From The Start [12/?]
Genre: Drama/romance/LGBT study
Ratings/Warnings: T
Fandom: Glee
Characters/Pairings: Kurt-centric; ensemble / Kurtofsky (main), Brittanna, Davetana friendship, Faberry etc.
Summary: Relationships are messy and teenagers are confusing. Love is hard enough without the added stress of being gay. Kurt tries to make sense of all of this, but maybe it's better if it doesn't make sense.
"Hey."
Kurt looked up from his magazine to see Rachel standing in his bedroom doorway. Finn must have let her in. "Hey. Finn wasn't too rude to you, was he?"
"He has… good reason to be, I guess. Can we talk?" She was twisting her hands.
"Is this about your… Quinn?"
Rachel laughed. It didn't reach her eyes. "That's one way of putting it. Yes, it's about that."
Kurt patted an empty spot on his bed, tossing the magazine to the side.
Rachel sat, tucking her legs under her. She looked, to Kurt, no older than twelve at that moment, and like she had gotten lost in an amusement park. "Um, well. I want to tell you what happened."
Kurt nodded, signaling her to begin.
"Well, we were arguing over a song… no surprise, I guess… and I said it was a perfectly good song, and she said it had nothing to do with us, and I said it did. It was about a girl who is in love with a boy who's in love with someone else, so I thought it would be good because Finn is in love with both of us but he's sort of going back and forth between us."
"And screwing you both over in the process. Sorry, continue."
"Yeah, well, she insisted that Finn only loved her and I told her that I wish Finn only loved me too but I at least admit that he will never really be able to love only one of us. And I guess she… snapped or something, and she just kissed me. I pushed her away but I kept holding on to her and I didn't know if she meant it or was just trying to confuse me. And then I just… pulled her back in. Then Puck walked in on us. Whatever he said was a lie, by the way. All we did was kiss, and only twice. After that she was just quiet the whole time. She agreed to every suggestion I made - I ended up picking a different song, obviously - and the only sound she made was singing." She stopped, and it felt like a full minute before Kurt realized she had finished her story.
"So. Are you…?" He decided to let her finish the question.
She nodded, seeming to understand. "No, I don't think I'm bisexual or anything. I mean, I enjoyed it, but…" She looked away. "I can't really imagine myself… with a girl, you know?"
He nodded, then shook his head to try and clear out the mental image. "And Quinn?"
"I don't know. I really don't know. I can try and talk to her tomorrow…"
"No." He patted Rachel's hand. "Don't worry about it. Let me."
Kurt pulled his hand back and grabbed his phone off the night table. He put a finger to his lips - you're not here, okay? - and called Quinn.
The connection switched abruptly to voicemail halfway through the third ring. He tried again. Straight to voicemail.
"Well?" Rachel whispered.
"She won't pick up." He set the phone down, defeated.
Rachel's shoulders slumped. "I don't expect her to, I don't know, embrace the gay or whatever, but… I just want to know why she did it. If she really feels that way about me or if she just wanted to shut me up. I don't even know if she liked it, or if she even realized what she was doing."
Kurt laughed. "We're in the same boat."
Rachel looked confused.
"You want to know how I found out about Dave?"
Rachel's eyes went wide, wider than Ms. Pillsbury's. "No way."
Kurt nodded. "It was a couple weeks before he got expelled. The week we did that boys-versus-girls thing. I think it was actually the day you girls performed, right after the lunch meeting. He smacked my phone out of my hands and pushed me, and I followed him into the locker room and started yelling at him. I thought he was going to hit me, but… he didn't."
"Why didn't you tell me? Tell all of us?"
Kurt shook his head. "I would have outed him, and by the time he came out by himself, I really didn't feel like it mattered. Now, listen; I'll try to talk to Quinn tomorrow. You just try to avoid her as best as possible. She might try to hurt you. Don't go into the bathroom alone, if you know you pass her in the halls between classes try to take a different route, you know the deal. I'll see what I can do."
"Thank you."
"It's not a problem." He leaned forward and hugged her, holding on as she turned her head into his shoulder and even as he felt something wet soak through his shirt.
000
Rachel was avoiding Quinn. Quinn was avoiding Rachel.
Kurt was trying to talk to Quinn. Quinn was ignoring, then avoiding, then flat-out hiding from Kurt.
Santana cornered Kurt before English. "Stop following Quinn around. She doesn't want to talk about it."
"And how do you know?"
"The facts that I am a lesbian and a judgmental bitch do more when combined than just give me an excellent gaydar, you know. They also give me a way to realize that Quinn is not ready to talk to anyone about her sexuality. Normally I'd back her into a corner and demand she talk to me, but now that I know how it feels to be confused and scared like she is, I won't."
"What do you think? About her?"
"I think she's asexual. I think she always has been, and I think the only reason she had sex with Puck was because he got her drunk and pressured her into it. I also think she's romantically bicurious. And I think she's confused about Rachel. Hell, I'm confused about Rachel. She's hot, in a sort of short-cute-schoolgirl way, but she's so fucking annoying that I can't be attracted to her beyond the surface. And, hell, you'd probably be dating her if you weren't gay and she wasn't so damn clingy."
Kurt shuddered. "I don't know if I could handle that much Rachel, clingy or not."
"Oh, please, you're just like her, except you actually know how to dress."
"That's a terrible thing to say."
"You make fun of her clothes all the time-"
"No, I mean saying that I'm just like her."
Santana rolled her eyes. "Whatever, Apollo."
"Good one. I wasn't aware you were familiar with Greek mythology."
"I'm full of surprises. Now, like I said, leave Quinn alone unless she comes to you first. Unless she comes after you with scissors. Run; I'm not helping you if that happens."
"Noted."
"So, you and Davey singing today?"
"I've never called him that. Not even in my dreams."
Santana raised her eyebrows.
"…I didn't mean it like that."
"Sure you didn't. Are you going?"
"I suppose so."
"Hmm."
"Stop smiling like that. We haven't done anything."
"Yet."
000
Kurt's phone rang on his way to Glee practice. A picture of Blaine filled the screen.
Ohhhh, boy. He answered, against his better judgment.
"Hello?"
"Kurt."
"Wes?"
"Mm-hmm. Have you seen Blaine?"
"What? Why would I have seen him?"
"He hasn't been in class all day, and when I went to his dorm, I found his phone lying on his bed, but he was gone. I sent the Warblers out to look for him but I was wondering if he went to Lima."
"I haven't seen him, but it'd be a safe bet that he's here." Then, after a reluctant sigh: "I'll look out for him."
"Thank you. I know he's been bothering you and I really hope this isn't some crazy plan to get you back. I love him dearly, but you deserve better than someone who will only pretend to love you."
Kurt guessed it was just some Dalton thing that it took him a moment to figure out whether or not that was a compliment. "Um… Thanks?"
"Not a problem. I wish you luck in your future romantic endeavors, and if you find Blaine, just call this number. We'll come and get him."
Kurt sighed as he hung up. This week was just getting longer and longer.
000
Notes:
-Apollo was the ancient Greek god of light and the sun, truth and prophecy, medicine, healing, plague, music, poetry, the arts, etc. He is also believed by many to have been the god of homosexuality, and had several male lovers.
Ratings/Warnings: T
Fandom: Glee
Characters/Pairings: Kurt-centric; ensemble / Kurtofsky (main), Brittanna, Davetana friendship, Faberry etc.
Summary: Relationships are messy and teenagers are confusing. Love is hard enough without the added stress of being gay. Kurt tries to make sense of all of this, but maybe it's better if it doesn't make sense.
"Hey."
Kurt looked up from his magazine to see Rachel standing in his bedroom doorway. Finn must have let her in. "Hey. Finn wasn't too rude to you, was he?"
"He has… good reason to be, I guess. Can we talk?" She was twisting her hands.
"Is this about your… Quinn?"
Rachel laughed. It didn't reach her eyes. "That's one way of putting it. Yes, it's about that."
Kurt patted an empty spot on his bed, tossing the magazine to the side.
Rachel sat, tucking her legs under her. She looked, to Kurt, no older than twelve at that moment, and like she had gotten lost in an amusement park. "Um, well. I want to tell you what happened."
Kurt nodded, signaling her to begin.
"Well, we were arguing over a song… no surprise, I guess… and I said it was a perfectly good song, and she said it had nothing to do with us, and I said it did. It was about a girl who is in love with a boy who's in love with someone else, so I thought it would be good because Finn is in love with both of us but he's sort of going back and forth between us."
"And screwing you both over in the process. Sorry, continue."
"Yeah, well, she insisted that Finn only loved her and I told her that I wish Finn only loved me too but I at least admit that he will never really be able to love only one of us. And I guess she… snapped or something, and she just kissed me. I pushed her away but I kept holding on to her and I didn't know if she meant it or was just trying to confuse me. And then I just… pulled her back in. Then Puck walked in on us. Whatever he said was a lie, by the way. All we did was kiss, and only twice. After that she was just quiet the whole time. She agreed to every suggestion I made - I ended up picking a different song, obviously - and the only sound she made was singing." She stopped, and it felt like a full minute before Kurt realized she had finished her story.
"So. Are you…?" He decided to let her finish the question.
She nodded, seeming to understand. "No, I don't think I'm bisexual or anything. I mean, I enjoyed it, but…" She looked away. "I can't really imagine myself… with a girl, you know?"
He nodded, then shook his head to try and clear out the mental image. "And Quinn?"
"I don't know. I really don't know. I can try and talk to her tomorrow…"
"No." He patted Rachel's hand. "Don't worry about it. Let me."
Kurt pulled his hand back and grabbed his phone off the night table. He put a finger to his lips - you're not here, okay? - and called Quinn.
The connection switched abruptly to voicemail halfway through the third ring. He tried again. Straight to voicemail.
"Well?" Rachel whispered.
"She won't pick up." He set the phone down, defeated.
Rachel's shoulders slumped. "I don't expect her to, I don't know, embrace the gay or whatever, but… I just want to know why she did it. If she really feels that way about me or if she just wanted to shut me up. I don't even know if she liked it, or if she even realized what she was doing."
Kurt laughed. "We're in the same boat."
Rachel looked confused.
"You want to know how I found out about Dave?"
Rachel's eyes went wide, wider than Ms. Pillsbury's. "No way."
Kurt nodded. "It was a couple weeks before he got expelled. The week we did that boys-versus-girls thing. I think it was actually the day you girls performed, right after the lunch meeting. He smacked my phone out of my hands and pushed me, and I followed him into the locker room and started yelling at him. I thought he was going to hit me, but… he didn't."
"Why didn't you tell me? Tell all of us?"
Kurt shook his head. "I would have outed him, and by the time he came out by himself, I really didn't feel like it mattered. Now, listen; I'll try to talk to Quinn tomorrow. You just try to avoid her as best as possible. She might try to hurt you. Don't go into the bathroom alone, if you know you pass her in the halls between classes try to take a different route, you know the deal. I'll see what I can do."
"Thank you."
"It's not a problem." He leaned forward and hugged her, holding on as she turned her head into his shoulder and even as he felt something wet soak through his shirt.
000
Rachel was avoiding Quinn. Quinn was avoiding Rachel.
Kurt was trying to talk to Quinn. Quinn was ignoring, then avoiding, then flat-out hiding from Kurt.
Santana cornered Kurt before English. "Stop following Quinn around. She doesn't want to talk about it."
"And how do you know?"
"The facts that I am a lesbian and a judgmental bitch do more when combined than just give me an excellent gaydar, you know. They also give me a way to realize that Quinn is not ready to talk to anyone about her sexuality. Normally I'd back her into a corner and demand she talk to me, but now that I know how it feels to be confused and scared like she is, I won't."
"What do you think? About her?"
"I think she's asexual. I think she always has been, and I think the only reason she had sex with Puck was because he got her drunk and pressured her into it. I also think she's romantically bicurious. And I think she's confused about Rachel. Hell, I'm confused about Rachel. She's hot, in a sort of short-cute-schoolgirl way, but she's so fucking annoying that I can't be attracted to her beyond the surface. And, hell, you'd probably be dating her if you weren't gay and she wasn't so damn clingy."
Kurt shuddered. "I don't know if I could handle that much Rachel, clingy or not."
"Oh, please, you're just like her, except you actually know how to dress."
"That's a terrible thing to say."
"You make fun of her clothes all the time-"
"No, I mean saying that I'm just like her."
Santana rolled her eyes. "Whatever, Apollo."
"Good one. I wasn't aware you were familiar with Greek mythology."
"I'm full of surprises. Now, like I said, leave Quinn alone unless she comes to you first. Unless she comes after you with scissors. Run; I'm not helping you if that happens."
"Noted."
"So, you and Davey singing today?"
"I've never called him that. Not even in my dreams."
Santana raised her eyebrows.
"…I didn't mean it like that."
"Sure you didn't. Are you going?"
"I suppose so."
"Hmm."
"Stop smiling like that. We haven't done anything."
"Yet."
000
Kurt's phone rang on his way to Glee practice. A picture of Blaine filled the screen.
Ohhhh, boy. He answered, against his better judgment.
"Hello?"
"Kurt."
"Wes?"
"Mm-hmm. Have you seen Blaine?"
"What? Why would I have seen him?"
"He hasn't been in class all day, and when I went to his dorm, I found his phone lying on his bed, but he was gone. I sent the Warblers out to look for him but I was wondering if he went to Lima."
"I haven't seen him, but it'd be a safe bet that he's here." Then, after a reluctant sigh: "I'll look out for him."
"Thank you. I know he's been bothering you and I really hope this isn't some crazy plan to get you back. I love him dearly, but you deserve better than someone who will only pretend to love you."
Kurt guessed it was just some Dalton thing that it took him a moment to figure out whether or not that was a compliment. "Um… Thanks?"
"Not a problem. I wish you luck in your future romantic endeavors, and if you find Blaine, just call this number. We'll come and get him."
Kurt sighed as he hung up. This week was just getting longer and longer.
000
Notes:
-Apollo was the ancient Greek god of light and the sun, truth and prophecy, medicine, healing, plague, music, poetry, the arts, etc. He is also believed by many to have been the god of homosexuality, and had several male lovers.