Reita/Ruki - Be Inadequate : Oneshot
Be Inadequate
Story Written by Tokiko
Ruki dropped his pen on the floor but he really didn't care because he was finally finished. After days of anguish and desperation to have this song in his head be put into words of perfection he jumped up from his chair with the scribbled sheets of paper held up over his head and howled with a sense of accomplishment and excitement.
Anxious to announce the big news to the rest of the band, Ruki slammed open the door of the room at the studio he had trapped himself in for the last few days and nearly flattened a girl's face. But the girl had jumped back quick enough to avoid any injuries. Although, out of courtesy Ruki still had to apologize for the close encounter of almost breaking the poor girl's nose. He bowed his head then bolted down the hall to the nearest rehearsal room, which was meant to be occupied by his band on this day.
Ruki pressed down on the handle and was relieved it was unlocked, so he didn't have to waste anytime knocking and waiting for someone to open the door. When he walked in the room all he saw was Kai sitting at the workstation playing with the sound switches, wearing headphones. No one else was there and Ruki's excitement went down a couple notches. But Kai was better than nothing, Ruki thought. So he grabbed a chair to sit next to the unexpected drummer before tapping the latter on the shoulder.
"Oh hey, Ruki." Kai jumped a little from his seat for the sudden interruption, sliding the headphone off his ears to settle on round his neck. "What's up?"
"Take a look at this?" Without hesitating Ruki laid down the written sheets of paper in front of the other on the switch board.
Kai bowed his head down at the scribbles of black ink on the papers that made up phrases of Japanese and a sum of kanji thrown about the pages that he'd rarely seen. Unsure of what he's looking at, Kai asked, "What is this?"
Ruki raised an eyebrow, then he said slowly, "lyrics for the new single."
"Ah-huh, right." Kai laugh, but more at himself really. "I know that." He took the papers in his hand, nodding and 'um-hum'-ing as he skimmed through without a clue of how to put this lyrical puzzle together in his head.
Ruki looked at his poor band leader, who was knitting his brow, scratching his neck and tilting his head from side to side in distress. And after a while he began to feel tired of waiting for an answer. "So what do you think?"
"It's great Ruki. Like all your other lyrics. It's great." Kai let out his brightest smile as he nodded his head, almost shaking with enthusiasm.
After hearing that response, which wasn't exactly what he was hoping to hear, Ruki took a moment then heaved a sigh. Reaching for his jacket that was placed on another chair on the side of the room, Ruki's eyes were downcast as he opened the door he entered from just a couple minutes ago. At the same time the other members of the band walked in just as he was about to leave. Not really caring about the sudden appearance of the three guys, without a word Ruki turned his body on a side to squeeze out of the doorway.
"Yo, where are you going?" asked Uruha, who stood behind Aoi who already went into the room, and ahead of Reita who seemed to be lingering around to see what's up.
"Out," Ruki simply said, and proceed to the direction of the nearest exit door.
"What's up with him?" Uruha said to no one in particular.
Which Reita replied with, "I don't know," in not much thought.
Not having a plan of where he wanted to go, Ruki walked around the record company's parking lot for a good ten minutes until he found his peace at a bus stop two blocks away. He lit himself a cigarette even though there was a very visible 'No Smoking' sign up on the wall behind him. Two buses had driven by in the fifteen minutes since he got there but Ruki just waved them off. Though at the third one he almost did got on but decided not to, not really sure why.
Nearly an hour passed by and Ruki still didn't move from that spot. He was thinking. There was nothing in particular, just things that made him not want to move. Like why an hour had gone by and he hadn't seen one person walked pass, except for this one stray cat but that really doesn't count as a person either.
"Hey, there's no smoking here. Can't you read?" said a voice, that was familiar to Ruki. Looking up he found an equally familiar face with a grin, Reita's.
"Whatever." Ruki took one last drag of his cigarette and stubbed its very little remains under his black leather boots. "What are you doing here?"
Reita sat down on the individually divided bench seat next to Ruki's. "Shouldn't I be the one asking?" He glanced at Ruki, but only received a sigh from the vocalist. “You walked out without saying if you'd be back or not and you had your cell phone turned off. People get worried when you do that."
Ruki had been watching those words coming out of Reita's mouth, and seeing how concerned the other sounded it made him smile a bit. "Sorry, I guess I lost track off time. I just wanted to get a bit of fresh air, that's all." Leaning over on his seat, Ruki caught sight of Reita's raged old sneakers. "Those look pretty beat up."
Following where Ruki's eyes were, Reita looked down at his feet and lift up his right leg. "You mean these?" he said, tugging back the hem of his pants to show the full condition of the black and white sneakers. "You remember them, right? They're the first birthday present you gave me."
"Of course!" Ruki smirked as he recalled the day the shoes were bought. "That day we went to that secondhand store you actually forgot to bring money but you really wanted those shoes so I paid for you. Then you forgot to pay me back the next day and since two days later was your birthday I just said those were your present."
"And I remember it was the best present I got that year too. Because the band was still starting out, most of the guys just gave me a carton of beer, some weird magazines, and a basket of fruits." Reita chuckled. "Those were the days."
"Yea, those were good times," Ruki agreed, nodding his head with a reminiscing smile on his face, but that faded away as quickly as it appeared. Then he got up and started leaving the bus stop.
Looking elsewhere it took a couple seconds before Reita realize the other was already heading off to somewhere. "Wait, where are you going?"
Ruki paused in his step and turned around to the bassist who caught up to him. "I don't know, somewhere, anywhere. You can tell the guys I went home." He gave the other a half-smile and turned back to the direction he was walking to.
"Ruki, wait." Not sure of how else to stop the other, Reita tugged on the vocalist's shoulder. "What's going on?"
Ruki was stopped again, and this time he shrugged the bassist's hand off his shoulder with a very serious face and tone. "It's not your problem."
By now even, the usually patient, Reita was getting a bit irritated. "If you're going to act like this it's hard for me not to make it my problem."
They came to a brief stallment, and then Ruki began to speak in calm voice. "Sometimes things just don't look as good as they seem. And even when we say 'it's okay, I can accept it,' it turns out we're just lying. So to make ourselves feel better we make believe that it's fine. Then hopefully things will turn out the way we want them to somehow eventually. Though, sometimes it just isn't good enough."
Once he was finished Ruki heard the silence, then he looked up at Reita who didn't say a word in response to his explanation of his problem. Another bus drove by blowing the wind threw their hair, which covered more of Reita's eyes that won't come in contact with his. And that just made Ruki's eyes grow a little colder as they looked away from the other, and he said, "Forget it."
Reita couldn't just leave it at that so he bit his lip and blurted out the first thing that came to him. "Hey, everyone feels that way sometimes. And I think you're great at what you do. You're pretty amazing, you know." He kind of flushed after he said the last part.
Surprised and happy, maybe? Ruki came up close to Reita and leaned in so their lips can just about touch, but he doesn't go any closer. Instead, he wanted to wait for Reita to lean in, but the other's eye remained opened, and Ruki became the one who looked and felt stupid. And yet, he just lingered there and hoping, he said to Reita, "If I'm so amazing why aren't I good enough for you? . . . You're a hypocrite." Then he stepped back slowly and walked away.
Silenced and stiffened by Ruki's last gestures and words, Reita didn't follow Ruki but watched as the other walked into the sunset like the end of some sappy drama and breath out. "If I'm such a hypocrite, then why until now I still can't let go of you?"
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I've wanted to write this story weeks ago
when I was really insecure with my work as a graphic artist and a writer,
which I still am and will probably always be.
I suppose working in a creative field not hitting it out the field is always a possiblity,
but dealing with it can be so painful sometimes that it just makes me want to quit.
Although, when I hear even just a single thoughtful and positive feedback
I feel like I should keep on going.
So with that this story was born.
& Thank you~! ^^ for those who still contiue to reading my stories and leaving your kind comments.