Chapter the Fifth: Mishta

[to_waver]

Aka "Chapter the Fifth: And Then There Was Porn."

THE PORN IS ONLY, LIKE. 800 WORDS. BUT THESE WERE SOME OF THE HARDEST WORDS I HAVE EVER WRITTEN. ... NO PUN INTENDED.

GODDAMN I HOPE THIS PORN WAS WORTH IT

... in other news, I really love the argument. xDD Ilu Anton for scripting that out with/for me. Made my life so much easier. ... Also made it that

Comments

[light_to_sound]

I am personally of the opinion that this is lovely. I also think that the middle section is the strongest, not the beginning. The argument actually falls a little bit flat because of the heavy focus on the dialogue we worked out, but not enough embellishment. The parts on the couch, between the TV-ness, are very good though, and actually you have some good stuff after the TV is turned off, too. <3 That part was hot. And then the very end falls a little flat, but that might just be me.

Overall it is lovely, though. :D <3 I like it.

[kievan]

Personally, I was actually really fond of the argument, but then again, I wasn't there for the actual brainstorming of it. I did think it seemed single-tracked, especially for the apparent magnitude of the subject. There were times when I felt like you could have done a lot more than you did, but overall it was still really well-done.

And the sex scene wasn't nearly as bad as you thought it was, though the random TV scenes were definitely a bit distracting from the emphasis on the porn as a whole. It's like, porn porn porn TELEVISION LULZ, and the hilarity or references that the TV makes I feel could be taken out entirely. It would at least make that last part a bit more cohesive in nature.

Keep going Mala~ <3

[kievan]

... And now I realize that both you and Anton have gay porn scenes in your NaNos and I've not even gotten CLOSE to the part where I can start writing actual porn and fffffffffffffffff I fail to see how that can be when mine actually STARTED OFF as an excuse for me to write porn and I'm pretty sure neither of you had that intention when you began your NaNos.

o_o; Not that I'm complaining or anything, no not at all, I think both of yours fits pretty well in context with your story even if they were for different intentions it's just ONE OF THESE IS NOT LIKE THE OTHERS HAHAHAHAHHAHA

I don't know what I'm saying anymore I'm going to sleep.

[light_to_sound]

lol ilu xDDD