Five Times Artie Was a Badass (And One Time He Admitted It)
Title: Five Times Artie Was a Badass (And One Time He Admitted It)
Pairing: Artie/EVERYONE! Specifically Artie/Quinn, Artie/Mercedes, Artie/Brittany/Santana, Artie/Puck, Artie/Kurt.
Rating: R
Word Count: 2083
Warnings/Spoilers: Spoilers through Episode 13 (everything that's aired). Warnings for underage sex
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.
Summary: Artie is a badass. Everyone else in Glee is just a little slow on the uptake.
Author's Note: Thanks times eleventybillion to audaciously for the beta<3 I had Glee on in the background today while I packed and realized how badly I wanted fic about Artie being a GQMF. Because he IS.
1. Quinn
Quinn is pretty weirded out at first.
When the shit hits the fan and everyone finds out the truth, she’s pretty screwed. Finn won’t talk to her, Puck is annoyingly stalkerish, and Santana is too busy stepping over Quinn’s socially dead body to help her. Quinn’s options are limited.
She doesn’t want to be caught talking to Mercedes or Tina, and frankly, she doesn’t want to talk to them anyway. Mercedes has that holier than thou attitude about the whole thing, even though she was the one who opened her big fat mouth and told the whole Glee club about her and Puck, so really, she has no room to talk. And Tina’s just a freak and Quinn doesn’t talk to freaks.
So that leaves her with limited options.
Namely, Artie.
He’s kind of a freak - he’s in that chair and wears argyle like it’s going out of style and has those ridiculous glasses - but everyone likes Artie. Even when they were paired up for ballads, he wasn’t totally weird and didn’t try to hit on her or anything. Actually, he’s one of the few boys who didn’t try to get into her pants the minute they got alone. She entertains the idea that he’s gay, but there’s really only room for one gay kid in Glee and Kurt’s more like six gay kids than one. So Artie’s just a run of the mill geek.
Which totally works out in her favor.
“Quinn?”
She turns around, hugging her bag against her stomach. She started the fake tears about ten minutes ago, so her face is all snotty and gross, and Artie totally buys it. He frowns and holds a hand out, before pulling it into a fist and resting it in his lap.
“Did you want to talk about it?”
She lets out a sob and drops down to the floor, burying her face in her hands. She hears Artie suck in a breath before moving his chair closer to her and resting his hand on her back.
“Um, there, there.” He pats her back a few times.
Quinn peeks out from behind her fingers, hiding her smirk behind her fingers. “I just...I could really use a friend.” She pouts up at him and uses her Bambi eyes, and Artie totally buys it.
“My mom works late, if you wanna come over?”
She smiles gratefully and pulls herself off of the floor. “Of course!”
Quinn knows even with a fat belly and the way she’s waddling around, she’s still one of the hottest girls in school. And her boobs are huge now, which really makes the boys look twice at her. Artie’s no different when she closes his bedroom door and tosses her shirt over her head.
“I want you to know...”
“Shut up,” she growls, climbing into his lap and tossing his glasses on the floor.
It really doesn’t take him long to get into it, grabbing her ass and pulling her closer, even with her giant, ugly belly between them. He doesn’t seem to care though, just threads his fingers into her hair and kisses her harder. It’s almost sweet and Quinn’s kind of surprised how good he is at this, like he’s done it before.
She just shrugs and lets him take her bra off.
2. Mercedes
Mercedes doesn’t know a lot of boys.
Well, there’s Kurt, but she can’t ask him for this kind of favor. And Finn doesn’t look at girls like her twice (not that she minds because she likes her boys with a little more upstairs). Puck is a dick and she’s pretty sure Mike is gay too.
So that leaves Artie.
Really, Artie isn’t that bad looking. He’s not really her type (and no, she’s not going into that now) but he’s funny and smart, and he sings really well. Maybe he’s a little weird but he’s in Glee, so it’s okay. Mostly, she’s just really scared she’s going to screw this up with a boy who actually likes her, and Artie is cool enough to do her a favor.
“It’s not hard.”
Mercedes bites her bottom lip and pushes her hair behind her ear. Artie’s smirking at her. “Stop it. I’ve just never really...”
Artie rolls his eyes and pulls her face towards his, kissing her softly. The angle is weird and his mouth is a little dry, but it’s not terrible. He strokes her face with his fingers and it’s nice. He pulls away, his fingers still cupping her cheek. She can feel her face heat up, the way his eyes are studying her.
“So?”
“Um, can we try it again?” She just wants to make sure she’s totally perfect at this before she tries it for real.
When she lets him slide his tongue into her mouth and touch her chest, she thinks to herself, It’s just practice!
3. Puck
He wasn’t lying when he told Schue that he really likes Artie. He’s a cool dude.
Okay, so Artie is the weirdest kid he knows (he likes poetry. For real.), but he’s still a really cool dude. He cracks jokes about Schue and Rachel, and the dude is actually really talented.
Puck doesn’t tell anyone about this (because he’d never be able to show his face at school again), but sometimes he hangs out with Artie. Like on purpose. Artie has a better hookup than he does, so they hang out in Artie’s basement and get stoned, and it’s awesome. Artie’s even funnier when he’s high, because he takes his glasses off and lays down on the couch and goes on and on about the universe and stuff. His eyes are kinda crazy and cross-eyed, and Puck would make fun of him if Artie didn’t have his hand on his stomach, smirking at him and licking his lips. It’s totally the pot that’s making his dick hard and not Artie’s mouth, which is all red and stuff.
“Uh, dude, I’m not into dick.” Puck gives Artie a totally disgusted look, but Artie doesn’t seem to buy it. Crap.
“Blame it on the drugs.”
Puck thinks for a minute before crawling over to the couch. “You tell anyone about this...”
Artie rolls his eyes as Puck pushes his pants down. “Please, like I would ever admit to this.”
4. Santana & Brittany
She wouldn’t be caught dead with this kid. But it was Brittany’s idea and it’s totally not fair that she suggested it while Santana had her panties off and Brittany’s fingers in her. It’s really not fair, because she can always get Santana to do whatever she wants when she’s got Santana at her mercy.
Brittany’s fuckin’ sneaky.
“But he’s weird. This could seriously jeopardize our social standings.” Santana’s trying a last ditch effort to swing Brittany over to the side of the sane. It’s not working so well.
“No one would believe him anyway. And who cares? It’s just sex.” Brittany smiles and stands up on her tiptoes, waving at someone behind Santana.
Great. The weirdo’s here.
Artie fixes his glasses, those stupid gloves on his hands and Santana wonders for a minute if he ever takes the stupid things off. Brittany tosses her hair again and steps up behind his wheelchair.
“This doesn’t leave the room, you got it?”
Artie grins and polishes his glasses on the hem of his sweater. It’s argyle. What the hell is she even getting herself into?
“You don’t have anything to worry about. Who would believe me? Besides, why would I want to admit that I slept with Satan herself?”
Santana narrows her eyes at him. “Oh, you slept with Rachel too?”
Artie winks (seriously, fucking winks at her). “A gentleman never kisses and tells.”
5. Kurt
Artie understands his pain. Out of all the kids in Glee, the ones who have had the worst of it are Artie and himself. Sure, Rachel’s had it pretty bad, but he and Artie get thrown in dumpsters and port-a-potties. He’d take a Slushie to the face over another dumpster dive.
So he likes Artie the best out of everyone in Glee, even over Mercedes. Artie might not be the best to gossip with, his wardrobe is borderline tax accountant, and he’s just plain weird. But he likes Artie because Artie doesn’t judge. Even when Kurt makes bad lifestyle choices (seriously, those shoes in that color?), Artie has his back.
The bet was supposed to be a joke. A “haha, wouldn’t it be funny if”, kind of scenario. He certainly didn’t take the bet seriously.
And yet, Artie took the bet very seriously. So seriously that Kurt is wondering why he didn’t do more to win this thing.
Kurt sighs and turns his head towards Artie. Artie’s watching him from the chair, that ridiculous grin on his face. The everyone underestimates me because I’m a cripple, joke’s on you smile. That same smile that Kurt saw on Artie’s face after he got done with Puck and Quinn and Brittany and Santana.
Life is not fair.
“You’re secretly evil, aren’t you?”
Artie winks and wheels his chair closer to Kurt. He studies Kurt carefully, from the heels on his feet, all the way up his body, and Kurt feels his face flush because no one has ever looked at him this way before. He kind of understands why people fell for Artie’s game in the first place. He’s completely innocent and welcoming until he’s got you in his clutches.
And then he makes you wear high heels and nothing else, because he’s a sadistic bastard.
Thank god Kurt got to pick his own heels, because Artie doesn’t seem to the type to pick out a decent pair.
Artie picks up his camera and Kurt holds up his hands. “This cannot go on the internet. I would die from embarrassment.”
Artie grins slyly. “This is for my private collection.”
6. Artie
Everyone underestimates him.
That’s really how it all starts. Tina’s the first one to notice that he’s more than just the chair and even though that ended in disappointment, everyone kind of followed after that. Kurt made the whole bet a joke because neither one of them ever expected to get any higher on the social food chain than they already were, but then things just changed.
Artie knows he’s dependable. He shows up to rehearsal with a smile on his face, always has a back up for whatever musical emergency Mr. Schue comes up with, and he knows his stuff. He doesn’t fight for solos because no one will take him seriously, so he just lets his talent speak for him.
And it works. Mr. Schue starts giving him more solos, lets him take the lead on a couple of songs and no one complains.
Actually, everyone’s just happy for him. In a group filled with egos, people are actually happy to take the backseat for him. For whatever reason, he’s just happy he gets to go out there and be the face of Glee club, even if they are a group of misfits.
Artie didn’t realize that the sex symbol would go hand in hand with being a soloist. When he made that bet with Kurt, he didn’t take it any more seriously than Kurt did. He thought it was funny.
And then Quinn “seduced” him. Which is hilarious, because what guy turns down a girl climbing into his lap and demanding he take her shirt off?
It was really easy after that. Mercedes wanted help with Matt, Brittany just likes sex and Puck was clearly desperate for some attention. And Artie was more than willing to help everyone else out because they’re his fellow Glee-clubbers. Sure, maybe a few months ago they would’ve thought twice about him, but now?
Now, Artie is the man. He’s slept with half the Glee club and they don’t even know it. If he was like Puck, he’d be parading around the school. But Artie is more distinguished than that. He’s perfectly content with sitting at the end of the row in his chair, innocent smile on his face and getting the occasional solo and knowing, deep down, that everyone likes him best.
Okay, so maybe he lets himself get a little smug when it’s late at night, the lights off in the house and his hand is on his dick.
But no one really needs to know that.
Pairing: Artie/EVERYONE! Specifically Artie/Quinn, Artie/Mercedes, Artie/Brittany/Santana, Artie/Puck, Artie/Kurt.
Rating: R
Word Count: 2083
Warnings/Spoilers: Spoilers through Episode 13 (everything that's aired). Warnings for underage sex
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.
Summary: Artie is a badass. Everyone else in Glee is just a little slow on the uptake.
Author's Note: Thanks times eleventybillion to audaciously for the beta<3 I had Glee on in the background today while I packed and realized how badly I wanted fic about Artie being a GQMF. Because he IS.
1. Quinn
Quinn is pretty weirded out at first.
When the shit hits the fan and everyone finds out the truth, she’s pretty screwed. Finn won’t talk to her, Puck is annoyingly stalkerish, and Santana is too busy stepping over Quinn’s socially dead body to help her. Quinn’s options are limited.
She doesn’t want to be caught talking to Mercedes or Tina, and frankly, she doesn’t want to talk to them anyway. Mercedes has that holier than thou attitude about the whole thing, even though she was the one who opened her big fat mouth and told the whole Glee club about her and Puck, so really, she has no room to talk. And Tina’s just a freak and Quinn doesn’t talk to freaks.
So that leaves her with limited options.
Namely, Artie.
He’s kind of a freak - he’s in that chair and wears argyle like it’s going out of style and has those ridiculous glasses - but everyone likes Artie. Even when they were paired up for ballads, he wasn’t totally weird and didn’t try to hit on her or anything. Actually, he’s one of the few boys who didn’t try to get into her pants the minute they got alone. She entertains the idea that he’s gay, but there’s really only room for one gay kid in Glee and Kurt’s more like six gay kids than one. So Artie’s just a run of the mill geek.
Which totally works out in her favor.
“Quinn?”
She turns around, hugging her bag against her stomach. She started the fake tears about ten minutes ago, so her face is all snotty and gross, and Artie totally buys it. He frowns and holds a hand out, before pulling it into a fist and resting it in his lap.
“Did you want to talk about it?”
She lets out a sob and drops down to the floor, burying her face in her hands. She hears Artie suck in a breath before moving his chair closer to her and resting his hand on her back.
“Um, there, there.” He pats her back a few times.
Quinn peeks out from behind her fingers, hiding her smirk behind her fingers. “I just...I could really use a friend.” She pouts up at him and uses her Bambi eyes, and Artie totally buys it.
“My mom works late, if you wanna come over?”
She smiles gratefully and pulls herself off of the floor. “Of course!”
Quinn knows even with a fat belly and the way she’s waddling around, she’s still one of the hottest girls in school. And her boobs are huge now, which really makes the boys look twice at her. Artie’s no different when she closes his bedroom door and tosses her shirt over her head.
“I want you to know...”
“Shut up,” she growls, climbing into his lap and tossing his glasses on the floor.
It really doesn’t take him long to get into it, grabbing her ass and pulling her closer, even with her giant, ugly belly between them. He doesn’t seem to care though, just threads his fingers into her hair and kisses her harder. It’s almost sweet and Quinn’s kind of surprised how good he is at this, like he’s done it before.
She just shrugs and lets him take her bra off.
2. Mercedes
Mercedes doesn’t know a lot of boys.
Well, there’s Kurt, but she can’t ask him for this kind of favor. And Finn doesn’t look at girls like her twice (not that she minds because she likes her boys with a little more upstairs). Puck is a dick and she’s pretty sure Mike is gay too.
So that leaves Artie.
Really, Artie isn’t that bad looking. He’s not really her type (and no, she’s not going into that now) but he’s funny and smart, and he sings really well. Maybe he’s a little weird but he’s in Glee, so it’s okay. Mostly, she’s just really scared she’s going to screw this up with a boy who actually likes her, and Artie is cool enough to do her a favor.
“It’s not hard.”
Mercedes bites her bottom lip and pushes her hair behind her ear. Artie’s smirking at her. “Stop it. I’ve just never really...”
Artie rolls his eyes and pulls her face towards his, kissing her softly. The angle is weird and his mouth is a little dry, but it’s not terrible. He strokes her face with his fingers and it’s nice. He pulls away, his fingers still cupping her cheek. She can feel her face heat up, the way his eyes are studying her.
“So?”
“Um, can we try it again?” She just wants to make sure she’s totally perfect at this before she tries it for real.
When she lets him slide his tongue into her mouth and touch her chest, she thinks to herself, It’s just practice!
3. Puck
He wasn’t lying when he told Schue that he really likes Artie. He’s a cool dude.
Okay, so Artie is the weirdest kid he knows (he likes poetry. For real.), but he’s still a really cool dude. He cracks jokes about Schue and Rachel, and the dude is actually really talented.
Puck doesn’t tell anyone about this (because he’d never be able to show his face at school again), but sometimes he hangs out with Artie. Like on purpose. Artie has a better hookup than he does, so they hang out in Artie’s basement and get stoned, and it’s awesome. Artie’s even funnier when he’s high, because he takes his glasses off and lays down on the couch and goes on and on about the universe and stuff. His eyes are kinda crazy and cross-eyed, and Puck would make fun of him if Artie didn’t have his hand on his stomach, smirking at him and licking his lips. It’s totally the pot that’s making his dick hard and not Artie’s mouth, which is all red and stuff.
“Uh, dude, I’m not into dick.” Puck gives Artie a totally disgusted look, but Artie doesn’t seem to buy it. Crap.
“Blame it on the drugs.”
Puck thinks for a minute before crawling over to the couch. “You tell anyone about this...”
Artie rolls his eyes as Puck pushes his pants down. “Please, like I would ever admit to this.”
4. Santana & Brittany
She wouldn’t be caught dead with this kid. But it was Brittany’s idea and it’s totally not fair that she suggested it while Santana had her panties off and Brittany’s fingers in her. It’s really not fair, because she can always get Santana to do whatever she wants when she’s got Santana at her mercy.
Brittany’s fuckin’ sneaky.
“But he’s weird. This could seriously jeopardize our social standings.” Santana’s trying a last ditch effort to swing Brittany over to the side of the sane. It’s not working so well.
“No one would believe him anyway. And who cares? It’s just sex.” Brittany smiles and stands up on her tiptoes, waving at someone behind Santana.
Great. The weirdo’s here.
Artie fixes his glasses, those stupid gloves on his hands and Santana wonders for a minute if he ever takes the stupid things off. Brittany tosses her hair again and steps up behind his wheelchair.
“This doesn’t leave the room, you got it?”
Artie grins and polishes his glasses on the hem of his sweater. It’s argyle. What the hell is she even getting herself into?
“You don’t have anything to worry about. Who would believe me? Besides, why would I want to admit that I slept with Satan herself?”
Santana narrows her eyes at him. “Oh, you slept with Rachel too?”
Artie winks (seriously, fucking winks at her). “A gentleman never kisses and tells.”
5. Kurt
Artie understands his pain. Out of all the kids in Glee, the ones who have had the worst of it are Artie and himself. Sure, Rachel’s had it pretty bad, but he and Artie get thrown in dumpsters and port-a-potties. He’d take a Slushie to the face over another dumpster dive.
So he likes Artie the best out of everyone in Glee, even over Mercedes. Artie might not be the best to gossip with, his wardrobe is borderline tax accountant, and he’s just plain weird. But he likes Artie because Artie doesn’t judge. Even when Kurt makes bad lifestyle choices (seriously, those shoes in that color?), Artie has his back.
The bet was supposed to be a joke. A “haha, wouldn’t it be funny if”, kind of scenario. He certainly didn’t take the bet seriously.
And yet, Artie took the bet very seriously. So seriously that Kurt is wondering why he didn’t do more to win this thing.
Kurt sighs and turns his head towards Artie. Artie’s watching him from the chair, that ridiculous grin on his face. The everyone underestimates me because I’m a cripple, joke’s on you smile. That same smile that Kurt saw on Artie’s face after he got done with Puck and Quinn and Brittany and Santana.
Life is not fair.
“You’re secretly evil, aren’t you?”
Artie winks and wheels his chair closer to Kurt. He studies Kurt carefully, from the heels on his feet, all the way up his body, and Kurt feels his face flush because no one has ever looked at him this way before. He kind of understands why people fell for Artie’s game in the first place. He’s completely innocent and welcoming until he’s got you in his clutches.
And then he makes you wear high heels and nothing else, because he’s a sadistic bastard.
Thank god Kurt got to pick his own heels, because Artie doesn’t seem to the type to pick out a decent pair.
Artie picks up his camera and Kurt holds up his hands. “This cannot go on the internet. I would die from embarrassment.”
Artie grins slyly. “This is for my private collection.”
6. Artie
Everyone underestimates him.
That’s really how it all starts. Tina’s the first one to notice that he’s more than just the chair and even though that ended in disappointment, everyone kind of followed after that. Kurt made the whole bet a joke because neither one of them ever expected to get any higher on the social food chain than they already were, but then things just changed.
Artie knows he’s dependable. He shows up to rehearsal with a smile on his face, always has a back up for whatever musical emergency Mr. Schue comes up with, and he knows his stuff. He doesn’t fight for solos because no one will take him seriously, so he just lets his talent speak for him.
And it works. Mr. Schue starts giving him more solos, lets him take the lead on a couple of songs and no one complains.
Actually, everyone’s just happy for him. In a group filled with egos, people are actually happy to take the backseat for him. For whatever reason, he’s just happy he gets to go out there and be the face of Glee club, even if they are a group of misfits.
Artie didn’t realize that the sex symbol would go hand in hand with being a soloist. When he made that bet with Kurt, he didn’t take it any more seriously than Kurt did. He thought it was funny.
And then Quinn “seduced” him. Which is hilarious, because what guy turns down a girl climbing into his lap and demanding he take her shirt off?
It was really easy after that. Mercedes wanted help with Matt, Brittany just likes sex and Puck was clearly desperate for some attention. And Artie was more than willing to help everyone else out because they’re his fellow Glee-clubbers. Sure, maybe a few months ago they would’ve thought twice about him, but now?
Now, Artie is the man. He’s slept with half the Glee club and they don’t even know it. If he was like Puck, he’d be parading around the school. But Artie is more distinguished than that. He’s perfectly content with sitting at the end of the row in his chair, innocent smile on his face and getting the occasional solo and knowing, deep down, that everyone likes him best.
Okay, so maybe he lets himself get a little smug when it’s late at night, the lights off in the house and his hand is on his dick.
But no one really needs to know that.