Comments | took_skye: A Dangerous Profession [FanFic]

took_skye

A Dangerous Profession [FanFic]

Feb 26, 2011 19:45

Title: A Dangerous Profession
Author: Tooks
Pairing: Adult!Jack, UNSUBs, & Gina Sanchez
Rating: FRM
Summary: Jack goes out for a job that proves more difficult than he originally planned.
Notes: It's set in the Noir AU "Living For the Night" (thanks let_it_linger21 for the name). Again, first person (Jack's POV), dark, gritty, real noir title, suggestive talk, ( Read more... )

noir, living for the night, fanfiction, jack, criminal minds

Comments 4

mcgarrygirl78 February 27 2011, 14:59:47 UTC

This story is good when Jack is dealing with Gina, after the murder. I've always liked Gina so I feel comfortable in their casual conversation about the things that have taken place.

Maybe its just because I didnt watch the episode and dont know the character but the beginning just doesnt draw me in at all, though I'm really not sure that's it. The conversation is stilted, choppy, and it doesnt feel like she should be that dumb to just walk into his trap. Clearly she's a drug addict who does things on impulse and Jack is a more controlled, disciplined individual, but something about it just doesnt work for me.

But the second part is good and it gives me a little glimpse into who your Jack is and makes me want to see more.

took_skye February 27 2011, 16:03:15 UTC

Yeah, honestly, I like the post stuff more myself...which is ironic since it was all the unplanned stuff, haha!

No, I just couldn't seem to get the UNSUBs right in this piece, I think which is a shame because, haha, I actually loved those two UNSUBs in the episode. I wanted it to be more that Syd is 1. playing dumber than she is and 2. so cocky she assumes that her little plot with Ray will work (which, as Jack guessed, was to at least rob him) and that Jack doesn't have one at all. ...It sorta fell apart for some reason and I don't know why.

Haha, at least the second part is good though since that, in fact, shows more of who Jack really is in the Noir.

Thanks for the feedback!! It totally helps!! :D

mcgarrygirl78 February 27 2011, 16:09:04 UTC

Yeah, I could tell that's what you were going for. She definitely thought she was smarter than him and would use her female wiles to get him alone and roll him but her plan backfired.

You're right though, the post stuff shows clearly who Jack is and what he's doing. I'm interested to see some more about his strained relationship with his father. I'm still getting used to this universe and how Jack can just be OK with his mom bed-hopping and his father being on the periphery of his life. But I'm interested to see what adventures his character has. I think he can be even more interesting than Hotch....hit men just bring the entertainment.

took_skye February 27 2011, 20:51:50 UTC

Haha, yeah, didn't work...probably because Syd was still fuzzy at best. I mean, seriously, Ray came in clearer, haha! (Maybe I'll get annoyed later and cut out the beginning, just start off with Jack at the motel, haha!)

Yeah, him and his dad don't really talk a great deal...but there will be some convos with them and they'll likely work together in The Blonds Case. Well he's not okay with it exactly, it's just how things have always been so he's used to it. I find this Jack to be very interesting myself, he's sweet despite the profession but, haha, also will bring the smackdown if need be. Hopefully he'll give me more to write about. :-)