King Kong, The 40-Year-Old Virgin, March of the Penguins, The Great Raid
Other Movies I Enjoyed (***-***1/2): Coach Carter, Hitch, Hostage, Star Wars - Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, The Longest Yard, Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Wedding Crashers, Broken Flowers, The Island, Hustle & Flow, The Devils Rejects, Red Eye, Waiting..., Corpse Bride, The Ringer, Murderball
Thumbs In The Middle (**-**1/2): Assault on Precinct 13, The Pacifier, Be Cool, Ice Princess, Kicking and Screaming, Madagascar, War of the Worlds, Bad News Bears, Stealth, Must Love Dogs, The Ice Harvest
Crappy Movies (Zero Stars-*1/2): White Noise, Elektra, Are We There Yet?, Boogeyman, Constantine, Cursed, Guess Who, Fever Pitch, House of Wax, Lords of Dogtown, The Honeymooners, Bewitched, Herbie: Fully Loaded, Rebound, Fantastic Four, The Dukes of Hazzard, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, Serenity, Doom
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Top Five Funniest Films of 2005
(Last Year's Winner: Shaun of the Dead)
5. The Ringer
Gets off to a slow start, but this comedy has a lot of heart and a lot of laughs. The fact that Jeffy's (Johnny Knoxville) pals in the Special Olympics are even funnier than he is is a more-than-pleasant surprise.
4. Waiting...
An immature comedy that's certainly not for everyone, but I laughed long and hard throughout. Maybe you have to have worked a mindless job (like being a waiter at Shennanigan's) in order to appreciate the angst from most of the cast.
3. The Longest Yard
I've still yet to see the original, but Adam Sandler hits a home run after his last couple of comedies weren't so great. I've seen this one a few times since it's release and it's still very funny. The funniest role is probably turned in by Kevin Nash, of all people. Just be prepared to suspend any realism, because I have a hunch that prison isn't that much fun.
2. Wedding Crashers
The only thing that seems to hurt the classic pairing of Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn is the run time, as this movie doesn't really seem to know how to wrap itself up. But there's still a lot of funny stuff and when Wilson and Vaughn are on screen together, the laughs are a mile a minute.
1. The 40-Year-Old Virgin
I have not laughed so hard in the theaters since I saw Jackass: The Movie. Enough said.
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Top Five Worst Films of 2005 (or is that Bottom Five?)
(Last Year's Winner: White Chicks)
5. Guess Who
Man, Ashton Kutcher has made some stinkbombs in his short film career, hasn't he? Too bad I never forced myself to sit through A Lot By Love, or else I could probably teach a college course on "Crappy Ashton Kutcher Movies 101". And That 70's Show has always been one of my favorite TV shows.
4. The Honeymooners
I'm going to sue Cedric Kyles for false advertising, because there is nothing - nor has there ever been anything - entertaining about him. The plot in this pile of garbage could have been resolved in about five minutes, and would have saved everybody the pain of this sack of garbage.
3. Boogeyman
I still can't believe this one got greenlit. And I can't believe that when we finally do see The Boogeyman (for all of about three seconds, and he's every difficult to make out) he's wearing a freaking sweater vest. It hurts my head to think about the film making process and tying it into Boogeyman.
2. White Noise
I still don't even remember what this movie was about. It was about an hour and a half of Michael Keaton looking at a screen with static on it. Some people say there are movies with no plot ... they don't know what they're talking about until they've seen White Noise - which actually has no plot.
1. Bewitched
The 2-4 films on my list I actually gave the doomed "Zero stars" rating to. Bewitched got 1/2* because of decent enough filmmaking, but don't let that fool you - it is, by far, the worst picture of 2005. It is not only mean spirited, but it isn't funny and gets to see Steve Carrell trample the corpse of Paul Lynde with the most god awful impression I have ever seen in my life. If I ever go to hell and have to watch one movie on repeat, I fear that it will be Bewitched. To say that I hated this movie would be an understatement.
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Top Five Films of 2005
(Last Year's Winner: Million Dollar Baby)
5. Batman Begins
For the record, as a George A. Romero diehard, it's amazing that I saw five films that knocked Land of the Dead out of the top five. But 2005 had a good mix of great films to go along with its total stinkbombs. Anyway, I might still have to go with Spider-Man 2 as the best superhero movie ever made, but there is little doubt that Batman Begins ranks right up there. Liam Neeson's performance is unbelievably awesome, as well.
4. Cinderella Man
It was difficult to fight back the urge to jump up and cheer during Cinderella Man. Russell Crowe and Paul Giamatti both turn in monumentally great performances. Shocking, I know.
3. Wallace and Gromit in The Curse of the Were-Rabbit
Definitely the easiest film of 2005 to fall in love with, there isn't a person out there who can't find some appeal with the entire Wallace and Gromit series. The care given to the entire story - not just the animation - is second to none for any film you'll ever see.
2. Crash
The only one of the Best Picture Oscar noms I've seen yet, and it certainly deserves its spot on Hollywood's big night. It took quite the ensemble to piece this intertwining story together, but it is played off magnificently. And, hey, Tony Danza has a cameo. What's not to love? Thought provoking and very powerful stuff.
1. Sin City
No doubt about it here. This is one of the most beautifully shot films I've ever seen and is completely engrossing from the opening frame to the final one. There is not a shot or a second that goes to waste in this bold and terrific piece of film noir.
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Every Movie I Saw In 2005
**** Films: Sin City, Crash, Wallace and Gromit in The Curse of the Were-Rabbit, Cinderella Man, Batman Begins, Land of the Dead, King Kong, The 40-Year-Old Virgin, March of the Penguins, The Great Raid
Other Movies I Enjoyed (***-***1/2): Coach Carter, Hitch, Hostage, Star Wars - Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, The Longest Yard, Mr. & Mrs. Smith, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Wedding Crashers, Broken Flowers, The Island, Hustle & Flow, The Devils Rejects, Red Eye, Waiting..., Corpse Bride, The Ringer, Murderball
Thumbs In The Middle (**-**1/2): Assault on Precinct 13, The Pacifier, Be Cool, Ice Princess, Kicking and Screaming, Madagascar, War of the Worlds, Bad News Bears, Stealth, Must Love Dogs, The Ice Harvest
Crappy Movies (Zero Stars-*1/2): White Noise, Elektra, Are We There Yet?, Boogeyman, Constantine, Cursed, Guess Who, Fever Pitch, House of Wax, Lords of Dogtown, The Honeymooners, Bewitched, Herbie: Fully Loaded, Rebound, Fantastic Four, The Dukes of Hazzard, Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, Serenity, Doom
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Top Five Funniest Films of 2005
(Last Year's Winner: Shaun of the Dead)
5. The Ringer
Gets off to a slow start, but this comedy has a lot of heart and a lot of laughs. The fact that Jeffy's (Johnny Knoxville) pals in the Special Olympics are even funnier than he is is a more-than-pleasant surprise.
4. Waiting...
An immature comedy that's certainly not for everyone, but I laughed long and hard throughout. Maybe you have to have worked a mindless job (like being a waiter at Shennanigan's) in order to appreciate the angst from most of the cast.
3. The Longest Yard
I've still yet to see the original, but Adam Sandler hits a home run after his last couple of comedies weren't so great. I've seen this one a few times since it's release and it's still very funny. The funniest role is probably turned in by Kevin Nash, of all people. Just be prepared to suspend any realism, because I have a hunch that prison isn't that much fun.
2. Wedding Crashers
The only thing that seems to hurt the classic pairing of Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn is the run time, as this movie doesn't really seem to know how to wrap itself up. But there's still a lot of funny stuff and when Wilson and Vaughn are on screen together, the laughs are a mile a minute.
1. The 40-Year-Old Virgin
I have not laughed so hard in the theaters since I saw Jackass: The Movie. Enough said.
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Top Five Worst Films of 2005 (or is that Bottom Five?)
(Last Year's Winner: White Chicks)
5. Guess Who
Man, Ashton Kutcher has made some stinkbombs in his short film career, hasn't he? Too bad I never forced myself to sit through A Lot By Love, or else I could probably teach a college course on "Crappy Ashton Kutcher Movies 101". And That 70's Show has always been one of my favorite TV shows.
4. The Honeymooners
I'm going to sue Cedric Kyles for false advertising, because there is nothing - nor has there ever been anything - entertaining about him. The plot in this pile of garbage could have been resolved in about five minutes, and would have saved everybody the pain of this sack of garbage.
3. Boogeyman
I still can't believe this one got greenlit. And I can't believe that when we finally do see The Boogeyman (for all of about three seconds, and he's every difficult to make out) he's wearing a freaking sweater vest. It hurts my head to think about the film making process and tying it into Boogeyman.
2. White Noise
I still don't even remember what this movie was about. It was about an hour and a half of Michael Keaton looking at a screen with static on it. Some people say there are movies with no plot ... they don't know what they're talking about until they've seen White Noise - which actually has no plot.
1. Bewitched
The 2-4 films on my list I actually gave the doomed "Zero stars" rating to. Bewitched got 1/2* because of decent enough filmmaking, but don't let that fool you - it is, by far, the worst picture of 2005. It is not only mean spirited, but it isn't funny and gets to see Steve Carrell trample the corpse of Paul Lynde with the most god awful impression I have ever seen in my life. If I ever go to hell and have to watch one movie on repeat, I fear that it will be Bewitched. To say that I hated this movie would be an understatement.
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Top Five Films of 2005
(Last Year's Winner: Million Dollar Baby)
5. Batman Begins
For the record, as a George A. Romero diehard, it's amazing that I saw five films that knocked Land of the Dead out of the top five. But 2005 had a good mix of great films to go along with its total stinkbombs. Anyway, I might still have to go with Spider-Man 2 as the best superhero movie ever made, but there is little doubt that Batman Begins ranks right up there. Liam Neeson's performance is unbelievably awesome, as well.
4. Cinderella Man
It was difficult to fight back the urge to jump up and cheer during Cinderella Man. Russell Crowe and Paul Giamatti both turn in monumentally great performances. Shocking, I know.
3. Wallace and Gromit in The Curse of the Were-Rabbit
Definitely the easiest film of 2005 to fall in love with, there isn't a person out there who can't find some appeal with the entire Wallace and Gromit series. The care given to the entire story - not just the animation - is second to none for any film you'll ever see.
2. Crash
The only one of the Best Picture Oscar noms I've seen yet, and it certainly deserves its spot on Hollywood's big night. It took quite the ensemble to piece this intertwining story together, but it is played off magnificently. And, hey, Tony Danza has a cameo. What's not to love? Thought provoking and very powerful stuff.
1. Sin City
No doubt about it here. This is one of the most beautifully shot films I've ever seen and is completely engrossing from the opening frame to the final one. There is not a shot or a second that goes to waste in this bold and terrific piece of film noir.