Lost Fic - Nevermore - Desmond - PG

[tinkerbell99]

Title: Nevermore
Author: tinkerbell99
Rating: PG
Character: Desmond
Disclaimer: These characters are not mine.
Summary: He checks the seals; he counts the guns. He listens. He waits. (Was that a sound far above?)

Notes: Written for the Lost Horror Stories challenge at lostsquee. I chose Poe's "The Raven." Excerpts here are from his work.

Comments

[nitesh_update]

Whaaa! That was creepy and amazingly awesome. Whoooa! I especially loved these two lines:

There's movement there - in the shaft, then on the floor. The dirty pool beneath the column shows the shadow of a raven.

Artificial sun paints them both in prison stripes until in one angry motion he slams shut the blinds.

This just had so much stress and tension in it... it was wonderful. Great job!

[tinkerbell99]

Well, I had good material to work with. Poe is pretty awesome and "The Raven" just seemed to mimic Desmond's time in the hatch so perfectly. Glad you enjoyed!

[falafel_fiction]

Great use of the prompt! As with 'The Telltale Hatch', Desmond makes the perfect Poe-style protagonist. I love that the "rapping on the chamber door" became Locke's attempts at breaking into the hatch. Happy Halloween!

[tinkerbell99]

Aww, thanks! Happy Halloween to you, too!

Poe and Desmond are meant for each other - they fit together very nicely in a lot of stories.

[slybrunette]

Amazing. Just plain amazing.

I love the use of The Raven, it's the perfect pick! Great job!

[tinkerbell99]

Thank you!

That was the prompt that jumped out at me right away - glad it worked for you :-)

[elliotsmelliot]

This was beautifully done and so eerie. It works as a strong companion to Pacejunkie’s piece. I love the rhythm of this line: ‘"This isn't real." It can't be real. It's all a game, a test, another button he's been dared to press.’

[tinkerbell99]

Thank you so much! I actually read Pacejunkie's fic right before I posted mine - that reading was followed by the period of me being way too intimidated to post this ;-)

Anyway, I'm glad you liked it!

There was a brief (very brief!) period of time when I thought of doing this thing in a meter or rhyme...that idea didn't last long. (Sooo not creative enough for that.) That line was one of the few survivors of that idea.

[hendercats]

Oh, fabulous! Love how the well chosen snippets from the poem fit in so well, feeding (and feeding on) poor Des's fears and loneliness ... and sleep deprivation. And the (disappearing) raven himself, with the cut by his eye ... *shivers*

[tinkerbell99]

Thank you! I've never really written anything centered on Desmond before, but his paranoia and situation seemed to fit well with this. Thanks for reading!