30 Second Movie Reviews
Reviews of movies already reviewed by someone else at Topfive Reviews... in (around) thirty words or less (because I don't really feel like treading ground already covered).
Badder Santa (2003)
Fan-fucking-tastic dark comedy for antisocials who are sick of cutesy, happy-go-lucky Christmas movies. According to me, it's Billy Bob Thornton's best performance.
9/10
Beyond The Mat (1999)
If you're a serious fan of wrestling, you should already own this. Absolutely amazing documentary with some scary truths revealed about the real lives of pro wrestlers (luckily coming in just before reality shows got really popular, too).
8.5/10
The Big Bounce (2004)
Middling, often disappointing adaption of Elmore Leonard. If you forget the source material, it's a half-decent caper movie with a unique, exotic location and that charming Wilson guy.
5.5/10
Blast From The Past (1999)
Well... at least Christopher Walken is in it. Otherwise, see Mike Nelson's Movie Megacheese for the definative review.
4/10
The Bourne Supremacy (2004)
"Waaaah! The camera moves around alot! Waaah!" Jason Bourne gives Jack Bauer a run for his money as the baddest of the bad ass uber-spies. So good, I bothered to see it twice in the theater.
9.5/10
Catwoman (2004)
A movie that proves the existance of Satan. Still... it's better than Empire Records.
1/10
Collateral (2004)
Tom Cruise is badder than Mr. T in this film.
9.5/10
The Fugitive (1993)
Criminally (get it?) underrated film. Plenty of suspense and stellar performances from Harrison Ford and Tommy Lee Jones make this one of the best movies of the 1990's.
9.5/10
Get Shorty (1995)
Supercool adaption of Leonard. Even the bit parts ooze coolness. And then there's Denis Farina, who instantly ups the rating of any movie he appears in.
9/10
Kingpin (1996)
Not quite so bad as 'Judgemental Andy' believes it to be... but then again, it's not quite good either.
4/10
The Manchurian Candidate (1962)
Frank Sinatra CAN act! Personally, I think it's one of the greatest films of all time, and even though the remake wasn't a complete disaster, it's still disappointing that Hollywood has to tarnish the classics.
10/10
Moulin Rouge! (2001)
Wonderfully weird menagerie of colour and sound. Points taken off because of a fucking Nirvana song somewhere in there.
7.5/10
Nosferatu (1922)
Insanely creepy horror film with the right dose of harrowing, suffocating atmosphere. All done before talkies came along.
9/10
Ocean's Eleven (2001)
Damn that Clooney... he's so dapper and charming. Plus, Elliot Gould and Bernie Mac are ricockulously hilarious.
9.5/10
Office Space (1999)
Mmmm... I feel the other reviews seriously overrate this movie. It's not bad. Actually, it's quite funny the first time you see it. But the jokes don't hold up that well after that, especially when cable channels run the damn movie 271 times per week.
7/10
Open Range (2003)
Costner loves his westerns, doesn't he? I set myself up to be disappointed by modern westerns every time I see one, and almost every time I'm pleasantly surprised.
8.5/10
Out of Sight (1998) (the one word review)
Astounding.
10/10
Raging Bull (1980)
The greatest sports movie of all time. So good, it really shouldn't be classified as a 'sports' movie. DeNiro's dedication to the part makes for perhaps the best performance I've ever seen.
10/10
The Royal Tenenbaums (2001)
You know why this is a good movie? Because it has a narrator! Seriously, modern movies really need to reintroduce the narrator, because it hasn't been a standard since crappy 1960's educational shorts. It has a song by The Jam in it, too.
7.5/10
Shaun of the Dead (2004)
The record-throwing scene alone gives the film a top score. The film is very, very, very, very funny and the soundtrack (Queen, The Eighties Matchbox B-Line Disaster) kicks ass.
10/10
The Usual Suspects (1995) (the 'no words are necessary' review)
10/10
Badder Santa (2003)
Fan-fucking-tastic dark comedy for antisocials who are sick of cutesy, happy-go-lucky Christmas movies. According to me, it's Billy Bob Thornton's best performance.
9/10
Beyond The Mat (1999)
If you're a serious fan of wrestling, you should already own this. Absolutely amazing documentary with some scary truths revealed about the real lives of pro wrestlers (luckily coming in just before reality shows got really popular, too).
8.5/10
The Big Bounce (2004)
Middling, often disappointing adaption of Elmore Leonard. If you forget the source material, it's a half-decent caper movie with a unique, exotic location and that charming Wilson guy.
5.5/10
Blast From The Past (1999)
Well... at least Christopher Walken is in it. Otherwise, see Mike Nelson's Movie Megacheese for the definative review.
4/10
The Bourne Supremacy (2004)
"Waaaah! The camera moves around alot! Waaah!" Jason Bourne gives Jack Bauer a run for his money as the baddest of the bad ass uber-spies. So good, I bothered to see it twice in the theater.
9.5/10
Catwoman (2004)
A movie that proves the existance of Satan. Still... it's better than Empire Records.
1/10
Collateral (2004)
Tom Cruise is badder than Mr. T in this film.
9.5/10
The Fugitive (1993)
Criminally (get it?) underrated film. Plenty of suspense and stellar performances from Harrison Ford and Tommy Lee Jones make this one of the best movies of the 1990's.
9.5/10
Get Shorty (1995)
Supercool adaption of Leonard. Even the bit parts ooze coolness. And then there's Denis Farina, who instantly ups the rating of any movie he appears in.
9/10
Kingpin (1996)
Not quite so bad as 'Judgemental Andy' believes it to be... but then again, it's not quite good either.
4/10
The Manchurian Candidate (1962)
Frank Sinatra CAN act! Personally, I think it's one of the greatest films of all time, and even though the remake wasn't a complete disaster, it's still disappointing that Hollywood has to tarnish the classics.
10/10
Moulin Rouge! (2001)
Wonderfully weird menagerie of colour and sound. Points taken off because of a fucking Nirvana song somewhere in there.
7.5/10
Nosferatu (1922)
Insanely creepy horror film with the right dose of harrowing, suffocating atmosphere. All done before talkies came along.
9/10
Ocean's Eleven (2001)
Damn that Clooney... he's so dapper and charming. Plus, Elliot Gould and Bernie Mac are ricockulously hilarious.
9.5/10
Office Space (1999)
Mmmm... I feel the other reviews seriously overrate this movie. It's not bad. Actually, it's quite funny the first time you see it. But the jokes don't hold up that well after that, especially when cable channels run the damn movie 271 times per week.
7/10
Open Range (2003)
Costner loves his westerns, doesn't he? I set myself up to be disappointed by modern westerns every time I see one, and almost every time I'm pleasantly surprised.
8.5/10
Out of Sight (1998) (the one word review)
Astounding.
10/10
Raging Bull (1980)
The greatest sports movie of all time. So good, it really shouldn't be classified as a 'sports' movie. DeNiro's dedication to the part makes for perhaps the best performance I've ever seen.
10/10
The Royal Tenenbaums (2001)
You know why this is a good movie? Because it has a narrator! Seriously, modern movies really need to reintroduce the narrator, because it hasn't been a standard since crappy 1960's educational shorts. It has a song by The Jam in it, too.
7.5/10
Shaun of the Dead (2004)
The record-throwing scene alone gives the film a top score. The film is very, very, very, very funny and the soundtrack (Queen, The Eighties Matchbox B-Line Disaster) kicks ass.
10/10
The Usual Suspects (1995) (the 'no words are necessary' review)
10/10