The Big What If [FanFic]
Title: The Big What If
Author: Tooks
Pairing: Hotch/Reid, Rossi
Rating: FRT
Summary: When a case hits close to a new home of Hotch's he has to debate the big "What If?"
Notes: This is AU but there are Season 5 spoilers. Another of my "Breaking the Bonds" series. There's some cursing, some threatening, a bit of drinking, open discussion of sexuality, and a bit of homophobia. (Side bar: Should I attach this to the other main tale in this series or continue to let it stand on its own?)
It’d been some months, approximately two to three, since Reid officially cut romantic ties with Hotch (and Ethan). The other profiler returned to his professional demeanor with his subordinate…for the most part any way.
There were moments when Hotch smiled at him without specific cause, when he stayed a little closer than need be, and when Spencer knew Aaron was watching him in a way that wasn’t strictly professional, but Reid always let those moments slide. Human nature wasn’t a computer program or equation that could just be adjusted, changed with a stroke of a key or fixing of a number, and Aaron Hotchner was only human. Just like Spencer Reid.
That was the reason Reid kept a close eye on his boss during harder cases, cases that might push in on the urges to relapse. Those cases that pushed Reid’s own buttons and those he knew would push Hotch’s - ones with kids, with families. For the most part Hotch stayed as compartmentalized as ever and the few times he didn't they talked in private later over drinks or the phone. They talked just enough to keep those urges at bay.
But the case that made Spencer the most worried for his boss and the possibility for relapse was one that came at the end of the third month since that last night in Gretna. It was in St Johns, Arizona, with five known victims, all openly homosexual males, killed in different ways. The UNSUB seemed to find his preference in setting fire to the last two and was likely already gearing up for a third murder in the same manner.
This was not the first gay-centric, or even gay-bashing-styled, case the BAU had dealt with, but it was the first since Aaron had started to explore his own sexuality. The first since what happened to these men, these victims, might hit home with Aaron...especially if Hotch still wasn’t completely comfortable with himself and his desires for men.
Spencer saw the cracks early on; a glance away from the screen when a victim’s body was shown, the tightening of the jaw as they drove past some anti-gay protesters, a quick snap at Morgan when the man tried to get Hotch’s attention. …It wouldn’t take long before something gave way.
***
Spencer headed into the little break-room the police headquarters had for another cup of coffee and sensed Aaron following close behind. He smiled a little. “Black or with a little cream and sugar?”
“Excuse me?” Aaron’s brows arched a touch.
Reid turned his head. “For your coffee, Hotch.”
Aaron gave a smile. “Oh, right…um…cream and a bit of sugar, please.”
Spencer nodded and made Hotch’s before he poured his own and emptied at least five packets of sugar into the paper cup.
“Aren’t you ever afraid of…cavities or something?”
Reid started to laugh. “I probably should be, but I’m not.” The two shared the laugh before Reid took a sip and then grew a touch more serious. “How’re you holding up?”
“Fine.”
Gut response. Spencer waited.
“I’m a little irritated the locals aren’t being more helpful.” Actually Hotch was irritated the locals seemed downright disinterested in finding the killer and in no small part because of who the UNSUB was targeting.
Spencer nodded, then shrugged. “The best we can do is give them the profile and, well, give them the help they ask for.”
“This really doesn’t bother you?” Hotch dropped his voice down for privacy’s sake.
“Sure it does, Hotch, but…” the younger agent shrugged. “I can’t make them care. No one can.”
Aaron wasn’t thrilled with Reid’s response, but he didn’t have a counter so he just huffed a touch and sipped his coffee.
The senior agent wanted to talk more, talking kept his mind off the wanting, but he didn’t get the chance as two uniforms stepped into the room. Hotch and Reid both stepped just outside to allow them space and access to the tiny kitchenette.
“Whaddya think the odds are of catchin' this guy?” The first asked.
“What do I care?” The second uniform snorted, paused as he sipped his drink, and then added. “Unless I make the arrest.”
The first gave a laugh.
“Honestly, as far as I can tell, these fags brought this on themselves.”
Spencer saw the anger triggered in Aaron the moment the words came out. “Hotch, don’t.”
Hotch spun back into the kitchenette. “What did you just say?”
The two cops held back their chuckles a touch and the first one spoke. “Nuthin’, man.”
“You said something concerning the victims' sexuality.” Hotch’s volume rose a touch.
“Look, it’s just…if they stayed in the closet, where they belong, maybe they’d still be alive.”
Reid heard the scuffle of feet, of fabric, and a soft grunt. He turned his head just enough to catch the scene in his periphery.
Hotch had one of them by the front of the shirt as the other tried to get his friend loose.
“Hey, man, relax -“
Hotch shoved that one aside, into the counter. “Shut up!” he barked before turning back to the one still in his grasp. “If I hear any more derogatory comments about the victims, about their sexuality, I’ll be speaking with your superiors, and their superiors, and whoever else I have to in order to personally insure you both lose your badges.” By the end it was a loud growl of a threat that came right up from Hotch’s diaphragm.
Reid watched as others in the station perked up in interest. Morgan and Rossi were the last to look over; Morgan seemed as confused as the rest, but not Rossi. Rossi simply lifted a brow in interest then shrugged as if he was hearing something he felt had been bound to happen.
“Uh…Hotch,” Reid called out not wanting his superior and friend to do anything he’d truly regret. Something that would require more than JJ's smile to smooth things over between the BAU and the locals.
When Hotch stormed out he said only. “My team, get ready to give the profile!”
***
Reid had long ago figured out when Hotch needed his space. Needed to think alone, digest a case and work on his feelings about it. He would text Hotch later, use their code, U OK?, as a way to figure out if Hotch needed to talk through a craving or not. For now though Reid stayed seated as he played chess with Prentiss.
“So,” Rossi rolled out the vowel as he sat opposite Hotch, “you want to tell me what the rant at the locals was all about?”
“Not particularly.” Hotch’s reply came out dully, drained of emotion.
“They had it coming.”
“They did.”
Rossi nodded slowly as his eyes drifted to Reid’s a moment. The younger agent quickly dropped his gaze and head. David gave a small smile and returned focus to Hotch. “You know it’s not the worst thing to talk to more than one person about your private life.”
Aaron’s eyes flicked into his old friend’s a moment, then back to his paperwork. “I don’t know what you’re talking about David.”
“Well, when you do, I’m around. Always am.” It wasn’t a press, just a reminder.
***
The text came after Jack was down for the night and Hotch already in sweatpants and an old tee.
U OK?
Aaron’s lip rose to a small smile.
Yes.
Sure?
His lips faltered.
No.
Need 2 talk?
Jack’s asleep.
There r phones. Other rooms w/ doors to close.
Aaron smiled once more, his chest moved some in a small laugh.
Okay. Hold on.
The man made sure his son was still sleeping soundly, that the boy's door was open so that Hotch could hear if he was called for, before rechecking the alarm system and heading into his room where he closed the door most of the way. Then he dialed. He spoke when the line picked up. “It’s not an urge, so much.”
“Okay,” Reid replied simply. “Then what is it?”
“I don’t know.”
“Is it because of the case?” Stupid question, but sometimes stupid questions were the way to go.
“How can you just…ignore that?”
“What?”
“What those people in Arizona said. That sort of…hatred.”
Reid sighed. “Those cops didn’t exactly hate homosexuals, Hotch, they were just ignorant about, well…uh…sexuality in general.”
“And it doesn’t bother you?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“So it does?” It bothered the fuck out of Aaron, that was for sure.
“Sure, but…” Spencer gave another sigh. He wasn’t quite certain how to explain that it did bother him, but it didn’t at the same time. “Look I’ve been dealing with, uh, those types my entire life, Hotch." Those ignorant, loudmouthed, types. "Whether it was, uh, because of my intelligence or my age or the fact my mother was mentally ill. It never doesn’t affect me, but I can’t exactly get worked up over every idiot with a big mouth.”
Aaron remained silent for some time before he asked. “Do you think I overreacted?”
“Maybe.” Spencer wanted to be honest.
“You think I overreacted because…of…well…”
Spencer really wished Aaron could say it, it’d be so much easier all around if he could. If the man at least admitted, just between them, what had happened between them. Clearly a block was still there though. “It’s entirely possible.” Spencer decided to say it himself. “After our experiences together, privately, it’s normal for you to be questioning your sexuality and, as you do, you might find yourself more sensitized to certain things that you weren’t before.”
Hotch felt a smile creep over his face. “You sound like Gideon.”
“Did you have private experiences with Gideon as well, Aaron?”
“Uh…no. Di-Did you?”
Spencer gave a laugh; he swore sometimes Aaron really did make it too easy. “No, I was only teasing, Aaron. Gideon was straight.” Straight, but not narrow, as the man had once put it himself.
“Oh.” Aaron felt his face flush a touch and was grateful this was a phone conversation at the moment. He cleared his throat and pressed on. “So how do I deal with this…new sensitivity, so to speak?”
“However you dealt with the old ones.” There was a silence over the line on both ends before Reid spoke once again. “By remembering ignorance should be pitied…and knowing you’re the better man.”
“Am I?” Considering some of the things he’d said, done, during his addiction and just after Aaron felt it a reasonable question to ask.
Spencer smiled. “When, uh…when Gideon first brought me into the BAU I expected the same treatment I generally got from those around me. A lot of jealousy, a lot of hostility, and a fair amount of ignorance with much of it showing in teasing and shunning. But, uh…well…do, uh, do you remember our first interaction, Hotch?”
“Not at the moment.”
“You, uh…you came over and we shook hands and, uh, I explained why I didn’t feel Gideon’s initial introduction of me as being a genius was correct.”
“Because it can’t be accurately quantified,” Aaron recalled the old spiel with a smile.
“Yes.” Spencer breathed a smile into the phone. “And, uh, your reply was -“
“Too bad, we need a genius on this case.” Aaron deadpanned just as he had the first time the two had met.
“And then you smiled so that, uh, I would know you were, well, making a joke. That you were happy to have me on the team.” Spencer paused a moment, then added. “That meant a lot to me then, Aaron, and it still does.” It’d been the first time since Ethan that a decidedly Alpha-Male had been decent to him and it was the moment Reid knew, finally, he might just truly fit in somewhere.
“You know Rossi wants me to, uh, talk to him about all this…stuff.” Aaron sighed. “At least I think he does. Definitely about this case, not sure about the rest.”
“It couldn’t hurt to have more than one person out there to talk to,” Spencer noted. He had Ethan, it was only fair Aaron found someone else to share with as well.
“Do you, uh, think he knows?”
“That’s not really the important question, Aaron.”
“Well…what is, Spencer?”
“Whether or not you care if he knows.”
***
Even without an answer to Spencer’s question Aaron agreed to spend an evening talking with his old friend over drinks. He prepared himself when David suggested they stay in instead of going out for the drinks…David wanted privacy because he wanted to talk about private things.
“So,” David elongated the vowel again, “Jack still at his aunt’s?”
“Jessie came over to our place, insisted the apartment needed to be cleaned anyhow,” Hotch replied as he stepped into Rossi’s townhouse.
“Still live like a frat boy, Agent Hotchner?” Rossi teased his friend some.
The both knew Hotch was tidy, impeccably so. The truth was simply, between Jack and a recent string of back-to-back cases, the time to do as thorough a cleaning as required was simply not there.
“You wanted to talk, David?”
“What am I now a suspect?” Rossi snorted out at the stern formality of his friend's question before he shook his head. “Drinks first, then talk.”
Neither man spoke again until after drinks were poured, sipped, and they were both settled into comfy chairs in what, from what Aaron could make out given the pool table, was a game-room of sorts.
David took his second deep sip of his Manhattan before he finally broke the silence. “Wanna talk about the Arizona case now, Aaron?”
“Not particularly,” Hotch confessed into his Scotch.
“Wanna talk about Reid?”
Hotch looked up. “What about him?”
David gave that knowing smile that always bordered on irritating, even to his family and friends. “I’m gonna go ahead and guess it started sometime after the Meyers case.” The case Hotch missed because Foyet had attacked him.
“What started?” Hotch’s next sip was half the glass. He shifted some.
“You two doing…whatever it is you’re doing.”
“David -“
“I don’t care, Aaron, honestly. I mean we both know my track-record with inter-office enjoyments.” Rossi smiled until Hotch’s lips twitched up in response. The elder profiler then took a sip of his drink and set it aside. “But you can’t let it effect your job, you know that.”
Hotch nodded a little before he realized Rossi had left a certain detail unaddressed. “So you’re not bothered that…”
“It’s with Spencer?” David finished the thought. Aaron nodded and the other man shrugged. “No, not particularly. He’s not my taste, but…” David trailed off with a playful tick-tock of the head.
Aaron let a smile sip out a moment before he grew serious and asked. “So the possibility I might be in a relationship with a man doesn’t bother you?”
“I lived through the Free Love Era so…nope, not in the least.”
“Have you ever…” He couldn’t complete the question he felt so awkward asking it.
David smirked a little as he went for another sip of his drink. He set the glass back down to answer. “Not to my recollection, but that era was also the Free Drug Era.” He chuckled some, but then gave a more serious answer. “When I was 20 I had a male friend kiss me.”
Hotch’s brows arched, but he remained silent.
“Wasn’t for me.” David concluded with a slight shake of the head. “But I had friends, male and female, who dated those of the same sex. Sometimes it was just to experiment, other times it was because they loved the person, and so long as they were happy it didn’t bother me a smidge.”
“What if I’m gay?” It was the question Aaron had asked himself a million times, but never aloud. He didn’t even know why it came out now, it wasn’t as if David could answer for him. Not really.
“Then you are.”
“But I have Jack.” Aaron finished his Scotch. “And I loved, still love, Haley.”
“Those facts don’t exclude each other, Aaron. My understanding is that the desire for people, just like the desire for anything else, is a sliding scale.”
“I like who I like.” It was what Spencer had told him when he first questioned the younger man’s own sexuality.
David nodded. “And I’d like another drink. How ‘bout you?”
“Sure.” Aarom smiled a little to David…and to himself. Then he added. "This is all between us, yes?"
"Always is." David called back without the usual chuckle so Aaron could be certain of the answer.
"Sex is a continuum. You go through different phases along life’s way … and if you don’t, you’ve been sort of cheated." ~ Gore Vidal
Author: Tooks
Pairing: Hotch/Reid, Rossi
Rating: FRT
Summary: When a case hits close to a new home of Hotch's he has to debate the big "What If?"
Notes: This is AU but there are Season 5 spoilers. Another of my "Breaking the Bonds" series. There's some cursing, some threatening, a bit of drinking, open discussion of sexuality, and a bit of homophobia. (Side bar: Should I attach this to the other main tale in this series or continue to let it stand on its own?)
It’d been some months, approximately two to three, since Reid officially cut romantic ties with Hotch (and Ethan). The other profiler returned to his professional demeanor with his subordinate…for the most part any way.
There were moments when Hotch smiled at him without specific cause, when he stayed a little closer than need be, and when Spencer knew Aaron was watching him in a way that wasn’t strictly professional, but Reid always let those moments slide. Human nature wasn’t a computer program or equation that could just be adjusted, changed with a stroke of a key or fixing of a number, and Aaron Hotchner was only human. Just like Spencer Reid.
That was the reason Reid kept a close eye on his boss during harder cases, cases that might push in on the urges to relapse. Those cases that pushed Reid’s own buttons and those he knew would push Hotch’s - ones with kids, with families. For the most part Hotch stayed as compartmentalized as ever and the few times he didn't they talked in private later over drinks or the phone. They talked just enough to keep those urges at bay.
But the case that made Spencer the most worried for his boss and the possibility for relapse was one that came at the end of the third month since that last night in Gretna. It was in St Johns, Arizona, with five known victims, all openly homosexual males, killed in different ways. The UNSUB seemed to find his preference in setting fire to the last two and was likely already gearing up for a third murder in the same manner.
This was not the first gay-centric, or even gay-bashing-styled, case the BAU had dealt with, but it was the first since Aaron had started to explore his own sexuality. The first since what happened to these men, these victims, might hit home with Aaron...especially if Hotch still wasn’t completely comfortable with himself and his desires for men.
Spencer saw the cracks early on; a glance away from the screen when a victim’s body was shown, the tightening of the jaw as they drove past some anti-gay protesters, a quick snap at Morgan when the man tried to get Hotch’s attention. …It wouldn’t take long before something gave way.
***
Spencer headed into the little break-room the police headquarters had for another cup of coffee and sensed Aaron following close behind. He smiled a little. “Black or with a little cream and sugar?”
“Excuse me?” Aaron’s brows arched a touch.
Reid turned his head. “For your coffee, Hotch.”
Aaron gave a smile. “Oh, right…um…cream and a bit of sugar, please.”
Spencer nodded and made Hotch’s before he poured his own and emptied at least five packets of sugar into the paper cup.
“Aren’t you ever afraid of…cavities or something?”
Reid started to laugh. “I probably should be, but I’m not.” The two shared the laugh before Reid took a sip and then grew a touch more serious. “How’re you holding up?”
“Fine.”
Gut response. Spencer waited.
“I’m a little irritated the locals aren’t being more helpful.” Actually Hotch was irritated the locals seemed downright disinterested in finding the killer and in no small part because of who the UNSUB was targeting.
Spencer nodded, then shrugged. “The best we can do is give them the profile and, well, give them the help they ask for.”
“This really doesn’t bother you?” Hotch dropped his voice down for privacy’s sake.
“Sure it does, Hotch, but…” the younger agent shrugged. “I can’t make them care. No one can.”
Aaron wasn’t thrilled with Reid’s response, but he didn’t have a counter so he just huffed a touch and sipped his coffee.
The senior agent wanted to talk more, talking kept his mind off the wanting, but he didn’t get the chance as two uniforms stepped into the room. Hotch and Reid both stepped just outside to allow them space and access to the tiny kitchenette.
“Whaddya think the odds are of catchin' this guy?” The first asked.
“What do I care?” The second uniform snorted, paused as he sipped his drink, and then added. “Unless I make the arrest.”
The first gave a laugh.
“Honestly, as far as I can tell, these fags brought this on themselves.”
Spencer saw the anger triggered in Aaron the moment the words came out. “Hotch, don’t.”
Hotch spun back into the kitchenette. “What did you just say?”
The two cops held back their chuckles a touch and the first one spoke. “Nuthin’, man.”
“You said something concerning the victims' sexuality.” Hotch’s volume rose a touch.
“Look, it’s just…if they stayed in the closet, where they belong, maybe they’d still be alive.”
Reid heard the scuffle of feet, of fabric, and a soft grunt. He turned his head just enough to catch the scene in his periphery.
Hotch had one of them by the front of the shirt as the other tried to get his friend loose.
“Hey, man, relax -“
Hotch shoved that one aside, into the counter. “Shut up!” he barked before turning back to the one still in his grasp. “If I hear any more derogatory comments about the victims, about their sexuality, I’ll be speaking with your superiors, and their superiors, and whoever else I have to in order to personally insure you both lose your badges.” By the end it was a loud growl of a threat that came right up from Hotch’s diaphragm.
Reid watched as others in the station perked up in interest. Morgan and Rossi were the last to look over; Morgan seemed as confused as the rest, but not Rossi. Rossi simply lifted a brow in interest then shrugged as if he was hearing something he felt had been bound to happen.
“Uh…Hotch,” Reid called out not wanting his superior and friend to do anything he’d truly regret. Something that would require more than JJ's smile to smooth things over between the BAU and the locals.
When Hotch stormed out he said only. “My team, get ready to give the profile!”
***
Reid had long ago figured out when Hotch needed his space. Needed to think alone, digest a case and work on his feelings about it. He would text Hotch later, use their code, U OK?, as a way to figure out if Hotch needed to talk through a craving or not. For now though Reid stayed seated as he played chess with Prentiss.
“So,” Rossi rolled out the vowel as he sat opposite Hotch, “you want to tell me what the rant at the locals was all about?”
“Not particularly.” Hotch’s reply came out dully, drained of emotion.
“They had it coming.”
“They did.”
Rossi nodded slowly as his eyes drifted to Reid’s a moment. The younger agent quickly dropped his gaze and head. David gave a small smile and returned focus to Hotch. “You know it’s not the worst thing to talk to more than one person about your private life.”
Aaron’s eyes flicked into his old friend’s a moment, then back to his paperwork. “I don’t know what you’re talking about David.”
“Well, when you do, I’m around. Always am.” It wasn’t a press, just a reminder.
***
The text came after Jack was down for the night and Hotch already in sweatpants and an old tee.
U OK?
Aaron’s lip rose to a small smile.
Yes.
Sure?
His lips faltered.
No.
Need 2 talk?
Jack’s asleep.
There r phones. Other rooms w/ doors to close.
Aaron smiled once more, his chest moved some in a small laugh.
Okay. Hold on.
The man made sure his son was still sleeping soundly, that the boy's door was open so that Hotch could hear if he was called for, before rechecking the alarm system and heading into his room where he closed the door most of the way. Then he dialed. He spoke when the line picked up. “It’s not an urge, so much.”
“Okay,” Reid replied simply. “Then what is it?”
“I don’t know.”
“Is it because of the case?” Stupid question, but sometimes stupid questions were the way to go.
“How can you just…ignore that?”
“What?”
“What those people in Arizona said. That sort of…hatred.”
Reid sighed. “Those cops didn’t exactly hate homosexuals, Hotch, they were just ignorant about, well…uh…sexuality in general.”
“And it doesn’t bother you?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“So it does?” It bothered the fuck out of Aaron, that was for sure.
“Sure, but…” Spencer gave another sigh. He wasn’t quite certain how to explain that it did bother him, but it didn’t at the same time. “Look I’ve been dealing with, uh, those types my entire life, Hotch." Those ignorant, loudmouthed, types. "Whether it was, uh, because of my intelligence or my age or the fact my mother was mentally ill. It never doesn’t affect me, but I can’t exactly get worked up over every idiot with a big mouth.”
Aaron remained silent for some time before he asked. “Do you think I overreacted?”
“Maybe.” Spencer wanted to be honest.
“You think I overreacted because…of…well…”
Spencer really wished Aaron could say it, it’d be so much easier all around if he could. If the man at least admitted, just between them, what had happened between them. Clearly a block was still there though. “It’s entirely possible.” Spencer decided to say it himself. “After our experiences together, privately, it’s normal for you to be questioning your sexuality and, as you do, you might find yourself more sensitized to certain things that you weren’t before.”
Hotch felt a smile creep over his face. “You sound like Gideon.”
“Did you have private experiences with Gideon as well, Aaron?”
“Uh…no. Di-Did you?”
Spencer gave a laugh; he swore sometimes Aaron really did make it too easy. “No, I was only teasing, Aaron. Gideon was straight.” Straight, but not narrow, as the man had once put it himself.
“Oh.” Aaron felt his face flush a touch and was grateful this was a phone conversation at the moment. He cleared his throat and pressed on. “So how do I deal with this…new sensitivity, so to speak?”
“However you dealt with the old ones.” There was a silence over the line on both ends before Reid spoke once again. “By remembering ignorance should be pitied…and knowing you’re the better man.”
“Am I?” Considering some of the things he’d said, done, during his addiction and just after Aaron felt it a reasonable question to ask.
Spencer smiled. “When, uh…when Gideon first brought me into the BAU I expected the same treatment I generally got from those around me. A lot of jealousy, a lot of hostility, and a fair amount of ignorance with much of it showing in teasing and shunning. But, uh…well…do, uh, do you remember our first interaction, Hotch?”
“Not at the moment.”
“You, uh…you came over and we shook hands and, uh, I explained why I didn’t feel Gideon’s initial introduction of me as being a genius was correct.”
“Because it can’t be accurately quantified,” Aaron recalled the old spiel with a smile.
“Yes.” Spencer breathed a smile into the phone. “And, uh, your reply was -“
“Too bad, we need a genius on this case.” Aaron deadpanned just as he had the first time the two had met.
“And then you smiled so that, uh, I would know you were, well, making a joke. That you were happy to have me on the team.” Spencer paused a moment, then added. “That meant a lot to me then, Aaron, and it still does.” It’d been the first time since Ethan that a decidedly Alpha-Male had been decent to him and it was the moment Reid knew, finally, he might just truly fit in somewhere.
“You know Rossi wants me to, uh, talk to him about all this…stuff.” Aaron sighed. “At least I think he does. Definitely about this case, not sure about the rest.”
“It couldn’t hurt to have more than one person out there to talk to,” Spencer noted. He had Ethan, it was only fair Aaron found someone else to share with as well.
“Do you, uh, think he knows?”
“That’s not really the important question, Aaron.”
“Well…what is, Spencer?”
“Whether or not you care if he knows.”
***
Even without an answer to Spencer’s question Aaron agreed to spend an evening talking with his old friend over drinks. He prepared himself when David suggested they stay in instead of going out for the drinks…David wanted privacy because he wanted to talk about private things.
“So,” David elongated the vowel again, “Jack still at his aunt’s?”
“Jessie came over to our place, insisted the apartment needed to be cleaned anyhow,” Hotch replied as he stepped into Rossi’s townhouse.
“Still live like a frat boy, Agent Hotchner?” Rossi teased his friend some.
The both knew Hotch was tidy, impeccably so. The truth was simply, between Jack and a recent string of back-to-back cases, the time to do as thorough a cleaning as required was simply not there.
“You wanted to talk, David?”
“What am I now a suspect?” Rossi snorted out at the stern formality of his friend's question before he shook his head. “Drinks first, then talk.”
Neither man spoke again until after drinks were poured, sipped, and they were both settled into comfy chairs in what, from what Aaron could make out given the pool table, was a game-room of sorts.
David took his second deep sip of his Manhattan before he finally broke the silence. “Wanna talk about the Arizona case now, Aaron?”
“Not particularly,” Hotch confessed into his Scotch.
“Wanna talk about Reid?”
Hotch looked up. “What about him?”
David gave that knowing smile that always bordered on irritating, even to his family and friends. “I’m gonna go ahead and guess it started sometime after the Meyers case.” The case Hotch missed because Foyet had attacked him.
“What started?” Hotch’s next sip was half the glass. He shifted some.
“You two doing…whatever it is you’re doing.”
“David -“
“I don’t care, Aaron, honestly. I mean we both know my track-record with inter-office enjoyments.” Rossi smiled until Hotch’s lips twitched up in response. The elder profiler then took a sip of his drink and set it aside. “But you can’t let it effect your job, you know that.”
Hotch nodded a little before he realized Rossi had left a certain detail unaddressed. “So you’re not bothered that…”
“It’s with Spencer?” David finished the thought. Aaron nodded and the other man shrugged. “No, not particularly. He’s not my taste, but…” David trailed off with a playful tick-tock of the head.
Aaron let a smile sip out a moment before he grew serious and asked. “So the possibility I might be in a relationship with a man doesn’t bother you?”
“I lived through the Free Love Era so…nope, not in the least.”
“Have you ever…” He couldn’t complete the question he felt so awkward asking it.
David smirked a little as he went for another sip of his drink. He set the glass back down to answer. “Not to my recollection, but that era was also the Free Drug Era.” He chuckled some, but then gave a more serious answer. “When I was 20 I had a male friend kiss me.”
Hotch’s brows arched, but he remained silent.
“Wasn’t for me.” David concluded with a slight shake of the head. “But I had friends, male and female, who dated those of the same sex. Sometimes it was just to experiment, other times it was because they loved the person, and so long as they were happy it didn’t bother me a smidge.”
“What if I’m gay?” It was the question Aaron had asked himself a million times, but never aloud. He didn’t even know why it came out now, it wasn’t as if David could answer for him. Not really.
“Then you are.”
“But I have Jack.” Aaron finished his Scotch. “And I loved, still love, Haley.”
“Those facts don’t exclude each other, Aaron. My understanding is that the desire for people, just like the desire for anything else, is a sliding scale.”
“I like who I like.” It was what Spencer had told him when he first questioned the younger man’s own sexuality.
David nodded. “And I’d like another drink. How ‘bout you?”
“Sure.” Aarom smiled a little to David…and to himself. Then he added. "This is all between us, yes?"
"Always is." David called back without the usual chuckle so Aaron could be certain of the answer.
"Sex is a continuum. You go through different phases along life’s way … and if you don’t, you’ve been sort of cheated." ~ Gore Vidal