au where maki is a run away bride and massu is a waiter in a coffee shop that she stumbles into? please oh please so that i don't have to write this. asjldkasj
9. "Are you sure we should be doing this?" Tegoshi asks, a speck of yellow paint on his cheek, hands at his hips.
Massu frowns. "Why not?"
"Because Maki-chan's not exactly the most..." Tegoshi stops, off the look on Massu's face.
"Not what, Tegoshi?" Massu says sternly.
"Not committed," Tegoshi finishes, biting down at his bottom lip. "I mean, she left a guy at the altar!"
"Enough," Massu swallows. "I told you before that I don't want that hanging over her head."
Tegoshi's eyes are sad and the corners of his lips are turned down - a sight Massu's not used to seeing on his face. "I'm just worried."
"For what?" Massu sighs. "It'll be fine."
"You're in too deep," Tegoshi tells him. "I'm saying this as a friend, Massu. But I'd be worried."
"Don't be. It'll be fine." Tegoshi gives him a dubious look but Massu ignores it, going back to painting the wall. The words resound in his chest though.
It'll be fine.
-- So I played with structure? lol I ... am sorely tempted to finish this, but maybe later.
I LIKE THE FORMAT. Though it took me a while to determine if you wanted that to be ii or actually 11. But sakldjaslkfha I WILL SAVE ALL MY FLAILING FOR WHEN YOU FINISH THIS. WHEN. sakdlasfhsafsadkljafah HEARTSSSSSSSSSSSS. ♥
Fuck, I couldn't stop thinking about this, actually. So here's the rest? This follows right after. Longer than I expected. Be prepared.
--
13. Massu doesn't mope after Maki's gone. To be fair, he's not allowed to be. Not when Tegoshi takes him out the evening she's gone so they can get plastered - and successfully so. Although Tegoshi doesn't take him out again to go drinking for another three weeks. ("You rambled on her for about three hours," Tegoshi complains later.)
Nakamaru calls him at random hours to ask what's going on - and Massu appreciates it because it keeps him talking about other things than Maki. Thinking on other things than Maki.
Massu even spends time with his co-worker (Shige, he finds out, is really admirable - working to put himself through law school) and their boss. Ryo, it turns out, got the place through family, but didn't mind it so much because he liked all the people that came in.
Funnily enough, Massu finds that Ryo and Shige have a bit of a thing for each other - although, he's not sure they've
( ... )
12. Massu wakes up the next morning. In the back of his mind, he knows something's up, but he still goes through the usual motions - bathroom, kitchen - breakfast is always cereal and milk with a glass of orange juice. He heads to Maki's door, ready to wake her up for her day to start.
When he opens the door though, her room is empty. No hint of anyone ever having slept in that guest room. No hint that she'd even been there.
She's like a flash of bright white light, Massu realizes suddenly. In and out in a second, but the after-effects felt even when gone.
4. Massu can't get rid of the feeling that Maki's still awkward around them. "Horikita-chan, how's work?" Massu asks over dinner.
She gives him a pleasant enough smile. "It's good. Please tell Tegoshi-kun that I really appreciate him getting me that job with Koyama-kun. He's such a nice man
( ... )
14. It's a weird coincidence - the reason why the two come together again. Tegoshi's boss, Jin, has a fancy party that he invites both Tegoshi and Massu (although, really, the invitation called for guest). Massu's standing by the dessert table when Tegoshi elbows him, hissing. "She's here."
It's only been a handful of days since Maki's left and Massu wasn't sure he was ready to see her again. Except. She was right in front of him, her arm tangled with another guy's. She's wearing white again.
"Masuda-kun," Maki breathes when she walks over to him after catching Tegoshi's eye.
"Horikita-chan," Massu greets cordially, stiffly. "It's great to see you again." He doesn't add what he's thinking. Heck, he doesn't want to think what he's thinking. No, it really wasn't.
"How've you been, Maki-chan?" Tegoshi says cheerfully, not even caring about formality.
"Good." The man beside her coughs and Maki flushes lightly in embarrassment. "Ah, this is Yamashita Tomohisa, my ex-fiance
( ... )
7. Their routine becomes ingrained into them. Massu's always the first to wake up, the first to arrive in the afternoon after work. He usually wakes up Maki second, who arrives second.
Tegoshi works the latest, as his boss doesn't seem to understand the meaning of decent hours. As such, Massu and Maki are usually together for most of the waking hours - spending breakfast and dinner together. Then crashing on the couch for a number of hours to watch whatever stupid drama is on ("I can't believe she keeps going back to him," Massu rants, outraged. "He beats her!"
"It's just a TV show, Takahisa-kun," Maki laughs.) or just for background noise as Maki strokes his hair softly and Massu's eyes start to droop from exhaustion.
Then, an hour before they get to bed, Tegoshi usually comes home. Beat and starving. Maki gets up, prepares him some dinner and then he joins them, snuggling up against Maki and either falls asleep or gets so enthralled by what they're watching that he can't sleep
( ... )
oh, darling.calledinvainJuly 10 2008, 04:17:48 UTC
[21:11] mascara wench: .......so i finished kami's story. [21:11] justawitticism: it is keyboardsmash-inducing, yes? [21:11] mascara wench: O______O [21:11] justawitticism: in the best way possible [21:11] mascara wench: i am very impressed. i didn't notice the format until i was half way through, and then i picked up on it [21:12] justawitticism: yes. i LOVE the format. the scenes were placed pretty perfectly [21:12] justawitticism: and even moreso since the first two were written a few hours before, unless she had planned it all out from the start [21:13] mascara wench: but i was just....it's all perfectly serendipituous. [21:13] mascara wench: i love the natural flow of it, how maki inserts herself into tegoshi and massu's life so perfectly.
Kami, I don't feel like I say this enough, but seriously, I love your writing on a normal day, but this is some kind of magical. It's just so perfectly vignett-y, yet perfectly put together as well, like looking through a kaleidoscope and seeing how the images form. It is just what I needed
( ... )
Re: oh, darling.tinyanglJuly 10 2008, 09:18:30 UTC
This comment made me so happy, you don't even know. al;sdjfksjaf i saw it right before I was heading to sleep so I was antsy for who knows how long just because fo you. ;lasjdflkajsdk Thank you so much. *____________* Both you and D just make me really happy and just. als;dfjaksdjf I'm really glad you both liked the format and flow and just alskdjflkajsdkfj Yay! I am so so SO HAPPY. Today is so going to be a good day. a;sldfjalsjdf ♥♥♥ <-- never enough to show my appreciationg but lovelovelove.
I really liked the image of maki as a flash of white light, because it a) extended the white metaphor from before, so it gave the story continuity of a sort. b) because it's a gorgeously succinct description that tells us everything you mean with all its implications in one little phrase. that's what i call good.
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"Are you sure we should be doing this?" Tegoshi asks, a speck of yellow paint on his cheek, hands at his hips.
Massu frowns. "Why not?"
"Because Maki-chan's not exactly the most..." Tegoshi stops, off the look on Massu's face.
"Not what, Tegoshi?" Massu says sternly.
"Not committed," Tegoshi finishes, biting down at his bottom lip. "I mean, she left a guy at the altar!"
"Enough," Massu swallows. "I told you before that I don't want that hanging over her head."
Tegoshi's eyes are sad and the corners of his lips are turned down - a sight Massu's not used to seeing on his face. "I'm just worried."
"For what?" Massu sighs. "It'll be fine."
"You're in too deep," Tegoshi tells him. "I'm saying this as a friend, Massu. But I'd be worried."
"Don't be. It'll be fine." Tegoshi gives him a dubious look but Massu ignores it, going back to painting the wall. The words resound in his chest though.
It'll be fine.
--
So I played with structure? lol I ... am sorely tempted to finish this, but maybe later.
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I also like the structure. it's interesting.
also, THIS IS DEPRESSING. WHERE IS MY HAPPY ENDING?
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--
13.
Massu doesn't mope after Maki's gone. To be fair, he's not allowed to be. Not when Tegoshi takes him out the evening she's gone so they can get plastered - and successfully so. Although Tegoshi doesn't take him out again to go drinking for another three weeks. ("You rambled on her for about three hours," Tegoshi complains later.)
Nakamaru calls him at random hours to ask what's going on - and Massu appreciates it because it keeps him talking about other things than Maki. Thinking on other things than Maki.
Massu even spends time with his co-worker (Shige, he finds out, is really admirable - working to put himself through law school) and their boss. Ryo, it turns out, got the place through family, but didn't mind it so much because he liked all the people that came in.
Funnily enough, Massu finds that Ryo and Shige have a bit of a thing for each other - although, he's not sure they've ( ... )
Reply
Massu wakes up the next morning. In the back of his mind, he knows something's up, but he still goes through the usual motions - bathroom, kitchen - breakfast is always cereal and milk with a glass of orange juice. He heads to Maki's door, ready to wake her up for her day to start.
When he opens the door though, her room is empty. No hint of anyone ever having slept in that guest room. No hint that she'd even been there.
She's like a flash of bright white light, Massu realizes suddenly. In and out in a second, but the after-effects felt even when gone.
4.
Massu can't get rid of the feeling that Maki's still awkward around them. "Horikita-chan, how's work?" Massu asks over dinner.
She gives him a pleasant enough smile. "It's good. Please tell Tegoshi-kun that I really appreciate him getting me that job with Koyama-kun. He's such a nice man ( ... )
Reply
It's a weird coincidence - the reason why the two come together again. Tegoshi's boss, Jin, has a fancy party that he invites both Tegoshi and Massu (although, really, the invitation called for guest). Massu's standing by the dessert table when Tegoshi elbows him, hissing. "She's here."
It's only been a handful of days since Maki's left and Massu wasn't sure he was ready to see her again. Except. She was right in front of him, her arm tangled with another guy's. She's wearing white again.
"Masuda-kun," Maki breathes when she walks over to him after catching Tegoshi's eye.
"Horikita-chan," Massu greets cordially, stiffly. "It's great to see you again." He doesn't add what he's thinking. Heck, he doesn't want to think what he's thinking. No, it really wasn't.
"How've you been, Maki-chan?" Tegoshi says cheerfully, not even caring about formality.
"Good." The man beside her coughs and Maki flushes lightly in embarrassment. "Ah, this is Yamashita Tomohisa, my ex-fiance ( ... )
Reply
Their routine becomes ingrained into them. Massu's always the first to wake up, the first to arrive in the afternoon after work. He usually wakes up Maki second, who arrives second.
Tegoshi works the latest, as his boss doesn't seem to understand the meaning of decent hours. As such, Massu and Maki are usually together for most of the waking hours - spending breakfast and dinner together. Then crashing on the couch for a number of hours to watch whatever stupid drama is on ("I can't believe she keeps going back to him," Massu rants, outraged. "He beats her!"
"It's just a TV show, Takahisa-kun," Maki laughs.) or just for background noise as Maki strokes his hair softly and Massu's eyes start to droop from exhaustion.
Then, an hour before they get to bed, Tegoshi usually comes home. Beat and starving. Maki gets up, prepares him some dinner and then he joins them, snuggling up against Maki and either falls asleep or gets so enthralled by what they're watching that he can't sleep ( ... )
Reply
[21:11] justawitticism: it is keyboardsmash-inducing, yes?
[21:11] mascara wench: O______O
[21:11] justawitticism: in the best way possible
[21:11] mascara wench: i am very impressed. i didn't notice the format until i was half way through, and then i picked up on it
[21:12] justawitticism: yes. i LOVE the format. the scenes were placed pretty perfectly
[21:12] justawitticism: and even moreso since the first two were written a few hours before, unless she had planned it all out from the start
[21:13] mascara wench: but i was just....it's all perfectly serendipituous.
[21:13] mascara wench: i love the natural flow of it, how maki inserts herself into tegoshi and massu's life so perfectly.
Kami, I don't feel like I say this enough, but seriously, I love your writing on a normal day, but this is some kind of magical. It's just so perfectly vignett-y, yet perfectly put together as well, like looking through a kaleidoscope and seeing how the images form. It is just what I needed ( ... )
Reply
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