J is for Jealous
Characters: Adam Rove and Joan Girardi
Rating: borderline R for language
Genre: Het
Summary: Joan finds Adam in the hospital waiting room
Character Age: 22
Joaniverse: post-TV show, see also " E is for Ecstatic"
"Adam."
Her voice was soft and low and comforting, yet worried at the same time.
It barely registered with him. Only when Joan repeated his name, he realized who was sitting next to him on the uninviting plastic chairs in the ICU's waiting area.
He lifted his head, but he was so tired, so worn out.
"Jane," he whispered, and the mere sight of her was like a comforting blanket. He hadn't seen her for almost two years. They hadn't separated with bad blood between them, but a 1000-mile distance just had that effect on committed college students.
"I heard about your dad. How is he?"
"Not good," he rasped, tears burning behind his eyelids. "They had to resuscitate him this afternoon."
Just as she wanted to reach out with her hand, he got up from his chair, walking away a few steps.
She watched him go over to the window, unsure whether to follow or not. Somehow this was both so strange and yet so familiar. All she really wanted was to ease his pain, but there was this invisible wall between them, and the sterile, white hospital atmosphere didn't make it any easier.
She waited another few, silent seconds, then walked over to stand next to him-far enough not to intrude, close enough to reach out to. "What can I do?" she asked in a low voice.
He looked at her with eyes that spoke of weariness and exhaustion, not saying anything. Then he shrugged. "There's nothing anyone can do. Except maybe pray. You know, if there even is a God."
"There is," she said firmly.
"Oh yeah?" he raised his voice. "He must be some twisted son of a bitch. My dad didn't deserve this!"
"It's not about deserving things. I don't think that's how it works."
"Then how does it work?" His voice became angrier, more forceful. "If he's not being punished for something he fucked up in his life, then why? Or is this punishment for me? For all the times I've fucked up?"
"No, Adam. Why would you say that? It's just... I know it sounds really lame and empty, but that's just how things work. Maybe it's His way of keeping the natural balance of the universe."
"Yeah," he said sarcastically. "Thanks for the spiritual lecture."
She drew in a breath. The last thing she had expected to happen when she had driven to the hospital was to end up fighting with Adam about God. "I don't have any answers," she told him. "But I know that things happen for a reason-good and bad alike."
She waited for a reaction from him, but he just kept staring blankly about the window. She lightly touched his arm. "I can leave if you'd rather be alone."
When she was about to turn around to walk away, she felt his hand on her own. "No, please don't go." She met his gaze. "I'm sorry I snapped at you. This is just all so unfair."
"Adam, there is no need to apologize. You're trying to make sense of something that no one can make sense of. I really really wish I could say something that would make it easier."
He let go of her hand. "I'm really glad you're here."
She gave him a brave smile. "Are you staying at your dad's house?"
"Yeah," he nodded.
"Why don't you come stay with us for a little while. Mom said you shouldn't be alone, and I agree with her."
His face relaxed a little, formed into a sad smile. "I'm not alone. Lynn is here with me."
She was suddenly taken aback. What? Who? Was she...? Why hadn't Grace said anything? She quickly tried to look neutral and hoped he hadn't noticed her brief moment of surprise. She tried to sound matter-of-fact when she asked, "Lynn?"
"Yeah. We met this spring. At college."
Joan wanted to yell, 'And why is she not here when you need her the most?!' but she quickly composed herself. "I see."
"You're jealous." It wasn't a question.
"No," she quickly denied. "No. Why would I be?"
"I don't know. You and me, we have a lot of baggage." Through the window he watched a mother with a stroller in the park outside, then added, "Maybe you haven't unpacked yet."
It was a beautiful metaphor, and maybe not so far from the truth. She had dated a few guys from college, but none of them had managed to touch her heart. Was that the reason why she hadn't let any of them in?
"Would you like to meet her?"
The question surprised her. Her initial reaction was to say no. She wanted to hate Lynn. She didn't want to get to know her. She hesitated. "I don't know."
It was almost like he could read her mind. "Don't judge her before you know her. The reason she's not here is because I asked her to stay at home. I wanted to be alone here today." When she didn't say anything, he continued, "Look, Jane, she's a good person."
"Do you love her?"
There was an awkward silence before he answered, "Yes. Yes, I do. It's the first time I've been able to love someone since..."
She knew what he meant. And maybe it was time she let go of him. She turned to face him. "I should go."
"You don't have to."
"Yes, I do." It wasn't bitter or harsh. They both knew she was trying to make a clean break.
He turned to face her and gave her a hug. "Thanks for coming by," he said in her ear. "It really means a lot."
She drew him just a little closer. "I hope your dad makes it. He's a fighter."
He broke their embrace and said, "He has to."
She squeezed his upper arm just a little before she let go. "I'll pray for some good ripples. Both for you and your dad."
He watched her leave through the connecting door and knew that things would take a turn for the better from here on. She had prayed for good ripples before, and it had saved a life then. It would save a life now too.
Rating: borderline R for language
Genre: Het
Summary: Joan finds Adam in the hospital waiting room
Character Age: 22
Joaniverse: post-TV show, see also " E is for Ecstatic"
"Adam."
Her voice was soft and low and comforting, yet worried at the same time.
It barely registered with him. Only when Joan repeated his name, he realized who was sitting next to him on the uninviting plastic chairs in the ICU's waiting area.
He lifted his head, but he was so tired, so worn out.
"Jane," he whispered, and the mere sight of her was like a comforting blanket. He hadn't seen her for almost two years. They hadn't separated with bad blood between them, but a 1000-mile distance just had that effect on committed college students.
"I heard about your dad. How is he?"
"Not good," he rasped, tears burning behind his eyelids. "They had to resuscitate him this afternoon."
Just as she wanted to reach out with her hand, he got up from his chair, walking away a few steps.
She watched him go over to the window, unsure whether to follow or not. Somehow this was both so strange and yet so familiar. All she really wanted was to ease his pain, but there was this invisible wall between them, and the sterile, white hospital atmosphere didn't make it any easier.
She waited another few, silent seconds, then walked over to stand next to him-far enough not to intrude, close enough to reach out to. "What can I do?" she asked in a low voice.
He looked at her with eyes that spoke of weariness and exhaustion, not saying anything. Then he shrugged. "There's nothing anyone can do. Except maybe pray. You know, if there even is a God."
"There is," she said firmly.
"Oh yeah?" he raised his voice. "He must be some twisted son of a bitch. My dad didn't deserve this!"
"It's not about deserving things. I don't think that's how it works."
"Then how does it work?" His voice became angrier, more forceful. "If he's not being punished for something he fucked up in his life, then why? Or is this punishment for me? For all the times I've fucked up?"
"No, Adam. Why would you say that? It's just... I know it sounds really lame and empty, but that's just how things work. Maybe it's His way of keeping the natural balance of the universe."
"Yeah," he said sarcastically. "Thanks for the spiritual lecture."
She drew in a breath. The last thing she had expected to happen when she had driven to the hospital was to end up fighting with Adam about God. "I don't have any answers," she told him. "But I know that things happen for a reason-good and bad alike."
She waited for a reaction from him, but he just kept staring blankly about the window. She lightly touched his arm. "I can leave if you'd rather be alone."
When she was about to turn around to walk away, she felt his hand on her own. "No, please don't go." She met his gaze. "I'm sorry I snapped at you. This is just all so unfair."
"Adam, there is no need to apologize. You're trying to make sense of something that no one can make sense of. I really really wish I could say something that would make it easier."
He let go of her hand. "I'm really glad you're here."
She gave him a brave smile. "Are you staying at your dad's house?"
"Yeah," he nodded.
"Why don't you come stay with us for a little while. Mom said you shouldn't be alone, and I agree with her."
His face relaxed a little, formed into a sad smile. "I'm not alone. Lynn is here with me."
She was suddenly taken aback. What? Who? Was she...? Why hadn't Grace said anything? She quickly tried to look neutral and hoped he hadn't noticed her brief moment of surprise. She tried to sound matter-of-fact when she asked, "Lynn?"
"Yeah. We met this spring. At college."
Joan wanted to yell, 'And why is she not here when you need her the most?!' but she quickly composed herself. "I see."
"You're jealous." It wasn't a question.
"No," she quickly denied. "No. Why would I be?"
"I don't know. You and me, we have a lot of baggage." Through the window he watched a mother with a stroller in the park outside, then added, "Maybe you haven't unpacked yet."
It was a beautiful metaphor, and maybe not so far from the truth. She had dated a few guys from college, but none of them had managed to touch her heart. Was that the reason why she hadn't let any of them in?
"Would you like to meet her?"
The question surprised her. Her initial reaction was to say no. She wanted to hate Lynn. She didn't want to get to know her. She hesitated. "I don't know."
It was almost like he could read her mind. "Don't judge her before you know her. The reason she's not here is because I asked her to stay at home. I wanted to be alone here today." When she didn't say anything, he continued, "Look, Jane, she's a good person."
"Do you love her?"
There was an awkward silence before he answered, "Yes. Yes, I do. It's the first time I've been able to love someone since..."
She knew what he meant. And maybe it was time she let go of him. She turned to face him. "I should go."
"You don't have to."
"Yes, I do." It wasn't bitter or harsh. They both knew she was trying to make a clean break.
He turned to face her and gave her a hug. "Thanks for coming by," he said in her ear. "It really means a lot."
She drew him just a little closer. "I hope your dad makes it. He's a fighter."
He broke their embrace and said, "He has to."
She squeezed his upper arm just a little before she let go. "I'll pray for some good ripples. Both for you and your dad."
He watched her leave through the connecting door and knew that things would take a turn for the better from here on. She had prayed for good ripples before, and it had saved a life then. It would save a life now too.