FIC: Flipped, Book 3 (12/14)
Once again the Muse struck when I thought I was all done. Bonzina found still more alterations and expansions to make, last minute. So... yet one more post than I'd planned.
Title: Flipped, Book 3
Rating: heavy T, with some M/MA
Author: tkel_paris
Summary: David Noble thought he had come to terms with the strange feelings the female Doctor inspired, and it seemed to be helped by Martha Jones joining them. But when the Aubertide threaten the Doctor, protecting her requires a cover that will test his sanity and his ability to find the right thing to do. Written for tardis_mole.
Required Disclaimer: The summary should be enough to tell you I own nothing.
Dedications: My good friend tardis_mole, for helping me discover my talent at editing and for being an inspiration. You've challenged me to go beyond what I previously thought I would like, and so this is the farthest I've gone from my comfort zone so far. Who knows where I'll go next?
And another important shout-out: sykira, whose LJ post about John Barrowman's comments about how Doctor Who could eventually go was the ultimate spark for this idea. So I suppose that means the ultimate blame for this lies with the Barrowman. I can only imagine what he would think, although I suspect he would heartily approve. :P
Author's Note: Originally spawned from a different idea that split into three, this is a new version of one of those ideas revived as a birthday present. And it's spawned a slightly AU version as a Christmas present. The original prompt from TM boiled down to this: “The Doctor and Donna in a situation that's never been done before.” Ask and ye shall receive, my friend. Enjoy the second sequel. :D A VERY Belated Happy Birthday, TM! :DDD
Special Disclaimer: I refuse to be held responsible for any $2000/₤2000 lattes, spit-takes, fainting spells, workplace/school gaffes, or falling against/from things that might happen if you're not careful while reading this story. Especially in certain chapters. Read at your own risk. (I put this in because I was warned by one of my betas, cassikat, that my emails should come with a spit-take warning. So I'm looking out for y'all. ;D)
And TM, be careful that you don't hyperventilate from reading some of the sections. I know you. :P And so sorry for the delay. At least I have a legitimate excuse for not working on it last year; we had our balrog to work on. :D
Thanks to cassikat and bas_math_girl for betaing. Couldn't have done it without y'all.
Chapter One / Chapter Two / Chapter Three / Chapter Four / Chapter Five / Chapter Six / Chapter Seven / Chapter Eight / Chapter Nine / Chapter Ten / Chapter Eleven
Flipped, Book 3
Started July 14, 2013
Presumed Finished December 31, 2015
Alterations Finished January 6, 2016
Chapter Twelve: Absolution
The Doctor slowly entered the house her Human self had called home for nearly three months, carrying her old jacket in her hands. She surveyed the damage, and listened vaguely to the sounds of UNIT soldiers talking outside. They were going to secure new doors, but she insisted on being the first one to speak with the owner.
Her hearts sank when she heard David's muffled sobbing drifting from upstairs. She knew it would be awkward, but they had to talk.
Amazing how differently she viewed that. As a man the Doctor would've run away from such a line. Now she wondered if that was as foolish as it was cowardly, or if that was being a woman that made her think it.
She quickly hurried upstairs, adding some noise to her steps to give him a warning that someone was coming. He was a Human man, he deserved that respect.
It worked. David choked trying to control his tears and sobs. He just barely brought them to a quieter level when the Doctor appeared in the doorway. She carried the jacket that he hadn't seen since that fateful trip. He tried to compose himself.
She chose to bring up other things to give him longer. Never mind that she needed several seconds to compose herself when she realized which room he had fled to. “Rose has been arrested. UNIT is assessing what they should charge her with, but the public statement will list 'crimes undisclosed' until further notice. They would consider execution except I asked for some leniency, for her mother's sake.”
He sniffled, somehow locating his voice. She'd listened to him, as little as Rose deserved it. But he worried about what would happen if the Oncoming Storm was allowed free reign, if the Doctor's reluctantly admitted fear was a warning, “If that's her only child, I feel sorry for her,” he whispered.
“I overheard Mickey calling Jackie Tyler. Her anger and disappointment was palpable. Not that Rose might notice unless it's all but rubbed in her face. And... I'm keeping the Aubertide locked away. Martha's going to talk with some UNIT physicians and we'll see if we can free the captured bodies. I'll consult with them soon.”
He nodded, still trying to suppress his grief. He had to say something.
Taking her own deep breath, the Doctor risked stepping closer. “I had no idea the TARDIS would do what she did.”
“I know,” he breathed. “You wouldn't have done it. Too risky.”
“Yeah. She won't tell me why she took such a huge risk. Said I have to figure it out, but she insisted it was necessary to flush out a threat. I don't think she means the Aubertide.”
“But why the hell did she not make you a friend? Why did she leave us here as spouses?”
How to broach this sensitive topic? “Because she knew how much I wanted it.”
He blinked, forgetting about the tears on his face. “You're... not mad?”
She sat near him, but far enough to give him some space if he needed it. “I can't be mad at you. You had to make the best of the situation, and my cover made me feel I was free to act on my feelings. What I am concerned about is whether you're... mad at me for giving you so much trouble. If you feel betrayed.”
He took a moment to breathe deeply. “It wasn't your fault. I was never mad at you. Well, not for more than a few moments.”
“Panicked, more like, over how to handle how I acted?”
“Yeah,” he squeaked.
She eyed him while trying to not look like she was doing it. “But you're not completely freaked out over... what we did given who I once was?”
He squirmed, moving the teddy between his hands. “I... didn't know what to do. I had no frame of reference to go off, and it felt like everything was pushing me out of my comfort zone to the point where I had no idea which way to go. And... what are you doing talking about your feelings?”
She wrung her hands as she spoke, the bag in her lap. “I'm afraid if I don't say the truth you'll just leave. And I can't bare that. Never mind what I feel now. Your friendship is too precious to lose.”
David sat up straighter. This felt more like alien territory than the most unfamiliar species or landscape he'd seen on his journeys with the Doctor. So he finally met her gaze fully. “Okay. You first, since your courage is there.”
The Doctor laughed at the absurdity of their situation. She then swallowed and cleared her throat. This was likely the most important speech of her life so far.
“I wanted it, David. I wanted the whole thing with you. Me, who's avoided domestics for as long as I can remember. You changed all that almost from the moment you started challenging me. I was making regular visits to a companion's family, and enjoying them for the most part. Can you imagine what that shock was like for me? I spent the entirety of my first life sensing that there was more to the universe than what I was taught, that the routines of the Time Lords were so stagnant that we were corrupting ourselves. So I made choices that got me in trouble with the elders, and I had to be exiled. More than once. But it wasn't until I shared an exile with my granddaughter - that was Susan, by the way - that I fell into the habit taking companions. All because Susan was like me and couldn't quite keep herself from being noticed. Yes, you're right. I needed lessons in blending in better. Especially then, although I suppose appearing like such a wise old man made up for a fair bit. But they changed me, Barbara and Ian. From then on, seeing the universe through another species' eyes was appealing, and it exposed me to many truths about life and the universe that the Curse had hidden from us. I sometimes wonder if any of them would have cared or wanted things different, but I'll never know now.”
David just stared in silence, forcing himself to be patient and wait for the Doctor to get to the point at last.
“I was punished by my people more than once for acting in what I believed were the best interests of not merely time but also the people and places. Two of my companions suffered for that when their minds were wiped and they were sent back to their own respective times. Others have ultimately died. Some managed to make good come out of it. You know about Leela, for one. But I was never allowed to seek anything like what my companions seemed to want more than anything. A family that was more than psychic bonds and a shared history. A genuine friendship that wasn't ended sharply by a death or my people's interference. And... love. I nearly had it, despite the Curse, until I was forced to abandon Sarah Jane. They soon imposed Romana on me, and I'll admit I treated her very poorly in retaliation at first. We did learn to respect each other, and I'd hoped I had an ally for all of time. But she sought power to influence things, at first speaking like it was in the interests of the things I wanted. But the power got to her head, and she became obsessed with fixing the Curse. She unleashed the horrors that led to the Last Great Time War, and was murdered by her own creations. I stopped it, and spent 900 years reeling from the loss of everything, and struggling with artificial means to make do. I didn't want to take a companion again. Told myself I couldn't put anyone else through what I put the assistants and others, but I was afraid to open myself to the pain of losing someone again.
“So I wasn't prepared to be so completely challenged at Henrick's. To be seen through and aided so well. I chose you as much because the time-lines seemed to connect us as I simply wanted to know who this maddening Human male was who wasn't afraid to smack me if I went too far or didn't take his concerns seriously.”
David let out a short, slightly hysterical laugh. “That wouldn't work well with Humans, I promise you. My tempter still gets the better of me, and you've... well, it's not quite fair to blame you for pushing my buttons.”
“And you've done the same. But it worked with me. You helped me see the details of how others react to me, to the events that happen around me. I became better at blending in, at helping people recover from disaster, and at setting goals to help them. And you reconnected me to life, showed me that it was okay to live - that it wronged those I survived to not live just because they didn't. You managed to bring me into your family, and they've been good for me. So of course I couldn't let you die when you and the Old Girl disobeyed me. I swear I have never had any control over the regeneration process, and I had no idea that I would change into someone... appealing to you.”
He blushed.
Her face was even more flushed, but she carried on. “Maybe I have more control over it than I thought. I don't know. I can only imagine how awkward that was to your early twenty-first century sensibilities and beliefs. But I doubt any of my companions, with the possible exception of Sarah Jane, could have handled it with such aplomb or determination.”
“Doctor, why are you telling all this?” The voice was flat, deliberately to conceal the growing confusion inside him, the hope that was dangerous to even feel.
She sighed, and shifted uncomfortably. “I'm going to have to come right out and say it, even though in your species the male is supposed to be the one to make the first moves. The sexual revolution didn't exactly produce any winners in your time.”
He couldn't argue the point. He'd once said that he thought the entire human race had lost.
Clearing her throat, she forced herself to make eye contact. “My feelings are stronger than ever. I think the TARDIS may have chosen this cover because she wanted us to break the stalemate that was growing and she saw a way to do it in a way that I would believe the story she fed me. I'm not excusing her or justifying her actions - just saying what I think part of her motivation was. Maybe she thought if we had a taste of what it would be like to... be together that we couldn't go back.”
His face turned very flush.
Hers tried to match her hair, but she made herself keep looking at him. “Well, she's not wrong. Now that I've tasted the forbidden fruit I'm not keen to return to just being mates. I want it all, David. Bonding, partnership, and more. For as long as a life as you have. Can you possibly accept me as your wife?”
David looked away, needing a long moment to find any words. He could barely hear his own thoughts over his heart. When he finally found words, he whispered them.
“I had dreams when I was a boy of a ginger woman. I thought she was going to be my wife. Somehow she popped into my mind sooner or later in every relationship I ever had, making me compare women with her. I felt bad about it for years. When I figured out as a teenager that I might be a bit psychic, like my granddad, I wondered if I was seeing into the future. Of course I had to keep it quiet. I had even begun to lose hope of meeting her ever when I first met you. All the impossible things that happened around you restored that hope to me. When you regenerated...”
She watched as he took a breath to compose himself. He had been incredibly patient with her, and she would return the favor.
“That threw me off my balance, and I don't think I've recovered. What the hell was I supposed to do? I knew I wasn't even slightly gay, so what did it mean that someone who had been a man and was now a woman was in love with me? I had no answers, but I knew that you were still my best friend because the Doctor carries on even as the body and personality... die. So I had to watch over you, which seemed even more important since you clearly had no idea how to act like a woman.”
The Doctor had to smile wryly, silently conceding the point. That had provided many awkward incidents over the past eighteen months in Earth time.
“It didn't help that you looked exactly like the woman I still sometimes saw in my dreams, and I'm not getting into what I had to do to... cope with that knowledge. Cassandra brought that up well enough.”
It was the first time either of them had broached that day since it happened. The Doctor raised her eyebrows, stunned that he actually spoke of it.
“And it definitely didn't help that this you kept doing things that I found either adorable or sexy - no matter how strange they seemed at first. I... tricked myself into thinking I could let it go, that it was just a strong lust or infatuation I felt. That it was wrong for me to feel anything more than that, that it was impossible.”
The Doctor cringed, but remained silent. There was more. David seemed too pensive for that to be it.
“Martha joining us was almost a relief. Even with that crush on me she developed. But she grew up more than either of us realised. She saw through us both, and I think she was getting tired of being in the middle, hearing each of us struggle without talking to the other. Then... 'Donna' came along in the wake of that danger. Oh God, you drove me insane... and I grew addicted to it even when I worried about what would happen... now. My friends, they tried to help me find a way around it and to come to terms, but I wasn't ready to face the things inside me. They did warn me that fighting it would be unfair to us both, and I... reluctantly agreed. But it was a wonderful two and a half month, Doctor. I wanted more of it, and that only grew when you told me you were pregnant.” He choked on the last word.
Seeing it was time, she drew her coat back from her arms. “David-”
He continued, as if he didn't hear her. “Those babies... I've wanted to be a dad for years, and I quickly knew that I wanted them more than anything. I kept seeing twin ginger-nuts in my dreams. Jack knows more about Time Lords and Gallifreyans than anyone, and he didn't know what would happen to them if you changed back while pregnant. I started wondering about waiting until the birth, but then I worried that it would still hurt the baby for all kinds of reasons. And part of me... wanted to leave the cover in place until I was old and dying. So we could have a life together and keep the children safe.”
Her eyes watered. He thought that?!
“I wasn't sure what you would want, and I was trying to not make sweeping decisions without your consent. It's why I didn't... fight harder for birth control. But... it's all gone,” he whispered.
“David!”
He looked back up through his tears. He blinked when he saw her pull the Beccran scanner out from her pockets. “Doctor, I know what it'll show.”
“Read the scan Martha ran,” she implored. “Please, David. Just do it.”
His fingers were numb, but he slowly took the scanner and turned it on. He closed his eyes to wipe away enough of the tears that he could see. Who knew wearing contacts would be a good thing that day?
The Doctor's respiratory bypass kicked in. She couldn't breathe under the weight of waiting.
David braced himself and waited for the scanner to show him no sign of pregnancy or evidence of a miscarriage. Right in the window showing the scan of the Doctor's reproductive organs, he saw two spots that were the source of a slew of information. It coalesced into a report:
Two fetuses in the twelfth week of gestation by Human standards detected; each half Human, half Gallifreyan. Aspects of each species within normal parametres of respective species. Odds of reaching full term: 95%.
David dropped the scanner. Twins. 95% odds. They lived. The Doctor changing back had not killed them. They still lived. He blinked, spluttering and unable to form a coherent word.
She took the scanner back. “I don't know who was more shocked: Martha, Sarah Jane, or me. The odds must have been so tiny, and yet we beat them. Makes me certain that my ancestors seeded Earth with genetic material - either deliberately or accidentally through an asteroid impact sent from one of the Time Wars. But I had to tell you right away. You deserved to know.”
“How... how can they be alive?”
“I don't know. Martha said Jack suspected my ring was a biodamper.” She held it out on her hand. “And it was. It concealed them and me carefully, and Sarah Jane urged me to take it off for a proper scan since she suspected it might interfere. I nearly passed out when I did, and I heard two voices in my head when I regained full awareness. It's the maternal bond, which forms automatically. As soon as I knew, I had to come right away to tell you. The dream is still alive. If you want it... and me.”
He choked on a cry and threw his arms around her, clutching her more tightly than ever before.
The Doctor held him, and tried to get through to him after a long minute of letting him have a new sobbing fit, but this time for good reasons. She managed to get him to back off just enough to make eye contact. “David, If you'll have me, it can't be just for them. It has to be for both of us, because I refuse to be married again for appearances or social reasons.”
“No,” he choked. “No, not for that. I don't want to live without this person you've become. I don't know if I'm a bad person for how I reacted before, but I need you in my life as you are. Can you accept a narrow-minded human man who isn't sure he could take it if you regenerated again in his lifetime, and yet would rather you did so than die?”
She laughed in relief. “I understand. You've been through too many shocks lately. I swear that I'll do everything I can to not let either happen.” She paled as a thought hit her. “Just promise me we'll work at making it through if... life goes pear-shaped again and I end up turning back into a man.”
He made an impressive effort to suppress his body's instinctive flinch at the thought. For the first time he felt bad about his preferences. Still, his answer was clear-cut if sheepish. “Yes, but forgive me if I can't promise to... sleep with you in that case.”
She had to laugh and hug him again. “Already forgiven, my dear Earthman. So you'll bond with me?” At asking the words, she felt something shift in her mind, and waited anxiously.
That made him freeze a brief moment, and draw slightly back. “You mean the mental part? Is that possible with a Human?”
“Will you?” she pressed on.
Blinking, he nodded.
“You have to say it aloud. Please.”
He narrowed his eyes just a moment, the look he always gave when he thought she was speaking bullocks. Yet he decided to go for broke and see what this meant. “Yes.”
Eyes widened in hope, she leaned in to whisper the words that had not crossed the Doctor's lips in a very long time, and never truly willingly.
They both gasped in shock, and fell sideways. David more from shock and the Doctor from pain.
When he could talk, he touched her face and felt her sensations all the stronger. Seconds later his smiled froze as his eyebrows tightened. “Wait... what's that I'm feeling?”
“What does it feel like?”
“It's... more emotions than thoughts. Contentment and... happiness. And it's not feeling like your emotions.”
“It's the twins. I think they're saying 'Hello, Daddy'. The bond forms as an adjunct of the marital bond.”
He touched her belly, feeling the bubbling sensations in his head all the stronger. His eyes watered as he held her closer. “Oh God, you've been alone without anything like that for centuries. No wonder you're bonkers so often.”
She managed a tiny laugh through the pain as it settled slowly. “You know full well I was bonkers to begin with. What I had to do to my people just made things worse. Good thing I found you. Imagine if I'd only found Rose, the troubles I might've got into because she lacked the maturity and wisdom to really stop me.”
“Oh God, don't even think about that! She would've got you both killed sooner or later. Imagine her reactions to all those aliens on Platform One, or if you'd turned into a woman before her. She would never have handled it with any respect toward you and everything you represent. So for your sake I'm glad you didn't.”
She smiled fondly. “And what about yours?”
He grinned. “I was trying to not be selfish.”
“It's one of the few things you're not.”
“You'd be surprised. I think that little black dress you seduced me with is something I'd rather you never again wore in public.”
She blinked. “I seduced you with the dress?”
“Oh, you knew it would influence me! I don't think you completely forgot whatever Nerys or Emily said to talk you into it, and you must have had some memory of me staring whenever you showed any cleavage! So you have to remember Lazarus Labs!”
She giggled. His reaction had given her a little hope, even as she was praying he didn't go into shock. “I confess nothing,” she sing-songed.
He snorted. “Nice try with the Beatrice reference. I'm hearing and sensing things without much of a filter.”
“Yeah, it'll be a bit hyperactive until we both adjust. And I'm so out of practice that I'm likely to broadcast for a while.”
His eyes widened. “What does this mean during sex?”
Her eyes darkened. “We both feel what the other is feeling.”
He groaned. “Oh God, I'm going to turn into a teenager again. No self-control.”
She laughed through a closed mouth and hugged him as best as a hug on the floor could manage.
David found a smile, but then blinked. “What am I supposed to call you now? 'Doctor' is too impersonal, but there's no way I'm calling you 'Theta'. Sounds more like a male's name now.”
“It doesn't have to be. I was the eighth child of the eighteenth generation, which is what 'Theta Sigma' means. But... I like 'Donna'. It seemed right when I was Human, and I've got used to it.”
He grinned. “Gladly.”
She chuckled. “As much as I want to start 'christening' the rooms all over again, we need to let the others know what happened. Will your family be okay with this?”
“They have no choice. Besides, Gran was first to figure out your feelings. She respects you and already accepted you. Gramps likes you period, so he's on our side. Dad likes the idea of you as a daughter, and I think he always wanted a little ginger-nut to raise. So he's going to be eager for ginger grandchildren. Mum... The past three months have changed her so much. I think she's warmed to you, and will protect the person carrying her grandchildren even if she's unsure about said person.”
A snort escaped the Doctor's nose. “That's very diplomatic of her.”
“You have to be in my family.”
She raised an eyebrow.
“Wait until we bring you to the family reunion in three months. Mum can put the greatest diplomats to shame.”
The Doctor stilled. “There's more family to meet?”
He had to struggle to suppress a snicker over the look on her face as they stood up slowly. “We'd better deal with the whole mess first. Rose did plenty of damage. Hate to demand her mother pay me back for the door if the family isn't well off.”
“I know. Shame. She makes teenagers look bad.”
David stilled. “Speaking of, why is she in your journal twice?”
“What? Why would she be in there for anything other than Hendricks?”
David quickly led her to the other room and opened the hidden box after borrowing her Sonic. He'd stuffed her journals there when he rushed around to lock up the place. He flipped through one of the earlier ones. “Every time I recognised something you showed me I couldn't help but flinch. Even if I had no context other than which you had experienced it. But there was one thing that I couldn't understand. Ah, here it is!”
The Doctor looked at the page he pointed to and stilled. There was Rose Tyler, next to a box with a big red button on top. Only her hair was wilder than she'd worn those two days the last Doctor had encountered her, and she wore tattered clothing. “But that's the clothing of an initiate to the Academy in the last days of the Time War before everyone was forced to the front-lines! She wasn't there!”
“And yet you dreamt it. You said that sometimes your memories are locked if more than one you was present at an event. There's something you tried to write but it's like the right word didn't come. So... could Rose get out somehow and create this moment?”
“Not unless she's-” She cut herself off as his phrasing sank in. Images flickered in her mind, the hints of a whisper long thought dead. Her eyes widened. “Oh my God.”
“What?” David asked, dread cutting into the happiness that had overtaken his earlier fears.
“Come on!” she cried, grabbing his hand and tugging him downstairs.
“What's the matter?!”
“If I'm right, I know what the Old Girl meant, and we've got to hurry if we're to contain the danger!”
Chapter Thirteen: Got a Moment?
Title: Flipped, Book 3
Rating: heavy T, with some M/MA
Author: tkel_paris
Summary: David Noble thought he had come to terms with the strange feelings the female Doctor inspired, and it seemed to be helped by Martha Jones joining them. But when the Aubertide threaten the Doctor, protecting her requires a cover that will test his sanity and his ability to find the right thing to do. Written for tardis_mole.
Required Disclaimer: The summary should be enough to tell you I own nothing.
Dedications: My good friend tardis_mole, for helping me discover my talent at editing and for being an inspiration. You've challenged me to go beyond what I previously thought I would like, and so this is the farthest I've gone from my comfort zone so far. Who knows where I'll go next?
And another important shout-out: sykira, whose LJ post about John Barrowman's comments about how Doctor Who could eventually go was the ultimate spark for this idea. So I suppose that means the ultimate blame for this lies with the Barrowman. I can only imagine what he would think, although I suspect he would heartily approve. :P
Author's Note: Originally spawned from a different idea that split into three, this is a new version of one of those ideas revived as a birthday present. And it's spawned a slightly AU version as a Christmas present. The original prompt from TM boiled down to this: “The Doctor and Donna in a situation that's never been done before.” Ask and ye shall receive, my friend. Enjoy the second sequel. :D A VERY Belated Happy Birthday, TM! :DDD
Special Disclaimer: I refuse to be held responsible for any $2000/₤2000 lattes, spit-takes, fainting spells, workplace/school gaffes, or falling against/from things that might happen if you're not careful while reading this story. Especially in certain chapters. Read at your own risk. (I put this in because I was warned by one of my betas, cassikat, that my emails should come with a spit-take warning. So I'm looking out for y'all. ;D)
And TM, be careful that you don't hyperventilate from reading some of the sections. I know you. :P And so sorry for the delay. At least I have a legitimate excuse for not working on it last year; we had our balrog to work on. :D
Thanks to cassikat and bas_math_girl for betaing. Couldn't have done it without y'all.
Chapter One / Chapter Two / Chapter Three / Chapter Four / Chapter Five / Chapter Six / Chapter Seven / Chapter Eight / Chapter Nine / Chapter Ten / Chapter Eleven
Flipped, Book 3
Started July 14, 2013
Presumed Finished December 31, 2015
Alterations Finished January 6, 2016
Chapter Twelve: Absolution
The Doctor slowly entered the house her Human self had called home for nearly three months, carrying her old jacket in her hands. She surveyed the damage, and listened vaguely to the sounds of UNIT soldiers talking outside. They were going to secure new doors, but she insisted on being the first one to speak with the owner.
Her hearts sank when she heard David's muffled sobbing drifting from upstairs. She knew it would be awkward, but they had to talk.
Amazing how differently she viewed that. As a man the Doctor would've run away from such a line. Now she wondered if that was as foolish as it was cowardly, or if that was being a woman that made her think it.
She quickly hurried upstairs, adding some noise to her steps to give him a warning that someone was coming. He was a Human man, he deserved that respect.
It worked. David choked trying to control his tears and sobs. He just barely brought them to a quieter level when the Doctor appeared in the doorway. She carried the jacket that he hadn't seen since that fateful trip. He tried to compose himself.
She chose to bring up other things to give him longer. Never mind that she needed several seconds to compose herself when she realized which room he had fled to. “Rose has been arrested. UNIT is assessing what they should charge her with, but the public statement will list 'crimes undisclosed' until further notice. They would consider execution except I asked for some leniency, for her mother's sake.”
He sniffled, somehow locating his voice. She'd listened to him, as little as Rose deserved it. But he worried about what would happen if the Oncoming Storm was allowed free reign, if the Doctor's reluctantly admitted fear was a warning, “If that's her only child, I feel sorry for her,” he whispered.
“I overheard Mickey calling Jackie Tyler. Her anger and disappointment was palpable. Not that Rose might notice unless it's all but rubbed in her face. And... I'm keeping the Aubertide locked away. Martha's going to talk with some UNIT physicians and we'll see if we can free the captured bodies. I'll consult with them soon.”
He nodded, still trying to suppress his grief. He had to say something.
Taking her own deep breath, the Doctor risked stepping closer. “I had no idea the TARDIS would do what she did.”
“I know,” he breathed. “You wouldn't have done it. Too risky.”
“Yeah. She won't tell me why she took such a huge risk. Said I have to figure it out, but she insisted it was necessary to flush out a threat. I don't think she means the Aubertide.”
“But why the hell did she not make you a friend? Why did she leave us here as spouses?”
How to broach this sensitive topic? “Because she knew how much I wanted it.”
He blinked, forgetting about the tears on his face. “You're... not mad?”
She sat near him, but far enough to give him some space if he needed it. “I can't be mad at you. You had to make the best of the situation, and my cover made me feel I was free to act on my feelings. What I am concerned about is whether you're... mad at me for giving you so much trouble. If you feel betrayed.”
He took a moment to breathe deeply. “It wasn't your fault. I was never mad at you. Well, not for more than a few moments.”
“Panicked, more like, over how to handle how I acted?”
“Yeah,” he squeaked.
She eyed him while trying to not look like she was doing it. “But you're not completely freaked out over... what we did given who I once was?”
He squirmed, moving the teddy between his hands. “I... didn't know what to do. I had no frame of reference to go off, and it felt like everything was pushing me out of my comfort zone to the point where I had no idea which way to go. And... what are you doing talking about your feelings?”
She wrung her hands as she spoke, the bag in her lap. “I'm afraid if I don't say the truth you'll just leave. And I can't bare that. Never mind what I feel now. Your friendship is too precious to lose.”
David sat up straighter. This felt more like alien territory than the most unfamiliar species or landscape he'd seen on his journeys with the Doctor. So he finally met her gaze fully. “Okay. You first, since your courage is there.”
The Doctor laughed at the absurdity of their situation. She then swallowed and cleared her throat. This was likely the most important speech of her life so far.
“I wanted it, David. I wanted the whole thing with you. Me, who's avoided domestics for as long as I can remember. You changed all that almost from the moment you started challenging me. I was making regular visits to a companion's family, and enjoying them for the most part. Can you imagine what that shock was like for me? I spent the entirety of my first life sensing that there was more to the universe than what I was taught, that the routines of the Time Lords were so stagnant that we were corrupting ourselves. So I made choices that got me in trouble with the elders, and I had to be exiled. More than once. But it wasn't until I shared an exile with my granddaughter - that was Susan, by the way - that I fell into the habit taking companions. All because Susan was like me and couldn't quite keep herself from being noticed. Yes, you're right. I needed lessons in blending in better. Especially then, although I suppose appearing like such a wise old man made up for a fair bit. But they changed me, Barbara and Ian. From then on, seeing the universe through another species' eyes was appealing, and it exposed me to many truths about life and the universe that the Curse had hidden from us. I sometimes wonder if any of them would have cared or wanted things different, but I'll never know now.”
David just stared in silence, forcing himself to be patient and wait for the Doctor to get to the point at last.
“I was punished by my people more than once for acting in what I believed were the best interests of not merely time but also the people and places. Two of my companions suffered for that when their minds were wiped and they were sent back to their own respective times. Others have ultimately died. Some managed to make good come out of it. You know about Leela, for one. But I was never allowed to seek anything like what my companions seemed to want more than anything. A family that was more than psychic bonds and a shared history. A genuine friendship that wasn't ended sharply by a death or my people's interference. And... love. I nearly had it, despite the Curse, until I was forced to abandon Sarah Jane. They soon imposed Romana on me, and I'll admit I treated her very poorly in retaliation at first. We did learn to respect each other, and I'd hoped I had an ally for all of time. But she sought power to influence things, at first speaking like it was in the interests of the things I wanted. But the power got to her head, and she became obsessed with fixing the Curse. She unleashed the horrors that led to the Last Great Time War, and was murdered by her own creations. I stopped it, and spent 900 years reeling from the loss of everything, and struggling with artificial means to make do. I didn't want to take a companion again. Told myself I couldn't put anyone else through what I put the assistants and others, but I was afraid to open myself to the pain of losing someone again.
“So I wasn't prepared to be so completely challenged at Henrick's. To be seen through and aided so well. I chose you as much because the time-lines seemed to connect us as I simply wanted to know who this maddening Human male was who wasn't afraid to smack me if I went too far or didn't take his concerns seriously.”
David let out a short, slightly hysterical laugh. “That wouldn't work well with Humans, I promise you. My tempter still gets the better of me, and you've... well, it's not quite fair to blame you for pushing my buttons.”
“And you've done the same. But it worked with me. You helped me see the details of how others react to me, to the events that happen around me. I became better at blending in, at helping people recover from disaster, and at setting goals to help them. And you reconnected me to life, showed me that it was okay to live - that it wronged those I survived to not live just because they didn't. You managed to bring me into your family, and they've been good for me. So of course I couldn't let you die when you and the Old Girl disobeyed me. I swear I have never had any control over the regeneration process, and I had no idea that I would change into someone... appealing to you.”
He blushed.
Her face was even more flushed, but she carried on. “Maybe I have more control over it than I thought. I don't know. I can only imagine how awkward that was to your early twenty-first century sensibilities and beliefs. But I doubt any of my companions, with the possible exception of Sarah Jane, could have handled it with such aplomb or determination.”
“Doctor, why are you telling all this?” The voice was flat, deliberately to conceal the growing confusion inside him, the hope that was dangerous to even feel.
She sighed, and shifted uncomfortably. “I'm going to have to come right out and say it, even though in your species the male is supposed to be the one to make the first moves. The sexual revolution didn't exactly produce any winners in your time.”
He couldn't argue the point. He'd once said that he thought the entire human race had lost.
Clearing her throat, she forced herself to make eye contact. “My feelings are stronger than ever. I think the TARDIS may have chosen this cover because she wanted us to break the stalemate that was growing and she saw a way to do it in a way that I would believe the story she fed me. I'm not excusing her or justifying her actions - just saying what I think part of her motivation was. Maybe she thought if we had a taste of what it would be like to... be together that we couldn't go back.”
His face turned very flush.
Hers tried to match her hair, but she made herself keep looking at him. “Well, she's not wrong. Now that I've tasted the forbidden fruit I'm not keen to return to just being mates. I want it all, David. Bonding, partnership, and more. For as long as a life as you have. Can you possibly accept me as your wife?”
David looked away, needing a long moment to find any words. He could barely hear his own thoughts over his heart. When he finally found words, he whispered them.
“I had dreams when I was a boy of a ginger woman. I thought she was going to be my wife. Somehow she popped into my mind sooner or later in every relationship I ever had, making me compare women with her. I felt bad about it for years. When I figured out as a teenager that I might be a bit psychic, like my granddad, I wondered if I was seeing into the future. Of course I had to keep it quiet. I had even begun to lose hope of meeting her ever when I first met you. All the impossible things that happened around you restored that hope to me. When you regenerated...”
She watched as he took a breath to compose himself. He had been incredibly patient with her, and she would return the favor.
“That threw me off my balance, and I don't think I've recovered. What the hell was I supposed to do? I knew I wasn't even slightly gay, so what did it mean that someone who had been a man and was now a woman was in love with me? I had no answers, but I knew that you were still my best friend because the Doctor carries on even as the body and personality... die. So I had to watch over you, which seemed even more important since you clearly had no idea how to act like a woman.”
The Doctor had to smile wryly, silently conceding the point. That had provided many awkward incidents over the past eighteen months in Earth time.
“It didn't help that you looked exactly like the woman I still sometimes saw in my dreams, and I'm not getting into what I had to do to... cope with that knowledge. Cassandra brought that up well enough.”
It was the first time either of them had broached that day since it happened. The Doctor raised her eyebrows, stunned that he actually spoke of it.
“And it definitely didn't help that this you kept doing things that I found either adorable or sexy - no matter how strange they seemed at first. I... tricked myself into thinking I could let it go, that it was just a strong lust or infatuation I felt. That it was wrong for me to feel anything more than that, that it was impossible.”
The Doctor cringed, but remained silent. There was more. David seemed too pensive for that to be it.
“Martha joining us was almost a relief. Even with that crush on me she developed. But she grew up more than either of us realised. She saw through us both, and I think she was getting tired of being in the middle, hearing each of us struggle without talking to the other. Then... 'Donna' came along in the wake of that danger. Oh God, you drove me insane... and I grew addicted to it even when I worried about what would happen... now. My friends, they tried to help me find a way around it and to come to terms, but I wasn't ready to face the things inside me. They did warn me that fighting it would be unfair to us both, and I... reluctantly agreed. But it was a wonderful two and a half month, Doctor. I wanted more of it, and that only grew when you told me you were pregnant.” He choked on the last word.
Seeing it was time, she drew her coat back from her arms. “David-”
He continued, as if he didn't hear her. “Those babies... I've wanted to be a dad for years, and I quickly knew that I wanted them more than anything. I kept seeing twin ginger-nuts in my dreams. Jack knows more about Time Lords and Gallifreyans than anyone, and he didn't know what would happen to them if you changed back while pregnant. I started wondering about waiting until the birth, but then I worried that it would still hurt the baby for all kinds of reasons. And part of me... wanted to leave the cover in place until I was old and dying. So we could have a life together and keep the children safe.”
Her eyes watered. He thought that?!
“I wasn't sure what you would want, and I was trying to not make sweeping decisions without your consent. It's why I didn't... fight harder for birth control. But... it's all gone,” he whispered.
“David!”
He looked back up through his tears. He blinked when he saw her pull the Beccran scanner out from her pockets. “Doctor, I know what it'll show.”
“Read the scan Martha ran,” she implored. “Please, David. Just do it.”
His fingers were numb, but he slowly took the scanner and turned it on. He closed his eyes to wipe away enough of the tears that he could see. Who knew wearing contacts would be a good thing that day?
The Doctor's respiratory bypass kicked in. She couldn't breathe under the weight of waiting.
David braced himself and waited for the scanner to show him no sign of pregnancy or evidence of a miscarriage. Right in the window showing the scan of the Doctor's reproductive organs, he saw two spots that were the source of a slew of information. It coalesced into a report:
Two fetuses in the twelfth week of gestation by Human standards detected; each half Human, half Gallifreyan. Aspects of each species within normal parametres of respective species. Odds of reaching full term: 95%.
David dropped the scanner. Twins. 95% odds. They lived. The Doctor changing back had not killed them. They still lived. He blinked, spluttering and unable to form a coherent word.
She took the scanner back. “I don't know who was more shocked: Martha, Sarah Jane, or me. The odds must have been so tiny, and yet we beat them. Makes me certain that my ancestors seeded Earth with genetic material - either deliberately or accidentally through an asteroid impact sent from one of the Time Wars. But I had to tell you right away. You deserved to know.”
“How... how can they be alive?”
“I don't know. Martha said Jack suspected my ring was a biodamper.” She held it out on her hand. “And it was. It concealed them and me carefully, and Sarah Jane urged me to take it off for a proper scan since she suspected it might interfere. I nearly passed out when I did, and I heard two voices in my head when I regained full awareness. It's the maternal bond, which forms automatically. As soon as I knew, I had to come right away to tell you. The dream is still alive. If you want it... and me.”
He choked on a cry and threw his arms around her, clutching her more tightly than ever before.
The Doctor held him, and tried to get through to him after a long minute of letting him have a new sobbing fit, but this time for good reasons. She managed to get him to back off just enough to make eye contact. “David, If you'll have me, it can't be just for them. It has to be for both of us, because I refuse to be married again for appearances or social reasons.”
“No,” he choked. “No, not for that. I don't want to live without this person you've become. I don't know if I'm a bad person for how I reacted before, but I need you in my life as you are. Can you accept a narrow-minded human man who isn't sure he could take it if you regenerated again in his lifetime, and yet would rather you did so than die?”
She laughed in relief. “I understand. You've been through too many shocks lately. I swear that I'll do everything I can to not let either happen.” She paled as a thought hit her. “Just promise me we'll work at making it through if... life goes pear-shaped again and I end up turning back into a man.”
He made an impressive effort to suppress his body's instinctive flinch at the thought. For the first time he felt bad about his preferences. Still, his answer was clear-cut if sheepish. “Yes, but forgive me if I can't promise to... sleep with you in that case.”
She had to laugh and hug him again. “Already forgiven, my dear Earthman. So you'll bond with me?” At asking the words, she felt something shift in her mind, and waited anxiously.
That made him freeze a brief moment, and draw slightly back. “You mean the mental part? Is that possible with a Human?”
“Will you?” she pressed on.
Blinking, he nodded.
“You have to say it aloud. Please.”
He narrowed his eyes just a moment, the look he always gave when he thought she was speaking bullocks. Yet he decided to go for broke and see what this meant. “Yes.”
Eyes widened in hope, she leaned in to whisper the words that had not crossed the Doctor's lips in a very long time, and never truly willingly.
They both gasped in shock, and fell sideways. David more from shock and the Doctor from pain.
When he could talk, he touched her face and felt her sensations all the stronger. Seconds later his smiled froze as his eyebrows tightened. “Wait... what's that I'm feeling?”
“What does it feel like?”
“It's... more emotions than thoughts. Contentment and... happiness. And it's not feeling like your emotions.”
“It's the twins. I think they're saying 'Hello, Daddy'. The bond forms as an adjunct of the marital bond.”
He touched her belly, feeling the bubbling sensations in his head all the stronger. His eyes watered as he held her closer. “Oh God, you've been alone without anything like that for centuries. No wonder you're bonkers so often.”
She managed a tiny laugh through the pain as it settled slowly. “You know full well I was bonkers to begin with. What I had to do to my people just made things worse. Good thing I found you. Imagine if I'd only found Rose, the troubles I might've got into because she lacked the maturity and wisdom to really stop me.”
“Oh God, don't even think about that! She would've got you both killed sooner or later. Imagine her reactions to all those aliens on Platform One, or if you'd turned into a woman before her. She would never have handled it with any respect toward you and everything you represent. So for your sake I'm glad you didn't.”
She smiled fondly. “And what about yours?”
He grinned. “I was trying to not be selfish.”
“It's one of the few things you're not.”
“You'd be surprised. I think that little black dress you seduced me with is something I'd rather you never again wore in public.”
She blinked. “I seduced you with the dress?”
“Oh, you knew it would influence me! I don't think you completely forgot whatever Nerys or Emily said to talk you into it, and you must have had some memory of me staring whenever you showed any cleavage! So you have to remember Lazarus Labs!”
She giggled. His reaction had given her a little hope, even as she was praying he didn't go into shock. “I confess nothing,” she sing-songed.
He snorted. “Nice try with the Beatrice reference. I'm hearing and sensing things without much of a filter.”
“Yeah, it'll be a bit hyperactive until we both adjust. And I'm so out of practice that I'm likely to broadcast for a while.”
His eyes widened. “What does this mean during sex?”
Her eyes darkened. “We both feel what the other is feeling.”
He groaned. “Oh God, I'm going to turn into a teenager again. No self-control.”
She laughed through a closed mouth and hugged him as best as a hug on the floor could manage.
David found a smile, but then blinked. “What am I supposed to call you now? 'Doctor' is too impersonal, but there's no way I'm calling you 'Theta'. Sounds more like a male's name now.”
“It doesn't have to be. I was the eighth child of the eighteenth generation, which is what 'Theta Sigma' means. But... I like 'Donna'. It seemed right when I was Human, and I've got used to it.”
He grinned. “Gladly.”
She chuckled. “As much as I want to start 'christening' the rooms all over again, we need to let the others know what happened. Will your family be okay with this?”
“They have no choice. Besides, Gran was first to figure out your feelings. She respects you and already accepted you. Gramps likes you period, so he's on our side. Dad likes the idea of you as a daughter, and I think he always wanted a little ginger-nut to raise. So he's going to be eager for ginger grandchildren. Mum... The past three months have changed her so much. I think she's warmed to you, and will protect the person carrying her grandchildren even if she's unsure about said person.”
A snort escaped the Doctor's nose. “That's very diplomatic of her.”
“You have to be in my family.”
She raised an eyebrow.
“Wait until we bring you to the family reunion in three months. Mum can put the greatest diplomats to shame.”
The Doctor stilled. “There's more family to meet?”
He had to struggle to suppress a snicker over the look on her face as they stood up slowly. “We'd better deal with the whole mess first. Rose did plenty of damage. Hate to demand her mother pay me back for the door if the family isn't well off.”
“I know. Shame. She makes teenagers look bad.”
David stilled. “Speaking of, why is she in your journal twice?”
“What? Why would she be in there for anything other than Hendricks?”
David quickly led her to the other room and opened the hidden box after borrowing her Sonic. He'd stuffed her journals there when he rushed around to lock up the place. He flipped through one of the earlier ones. “Every time I recognised something you showed me I couldn't help but flinch. Even if I had no context other than which you had experienced it. But there was one thing that I couldn't understand. Ah, here it is!”
The Doctor looked at the page he pointed to and stilled. There was Rose Tyler, next to a box with a big red button on top. Only her hair was wilder than she'd worn those two days the last Doctor had encountered her, and she wore tattered clothing. “But that's the clothing of an initiate to the Academy in the last days of the Time War before everyone was forced to the front-lines! She wasn't there!”
“And yet you dreamt it. You said that sometimes your memories are locked if more than one you was present at an event. There's something you tried to write but it's like the right word didn't come. So... could Rose get out somehow and create this moment?”
“Not unless she's-” She cut herself off as his phrasing sank in. Images flickered in her mind, the hints of a whisper long thought dead. Her eyes widened. “Oh my God.”
“What?” David asked, dread cutting into the happiness that had overtaken his earlier fears.
“Come on!” she cried, grabbing his hand and tugging him downstairs.
“What's the matter?!”
“If I'm right, I know what the Old Girl meant, and we've got to hurry if we're to contain the danger!”
Chapter Thirteen: Got a Moment?