For The Kingdom (Siwon-centric, Eeteuk/Siwon)
Siwon-centric; Eeteuk/Siwon (Super Junior)
G. Religious themes.
FINALLY. My first fic for WAMSABAP! - a.k.a RARE PAIR WEEK (WITH AS MUCH SHINDONG AND BEAR AS POSSIBLE), as dubbed by mybearhobbes and todefinebearty. The point of this week is to write rare SJ pairings, all with Shindong and bears as frequently as possible! There are 78 different pairings in Super Junior, and 105 including Zhou Mi and Henry... all those pairings need more loving ;D
Note: I'm not seeking to offend anyone based on religious affiliation, nor am I trying to condone/condemn any religion. This is just fiction, regardless of my own beliefs.
.
Siwon prays two times a day. Once before breakfast, and again before he falls asleep. He has done this every day since before he could remember. Even in the faintest recollections of his childhood, he remembers kneeling by his bed with his mother and his teddy bear as she pressed his hands together between her own. If he strains to the earliest impressions of near-memories, he can perhaps recall the softness of her body cradling his - the rustle of fabric - hushed whispers. Maybe just the sounds of her breathing. Maybe her prayers over his body. Little blessings.
This inherent act of kneeling, the motion of clasping his hands together and closing his eyes - it relaxes him perhaps more than the praying itself, though he does, of course, pray. He simply takes his time beforehand, letting his body settle more deeply into relaxation. When he prays, he is completely at ease, and any of his daily worries become, for a moment, insignificant.
Dear God, he thinks, because he still addresses the Lord like he is writing a letter - like he is seven years old again and sitting in church, his eyes squeezed shut and his hands clenched below his chin, his legs too short for his feet to reach the ground. Dear God, because we are all children before the Lord.
Please forgive me for my sins, he thinks, and I am eternally indebted to Your everlasting love.
Siwon is grateful for all the fortunate events that have occurred in his life - they've given happiness not only to himself, but to his friends and family, and he is, he is so grateful. But though he knows that others only pray to have a life as blessed as his, he himself has been praying that he will be forgiven for being an idol every day since debut. He has never said aloud how severely he dislikes the word and its implications of humans as untouchable divine beings; but how casually they use it on shows, describing themselves and each other... it settles, cold and guilty, in the recesses of his heart and mind. They are idols to ordinary people, and sometimes he feels alone in his discomfort at the fact.
Or maybe everyone else just hides it as well as he does. It certainly seems that many of them don't seem to mind the frenetic, fanatic admiration that comes along with being a celebrity.
"It was raining when I was born," Eeteuk often says, "The heavens were crying, because they had just lost an angel."
The laughter in his eyes, however, belies the sentiment in his story, and though Siwon would normally believe that it's blasphemy to call oneself an angel, particularly in a case of misplaced idolism, maybe there's greater blasphemy in drinking in the sight of those eyes and finding himself believing in the claim.
It's not that he thinks that Eeteuk is an actual angel. Only that sometimes, when he's exhausted from rehearsals and recordings and in need of a good sleep that he knows he won't get, there's something about Eeteuk's determination to get them all through the day and into bed that makes him think that maybe he's the closest thing to an angel in Siwon's life. More frequently, now, he whispers keep me from the evils in this world, save me from temptation because there's something, too, about all the whiteness that surrounds Eeteuk that draws attention, and perhaps attraction, in some strange, magnetic way. Something about the perfectly crafted slope of his nose, and the lines creasing in permanence at the corners of his eyes.
Siwon has tried to justify his own desire before a God he's always loved with a greater devotion in his prayers and Christian attitudes, but still he finds himself wanting something else. Even though it's not a sin, loving someone else. Just that he's not the right person to love, not in this way.
To Siwon, Eeteuk's not an idol of any kind, nor is he an angel. He's certainly not a perfect person. He's just human, and when he directs a smile to Siwon and only Siwon, the emotion that rises in him reminds him that he, too, is a selfish human, and that all sin is relative. All transgressions are forgiveable. His God is a kind and benevolent god, and He has known Siwon his whole life. His God has heard Siwon's prayers for as long as Siwon can remember, and Eeteuk, along with the rest of the members, are always in his prayers.
All sins are forgiveable. They must be, if, even despite his sins, his Lord has granted him such a life.
For the kingdom, the power, and the glory are Yours, now and forever. Amen.
.
G. Religious themes.
FINALLY. My first fic for WAMSABAP! - a.k.a RARE PAIR WEEK (WITH AS MUCH SHINDONG AND BEAR AS POSSIBLE), as dubbed by mybearhobbes and todefinebearty. The point of this week is to write rare SJ pairings, all with Shindong and bears as frequently as possible! There are 78 different pairings in Super Junior, and 105 including Zhou Mi and Henry... all those pairings need more loving ;D
Note: I'm not seeking to offend anyone based on religious affiliation, nor am I trying to condone/condemn any religion. This is just fiction, regardless of my own beliefs.
.
Siwon prays two times a day. Once before breakfast, and again before he falls asleep. He has done this every day since before he could remember. Even in the faintest recollections of his childhood, he remembers kneeling by his bed with his mother and his teddy bear as she pressed his hands together between her own. If he strains to the earliest impressions of near-memories, he can perhaps recall the softness of her body cradling his - the rustle of fabric - hushed whispers. Maybe just the sounds of her breathing. Maybe her prayers over his body. Little blessings.
This inherent act of kneeling, the motion of clasping his hands together and closing his eyes - it relaxes him perhaps more than the praying itself, though he does, of course, pray. He simply takes his time beforehand, letting his body settle more deeply into relaxation. When he prays, he is completely at ease, and any of his daily worries become, for a moment, insignificant.
Dear God, he thinks, because he still addresses the Lord like he is writing a letter - like he is seven years old again and sitting in church, his eyes squeezed shut and his hands clenched below his chin, his legs too short for his feet to reach the ground. Dear God, because we are all children before the Lord.
Please forgive me for my sins, he thinks, and I am eternally indebted to Your everlasting love.
Siwon is grateful for all the fortunate events that have occurred in his life - they've given happiness not only to himself, but to his friends and family, and he is, he is so grateful. But though he knows that others only pray to have a life as blessed as his, he himself has been praying that he will be forgiven for being an idol every day since debut. He has never said aloud how severely he dislikes the word and its implications of humans as untouchable divine beings; but how casually they use it on shows, describing themselves and each other... it settles, cold and guilty, in the recesses of his heart and mind. They are idols to ordinary people, and sometimes he feels alone in his discomfort at the fact.
Or maybe everyone else just hides it as well as he does. It certainly seems that many of them don't seem to mind the frenetic, fanatic admiration that comes along with being a celebrity.
"It was raining when I was born," Eeteuk often says, "The heavens were crying, because they had just lost an angel."
The laughter in his eyes, however, belies the sentiment in his story, and though Siwon would normally believe that it's blasphemy to call oneself an angel, particularly in a case of misplaced idolism, maybe there's greater blasphemy in drinking in the sight of those eyes and finding himself believing in the claim.
It's not that he thinks that Eeteuk is an actual angel. Only that sometimes, when he's exhausted from rehearsals and recordings and in need of a good sleep that he knows he won't get, there's something about Eeteuk's determination to get them all through the day and into bed that makes him think that maybe he's the closest thing to an angel in Siwon's life. More frequently, now, he whispers keep me from the evils in this world, save me from temptation because there's something, too, about all the whiteness that surrounds Eeteuk that draws attention, and perhaps attraction, in some strange, magnetic way. Something about the perfectly crafted slope of his nose, and the lines creasing in permanence at the corners of his eyes.
Siwon has tried to justify his own desire before a God he's always loved with a greater devotion in his prayers and Christian attitudes, but still he finds himself wanting something else. Even though it's not a sin, loving someone else. Just that he's not the right person to love, not in this way.
To Siwon, Eeteuk's not an idol of any kind, nor is he an angel. He's certainly not a perfect person. He's just human, and when he directs a smile to Siwon and only Siwon, the emotion that rises in him reminds him that he, too, is a selfish human, and that all sin is relative. All transgressions are forgiveable. His God is a kind and benevolent god, and He has known Siwon his whole life. His God has heard Siwon's prayers for as long as Siwon can remember, and Eeteuk, along with the rest of the members, are always in his prayers.
All sins are forgiveable. They must be, if, even despite his sins, his Lord has granted him such a life.
For the kingdom, the power, and the glory are Yours, now and forever. Amen.
.