[shinee] Love is just a four letter word
“You’re being childish, Jong.”
“It’s my bed.”
“Well, considering all of the times and positions I’ve been on this bed I think this is considerably more mine than it is yours.”
“Fucking. Get out. Will you. Kibum. Please!” Jonghyun uses his behind to push Kibum off the bed with much more force than he intends too, sending Kibum curling on the floor. Jonghyun tries to peek over the edge of the bed, but flicks back on his side when he hears Kibum shuffling against the wood.
Kibum recovers immediately; sitting up, arm on the bed. “What is your problem?”
“There’s a reason why we have two beds in this room.” Jonghyun doesn’t even give Kibum the pleasure of looking over his shoulder when he speaks.
“Yeah, well this is the first time we’re acknowledging the second bed’s existence.”
Jonghyun doesn’t gratify Kibum with an answer, mostly because the only retaliation coming to his mind at the moment was a never ending stream of Fuck Off’s. Jonghyun knows better than to challenge Kibum into a swearing contest.
Jonghyun feels a dip in the mattress and he thinks he can’t handle anymore of Kibum and his words and his face and his stupid half shaved head. “You’re upset.”
“I’m sleepy.”
“I thought that making a guy guess what’s wrong was only a girl thing.” Kibum pulls on Jonghyun’s shoulder to turn him over and face him but Jonghyun just rolls his shoulder away from Kibum’s grasp as if it burned. “God, if the fans knew this they’d write less bottom parts for me in their fan fiction thingies.”
Jonghyun shoves the covers away from him, kicking them off his legs with an awkward groan. He stalks to the middle of the room, hand running vigorously over his hair to his face. Jonghyun opens his lips to speak his mind, but everytime he’s about to he sees Kibum’s eyes and he finds that his tongue is a little too dry, his courage a little too imprudent. He looks away, backing up until his calves hit the second bed pressing against the wall. He sits himself down, legs wide, gaze on the door located on his left.
“It’s not working. Us. We aren’t.
I can’t.
I can’t do this anymore.
I want.
Out.” Jonghyun says to the door.
Silence falls on them. Jonghyun strains his neck to turn to where Kibum is. Kibum was fiddling with the sheet on the mattress, watching his own fingers intently.
“Kibum. I said I wanna break-“
“I heard you the first time.” Kibum looks up with the most passive of expressions. “My answer is no.”
Jonghyun’s head tilts to the side. “It wasn’t a question.”
“I know.”
Jonghyun blinks beneath his brows that were meeting in the middle of his forehead. “Kibum. That’s not an appropriate response. You can’t just say no.”
“Oh?” Kibum shrugs. “But I just did.”
Jonghyun throws his hands up in the air for lack of a better verbal response. They fall back down to the mattress as he lets out a frustrated breath. “We’ve got an early start tomorrow-“ Jonghyun is on his feet. “-and I can’t do this right now. You can have whichever bed you want. Second, first, whatever. I’m sleeping on the sofa.”
Jonghyun wonders how in the fucking world Kibum suddenly develops super lightning speed as he’s being pushed on the wall before he can even reach the door. Jonghyun’s pressed against the chill surface of the concrete, Kibum not allowing much space between them as he traps Jonghyun with both arms. “Where the fuck do you get off? Seriously. How is it fair that you stuff all of your problems with me in a drawer then suddenly decide to break up with me when it’s filled to the brim?
One reason, Jong. Give me one good reason why I should let you end everything just like that.”
“You freakin’. I. I hate you! You!” Jonghyun shouts out randomly, all of his words in a jumble, rolling out of his mouth like word vomit. “You are so. I turn my back around. For one fucking second already you’re flirting with staff members, hyungdeuls, fucking Jinki hyung even. And make fun of me.
And so many girls. You talk to too many of them.
Do you have to talk while keeping constant physical contact? Seriously.
And sometimes. You just. You make me feel like the mere sight of me disgusts you. Like you’re sick of me.
And don’t even get me started on how long it’s been since we-“ Jonghyun blushes and starts sweating profusely. “-you know.
What use is sleeping in one bed if we don’t. I mean. Yes. I know beds are for actual sleeping, but Goddamnit, Kibum! I have needs and this.
It’s like you. Like you don’t. Just. Forget it.
I’m in pain. Okay? Just let me sleep for a few-“ Jonghyun peels himself off the wall but Kibum shoves him back in place. “Ow!”
“Pain is just a French word for bread.”
“I’m neither French nor….
Hungry.” Jonghyun tries to walk away again but is pushed back even harder. He stares daggers as Kibum.
“You’re upset ‘cause we haven’t had sex?”
“Of all the things I said that’s the only one you remember?”
“I get it.” Kibum raises a brow. “You think I don’t l care just coz I cringe when you’re near and flirt with whoever in front of you. Plus, you also think that I have no respect for you since I make fun of you and laugh with other people who make fun of you.”
“Other people make fun of me?”
“I get it, Jonghyun. Now, lemme tell you something.”
Jonghyun waits, anticipation clear in his eyes.
“You’re an idiot.”
Jonghyun sputters, shoulders sagging as he once again attempts to shove one of Kibum’s arms out of the way. Kibum uses the same arm, plants his palm flat on Jonghyun’s chest, sending him glued back to the wall. “Ow! Would you stop-“
“I don’t like wasting my time with idiots. But the fact that I even bother with you says a lot. Trust me.
I flirt. Big fucking deal. I’ve been flirting since God knows when. Flirting is a part of who I am. It may not be an acceptable excuse to you but I thought that when you decided to be with me that you accepted all of me. And so I make fun of you.
Don’t you make fun of me?
I always hurt the ones I love one way or another. But I’ll be fucking damned before you leave me for these petty reasons.”
Kibum pushes off the wall.
“I know I don’t say it enough.” Kibum snorts at his own remark and is quick to correct himself. “Actually I don’t say it at all. Just take comfort in the fact that I value your happiness just as much as my own.
Possibly much more.”
As lacking and imperfect as that statement was it still made Jonghyun’s breath ragged, his heart slapped with an impeccable amount of joy.
Jonghyun straightens up his posture, still leaning against the wall. “And the sex?”
Kibum shrugs nonchalantly. “What can I say? We’ve been busy since the comeback.”
Jonghyun breaks into a smile, arms crossing against his chest. Kibum mirrors the smile on Jonghyun’s lips and presses onto him, taking his arms and leading them to his waist. Kibum brushes his lips on Jonghyun’s forehead, lingering more than usual and Jonghyun is drunk with Kibum’s scent. He closes his eyes against the sensation, fingers digging onto Kibum’s sides. “You are..” Jonghyun starts shakily, eyes still closed. “..so stubborn.” Kibum kisses in between his brown, then the tip of his nose and breathes words onto Jonghyun’s lips just as they were about to devour his.
“Well, you’re unreasonable. I guess that makes us even.”
When both boys lie down on Jonghyun’s bed, leaving the second bed empty once again, Jonghyun thinks that he was never really good with words. But Kibum understands him anyway. Of course he does.
“By the way,” Jonghyun starts talking half out of his worn out state and half out of memory. “It’s pronounced ‘pan’. Not pain. Stop being so Korean.”
“Pan, pain. Potato, kiwi. They all sound the same to me.”
~o~
The next day starts early, as expected. Everyone is gathered in the dining room except for Kibum who was currently occupying the shower.
Over his bowl of cereal, not wanting to be involved in the other three’s conversation, Jonghyun wonders why he stayed with Kibum for so long. A part of him thinks he can do better. Kibum was too whiny. Too honest. Too much. Jonghyun ponders on why he has to be the one feeling grateful for being with Kibum and why it wasn’t the other way around.
That’s when Kibum suddenly appears in the kitchen. He was naked except for a towel which he was gripping tightly as it wrapped around his waist, while his other hand held a half filled bottle of lavender shampoo. Kibum pauses infront of the wide eyed members, leering at him over their bowls.
“Who’s the genius that used almost half of my shampoo?”
Minho stares blankly, his gunk of cereal pushed to one side of his mouth while Jinki’s hand pauses in mid air as it was in the middle of serving him another spoonful .
Taemin takes his bowl in both hands and slowly rises from his chair. Jonghyun wished he could warn Taemin of the predicament he was getting himself into, but he himself couldn’t move.
“Yah!” Kibum yells as Taemin stops, half out of his chair, eyes wide, similar to an insanely adorable deer caught in the headlights. “Sit your pretty little ass back down.”
Taemin obeys because he knows what’s good for him.
“One of you is gonna tell me who committed this monstrosity or else, I swear.
I am going to cut a bitch!”
And that’s when Jonghyun realizes why he loves Kibum the way he does. He smiles, looking down to fill his mouth with another spoonful of cereal then Kibum threatens to throw the bottle at him for not paying attention.
---------------------------------
My fingertips are holding onto
The cracks in our foundation;
And I know that I should let go
But I can't